Wandering Woven Threads (Sosiclys' Scrapbook)

[Sosicly Magnolia]

Peter Pan Syndrome? Not really, more like October. Recently I have dropped out of school, burned bridges and very nearly quit my job. But life has moved on and more importantly, so have I. That is the short story, the long story keeps going as they tend to do. The Long Story : Psychology has always been a passion of mine. I love learning about it but when it became a chore for school I no longer loved it. I hated it. I realized it might be something I have to do for the rest of my life if I kept having everyone and me insist it was what I should do with my life. I suppose I just got used to everyone saying I should and expecting me to know what I want to do because I was all grown up, and that I should be in school so I went and then… I panicked. Very badly I should add. I ended up being dropped from my classes for lack of attendance and participation. Then I panicked again about what I had done and refused to speak with my counselors or financial advisors or anyone. During this time my boss began complaining about me to my coworkers about things she didn’t want me to do but doesn’t want to tell me about. This happens from time to time but with other things I snapped because I do my job right and that is not vanity it is fact. My job is not rocket science and I’m proud of it so I do it right. I’ve never been late, I do everything she asks, I come in whenever she needs me to but she still just complains. Because I answered the phone, because I stayed late to help clean, because I took in fines for a book, because I do my job actually. There was one time where I asked her a question and when I turned around she made faces at me. What are we, five? I’ve reported her, talked to her and it doesn’t change so I called in sick an hour before work and refused to go in for a week claiming I was sick. That whole week I contemplated quitting. Shortly after I realized I had lost my significant other without us ever having said anything. I also realized that as the eldest child we are often expected to take care of certain things but I don’t have kids, and as much as it makes me glow like the sun when my little brother or cousins call me mom, I am not their mom. I am also not a taxi service, a bank or my amazing cousin who is amazing. Nor am I my friend’s scapegoat for every problem in their life. I tried to blame all this on realizing I didn’t want to grow up anymore. I was tired of being an adult, of bills, of school, of taking care of kids of people in general. I hid on Mizahar, in my apartment, and general tried to pretend the world had stopped for me and my drama. But it hadn’t and the fact of the matter was I was ignoring what was going on around me, and being a brat. So I’ve grown a pair and dealt with it. I burned bridges that were no longer needed because if I don’t take care of me I can’t take care of anyone else, and some of those people don’t need me to take care of them, they just need to get on with their life. I called my counselor and financial advisor, discovered I owed a soul debt for dropped classes but with steady payments I’ll be back in school by June at the latest, April the earliest (this is why saving is always important!). I’m not quitting my job but I finally realized my boss just doesn’t like me (only took me three years to figure this out), and I need to actively move on to a different job if I truly want to go somewhere with the library as a career. I’m going to do my 9 to 5, so to speak, and leave without any hitch or proper fixing because she is the sort to tell a future employer I’m not hirable if I make her legitimately angry. I’d rather not have that so I’ll suck it up because it could be a lot worse than having a cranky boss. Being completely honest here it’s complete crap that I decided to figure things out this way and I’m a tad frustrated with myself for being an idiot. Two years ago would have been much easier but at least now I learned my lesson and I’m not entirely terrified of the phrase ‘you’re an adult, you’re supposed to’. I’m not supposed to do anything but what is best for me, and I for one am glad I figured that out. Better late than never to get your act together. Moving right along…I’m going to be Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween when I make my cape. Easy costumes are always my favorite! Anyone else going to dress up this year?

[Sosicly Magnolia]

PCs & Learning Today I was told that RP is a waste of time. I need to stop and get outside more instead of writing with a bunch of teenagers about fantasy. I didn’t know whether to laugh or laugh harder. After I laughed I sat down and wondered if maybe they were right. I don’t spend a whole lot of time on Mizahar. I dedicate maybe one day a week to working through posts and writing in general. I thought about how most people here love writing and so do I, that most are actually older than me and have amazing lives outside of it. Then I thought about what I consider to be the best part of Mizahar besides the community and the writing. That thing is the learning and I’m not talking about the learning to write better, I mean in general. Recently while playing Sosicly I have been struggling to learn the true names of sewing stitches, which is actually easier because I have both a machine and I’ve always preferred hand sewing and I know some stitches. Then I had to learn how to use a loom, and between the different types and me needing videos I about went stark crazy. Now I am also learning more about gems, rocks, and how jewelry stones are made because she is a jewelcrafter. Which is honestly fascinating but I don’t really understand it very well so I am avoiding the threads but I need them for job threads. With any PC that I create I learn something or look up things for future characters or reference for future plots. Such as Sosicly wanting to travel. I did girl scouts as a younger kid but I was always terrible at making tents, scoping out the land, etcetera and I have to relearn all of it properly to teach Sosicly. So do I think it is a waste of time? Not at all! Because I feel like Mizahar is teaching me little things. I look up things or take up hobbies I might not have previously or gain knowledge I did not have all in the effort to make sure my PC can learn it. With Nailah (before I retired her) I even had to buy an herb book to have the knowledge about herbs. Now I feel more knowledgeable in general because I have learned things from my PCs. In the end I realized it’s time well spent regardless of the learning because I enjoy it. What I learned today : Today I learned that a Pelican can hold twenty five pounds of fish in its pouch.

[Sosicly Magnolia]

Nonsense I adore this comic. I wish it could never end but it does. But you should read it, I especially love Courtney's lack of nose, and the second book What I Learned Today : Ladify is a word. How do I know? My little cousin said they needed to ladify his mom before they went out. No clue where he learned it but there it is. Ladify: ‘To make a lady of’

[Sosicly Magnolia]

I haven't done a lot for NaNo and I've been trying really hard to get inside Nkosi's head so I can reply quicker. I got frustrated when I ended up just chat lurking and not finishing one post. I didn't really have the drive to write after that and decided to try something less aggravating. Sewing is not that thing (for me). I thought it would be but near the end I almost cried with relief. Needless to say I will still learn some more but for now I'm not touching that machine for at least a few weeks or I might break it out of spite. Maybe next time I won't try to finish the whole thing T_T" Random things over I posted what I made. Her name is Chip because I name my stuffies. It could have been worse considering its my first time on the machine

[Sosicly Magnolia]

Still struggling with Nkosi's brain and separating him from Sosicly's loud silence. But I realized I'm playing characters who go hand-in-hand with things I fear. I knew it but it just sort of dawned on me and I realized this is probably why I've had such trouble writing with these PCs at first. Sosicly is a Symenestra, they are often compared to spiders, spiders live in caves, spider pics keep appearing. Nkosi is a Dykas, they ride horses. HORSES. Although, it's not so much the horse as it is their height and hooves and teeth... Basically I cringed a bit when learning about them, looking up things in their area. But it's almost therapeutic, spiders are becoming less of a fear but that fear wasn't really rational to begin with. It was more learned because so many other people were afraid so I've always assumed I should be but the older one gets the less scary they seem. Horses are another matter, I fallen off one, got trapped in the middle of one of those merry-go-rounds with real horses (I don't remember what they are called and that's what I've always titled them so the proper name eludes me), and nearly had my head taken off (but that was entirely my fault, I spooked it from behind but I was terrified after that). Needless to say I have not really had one good ride, and it all happened when I was a child so I programmed it to fear. Technically I really, really, really don't like being anything with hooves. That makes understudying Nkosi's and everyone's love of horses a bit difficult and easy to sweep to the wayside though it is an integral part of who they are. It is also the OOC reason he has not bonded with a Strider, because his author is a wimp. But I don't think horses are evil or frightening themselves, just what I associate them with. It also means I steer clear of them in RL. I'm hoping writing with Nkosi will produce a result much like the spiders, though I'd probably never be able to ride one (heights) I'd love to not have small panic attacks when I see one Well. That's all What I learned today : There is going to be a season 3 of Sherlock! Yay! If the internet hasn't lied as it's wont to do then the release date should be January!