Completed All In Good Time (Nalik)

[Ra'eesah]

Ra’eesah was smiling up at him as he praised her until that feeling hit again.

“…what a pretty girl she is! Almost as pretty as her….”

She blinked. “Almost as pretty as her what Nalik?” Ra’eesah was not sure why it mattered to her what he was going to say but it did. She stared at him for long moments, that feeling stronger than ever. She imagined that the Nalik now held on his face mirrored hers. She tried to break way but it was so hard. She found she liked where she was at the moment. Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just been thinking. She forced herself away with a small laugh.

“I really did it didn’t I?” she turned flashing him a smile trying to forget the butterflies in her stomach. She went to Kawa and petted her placing a gentle kiss on the horse’s nose. She found the rope she had brought just in case and slipped it over the horse’s neck leading her to the small stream near the tree to give her a drink.

“I guess we should head back so I can get Kawa to her new home. “ She turned to him admiring his windmarks realizing she now could claim hers. She grabbed the rope with one hand and as she had done probably hundreds of times before she entwined her fingers with Nalik’s hand and headed back for their camp.

“Does it hurt getting you windmarks?” Her eyes were wider than normal as she gazed up at him. “Will you want to come with me when I get mine?” she smiled shyly, quickly looking down rolling her eyes at herself. “Stop acting like some moonstruck calf” she mumbled to herself. He had better things to do than to come with her. She realized that her thumb had been caressing his hand and willed herself to stop.

They walked in silence for a ways, each lost in their own thoughts for a time. She glanced back at Kawa and a tender smile crossed her face. “My father was right. I just needed patience. I do need to learn to quit being so in a hurry. Things will come to me when it is the right time. “

[Nalik Fallingleaf]

"Almost as pretty as her what Nalik?"

It was supposed to be an innocent compliment, and in usual circumstances, Nalik wouldn't have thought twice about saying something like that. But these feelings. New feelings, or at least unknown feelings blossoming to the surface. She was all he could think about now. All that he could see. The air smelled of her and Nalik's senses seemed bombarded and overwhelmed.

Why couldn't he stop looking into those eyes? Those eyes that seemed to analysis him and read every thought or emotion that he betrayed. It was all he could do to mumble a quiet "Nothing"

They stood, so close, for what seemed like an age. Nalik lost in her features, confusing and troubling thoughts rushing through his head. They were just friends. Weren't they? Childhood friends, this feeling was just, just. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. But he felt drawn towards her, and indeed his head did go just a millimeter towards hers.

Surely they shouldn't?

And then she was gone, a little laugh echoing from her mouth as she moved away from Nalik. And he could think again. shaking his head clear of the thoughts, although they were still very much there. He smiled as she went over to her new Strider. She had finally done it. Finally her search was over and Nalik was almost overpowered by joy at the sight of her so happy. So, Content.

He was happy just to watch her tend her new companion, until hand in hand they started to make there way back to camp.

Holding hands was innocent enough, they had done it since childhood. So why did his stomach flip every time her thumb ran gently over his hand. He looked at her when she questioned him about windmarks, and then asked if he would come. The question took him back a little, and the smile that was on his face dropped a little.

Gaining your Windmarks was a truly personal experience. A right of passage, one that marked the joining to your clan and to your race. It was the ultimate symbol of the Drykas people. Was it right for anyone but family to come? Nalik's father had gone with him, but refused to enter whilst they were being done, biding him goodbye as a boy and welcoming him back as a man when he returned.

She must have noticed his hesitation because she looked away and muttered something under her breath. He answered carefully, trying not to offend or influence her in anyway. "Gaining your Windmarks is a truly personal experience and a final step to becoming a full Drykas. If you would like me there i would be honored, but think carefully beforehand. And on the issue of pain, yes they do sting a bit. But in a good way if you know what you mean. The pain to me symbolized all the hardships of growing up, a necessary step to becoming who i am, and a necessary step to my Windmarks. You will be fine little Ra'eesah"

He said the last comment teasingly, squeezing her hand and looking at her fondly.

Nalik laughed out loud as she spoke of her fathers wisdom.

"Ra'eesah careful that almost sounded wise! Whatever next!" He laughed harder only stopping when he tripped slightly due to him being distracted. By know they were just coming into the tent city itself. Regardless of any feelings that Nalik may of had, he knew this was how it was meant to be. The two of them, joking and laughing, completely comfortable around each other. Barriers down. Truthfully and honest, but utterly faithful. No awkward feelings getting int he way.

Yes this is how things were supposed to be.



Or was it?

[Ra'eesah]

Ra’eesah was happy, blissfully happy. She had her Strider and she had Nalik beside her. They chatted about numerous topics on the way home walking hand in hand. She noticed when she asked about her windmarks he had looked unsure. “I promise to think it through but I do think I want you to go with me and sit outside the tent.”

Her mother had suggested when the time was right that it would only be fitting for Nalik to go. Ra’eesah was not sure why her mother thought that but she felt it was the right thing as well. She would broach him after she took her time and thought it through thoroughly. His hand was warm in hers and she smiled wonder why it brought her such pleasure spending time with Nalik.

The petit girl scowled at him then laughed as he teased her calling her little. He knew how much she wished she was taller and always took advantage of being able to call her little. She playfully punched him in the arm and smiled at him. She laughed when he teased her again after she quoted her father. “I can be wise at times” she replied as she stuck her tongue out at him. He loved teasing her and she loved his teasing. They always had fun whenever they were together.

Ra’eesah was almost sorry the city was before them wishing she could spend some more time with Nalik. She knew he had things to do and she had a new horse to get used to the others in the herd. She turned to Nalik, his hand still in hers, “Thank you for being here with me. You know you have been here with me for so many important things in my life. I’m not sure I’d know how to have an important event if you weren’t a part of it.” She smiled as she joked with him.

Ra’eesah looked into his eyes, that odd fluttering present again as her thumb caressed the back of his hand. “Thanks again Nalik. I will take Kawa home to meet the herd. My parents will be so excited.” Not knowing why she placed a kiss on his cheek as they parted ways.

[Praetorian]

Your Diligence Has Been Rewarded! Ra'eesah Climbing +1 XP Observation +2 XP Riding: Horse +2 XP Horsemanship +1 XP A Hunting We Will Go... For a Strider! Nalik: Rather Handsome Help me beat you, Nalik! Inheritance: The Blushing Gene Kawa: A Strider of My Own Awarded: Kawa: The jet black Strider has a calm disposition and is slightly smaller than the average Strider, making her a perfect fit for her slightly smaller than average rider. Also, since this is your Rite of Passage, you can take -25% off of the price of your Windmarks so long as you mention this ruling in an OOC in that thread. Nalik Fallingleaf Climbing +2 XP Observation +4 XP Rhetoric +1 XP Stress of the Marrying Edict Lovesickness: A Blooming Sensation Kawa the Strider: Almost as beautiful as Ra'eesah Notes : Ra'eesah, you're a wonderful writer. I truly enjoy the way that you work through descriptions of locations and your character's emotions. With that said... Your work would be even better if you started with "She" a little less frequently. For example, instead of, "She smiled again looking into his eyes." you could write it as, "Smiling, she looked into his eyes once again." Little things like that really spice up your writing and keep the reader interested. Experiment with word order, and you will be surprised by the results. Also, you are lacking utilization of commas in your writing. Here are some of your own sentences, how commas should have been used, and how to know when to use them in the future: 1. "She hated being disappointed but lately it bothered her more when she saw things hurt Nalik." "She hated being disappointed, but lately it bothered her more when she saw things hurt Nalik." In this instance, you would use it as you shift from a generality to how it has changed. A comma almost always precedes "but". For example, "I used to like chocolate, but then I realized I love vanilla." or "I've always been kind of funny, but not this time." 2."A gentle breeze was blowing and though the day was hot it was comfortable." "A gentle breeze was blowing and, though the day was hot, it was comfortable." In this case you're casting in a small aside that helps create a more vivid image. It is a lovely technique and using the commas to separate this helps the reader better understand your intent. 3. "The girl grabbed his hand and pulled him along into the Sea of Grass laughing at the freedom she felt." "The girl grabbed his hand and pulled him along into the Sea of Grass, laughing at the freedom she felt." This is one of those instances where the comma signals a pause. Sometimes, try reading your writing aloud and if you naturally pause, put a comma there. 4. "As Ra’eesah and Nalik headed for the copse of trees the girl tried not to think about how her heart had jumped at the way he had stared into her eyes." "As Ra'eesah and Nalik headed for the copse of trees, the girl tried not to think about how her heart had jumped at the way he had stared into her eyes." In this case, you are helping your reader better understand that "While x was happening, the character was also y." For example: "Whilst cleaning my room, I felt the urge to go grade some threads." 5. "It was actually quite lovely she realized." "It was actually quite lovely, she realized." Please know that I am neither mocking nor insulting you in any way. I really just want to see you succeed and grow as a writer. Now that I have covered that, a few more matters to address. I loved seeing you bond with your Strider, Ra'eesah. But, please remember that you only have 10 points in the Riding skill. This means that you are still a green rider and would have had trouble controlling the horse at a canter. Also, you need to do more than speak to a horse to get it to do what you want; there are certain cues given in the legs whilst riding bareback. But, the content was good. I'm glad to see Ra'eesah finally with a Strider of her own! Nalik, I am very sorry that I could not award you more, but this was very much a plot thread for Ra'eesah. You made a few very small errors mainly in spelling, but it might have been largely simple typos, so I will not draw attention to it. It is interesting to see how Nalik puzzles through his feelings for Ra'eesah. I can't wait to see how this progresses between them! Now, if either of you think that I missed something, please let me know. Have any questions, comments, or concerns? Feel free to message me.