Completed Returning Home

[Athaera]

Timestamp: 27th day of Spring, 514 AV

Athaera wandered through the alleyways and streets of Syliras. She somehow knew the way home after four years of traveling. A giddy feeling rose inside her as her boots kicked up dust and her cloak billowed out behind her.

But as Athaera wound through the familiar alleyways and roads, she arrived at her house... or rather where her house used to be... to see a burnt, dilapidated mess. A lone tear began to dribble down her cheek, but she brushed it away before it properly left her eyelid. She didn't cry. Athaera hadn't cried since her parents died. She'd learned to be numb to the sorrow, but just then she cracked.

Athaera sat down on the charred wood that was once her home. Sobs shook her body and her clothing was soaked in the tears that had been bottled up for so long. What was it? Nine years? It didn't matter now. She was no longer strong, no longer the Athaera she had trained herself to be. She'd cracked, a disappointment to herself.

She slapped herself on the knee. "Snap out of it, Athaera," she muttered, wiping the salty drops from her face.

"We tried to stop them."

Athaera turned around to see a man. It took her a minute to realize he had been her sister's friend. What was his name? It didn't matter. "Stop who?"

"There were a couple kids who thought it would be funny to burn your house down," he replied.

Athaera laughed a bit at that, but it was forced. He offered for her to stay at his house, and she gratefully accepted. it would be nice to finally sleep in a bed. She stayed there a bit longer, and he held her in a friendly hug. Athaera knew it was nothing more than an act of friendship. It was an unspoken fact.

[Athaera]

28th day of Spring, 514 AV -- Morning

"I couldn't bother you another day," Athaera replied when her sister's friend offered. "I'll have breakfast, then I'll be out of your hair."

He laughed, saying he didn't mind at all. "But I mind," she replied with mock seriousness.

After having a simple breakfast of meat and bread, she offered to give him a Miza. He declined and suggested she got a job at the Welcome Center. She then gratefully thanked him and left the cozy house.

[Radiant]

Yo, yo, yo, MC DS Radiant represent!

Athaera, aside from the posting and content issues which are the same in your previous grade. This thread's plot just doesn't make sense for Syliras. Here are the issues:

1. Syliras is a huge fortress, so Athaera would have an apartment in the Citadel, not a house.

2. As it's an apartment, it wouldn't make sense for 'kids' to burn down stone walls, ceilings, and floors.

3. Also, Thousands of knights watch in and around the fortress, Syliras is the most safest and lawful city in Mizahar, this kind of crime (Arson in the Citadel) can't be done without ST permission.

As it stands, I can't grade this thread as it makes little sense. PM me with concerns or questions.