Completed Up the Mountain We Go (Azira)

[Syveris]

Syveris' eyes widened when she saw the overreaction of the girl. Azira had turned back so fast that Syveris had been sure that she would fall. She didn't, but she squeaked, the high pitched voice hurting the Avora's ears. But the girl kept talking, and Syveris let her finish, not wanting to interrupt. The huntress was babbling, as if trying to convince Syveris of something. The Avora frowned. She didn't need convincing. In fact, had Azira just told her she liked to stay quiet, then she would have believed her. But now, Syveris was only sure that there was something bothering her.

"I don't think you're a hypocrite." Syveris answered the girl, walking faster to keep up. Yes, she wasn't as clueless that she didn't notice that Azira didn't want to tell her what was bothering her, but she had to say just one last thing. "Some people do wear false faces, and some people do lie. But not all of them. There are some who act based on what they think, and try to live that way." Syveris sighed. She doubted that she could convince the other of what she was talking about, but she always had to try. "And it's impossible not to be bothered by anything, Azira. Everyone has something that bothers them. I'm not asking you to tell me, but maybe it would do you good to tell someone." Syveris wanted to add a word of encouragement, or tell that she would be there if the huntress wanted to talk, but she kept her mouth shut. They weren't friends, Syveris knew that. Azira sure needed one, but that didn't mean that she needed Syveris to be her friend.

"Are we near?" she asked after a while, before slowing down again, allowing the other to take some distance. It was a clear change of subject, one Azira could take if she really wanted to stop talking. A short answer, and Syveris would try to stay quiet. If Azira wanted to talk, she could always start it, and Syveris would answer gladly. But she was starting to think that she had pushed the other too far already, and so, she stayed quiet, not really waiting an answer from the other woman.

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[Azira]

   

The huntress tried to the tune Syveris out but her voice refused to go away, it was too loud, too insistent to just go away. The young woman set her jaw and tried to just concentrate on her footing but her companion was making things difficult. Why did the blasted woman have to be so observant? Why did she have to care or be curious enough to bring it up? Why did she have to be so right as well? 

A lot of things bothered her and while in theory not everyone was so false she'd certainly come across too many people like that to make her think that way. Perhaps (and this was something she'd wondered before) she was just a magnet for such people. Regardless she wasn't willing to trust people that completely and thanks to that Dek she still couldn't bear another's touch. True she'd allowed Kovac to put his arm around her, to stroke her hair and such in the Inclement but she certainly hadn't been comfortable. But she couldn't explain it all to Syveris.

She was about to open her mouth to tell her to back off on the subject but her fellow Avora had enough cop on to realise that she'd crossed a line and so changed the subject.

"We'll be on more suitable ground soon," she told her coolly. Perhaps the woman would take the hint and stay silent.

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[Syveris]

Syveris winced at the cold tone on the huntress voice. She had definitely pushed the other girl too far. However, she was only trying to help, and she didn't regret saying what she did. Syveris only hoped that the other girl wouldn't stay mad at her for too long. Sighing, she kept walking, trying to put her mind on the happy state it had been when they first began the walk. It was hard, but she managed to tune the troubles down once again, concentrating on the sounds around. The Avora sighed again. She wanted to talk, to blab anything without importance, just to fill the uncomfortable silence. But she wouldn't. Azira didn't want to talk, and it was Syveris' own fault that the huntress' mood had become sour, so she would stay quiet.

A bird flew past them, and the Avora's head jerked up, trying to catch a sigh of it. But the sky was empty, except for the clouds. Shrugging, Syveris kept walking behind Azira, enough distance between them that the other might be a little comfortable. And it would have stayed that way for quite long if Syveris hadn't heard another sound.

It was probably nothing, just her imagination or some small animal. But it certainly wasn't a bird, and Syveris felt uncomfortable being so far away from the other on an unknown place. So she walked faster, catching up with the huntress once again. They were almost walking side by side, but Syveris was careful enough not to bump into the woman. The Avora kept her eyes on the trail, wondering if it would still take too long to reach the mountain. Maybe Azira's mood would improve then. She wasn't exactly sure.

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[Azira]

   

Syveris obviously had enough sense to realise that Azira didn't want to talk to her. Good, it meant there was no chance of her trying to throttle her or fling her down a mountain. The only noises were the sounds of their passage as they walked (stomped in the huntress's case) to the mountain that the Avora intended that they hike up. The terrain wouldn't be too steep or too unsteady, the roots of the trees growing thickly on the slopes ensuring that everything held together. 

They were only a few chimes away from it now but her companion suddenly sped up so that she was walking beside Azira. The teen eyed her coolly, noting the worry on her face. The girl was skittish, obviously having seen something to spook her. She's learning why it's called the Unforgiving, she thought smugly as they reached the base of the mountain.

"Right we're here," she told her, somewhat unnecessarily, folding her arms across her chest. She glared up at the mountain rather than at the other girl. "Are you ready to get started then?"

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[Syveris]

They didn't walk much longer before Syveris could see the mountain. It wasn't too steep, and not nearly as imposing as the Edge of the World. The Avora knew that hiking wasn't probably as easy as it looked like, but she couldn't help but feel that the mountain wasn't that much of a challenge. She kind of hoped she was wrong.

When Azira announced that they had arrived, Syveris could sense the hostility in the words. So the huntress was still mad at her. The Avora sighed, trying to shove the small irritation away, not wanting to lash out at the other girl. Truly, she had been the one who had touched sensitive subjects, and maybe she should have just stayed quiet, but she was only trying to help. Syveris wanted to hit herself. On the rare occasion that she noticed that something was wrong, she chose to speak, even though the other girl wasn't exactly her friend. It was obvious that she wouldn't accept her help, and yet, the Avora had to open her mouth. However, she had thought that it could help even a little if Azira knew she was worried. Apparently, she had been very wrong. But even so, Syveris had already dropped the subject, so why was Azira still so angry?

"Azira, I'm sorry, ok?" fortunately, Syveris could keep her voice calm enough. She turned her body, focusing on the other girl. "I was only trying to help you, but it's not my place to do so. I know I shouldn't have brought that subject up, it was my mistake. But I won't bring it up again, so please don't be mad. I'm sure that the day can still be fun, so..." the Avora trailed off. What else could she say? Syveris could only wait and see if the other would take her apologize or not. It would be a pity if they fought again, specially right before doing something together.

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[Azira]

   

How irritating the other girl was, bringing up the subject again. True, she wasn't questioning her this time but she was still bringing it up in an indirect way. Why couldn't she just forget that anything had been said at all? It'd be much better for the two of them. Azira wouldn't have to feel both anger and fear at the same time and Syveris wouldn't have to be worried or whatever.

"I don't need help and you're right, if I needed help it wouldn't be your place to give it to me. End of subject, okay? So back off!" she threw back, her jaw tightening. If the girl tried to apologise anymore to her then she might just scream. Why couldn't she just be totally unperceptive like everybody else? Was it really that difficult for her to just focus on what they were doing? Apparently.

Assuming that her companion would follow without argument, the huntress set off once more, her normally long strides shortened by the effort of navigating the uneven ground of the mountain. It was as difficult as she remembered but luckily for her this time it wasn't lashing rain. Syveris was getting an easier time than Azira had had the first time she'd been hiking. Perhaps she'd make better progress herself today considering that it was drier.

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[Syveris]

The irritation grew inside her, and Syveris curled her fingers into a fist, trying hard not to throw another punch into the huntress face, like she had done all that years before. She was more than ready to forget anything had been said, but Azira didn't seem to share the feeling. True, the huntress didn't want to talk about it, but as long as the other talked to her like she was an enemy, it was obvious something had been said. The Avora tried to keep quiet, to control the anger that was boiling inside her, but it was impossible. She had been trying hard all this years to control the feelings that arose so easily inside her, but there were times that she felt she was a Yasi again, without any self-restrain.

"Lie to yourself, why don't you? You complain about people's falsity, but how can you expect someone to tell you the truth when you yourself don't do so?" the words rolled out of her mouth, an echo from the words the Avora had heard before, and that during a long time she wanted to forget. Syveris was surprised to see that her voice was more disappointed than angry. "As long as you deny the truth to yourself, you will be in despair and you will keep suffering."

She began to walk behind the other girl, her initial excitement from the morning dying inside her. The terrain felt foreign under her feet, forcing her to walk slower than she would have liked. It was unstable, and in normal circumstances, it would have made her feel wonderful and excited. Now, it just felt like a mountain with no soul, felt just like normal ground, no matter how much harder it was to walk on it. The Avora stomped hard on the ground, frustrated and annoyed at Azira and at herself. Syveris had only wanted to help, and in return she received anger and coldness in return. She couldn't help but laugh. Was it not exactly like the kitchen had been, only with the roles reversed? Maybe that was why Syveris wasn't only angry at Azira's coldness, but also at herself, for being so stupid as to think that maybe she could help.

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[Azira]

   

The huntress was upset. And furious. Why did everyone want to analyse her this season? Everyone wanted to be all caring and find out what was wrong with her, why she was so upset. She wasn't dealing with it well, all this extra attention especially make attention, it meant that certain thoughts were more often in her mind then she'd like. Thoughts of her mother were also largely in her mind after the incident with the Dek and she didn't like having to keep it in but she couldn't talk about it either.

Her fingers twitched for her knife, her anger ready to boil over once more. At least at this stage she was still capable of thinking, she wouldn't act impulsively, not again but then she'd been doing it all season. Throwing things at Endal, slashing hunters, prodding Chiet with knives and then there were the words of course. She was always good at cause damage with words, it was what she did and Azira wanted to hurt Syveris right now. The girl was dredging up things that the teen didn't want brought to the surface.

"Do you know what? You're an ungrateful chick, do you know that? I hate hiking! Hate it with a passion! I don't like having to put up with people either, especially strangers but what am I doing? Being kind!" she threw back, her feet hitting the mountain with such force that it seemed like she was angry with it too. "And what do you do? Stick your nose in where it doesn't belong! Tell me I'm lying to myself! There's a difference between lying and repressing and there's a petching good reason for me to repress things, understand? So if I don't want to talk about my business then you shouldn't stick your nose in! If you have to talk then by all means talk but don't you ever, ever, bring that up again or I will leave you here alone in the Unforgiving."

It was amazing how silent it was when she finished speaking, or rather yelling at her companion. Any wildlife that had been in the area were probably long gone. Even the wind had died down, making the silence press in on her, the only sound the noise of her feet on the ground. In hindsight, she regretted her furious outburst. Now that the anger was gone, she felt bad and she wouldn't blame her companion if she broke down after having that thrown at her.

Pausing in her trek, Azira turned to face Syveris, visibly deflated. "I'm sorry for...screaming at you but I just...I can't talk about that," she whispered.

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[Syveris]

When Azira yelled at her, Syveris was startled. Not that she hadn't expected it, but it was a shock that made her loose her step. Her right foot slipped in the terrain, and she had to take two steps back to keep herself from falling. Then, the words hit her with much more strength than the yell, and her heart clenched.

There was many things Syveris wanted to say now, many things she could say to interrupt the huntress, and many of those words would certainly hurt the other as much as what Azira was saying was hurting her. But she couldn't bring herself to scream back. Half of what she wanted to say wasn't true, and the other half was useless now. It wouldn't get her anywhere, and the anger she had felt had gone away. What hurt the most was that Syveris couldn't figure out if Azira had really meant those words or if she was just saying them to hurt. The Avora wasn't sure what would be worse.

And then, there was complete silence, as if the nature around them had also been screamed at. Inside her mind, however, Syveris was yelling at herself. In her eagerness to help, she had probably just made the huntress think about things she wasn't prepared to face yet. A true friend would have respected that. Well, they weren't friends, so a true nice stranger would have stayed quiet. Maybe Syveris wasn't nice. But ungrateful? The Avora was sure this trait had been gone forever, but maybe she was still the same as always, only wearing a mask, lying to herself and doing the same thing she had accused the huntress to be doing.

When Azira began to apologize, Syveris looked up, seeing the look on the huntress face. By inviting the other to go hiking and bringing up a sensitive subject, she had caused a lot of trouble to the huntress. The Avora felt like crying, the tears fighting to get out, but she wouldn't. She had caused all this, and it wasn't her right to cry.

"You did nothing wrong." she couldn't raise her voice above a whisper, but at least it was firm, not betraying what she was feeling. She wasn't sure her face was the same, though. "I was troublesome and I apologize for it." Syveris turned her head, focused on one random tree, not really seeing it. "Do you wish to go back? I'm sorry I've invited you to such an activity, but I'm grateful that you went through all that trouble to take me here." if she hadn't been able to show it with her actions, then she should try at least to show it with words.

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[Azira]

   

Her words had literally staggered her companion. She felt bad for that as well. Supposing the girl had fallen and injured herself, or worse, how would she have felt then? She still felt guilty about what had happened to Erade and that hadn't been her fault so how would she have felt if Syveris had had an accident like that that was actually her fault? She shuddered even thinking about it but she could see in the girl's eyes that her words had done their job, they'd hurt her.

Her voice was quiet but firm but the girl's face was oddly dead when she spoke. It was disconcerting to see and she didn't like it. The huntress was getting upset now as well. The glassworker had definitely gotten the message when it had been thrown so rudely in her face and it was clear that she was trying to appease Azira. There was no reason for her to want to continue now and that was the Avora's fault. She was driving yet another person away from her with her harsh words.

She opened her mouth hoping to convey what she really meant (though she had no idea what that actually was) but just gave up. Sitting down hard on the uneven ground, she winced a little as pointy stones dug into her. Putting her face her hands, the teen did her best not to cry. She desperately needed to hit something or scream or...tell someone. There was no way that she could keep everything bottled up inside her for much longer. Surely she could just let a little bit out, just a trickle of what she was feeling. Syveris would listen, right?

"I'm sorry, Syveris! Is it any wonder that I don't have any friends? I'm a horrible person," she wailed, her eyes beginning to smart and leak. "I know things are bad for other people but they don't do what I do. They don't alienate everybody, drive them away, make them hate, make them hurt. I didn't even have anybody to share my birthday with! Nobody even knows when it is!" Azira choked out before sobbing into her hands.

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