Her reaction was not totally what he expected. She seemed to be holding something in for a moment and then she started gagging. Gagging turned to retching and soon she'd taken a few steps away and threw up on the ground. An unbidden thought told Thannis that the sight and sound of others throwing up had once caused him to throw up also. He couldn't throw up any more. Not even if he put his hands down his throat. Thannis tried to dispell the memory of that particular realisation for it was a dark memory and he needed all of his attention for this memory in progress should it become a darker one.
Thannis was thankful to see her coming back to him after the vomiting. She could have stayed where she was or took the opportunity to run from him. Her returning was probably the most encouraging thing she could have done. When her arms shooed him Thannis, a touch overeagerly, leapt from the box and took a few steps back. They weren't massive steps but they were enough to give her what he perceived to be 'her own space'. The thought that she might have wanted him merely to create some space for her on the crate rather than get off it altogether had not crossed his mind. Why should it? Thannis still believed she thought he was a monstor and wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.
Her little jab at herself made Thannis smile sadly. He didn't believe for one minute that she was weak. She was merely alive and for all the strengths of living even they had some costs to pay. Costs Thannis would give anything for now that they had been taken away from him. He spoke no such comments however for he was afraid to interrupt her now that she was speaking. He gave instead a similarly faint smile.
She continued and next up was a plea. Thannis was only too happy to oblige. He did not much like talking about it himself and knew that further talks would only drive her away. She needed a little bit of denial. It would be the easiest way to cope, he imagined. Even he indulged in a little denial when he could. Thannis nodded. He wasn't sure if she saw him nod or if he even needed to nod for though it was a plea she had asked no question. The only expected reply would be, if it were his mind, to deny her and since he intended to do no such thing no reply was necessary. His mind could not quiet itself tonight.
And finally she spoke her conclusions. He clung to every word and they were sweeter than he could have hoped for but the taste rebuked him. She spoke every word he had ever spoken to himself on the darkest of nights. She spoke every word he had hoped and longed for to be true. Her affirmation would have, should have, provided him with ease but it didn't. The words felt hollow. He did not doubt she spoke them true but they were products of her mind. They were words spoken with the very smallest of experience. She had not seen him in his darkest hour. She had not felt the blood on her lips or broken body hammered by fists. She could not understand and that was the comfort that eased him. Her words were nothing and that was the sweetest taste to him.
“You're more of a friend than I deserve, Caela.” Thannis spoke at last after a long silence. It was all that he could think to say and exceedingly genuine. “I had friends before - friends that I'd known longer and experienced more with – but I've never had a friend like you...” Thannis took a long and shaky breath and looked upward at Leth's pale moon. It had been his first breath in many minutes. For the first time in a while he felt the cruel, biting fall wind and noticed that the night had long progressed. He looked down at her again and was concerned. She'd suffered much tonight and the living body could only take so much. “Leth flies across the sky tonight. It's cold too. I think it's time to get you home before we add sickness to your list of ails. May I walk with you?”
Thannis was thankful to see her coming back to him after the vomiting. She could have stayed where she was or took the opportunity to run from him. Her returning was probably the most encouraging thing she could have done. When her arms shooed him Thannis, a touch overeagerly, leapt from the box and took a few steps back. They weren't massive steps but they were enough to give her what he perceived to be 'her own space'. The thought that she might have wanted him merely to create some space for her on the crate rather than get off it altogether had not crossed his mind. Why should it? Thannis still believed she thought he was a monstor and wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.
Her little jab at herself made Thannis smile sadly. He didn't believe for one minute that she was weak. She was merely alive and for all the strengths of living even they had some costs to pay. Costs Thannis would give anything for now that they had been taken away from him. He spoke no such comments however for he was afraid to interrupt her now that she was speaking. He gave instead a similarly faint smile.
She continued and next up was a plea. Thannis was only too happy to oblige. He did not much like talking about it himself and knew that further talks would only drive her away. She needed a little bit of denial. It would be the easiest way to cope, he imagined. Even he indulged in a little denial when he could. Thannis nodded. He wasn't sure if she saw him nod or if he even needed to nod for though it was a plea she had asked no question. The only expected reply would be, if it were his mind, to deny her and since he intended to do no such thing no reply was necessary. His mind could not quiet itself tonight.
And finally she spoke her conclusions. He clung to every word and they were sweeter than he could have hoped for but the taste rebuked him. She spoke every word he had ever spoken to himself on the darkest of nights. She spoke every word he had hoped and longed for to be true. Her affirmation would have, should have, provided him with ease but it didn't. The words felt hollow. He did not doubt she spoke them true but they were products of her mind. They were words spoken with the very smallest of experience. She had not seen him in his darkest hour. She had not felt the blood on her lips or broken body hammered by fists. She could not understand and that was the comfort that eased him. Her words were nothing and that was the sweetest taste to him.
“You're more of a friend than I deserve, Caela.” Thannis spoke at last after a long silence. It was all that he could think to say and exceedingly genuine. “I had friends before - friends that I'd known longer and experienced more with – but I've never had a friend like you...” Thannis took a long and shaky breath and looked upward at Leth's pale moon. It had been his first breath in many minutes. For the first time in a while he felt the cruel, biting fall wind and noticed that the night had long progressed. He looked down at her again and was concerned. She'd suffered much tonight and the living body could only take so much. “Leth flies across the sky tonight. It's cold too. I think it's time to get you home before we add sickness to your list of ails. May I walk with you?”
