Closed [The Sanctuary]Scales Fall Away (Sybel)

[Vanator]

Timestamp: 45th of Winter, 513 AV

There was a soft creak of leather as Vanator settled in a bit more into the comfortable chair, the light of an oil lamp illuminating the book on his lap. The evening meal sat heavy in his belly, and a moment of peace in the Within Library would be a fine place to let it digest. He felt a bit selfish stealing off to himself, though Van did help clear the dinner table before heading to the library.

The tome in his lap was one the Drykas had perused before, but he found a sort of comfort in it. The title, etched into the cover, read "The Gods - Who and What They Are". It was written at a less than scholarly level, so Vanator, for whom Common was a second language, could read it without much effort. Within the pages were a description of the gods and goddesses of Mizahar, with a brief description of each and the domains they ruled. After the night Nysel called, Vanator returned to the book often, leafing to the Dreamer's page and pondering the image sketched therein. He could easily feel closer to the god in the Sacred Circle, where his image was carved into lifelike stone. But Van liked the posture of the deity in the book's picture, and to read the paragraphs about him.

Vanator lazily fluttered through the pages, his finger stopping on a page depicting a beautiful woman with a soft smile. Cheva. The Denusk ran a finger along the edge of the image. The goddess would be called on soon, five days from then in fact, at Van and Sybel's ceremony. Hopefully, seen or unseen, she would give them her mark.

Suddenly, a flutter rippled through Vanator's stomach, and he closed the book. Yes, he was nervous. He had rushed things with Sybel the first time they were together, and it pushed her away. He had been pretty hasty this time as well. His hand lifted to brush along the golden torc around his neck. The night Sybel gave him that torc, they had made love for the first time, and Van, again, asked her to marry him. It was sudden, such seemed to be Vanator's way, acting from his heart and his gut. But Sybel had this time agreed wholeheartedly. Everything is going to be fine, he told himself.

[Sybel]

It was difficult not to fret. Sybel sat, practically wringing her hands at the edge of the bed they shared. This was precisely the same crossroads they’d come to before. As the date drew near, she found herself experiencing the very same emotions she had as a girl. But why? So much time had passed. She’d grown exponentially. But the wind was calling, as evidenced by the way it howled outside, in spite of the Festival of Love. It was calling her out onto the road, past the Grass and beyond, into the world once more.

Perhaps it was that she’d never quite lived how she wanted to. Sure, there’d been adventure, danger, gold. But she’d never quite lived up to the goals she’d set for herself. The thought of becoming stationary just didn’t sit well. It boiled anxiously at the pit of her stomach, mocking her for leaving home. Tears menaced at the corners of her eyes. Was she a failure? Had she denied her true fate? Was Sybel meant to be nothing more than a wife?

Gods, why? Why did she have such a problem with this?

She curled up into a tight ball, resting her head on her arms. There was no running away. Not after all that’d happened the last time. She owed it to Vanator out of her love for him, to tell him the truth. She wanted so desperately to be his everything… But what did that even mean? Could he abide her traveling? Would he be willing to come with her? Or would this pull them apart?

For a little while, she simply stayed there. It was in part, to think over what she had to say and in part, to dry out the tears that now came steadily. Sybel wept for a little while, in quiet sobs, until her heart was steeled against the declaration that was sure to follow. He would deny her. Perhaps he’d even be angry. She had to be ready for when he did, lest she get swept up by the wind of another sort.

She hovered for a brief moment in his peripheral vision, upon approaching the library. She admired the fine jut of his jaw and the full cushion of his lips. Just the thought of losing them made her want to cry, all over again. But she was a girl no longer; Sybel was a grown woman and as such, she had a duty to them both.

”Vanator,” she called softly, warily. ”I’d like to speak with you, if that’s alright.” She strode into view, fingers laced tightly together. She hovered uncertainly for a moment, before folding onto the floor in front of him. ”I’ve been thinking” she began, though it was obvious she’d been crying, ”and I need to share these thoughts.”

’Lest they consume me.’

It was difficult not to tap out a staccato against the floor. ”I don’t know where to start…” She trailed off. This was very bad. Best to get to the point. ”I feel like I did before, when I ran. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but the thought of being sedentary…” Be brave. She had to be brave about this. ”I’ve lost my way. I love being here, especially with you. I would give anything not to lose that. But I need to travel. I need to get into trouble again.”

She paused.

”And I want you to come with me.”

[Vanator]

Keen eyes detected a flutter of movement in the doorway, and Van finished the sentence he was reading, then lifted his gaze from the yellowed pages of the book to see Sybel standing hesitantly halfaway in the doorway. There was a moment before she entered and spoke, a breath where her lover read the measure of her anxiety in the contrition of her posture, the uncertain twitch of plush lips and the puffy redness surrounding haunting desert-sky eyes.

The shiber-lilted voice was meek and soft, and rich with an emotion Vanator had not often heard in the woman's tone. There was a tangible heaviness upon her, weighing upon her words. Her Drykas beau felt an apprehension rise as she settled at his feet, discerning the gravity of whatever lay upon Sybel's heart. Vanator leaned forward, resting elbows to knees, peering into eyes that had only recently ceased shedding tears. He did not respond in word, but the open countenance and reassuring stroke of her raven-black hair encouraged the young woman to speak her heart.

The words spilled forth. They were words he should have heard from her lips years before, when she left him. But back then, she did not have the courage to speak the words to his face, instead scribbling them in one line on a piece of paper.

'My heart is with the wind but also with you. The wind just blew stronger.'

The words Sybel spoke hurt, but not like the piercing pain experienced when he had read that note years before. He didn't see it coming back then. Now, he was not taken by such surprise. Sybel had thrown herself into everything at Sanctuary. Their relationship, the brewery, the family. But recently, Vanator had wondered, seeing the strain of the facade begin to wear on his loved one. She had been trying to stifle the call of the wind with life at Sanctuary. He believed her when she said she loved it there. He knew that she loved him, Kavala, even their children. Sybel had tried valiantly to be whom she thought they had all wanted her to be, even what she thought she wanted to be. But she was still the same woman he had fallen in love with long ago, and maybe one of the things that drew him to her so strongly was that nature that could not be tamed.

This time, she asked for him to go with her. Vanator's head lifted, eyes shifting to the flame of the lamp. He had experienced his own time of wandering, the seasons after Tamar's death. He understood a bit the need to move, the aversion to settling down. The proposition was tempting. He was not so old and settled that the thought of adventuring with the woman he loved did not have its appeal. They were good together, lovers and fighters. There was much of the world Vanator had not seen, and maybe it was time he did.

He sighed. Not a sigh of despair, but of contemplation. Van entertained the thought for a long moment, then turned again to look down at Sybel, the back of his hand reaching to brush against her cheek. "We would have great adventures, love. And get into a lot of trouble I am sure." He lightly teased, a small smile creasing his face, which faded to only a faint curl. "I love you, and a life with you traveling the world would be amazing, certainly a love story worthy of some bard to tell one day." His hand lowered to rest on his knee. "But you know what I have here. I have found purpose Sybel, and I am only beginning to understand it. But I know I have to be in this place, with these people, to discover it. I want you to be here with me, and not just to raise a family. The future of Sanctuary is not to simply remain an animal clinic and side businesses. It is all part of a bigger plan. I am needed here."

Vanator's chest tightened, the dilemma facing the betrothed couple heart-wrenching. "Bel, I know your heart. I suppose I knew deep down you would never be the 'bare-foot and pregnant by the cooking fire' type. I don't intend to be satisfied by simply settling down and playing pavilion with you. I too, itch for greater things. But I must remain centered here, with my family."

[Sybel]

She felt winded, as if someone had struck her squarely in the chest. Her heart sank. Of course, despite all he’d said, she knew what the answer would be. Tears welled anew, cresting over the threshold of her eyes and down the narrow plane of her cheeks. Sybel held his gaze steadily for a moment, before turning away. ”I know,” she replied, voice cracking. ”I know that.”

What else could she say? She indulged in the touch of his hand very briefly. Her heart throbbed to think that one day, maybe soon, it’d be gone from her life altogether. She’d never been very good with expressing her emotions. The words seemed to curl in on themselves and disappear every time she tried to speak. She looked to him and smiled weakly, still crying. ”I want to be here too. I want to be a part of that family.” But she paused. They both knew what stood in the way. ”I can’t ask you to wait for me. I have to go find what it was I’d been searching for all along. I have to find it, Vanator. I can’t be happy until I do.” Or until she died trying. But there could be no respite from her ambition, no matter how happy she felt.

”I love you,” she choked, reaching forth to rest a hand on his thigh. ”I love you so much. If there is anyone in the world for me, it is you.” But it wouldn’t be him. He would find someone else. There were plenty who would give anything to sit in her place. Maybe he didn’t see it – maybe he did. But Sybel knew that were she to leave, this would be the last time.

”I don’t know how to make this work. But I want to. I’d do anything.” She felt so exposed, sitting at his feet and sobbing. ”I don’t want to let this go.” No, not again. She couldn’t stand the thought of knowing what she’d left behind. Perhaps as a young woman, enamored with possibility, she’d found the strength to move on but… Not now. She’d seen enough of the world to fear it. Sybel would walk back to the wilderness with trepidation and fear, haunted by the sense of safety and belonging she’d left behind.

But rooted deep in her soul, there was a puzzle still yet to be unraveled. There was a possibility she couldn’t ignore. It too, would dog her steps, even if she were to stay. There could be no winning against it.

Either decision led to sacrifice.

”I don’t know what to do…” And in that moment, she looked like the Sybel he’d met so very long ago, sitting amongst the tents of Endrykas.

[Vanator]

Vanator watched the tears gather in Sybel's glistening eyes before they began to tumble down the softness of her cheek. He gave the woman a wane smile. Sybel had always been torn. Torn by what happened to her father, and the actions she took in revenge, torn by her desire to conquer the world, and to be part of something bigger than herself. Now, she again faced a dilemma. Vanator was not sure the Benshiran would ever lose her wanderlust. Had she not left him once to travel the world, and was it not enough?

Yes, he was hurt. But it was not like a fresh stab. It was the opening of an old wound, there was no shock of the strike, only the familiarity of the pain. Vanator had grown by leaps and bounds since she had left him those years ago. He had experienced great pain and suffering since then. His family was wiped out, he spent a year of captivity and abuse at the hands of the Zith. Yet, he survived. Vanator learned that life went on, it always went on.


Vanator's gaze fell to Sybel, remaining fixed on her. There was softness in his dark, gold-flecked eyes, but there was a steadiness as well. "This is a decision I cannot make for you. But I think you know what to do, Bel, you said it yourself. You won't be happy until you find what it is you are searching for. You know what you have here, and still that need turns your eyes out there, even in the shadow of our wedding day." Van waved his hand in a vague gesture. "If you stay, I understand that the lure of what might be out there will always tug at you."


Vanator leaned forward, looking into Sybel's crystalline pale blue eyes. "Bel. I think you have tried so hard to be who you think others want you to be. Me, Kavala, whomever. Look honestly inside yourself, and tell me who you really are and what you really want. If you love me, you will tell me the truth. I can take it Bel, I can take anything now."