Disillusioned Feeling

[Lexa Maze]

Day 01 of Spring 513 AV It was warm here. There was a cozy fire and a rocking chair. Lexa lay on a carpet. It was soft, comfortable and earthy brown in colour. But Lexa didn't feel happy. She opened her brown eyes slowly, blinking once... twice. She had a deep feeling of dread. Dread was etched throughout the room. Like all these comforting things were just illusions, and she was really somewhere much worse. The paintings on the walls seemed to move. They were of people she knew and hated. Her father. Her two eldest brothers. They seemed to grow like giants. Lexa was sitting now. Sitting on the grass. Birds chirped in the tree's. The sun shone down on her. But she felt so cold. Lexa began to shiver violently. She could hear yelling but could see nothing. No one. The words were hard to make out. Maybe they weren't words at all. They couldn't be. The setting was so peaceful. The grass swayed lightly under her, tickling her legs and bare feet. Everything was hazy. But there was noise all around her and she couldn't for the life of her, find the source. Lexa was screaming. The noice. The yell. That was her. How could it have taken her so long to conceive that? Now she moved within a crowded street. It should be loud here. Somehow she knew that. People pushed by her, jostling her as if they didn't see that she stood there. But they were moving in slow motion. No sound came from them at all. She could not make out there faces. It was as if every time she began to get a fix on one face, her vision blurred and she had to look away again. She began to notice that all the bodies were repetitive. The same woman and the same man. The same child holding a toy dagger. She felt frustration. This feeling turned into anger. Red, hot, burning anger that was unlike anything she had ever felt. She began pushing people. But it did no good. Her arms went through them like they were never really there at all. And then they weren't, and Lexa fell to the ground. Had anyone ever been there? What had she been angry at? It was an empty street, and a girl with her knees drawn up to her chest that anyone would see now. Lexa had no clue where.

[Kalimalka]

"I should like to leave", she states. But the man doesn't seem to see her. He walks away. "Please. I need to leave. He will be looking for me." The man, another man, the same man, this cookie-cutter brother, he does not see her. He turns away. Kalimalka, a fluttering of panic in her throat, stares up and down the street. She is jostled by people, the same man, same woman, and same child clutching a tiny wooden dagger. She must get out. Takoda, her bonded, will be waiting for her. He will worry if she is late. She pushes past faceless people, looking for the bright blue eyes, the shock of yellow hair, that she knows so well. He wouldn't run off like this unless something has happened. Or could he be playing a game? "Come out!" she calls into the crowd, "Come out, I cant chase you!" No answer. "Takoda!" she screams, and the hard edge of her voice passes through the throng like water. No resistance, but its folds over the cut so neatly it is as if it never happened. "Come out! Come out! I cant find you!" The faceless people suddenly vanish, and Kali registers this with the sort of weary acceptance that people have in dreams. With mounting anxiety she sees that her bonded was not hiding in the masses. She turns on the spot, determined to find a way out, a way to him, when she spots something. There is a child still in the street. And the child's anger rolls off of her in a wave where it will drown anyone in its way. But the Kelvic braves the wake and heads straight for her. A few feet away she crouches with her arms around her knees to mirror the girls. Takoda would want her to help the poor girl, he will understand the delay. Kali's steely blue eyes travel from the childs worn feet to her straight black hair. Unbidden, a song picks up in her mind where it falls from her lips with a soft rush: "Black, black, black the color of my true loves hair Her lips are like a rose so fair And the prettiest face and the neatest hands. I love the grass whereon she stands She with the wondrous hair." Kali smiles for her, hoping for a smile in return. "Black, black, black is the color of my true love's hair Her face is something truly rare. Oh I do love my love and so well she knows I love the ground whereon she goes. She with the wondrous hair." The song dies in her throat on the last sweet note. She reaches out a slim, pale hand to the girl in friendship, and it suddenly strikes her at just how colorless her hand is. There is no color in Taldera, at least not outside. That must be why she has never noticed before. "I'm trying to find my friend. Can you help me?" OOC : Hello, hope you don't mind me dropping in. Song: My True Loves Hair (?) Artist: Unknown

[Lexa Maze]

OOCNo worries! I was waiting for someone. I guess I should have put 'open' but I thought all dreams were hahah The street was still very empty, but Lexa couldn't see it. Her eyes were closed. Her whole world reduced to blackness. A dull ache in her bones was nagging at her mind. Dispare, loneliness, uselessness had Lexa tight in its grip. Her throat felt dry and her chest felt tight. And then it was all gone. Replaced suddenly with an overwhelming breath of cold air through her body and mind. A girl, with lovely crimson lips and skin a white as snow knelt beside her. It was a wondrous sight, and it was a welcomed one. She had never seen, nor met this girl. She was a stranger. But she was beautiful, and Lexa liked her, trusted her, right away. She would mean no harm. The harm was over now. The sensation had changed. Transformed. Moulded itself into something good. Lexa couldn't imagine the anger she had just been feeling. Her song, although it came from her lips, although it was she who was clearly singing seemed to come from everywhere. Soft, sweet, beautiful, it was powerful, and meaningless at the same time. Lexa did not know it. She had never heard it. It was strange to her...yet it seemed to Lexa like this was completely fitting, like she had heard it repeated every day of her life. The empty streets were not important now. Nothing was, apart from this lady and her sweet voice ad song. Slowly, lexa began to mouth the words she sung, quietly repeating them in her head. She didn't speak aloud. The words were everywhere Then the words were nowhere to be found. The girl was finished, and the sound died on those rosy lips of hers, but the feeling remained all around her. It seemed to be there physically, represented by this girl with black hair. This girl with red lips. and then she spoke. She smiled. She reached out a hand. Lexa smiled too. The happiness was abrupt, but welcome. Lexa would do whatever this woman needed her to do. "Yes." Lexa said as she took the hand, the colour of china, and let herself be helped to her feet. "I will help you. Who is your friend?" She blinked and suddenly felt inadequate next to this beauty. How plain Lexa was. How dull she must seem.

[Kalimalka]

"He's my mother", she says, and her voice rings with an untracable sadness. "He's my father. My teacher, my driver, my brother, my friend..." Her free hand trails away to indicate that the list goes on forever. "But not my lover. Never my lover. Thats ok though, you can be my lover." With a smile Kalimalka grabs Lexa's other hand and swings her in a circle in a crazy dance. The street around them seem to lean into the dance too, peering down at these two young women as if affronted at all the fun being had. 'Let us join, let us join', it whispers. But Kali cant hear it, she is singing again. "Black, black, black is the color of my true love's hair Alone, my life would be so bare. I would sigh, I would weep, I would never fall asleep My love is 'way beyond compare She with the wondrous hair. Black, black, black is the color of my true love's hair! The street and its buildings lean crazily and start to spin as well. And for a minute it looks to the two woman as if they are standing still. But the street spins faster and faster in its own dance, colors bleed together with a rush of wind and a hum that vibrates through the very core of the world. Its snowing. She's not sure when it started, but it is covering the landscape at fantastic speeds. Flattening it, even. Smothering. She holds on tighter to her friends hands. She spins faster. Then all at once the world stops spinning. Its so disorientating that Kali staggers and lets go. The two girls fly apart and plow into the now knee-deep snow. The landscape is flat and barren, white and strangely fragile. She recognizes it; the tundra. Shes home. "You got us out!" she picks herself out of the snow and hurries to help her friend. "Look, have you ever seen anything so free?" She picks her out of the snow and motions to the landscape with shining eyes. There is not a tree in sight, or a rock to mar the perfect surface of the snow. But there is. Off in the distance she can see two rounded figures. Two dogs. One is a burly Zypherian, almost entirely white but for his black nose and eye spots. And beside him, dwarfed by his much bigger companion, is a sprite little Manitora, equally white. Pulling Lexa out of the snow, Kali worries about the cold and finds herself holding a heavy fur mantle. She promptly throws this over the girls shoulders to protect her. The fur is Zypherian, and looks disturbingly like her own pelt. She does not dwell on this but moves on. "Hello my brothers", Kali ventures, stepping closer to the two dogs. She speaks that universal language that everyone speaks in dreams. "Do you know where Takoda is?" Silence. "Ooo, she doesn't know. Poor thing. Think we should tell her?" The Manitora turns to his much bigger companion. Kali appears unfazed by the talking dog. And although the dog is not speaking to her, its voice is just as conversational as if she were not within earshot at all. "Of course not!" Scoffs the Zypherian, his voice just as audible. "That'd break her for sure." "Should we lie? Can dogs lie?" "They can now." The larger dog turns back to Kali. "Is that the bloke with blue eyes? Really tanned? Freakishly white teeth?" Kali, looking puzzled, nods. "Never heard of him", the dog states dismissive, turning away. The Manitora turns away too, "masterful, that was." "Thank you", he replies, oblivious to the two woman once again. Kali's mouth gapes like a beached fish, looking furious, but she doesn't make a sound. "Hey", the Zypherian nudges the smaller dog. "Who's her companion?" "The black-eyed girl? Isn't she one of your's?" "What? No! Look how skinny she is. And small. That's a runt if I've ever seen one." "Really? But look at those legs, the quality of her arms. She's tough, this one." "Hmm, you think so... Hey, do you see that?" "See what?" "There, right in the back of her eyes, what do you suppose that is?" "Ooo, that's fire, that is." The two dogs are silent a moment, both staring avidly at Lexa. Boldly raking her body with interested eyes. "What do you reckon?" "Up to you." "Unusual, for sure." "Mh-hm." "Interesting, even." "That she is. Never seen a soul like that." They lapse into another heavy silence. "I think I'll make her mine after all. She's something else, this one." "Go for it, mate." The great Zyperian shifts his not inconsiderable weight and faces Lexa with a stony expression. "Yes, I think I'll make you mine. I'll get good pups from you, I will." Kalimalka, in a sudden bout of clarity, leans down to whisper in her companions ear: "Congratulations darling, you just got married."

[Lexa Maze]

"I can be your lover..." Lexa repeated. Then everything was sweet again. The song played again, accompaneyed with woodwinds and instruments that came from who knows where. But her voice rang through them all, clear as day. This time Lexa sang with her. For she knew the lyrics as if they were her own now. As the two of them danced, Lexa felt no doubts that she belonged there, in this womans arms. And then the dream melted and everything was white. Such a feeling of coldness swept over her when she found herself wrenced out of the arms of her love, and into the unforgiving snow. She was thrown a fur coat. She put it on but it did not soothe her. The sadness was back, as the conversation that meaningless conversation between a pack of dogs and her love. Why was she talking to them and not to Lexa? Ah. Her friend. She wanted to find her friend. She listened to what they were saying more closely. They talked of her. They both stared at her with unwavering focus, and obvious interest. Lexa narrowed her eyes and took a few steps back as one of them drew closer. She didn't want this With all her being she wanted to run, take her love with her and run. But as the big talking, crazy dog finished his spell, her love betrayed her. The wisper in her ear was like ice down her spine "NO" She yelled, the anger that came previous was back. Betrayal. Anger. Fear about the dog. "GET LOST YOU PETCHING ANIMAL." Then she was running away She tried to pick up speed but the snow dragged her down. But her anger had coated everything. Suddenly she stopped running, not knowing if the dogs were behind her, or the woman with black hair. She stopped because there was a cliff. Now she felt trapped. caged. "Black, Black, Black is the colour of my true love's hair..." She muttered these words, but the sound was flat, and painful without the woman.