[Issues found by Crosspatch] Nasslyahophis

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Nasslyahophis

Postby Nasslyahophis on September 15th, 2013, 10:01 pm

Nasslyahophis Character Sheet

General Information

Name: Nasslyahophis (Nickname: Ophis)
Race: Dhani (Viper)
Age: 75 years old
Gender: Male
Birthday: 17th, Spring, 438 AV

Dhani Form Descriptions

Human Form: Not yet achieved as he is a young Dhani

Dhani Form
Length: 7'12"
Skin: On the humanoid top half of the body, the skin is a pale grey and slightly scaly. This part of the body is slightly scrawny compared to most humans The head is a dark gold with a hood that is the same color. Ophis' lower snake body is a lighter gold with alternating bands of red and black. It is also more slender and skinny compared to other sub-classes of Dhani since Vipers are small.
Eyes: Black with a vibrant green slit.

Snake Form
Length: 5'6"
Skin: Similar to Dhani form. Hooded head is a dark gold, body is a darker gold
with alternating bands of red and black.
Eyes: Black with a vibrant green slit.

Home: Ahnatep, Eyktol

Character Concept

Nasslyaophis (nah-sss-lie-ah oh-fis) or Ophis, is a young Dhani with around 25 years left untill adulthood. He has left his nest to explore the desert. Ophis is a Viper sub-class of Dhani so he can live in the desert, often biting his prey and stalking them until his poison kills them. Ophis is very respectful to powerful people yet behaves differently to others. He would be engaged in conversations and snap at you if you irritate him. If you are a friend, Ophis acts nicer but he tends to be alone. He loves any kind of meat, and large amounts of it. Whether it being cow meat, fox, or anything else, Ophis might eat it. The young Dhani enjoys sunset, the thrill of hunting, especially in the dark, and seeing those he dislikes squirm in pain. The hood on Ophis' head depicts what mood he is in. If it is fully flared, he is excited, angry or surprised. If it is partially open, then he is in a mediocre mood or bored, and if it is fully flattened, he is sad or embarrassed. Some of Ophis' goals are to live like some civilized people, bring honor, respect and protect his loved ones (Family) and prove his worth.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths
Agility and speed
Poison
Stealth
Somewhat strong

Weaknesses
Lacks some social skills
Bright light can temporarily blind him
Short-tempered
Small Size? Debatable if that is a weakness

Language

Fluent: Snake-tongue
Poor: Common

Character History

Ophis was born in a viper nest in Eyktol. He was riased by his parents to hunt and stalk and other things necessary for survival. When he was young, he often went with his father to the city Ahnatep to trade caught animals for other necessities. There Ophis was amazed at the civilization and their inhabitants. It was then he began a lust to be more civilized and not characterized as a creature that hunts viciously. Unfortunately he never got the chance to learn. Now old enought to leave the nest, Ohpis lives in the desert by himself hunting, trading and mapping his travels. Occasionally visiting his nest. Finding his life becoming boring and simple, Ophis has decided to finally tackle his childhood dream. Trekking his way across the desert, Ophis hopes to live in the city of Ahnatep.

Skills and Training

Hunting - 15/100 (starting package)
Poison - 20/100 (10RB and 10 SP)
Cartography - 5/100 (starting package)
Stealth - 10/100 (starting package)
Lore of Eyktol Desert Animals (starting package)
Lore of Ahnatep Culture

Possessions

Large Tarp
100ft of rope
flint and steel
lantern
2 torches
bedroll
blanket
fishing tackle and hooks

Ledger

Purchase Cost Total
Starting +100 GM 100 GM


Thread Links

None yet.
Last edited by Nasslyahophis on September 19th, 2013, 5:18 am, edited 7 times in total.
Nasslyahophis
Player
 
Posts: 5
Words: 1433
Joined roleplay: September 15th, 2013, 5:59 am
Race: Dhani

Nasslyahophis

Postby Nasslyahophis on September 15th, 2013, 10:02 pm

Amy suggestions or tips would be gladly appreciated.
Nasslyahophis
Player
 
Posts: 5
Words: 1433
Joined roleplay: September 15th, 2013, 5:59 am
Race: Dhani

Nasslyahophis

Postby Crosspatch on September 18th, 2013, 10:16 am

Image
Character Sheet Intervention


Hello there!

I'm Crosspatch, one of the friendly CS Liaisons on Mizahar! I've been looking over your Character Sheet, and I have noticed some issues that need to be resolved and fixed. Sadly these need to be done before you can continue roleplaying, so let's take a look at them shall we?

 
Skills
  • Please change 'Map making' to Cartography.
  • Agility itself is not a skill nor is trading. A list of skills can be found here.
  • At creation you have 50SP plus your racial bonus. You have spent 60SP, please deduct 10SP points.

 
Ledger
Your character is missing a ledger! A ledger is used to track income and expenses of a character through out the seasons. Please add this.

 
Starter Package
You have picked the Tent starter package, please list the full contents of this package. This includes; 1 large tent (4 person), large tarp, 100 ft of rope, flint & steel, lantern, 2 torches, bedroll, blanket, fishing tackle & hooks, a riding horse (under the value of 200gm), a full set of tack, and a large set of saddlebags.

 
Age
You have not listed your character's birthday. A full birthday includes a Day, Season and a year. The current year is 513AV and the current season is Fall.

 
Additional
  • You have chosen two fluent languages. Although Dhani communicate through both Common and Snake tongue you may only have one fluent, one basic and one poor language at creation. Please fix this.
  • Please link your character sheet to your profile. This can be done through the user control panel.


Once these problems have been dealt with, drop me a PM and I'll remove this intervention and approve your CS for you. Also if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask and I'll do my best to answer!


Crosspatch
User avatar
Crosspatch
The multicoloured bear
 
Posts: 185
Words: 180521
Joined roleplay: July 29th, 2013, 9:14 pm
Location: Under the paperwork
Race: Staff account
Medals: 1
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