Flashback The Best of Times

[Dinah]

.
.....Summer 21, 512av

This wasn't how she wanted to spend their birthday. It was supposed to be a day of celebration, of joy, of the two of them doing whatever they wanted even if their older siblings would look upon them like they were idiots. It was most definitely, one hundred percent, not supposed to be spent inside the pavilion worrying over her twin for what felt like the a hundred petching years.

Dinah knew it was going to be like this. Or, at least something like this, when she had heard that their mother was going to be initiating Zhol into reimancy much the way she had done for Dinah the year prior. The process was never pleasant and the recovery was awful, but where Dinah had vague recollections of impossible cold gripping her and refusing to let go, her twin was burning up. The fever had persisted for a handful of days now and while her brother suffered, Dinah had refused to leave his side. If their mother had been around she may have been able to pry herself away, but as it was the woman had left with the promise of returning for their birthday. She was late, and Dinah was starting to feel a slow forming anger towards that fact no matter how much she loved the woman who had birthed them.

That creeping rage was fully secondary to everything else she was experiencing, icing over the back of her mind while all attention was directed towards Zhol. She sat next to the cot he hadn't really left since returning from his initiation, in the same place she had been as well, clinging to her brother's hand as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He was better than he had been by far, but still she worried.

"Hang in there, okay?" Dinah whispered as she reached out and put her palm to his forehead. At least she wasn't begging him not to die on her anymore. Their eldest brother had mocked her for her tears until he had suddenly been overcome with the strangest sensation of water going up his nose. The rest had gotten the point to leave the twins alone after that.

A snort just outside the tent flap brought a wave of guilt for neglecting Niamh, but the Strider seemed to understand Dinah's overwhelming need to tend to her brother. At least, she hoped so.

"It'll be over soon, I promise. Hai, you're doing better than I did. You're stronger than this, I know you are." The words sounded like annoying platitudes no matter how much she felt they were truthful. Gods, hurry up and fix this!

There was only one thing she could do to help ease things, and even that was far from truly helpful. If she'd been more practiced, if she could add air to her command she could have done it properly. As it was, Dinah closed her eyes and let a breath flow slowly through her. It always seemed easier to do when she was more active, uncaring in the amount of djed she pulled from herself in the form of res, balancing precariously around how much she needed versus the amount that could damage her. But here, now, she needed control.

Dinah could feel the effect before it ever manifested, the res tracing down her arms, following the veins close to the surface in a near-black ooze. Her mother and sister always seemed to have much more delicate visualizations, but Dinah's often reminded her of some form of cursed blood in the way it worked its way through her. No matter how it appeared, it still did the trick as she willed just a few drops of the substance through her skin to her fingertips. A soft blow of her lips, entirely unnecessary but done on instinct transformed the thick substance into the clear and far more agreeable looking water that gently dripped from her hands to Zhol's forehead.

She gently wiped the liquid across his skin and used her hand to fan it, once more angry that she had no control over the temperature at which the water formed with. It was never hot, thank the gods, but when you wanted a cold compress and only could make something that kept with the same temperature as the air around it, it was downright infuriating. Still, it was cooler than his flushed skin and she supposed that was something. A small kindness she could offer, one that didn't nearly equal out all that Dinah felt she owed her twin.

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Tukant"

[Zhol]

|.

There were tiny ants, and they were crawling through his eyes.

He couldn't see them, but he could feel them, their rough, unwelcome presence grating beneath his eyelids. He'd tried to reach up and wipe them away, but the ants had sabotaged him somehow, his arms limp and weak draped at his sides. He was pretty sure they had stolen one of his lungs as well; he hadn't seen them do it, despite several sleepless days, but he knew they must have. It was the only explanation for the weak, shallow breaths that didn't seem to fill his lungs with anywhere near as much air as they used to. They weren't just ants either, but ants of fire, roaming beneath his skin, burning trails through his body, searing and twisting his insides mercilessly. Stupid fire. Stupid ants. Stupid -

It was raining on his face again. Just his forehead; just a narrow band. It was strange; soothing somehow; didn't feel like ant business, that was for sure. He felt a gentle touch against his rain-drenched skin; heard a different voice; caught snippets of words, which dredged fragments of others from somewhere; not heard, but memory, perhaps? Hang in there. Don't die on me. You're stronger than this. It'll be over soon.

Don't die on me.

Don't die.

Die.

Di.

"Dinah?"

He barely even recognised his own voice as he spoke. Perhaps the ants had sabotaged that, too. That would have been just like them; just like their antics; slowly transforming him from who he was into someone else, dismantling and rebuilding him from the inside out. He didn't want to be different. Or he did. Or he had. There was something, perhaps. Some memory. Some vague recollection. Something about fire. Something about Dinah. Something about -

What was he doing? Why was he laying here? Dinah needed him; she was calling for him. Just because he couldn't make out the words didn't mean he shouldn't answer; didn't mean he wouldn't fight with every breath to aid his beloved twin. His jaw clenched as he flailed about within himself, stomping and smashing every ant in reach. Away from his eyes. Away from his lungs. He drove, corralled, chased, ushered; did everything to flush the petching ants into the open, crushing them beneath his boots as they appeared.

With all the strength he could muster, he wrenched a moaning, groaning breath into his lungs, and tore back his eyelids, staring out at a bleary world through eyes stung and slicked by the blood of his ant enemies. He forced his gaze upwards; found what he was searching for; his sister, staring at him, worry written across her face. It would be okay though: he'd save her from it. He was here now. He'd make it better.

Vying for control of his limbs, he reached out with a vague and trembling hand, the backs of his fingers brushing against her cheek. A small smile curled his lips. "It's all going to be okay," he said quietly; his voice sounded far more feeble than it should have. "I'll keep you safe. Won't let you down."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.

[Dinah]

"Yeah, I know." It didn't matter how pitiful he had said anything to her, the small bits Zhol managed meant a lot. She'd heard him say similar things before, but you couldn't really deny the truth that came pouring out when someone was suffering from fever. She had heard that often times drinking a lot of alcohol could drag such things out of people but Dinah had to wonder if that method had anything on a reimancy induced delirium. It made her wonder what sort of sap had come dribbling out of her when she'd been in the same position and if Zhol had wanted to laugh and felt a smile tug at his lips the way she did now.

For as far back as she could remember this was how it really was between them. Others saw the typical sibling banter, the faked glares and frustrated sighs, the fact that they were close even. But they didn't get this side. The side that implored one to do everything in their power for the other, the inseparable bond that may have uncomfortably bordered on obsession, the fact they both felt the other was truly some other piece of themselves that they couldn't live without. Those first few hours when Zhol and their mother had returned to the pavilion Dinah had been frantic, a complete and total wreck as she had attempted to cope with the thought of the worst possible scenario. She had never, ever asked, but she knew it had been the same when she had returned from her own initiation, skin ice cold, lips and overall tone taking on a blue tint, screaming suddenly in the middle of the night as if every horror imaginable was coming to her.

It wasn't the only time, either. The first time she had overgiven had been the same. Her mother hadn't been watching at the time and Dinah had poured so much of her res through her pores, letting it's usual viscous liquid seep from her and form into a gas. She'd willed it as high as possible before forcing the change to water to send it tumbling to earth like rain. Her pure joy in the fact it had worked led her to try again. And again. And by the time Zhol had found her she was laughing hysterically, trembling uncontrollably and... well, to be honest Dinah didn't remember a whole lot after that except the days of pounding headache and horrible metallic taste that followed.

Through it all Zhol had been her ever watchful protector, now it was her turn.

"But right now you need to relax," Dinah sighed as she coaxed her brother's arm back to his side, her free hand adding a gesture that implored him to listen to her for a change. "I'll take care of you, okay?"

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Tukant"

[Zhol]

|.

No, that was wrong. That was backwards. Zhol's head shook weakly for emphasis. A mix of determination and memory conjured a voice into his mind, reciting all too familiar words. They were the ones that spoke to him every time he failed his sister; every time he broke the unspoken promise the words had implored him to make.

"Watch out for Dinah."

The words didn't sound like their mother, mumbled out of Zhol's throat, but that's what they were. There was a scowl in them, one that hadn't shown on her face but that added more weight and importance to the words. Zhol's fever-addled voice couldn't muster the same; his brow twitched into a visual representation instead.

"Take care of your little sister, boy."

Zhol was older by a matter of minutes, but they were important minutes. They were minutes that transformed him from little brother to big brother; minutes that spelt out his responsibility and obligation. Protecting her was his job; his duty. It was one that she usurped, a dynamic she disrespected every time she insisted on caring for him, on defending him, on worrying about him; a responsibility he neglected every time he allowed her to.

With slow, aching, shaking muscles, he pushed against the bedroll, the tiniest exhursion lifting him just enough to shuffle a few inches, the pillows beneath his head - enough for two people; Damn it, Di - helping to slowly lever him towards sitting. His head protested. The ants swarmed around the edges of his vision, and panicked through his system at the unexpected reorientation of their new home. His balance stumbled, his arm faltered; Dinah caught him, and in a brief moment of surrender, Zhol let himself slump against her, head resting on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Di," he muttered quietly. "I'm fine."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.

[Dinah]

"And I'm the Queen of Cyphrus," Dinah shot back, her tone light though still edged with the undertone of worry she knew would take days to fully vanish.

She had spared him the concerned glance that came with his repetition of their mother's demands. Dinah knew them well, knew the other side of it, Keep your brother out of trouble. The words couldn't exist in her mind without hearing them in their mother's voice, still feeling her firm grip that she had held onto Dinah's arm with as she had said them. Don't you let him get hurt.

Only seventeen years on this planet and they both had failed to live up to those expectations more times than they could count. But where other things they didn't excel at had been passed by, ditched, kicked away or otherwise lost they both had stubbornly clung to that one thing, refusing to give up.

Just as she refused to do so now. With a bit of a grunt she hefted her brother back onto the bed and cast her best stern expression towards him. "You look like Hai, you know? You go out there and I'll get accused of having a Nuit for a brother," Dinah smirked as the words finished. "You know what that could do for my reputation?"

The tug at the corner of her lips fell as her entire demeanor collapsed and without warning she suddenly flung her arms around Zhol as best as his position on the bedroll would allow. "Thought I lost you," The confession came, half mumbled into his shoulder. "Don't ever do that to me again."

Dinah clung to him, just a tick, just long enough to get her point across before releasing and quickly sitting back in the chair that had become the entirety of her living space the last few days. She leaned her head to the side, relishing in several satisfying crunches and pops. "If you are determined to get up and about today, though. I may have an idea of something that may help you feel better."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Tukant"

[Zhol]

|.

"Is it a trio of beautiful women, here to -" The rhythm of his words was interrupted by a cough. "- kiss me everywhere until I feel human again?"

Honestly, Zhol could have done with the embrace lasting a little longer. He had always been the more emotional and classically affectionate of the two: he showed his affection with supportive words, warm embraces, and acts of kindness; Dinah with a verbal jab, a loving shove, or the threat of violence against anyone that crossed you. That made a hug from Dinah a rare and valuable commodity: one that Zhol cherished each and every time, as if it were the last one he would ever receive.

The fact that she was willing to poke fun at him was, he hoped, a good sign. It meant one of two things: either he didn't look quite as bad as he felt, or he looked considerably worse, and acting as if everything was okay was the only defense against it that Dinah had managed to come up with. If it was the former, that was good: no matter how bad he felt, as long as he could trick Dinah into believing he was okay, as long as he could alleviate some of her worry by seeming more recovered than he perhaps was, it would all work out for the best. If it was the latter? Well -

At least Darda won't have to try and bribe some woman into marrying me, his subconscious offered helpfully.

A few more pathetic coughs escaped from him; but it was good to sit, his lungs felt less ineffective, and gravity seemed to be purging his head of most of his ant assailants. He tried to throw Dinah a look that appeared suave, but supposed he probably looked more like he was struggling not to vomit, all things considered. "Please tell me it's the women."

He paused for a beat.

"Please tell me none of the women are you."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.

[Dinah]

The smile Dinah offered her twin was sickly sweet, laying somewhere between a desire to hug him again or strangle him. She opted for neither as was typically the case. "I tried, really I did but you know how fickle us women are. Always cancelling plans last minute."

The fact he was willing to joke with her was a good sign. Far better than any other she could have hoped for. Zhol teasing her meant he was feeling probably a lot better than he looked. It was sincerity that you had to watch out for and several days of fever induced ramblings had supplied Dinah with more than enough proof to know that even on his aparent death bed, Zhol's first concern was her. It wasn't exactly something she needed to hear, but it had been nice while it lasted.

"So, I guess that means you'll have to go with the backup plan I've come up with." Dinah reached out and ruffled his hair as best she could. The braids and lack of being able to do much aside from toss and turn had left it somewhat tangled and unruly. She doubted she looked much better in that regard.

Dinah sat back in the chair with a breath of air, pausing as if considering - or more likely coming up with in the first place - her so called backup. The smirk she had been holding onto faltered as she looked back to her brother and Dinah could feel the tug of her eyebrows that let her knows she was making that face again. The one that Zhol somehow managed to see that no one else was allowed to; a mixture of concern, sympathy, and just a dash of that urge to hug him again. She forced herself to look away towards the tent flap as she felt herself begin to slump in the seat.

"Not that I'll tell you what it is now. Birthdays mean surprises after all, right?" Where she had wanted a playful edge, the sting was sorely lacking and it left her staring blankly into the brightness beyond for a moment. I was lack of sleep that was to blame for all this, it must have. She wasn't normally this... Whatever this was.

She forced a smile as she turned back towards him. "Of course this is all if you can bring yourself to get out of bed." It sounded only marginally more like herself, and with a frustrated sigh she let the pretense drop.

"You are feeling okay, right? I'm sorry, there was only so much I could do and Mom isn't here and no one else even seems to want to come by except to be a bunch of..." Dinah stopped herself as she looked down at her hand that had clenched as she had been speaking, thin dark lines forming towards the surface of her skin, spider webbing outwards across the back of her hand. Another deep breath was forced through her lungs as she calmed herself, watching the res that had threatened to leave her fade back into herself.

"At least she was here when I did it," Dinah finally half mumbled as her gaze fell. "I had the both of you. You've been stuck with just me."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Tukant"

[Zhol]

|.

Stuck with. Why did she always have to put it like that? Why always the negative twist, as if being around her was some intolerable burden? Zhol had heard stories, about twins who were so close that they were born as one bipartite person, some part of themselves merged with the other. Such twins seldom survived long, and were rare enough that Zhol had never seen one nor heard of any being born in his lifetime, but he knew the stories.

The Endrykas uttered them as if it were some sort of curse; but to Zhol it was something he could understand. He and Dinah weren't joined in a literal sense, but she felt like part of him; and being without her was like being without a limb, without a part of who he was. She was the things he wasn't, and didn't have to be; his better judgement, his common sense, the voice of encouragement and of reprisal when he needed it, the gripes and blame towards those who seemed to have wronged him. In return, he was her self worth, the hand that tempered her ire, the gentle shrug of acceptance no matter what.

Without her he felt listless, and devoid of purpose; with her, he was her brother, and that was something he knew how to be.

Of course, they didn't go saying things like that to each other. It was an elaborate system of letting it be spoken in silent pauses, and assuming that the other knew even when it went unsaid. But there were times when Zhol wished it were different; where he could hit her upside the head and knock her stupid thoughts and stupid words clean out of her mind.

"I'm sure mom has a reason," he defended, though his own disappointment at their mother's absence eroded the amount of resolve he was able to inject. "She wouldn't be gone if it wasn't important."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.

[Dinah]

"You're important," Dinah grumbled, slipping into the language their mother had taught them still absentmindedly signing her frustration, though.

She wasn't mad, not with their mother at least. The situation, though? The fact that she'd been the only one to constantly worry over her brother? Not that she wouldn't have done it anyway even if she hadn't been alone, Dinah had been practically underfoot when the healer had originally come by, after all. But that wasn't the point. The point was...

The point was entirely lost as she looked back up to her twin and saw that stubborn look in Zhol's eyes. He always was the one who saw things with far more optimism than her, just another way they balanced each other out. It was a dynamic that had suffered the last few days, but even now thing seemed to be righting itself. Her cold determination to be utterly miserable melting in the mere presence of her counterpart.

"Okay so I'm horrible with surprises and I guess this shouldn't be sprung on you anyway but... I was wondering... I mean, if you feel up to it..." Where in Cyphrus was this hesitation coming from? This wasn't her. This wasn't them.

"Mom would do it if she was here, she started me almost as soon as I could see straight. Well, you know, shortly after. When I decided we could be on speaking terms again," Dinah cringed at the memory of how upset she had been at their mother after her own initiation. She had asked for it, begged even, and still it had ended in shouts of What have you done to me? How could you? Granted Dinah had still been a bit delirious at the time, but that didn't exactly lesson irrational guilt.

She sighed heavily before continuing, "If you want, I can show you a little of how to do things? I know I won't be as good a teacher as her, or Lillah, but I can still try if you want."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Tukant"

[Zhol]

|.

The smile that tugged at Zhol's features came completely of it's own volition, and he could feel it sweeping more of the petching fire ants away from his notice. There was something equal parts sad and endearing whenever Dinah got like this. Any other day, any other time, and Dinah would be all ego and confidence. She wasn't arrogant, though both of them had inherited the capacity for that from their father; she was just stubbornly correct, and didn't usually have the kind of doubts that plagued Zhol's every waking moment. Put her in a position where she compared herself to others though, especially others she respected and cared for, and then suddenly she could not sell herself short enough. Every teacher, every confidant, every friend, every sibling was by far better than she could possibly be. It was tragic in a way, to see those insecurities sneaking through; and yet endearing in another, given how utterly convinced Zhol was that she was wrong.

That, he supposed, was why it made him smile. I get to be right for a change.

"You're a petching idiot sometimes, you know that?"

Zhol found a little more strength in his voice as he said that; a little more in his body too, and a little less of the ache and trembling. Perhaps bravely, perhaps foolishly, he slowly swung his legs around, turning his reclined posture into a more recognisable sit. He reached out and placed a hand on top of Dinah's; made a half-hearted effort to make it seem like it was for balance, but they both knew it was just for a little extra comfort. He struggled carefully for a breath, stayed silent until his lungs were onboard with the new challenge he was presenting to them.

"Even if they were here," he muttered; he should have waited longer, the words coming out as more of a wheeze, but they needed to be said with too much urgency for patience to be on his mind. "I would still rather be taught by you. Lillah is just a sister. Etha is just our mother."

He raised his other hand, his fingers contorting into a pair of gestures so familiar, so effortless, that he was surprised it didn't naturally fall that way when he slept; two words spelt out in grassland sign.

Affection. Twin.

He aimed his gaze at Dinah, his smile faltering as his face contorted in sincerity. "You'll always be more than that. I'll always choose you over them."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.