[SO-Sylira] So here we are

[Fallon]

88th Winter 514 AV

It was in the rocking belly of the vessel that Fallon sat, head bent and fingers laced together, her eyes peering out over the ridge of digits. She felt tired, winter having sapped her strength, the days of combat and strain weighing upon her consciousness, before at last it simply had buckled. The long journey to Zeltiva would only make it worse, leaving it time for the sensation to fester within her guilty concious. Everything seemed hopeless and hollow, the bitterness leaving only the poisonous feeling deep within her core. Her head had given a lean against the inside of the hull, the mop of hair growing dirty with grease as she sat. Whilst there was awareness that it needed to be seen to, that some effort to look presentable would make the others feel better, there was no will to do so.

The tired eyes gave a blink, briefly tracing around the absent space that she had holed herself up in, bed mat beneath her, armour and weapons discarded where it fell. It was a path of pure disorganisation, cluttered and in desperate need of sorting. But there was no urge to do so, her limbs heaving and her hands tainted. Even if the feeling of blood and death had been removed from her it stuck deeply, never giving her a moment to breath, to understand the moment of freedom and the close calls that had come. Her eyes moved round then once more, before she creased her lids shut. She did not want to look at anything right then, staring at the mess she had made would solve nothing she reasoned.

But what else was there to do now? Await the long drawing purification of the mind and soul? To wait for the wounds upon her flesh to heal? No, they would never truly know recovery - the Scars would always remain, that reminder, that nervous press against the back of her mind, slowly scratching away at her ego. There was nothing else for her to do now, no dream to strive for, no goal for the future, it was ripped up and shredded before her very eyes in pointless blood and violence. Scattered, broken, useless.

And it was with a lump in her throat that she realised, that all she could do now was pray.

"I don't ever pray, you above that should know. So, forgive if I'm all informal with you, never did quite get formal praying down," her voice was but a whisper, barely audible but there so clearly to herself. A speaking of words and thoughts as purely as she could muster, "Actions over words any day, don't just peak the part, be the part. Still, I guess it doesn't explain on why starting now of all things. Though, this is you, Lady Eyris who sees all and knows all. You probably know already what has happened - I failed, I failed everyone. I did though, no two ways to look at it. I petched up." Her lips pulled back into a weak curl, a self depreciating action, "I couldn't make it happen. I tried though, but I couldn't change it. Couldn't change any of it. I ruined the dream."

"I wasn't wise enough, I wasn't quick enough. And now? Well now I'm lost," Another exhale, her brow creased with thought as she considered the next few words. It was a fight for self control, to keep a level head on what was before her. It was a feeble attempt, why would Eyris help her now? Gods after all were not handymen. But still, she tried, her entire form pleading for an answer back, "I don't know what to do any more," she pressed her left hand across her eyes then, "I'm lost, and I need guidance. Anything. A point. A sign. A way to learn. I just please... instruct me your will." She released a sniff, "You told me. You told me all those years ago to have fun finding those discoveries and those hidden links in history, I was foolish thinking it would all just come to me. Then I just blew it all away... And now it's gone, and now, now I need your wisdom more than ever. I just don't know any more. Please... I'm begging you..."

And with that, Fallon fell once more into her silence, hands cupping her head and her throat closing up on her. No more. She could not speak no more at present. It was pointless to anyway.

[Zandelia]

The open sea, it had once been a vision of fear for her, or foreboding at least, yet now it had facilitated their escape to freedom and it now seemed to be more of a promise – of a new future, whatever that might turn out to be. Anything was better than death in her mind and if they had stayed it would have been certain, just a matter of time. She breathed deep the clean air, salty even to her nose which was strange enough, and cast her eye at the horizon as the winds whipped her hair about her face. Glistening even with the lack of Syna's full radiance, it was beautiful in its own way. Yet despite the serenity she was troubled, injured and concerned as to their future. She had barely got words out of Fallon since their departure, which given that the slash across her abdomen throbbed incessantly was in some ways a reprieve. In others it was terrible, the woman was withdrawn and she wasn't sure there was anything she could do to bring her out.

“This was our dream, after all,” she muttered into the winds, “and now it is gone. A new one might present but...would it really be the one we wanted? Or just the one settled for? Gods help me, for once. Everything I have...had...I achieved on my own. You smile upon robbers and murderers, why can't you smile on decent folk for once?” she asked herself, it was only herself there after all no matter what the priests told her.

“Zulrav and Laviku...I know your names. Not much more. Whispered sailor talk. At the very least make sure we make it to your city. Zeltiva. Do that and I suppose the score is settled, if only slightly” she pushed herself away from the rough wood of the railing and looked across the deck.

Deckhands and sailors, flitting about here and there to achieve their tasks, simple tasks though important she had been informed. If she were to spend time upon this ship then she was going to learn its workings, it had been part of the agreement. Or rather the agreement she had made with herself, that helping the crew was better than doing nothing and at least meant she contributed some small assistance to their successful venture. She had helped mop the ship all over, tied ropes and shifted cargo. Her injuries had prevented her from taking part in anything overly strenuous but she had earned some small respect from those who were ferrying them across the waves. That was enough. She wasn't even sure they'd stay in Zeltiva and a good reputation as a decent boarder willing to pitch in could come in handy.

“'Ere, Zand,” came the shout of one of the few female crew members as she paced slowly towards the hatch to the interior, “wanna help with repairing this sail? Might need it if we run inta rough weathers. Could use an' 'and”

“Not today Jess, I have something else to attend to” she stated with a small smile.

“Still downstairs eh?”

“Perhaps it will change today” she responded as she slipped down and made her way to the place she knew Fallon was holed up.

It was a short enough journey though as usual she was forced to steady herself here and there against the walls to stop from barrelling over. The sea was quiet for now though to her mind rocking back and forth was hardly a quiet thing. Apparently she had decent sea legs for a city dweller, whatever that meant. The observation seemed to make the crew snigger slightly so she had not pressed the issue, leaving them to their traditional gentle mocking of her 'kind'. She found the door, for want of a better term, but paused. She could here Fallon talking...no...begging? Praying? She had not heard such an earnestly desperate tone for some time at any rate. She didn't interrupt, it was private and she had no right to intervene with such a communion though she very much wished to. Knuckles ground into the woodwork slightly as she smoothed her mended blouse down and waited. Then the words failed and she took a deep breath before slipping into the room. It was a mess still, had been for some time and she began to lick the various items up to neaten them.

“You failed no one you know,” she stated simply as she bent down with a faint groan to retrieve the armour and weaponry first, “least of all us. We got out safely and that's worth something. I don;t think the others will forget how hard you fought, how they would be dead now if not. We may go our own ways when we reach Zeltiva but that..that they will remember” she continued as she stored Fallon's gear in the corner as tidily as was possible upon a moving ship.

“As for wisdom, well everyone could use a little more. Divine intervention would feel nice about now I reckon. Make me feel a bit special at least. You know, ever since we spoke of gods that time...you remember that time...I have asked myself every now and then how they work. I think they work through what we do. The choices we make” she kept her tone gentle, coercive perhaps.

“We, both of us, made a hard choice. To try to do the impossible. I'd not feel shame at not succeeding. It hurts I know, but that's where we learn. The past year I fancy we've learnt more about ourselves than we knew before. I know I have at least” she grunted towards the end as she settled herself down, the majority of the mess now tidied, and rested her back against the wall opposite the other woman.

“Now, I'm no goddess. But perhaps you could talk to me? Please?” she tilted her head to look under Fallon's mane, trying to get a lock upon the eyes as one of her hands rested across her chest and applied a small amount of pressure to the stitches, it helped relieve the dull ache.

[Fallon]

Nothing, there was nothing now. No response, no answer back, there was little more that that ripping abyss of silence and a simple void. At least until reality once more rammed itself in with the rocking vessel, of water bashing against the hull, and the gentle whimper of noise humming up her throat. She did not lift her hands from her face, sending the world into little more than that temporary inky blackness, that balm against the world. But, it did not last. As always it wore off, and left once more the stinging sensation within. But it was not long before the slither of distraction came once more. She heard the entrance, the steps of another moving with her temporary room. Cracking open an eye, she peered between her fingers, watching Zandelia shift and move, her form bending down to tidy up the trip hazards she had left laying about. She did not have to do that, Fallon reasoned somewhere in the back of her mind - but she did not stop her anyway. Instead she let her own observing silence fill the space between when the woman spoke.

"How long where you listening for?" she whispered, that slithered edge of pain within her voice, her fingers snapping back together and her eye closing, "Standing out there. Lurking... I..." Fallon fell silent once more. It was pointless to speak, nothing would be gained from using words now. Besides, she was still speaking. Offering those little slips of information with her simple statements. Was it care in the voice or was it just pity? Did she actually worry about it, or was she no longer something to be worried about now that their dream was little more than shattered and ruined. She would not blame her, it was the dream that drew them together in the first place - so why should they continue now? Least, that was what the internal poison spoke to her. Fallon's head gave another press against the hull - the small clunk as she peeled away her hands. But it was her eyes for the moment that remained shut, she could not bring herself to look yet. The words however came once more, the hanging question needing to be asked, "What about you... are you going to go your own way too when we land in Zeltiva?"

That gentle tone, her ears twitched as she tried to listen past the words that were being offered to her. An attempt to calm? Or lead into a false sense of security? A trap? Her jaw was set into a line, tightening, the bare hands trembling briefly before at last she resented the clenched fists and let go. Arms collapsed where they fell, and she answered still with those whispered tones, "That Gods aren't handymen. I remember. " She exhaled, her mind flickering once more. She could feel the sticking upon her fingers, the thick sensation of blood and death, that suffocating and tightening of the chest. There was only the dead, only the instinct of a killer and a body that knew nothing else - how far she had strayed from the path of learning, and for what? Pointless, mindless violence, "You implying the gods wanted us to fail at the impossible? That they wanted us to do this and scum to... madness."

Fallon shook her head, her entire face creasing up. Her lip trembled, the attempt for some self control all but crumbling beneath, leaving exposed her weakness and fears as she struggled to build up a wall once more. She could not let herself break, not in front of Zandelia at least - she had enough to worry about, things to consider and care for. Her shoulders hunched in, a few forced deep breaths as she grasped at composure, "Learned. Always learning. Always making mistakes and learning from them. Stupid..." Hard, difficult, suffocating, she could hear the woman ease herself down, her mind rebelling and attempting to almost disassociate itself with her - but failing when the heart gave a lurch and tightened in its own pain.

It was with a final inhale that she cracked open her eyes, red rimmed and laced with an almost maddening fight for control, before she tried to place a shoddy mask between them both, "Very well. You... my attention. Talk to you? What about?" That orb was looking at her again, searching, judging, looking for a clue in her defences - the paranoia was beginning to rise, "Something... important?"

[Zandelia]

There was nothing but a deep sadness within as she gazed upon the other woman from her new found perch, a sense that there was a hole within her now, deep and filled with what could become bitterness over time. It wrenched her that Fallon had been brought to this stage, that she had not been able to protect her from it and assure her successes. She had no words that would smooth it over, that would fill in the cracks she could see appearing in the other. She had spent long enough sharing her life now to see that Fallon was at the brink of...something. It was as if she were getting ready to give up. On everything perhaps. Such an attitude had never surfaced before, not ever. There had been ups and downs but always there had been that sense that together there was something to smile about.

Or perhaps even that is under threat now...surely not? She wouldn't... were the thoughts that slipped through her mind as Fallon's responses trickled through her fingers, eyes still shut and pressed tight.

It was lucky she wasn't looking at her, Zandelia's face flinched visibly at the unstated accusations, the words might as well have been acidic and hissed at her for the amount of latent venom they might have injected. Her fears were doubled, that even getting them out of Sunberth alive had not saved their unity. She bit her lip and blinked back the beginnings of a tear or two...or more. Pinching the bridge of her nose to hide it she felt it rapidly replaced with anger, the anger built from foundations of love – it could be the more dangerous for it she knew and as such drew several deep breaths to control herself. It wouldn't have done to rant now, not now. Later perhaps. Fallon was fragile already, what would happen if she let the inner dams burst? She had her own bitterness and self-loathing to contend with. She wouldn't inflict that upon the other. Her voice when it did manage to get itself out was still harder than she had intended.

“I do not know what I will do in Zeltiva, I have never been there. I told you that before. I will walk the same path that you will. If you would still have me. And don't you dare to try to convince me otherwise. I take my promises seriously to those that matter” she looked at her then, emerald eye glinting in challenge before sniffing and looking away into the corner, there to look upon the items tidied and hide her anger as best she could.

It wasn't as if the thought hadn't crossed her mind, that they might go their separate ways. She just hadn't voiced such thoughts, had instead held onto the hope that the one person who had been there from beginning might be there till the end, even if there had been gaps along the way. She couldn't force things to happen, for feelings to remain the same. It hurt that she couldn't, but that was life. She pushed such thoughts away to concentrate instead upon the other things that had been said. There was already enough mess that she aught not add to the heap. Instead she wondered if she could tidy Fallon's mind up as she had tidied her things upon the floor. Difficult but then she had to try, she was hers after all. She twisted the words in her mind for the right philosophical slant, ignoring the darker fears and emotions.

“The most important Fallon, to me at least. I just wanted to talk with you, to make sure you were okay. Or if not okay then if there was anything I could do to help,” she began softly, slowly, “you barely come out of this room. You don't talk as much as you did and you smile even less. I'm not an idiot. I just...I thought that I might sit with you...keep you company at least” she sighed.

“And no, I didn't mean to imply that they wanted us to suffer. Only that they don't think like we do. They nudge us but they can't control us. This everyone knows. Perhaps it just was not meant to be. They could have tried to help us scores of times. How many times were we in trouble and just the two of us against their blades? Perhaps we are alive because of their help. The brutality was men, not the gods. It's Sunberth. We knew it was a long chance to change it. We tried, it decided it doesn't want to be changed. Many have tried before us and many will try after. There is no sense to putting yourself through Hai because you can't force people to be better” she glanced at Fallon then, trying to gage her, if her words had any effect whatsoever.

“I was only out long enough to hear your...prayer. I do not..lurk. Not to you. I don't feel the need to. I just felt it was your time, that you should have the right to pray alone if you wish,” she shrugged slightly and groaned as a flash of fire accompanied the motion, “I would appreciate it if you gave me enough credit on that score. I didn't come to talk about gods and philosophies. Though it seems as good a subject as any other. I came to see you, pure and simple. Try and get that smile again...maybe”

“So,” she drew the word out, “what can I do?”

[Fallon]

Fallon's voice was caught in her throat. Whilst the words were there strung between, the meaning rich and heavy in every sense of the word. She was not a fool to realise that, the almost wince of pain within the voice, that tremble almost of fear. Was it of being discovered or was it because of the poisonous, angry feeling that it brought within. Emotions forced into turning and the feelings ripped from her forcibly. The face however continued its contortions, plucking and pulling, marring on what was really going on beneath the skin. Still, it was the silent observation, the look of the challenge, the way the face was set to attempt some self control to the pain - both physical and emotional.

Objection writhed within Fallon, that lurch to what was going on before her. Had she been selfish in locking herself away from the world and trying to avoid people where possible? Her lips pulled, breathing out a thin sliver of white to the slowed, soft words of her partner, the weighted guilt resting solely upon her and plaguing the mind. He fault, it was her fault Zandelia felt like this. She should have at least tried to put on a mask, a face to hide behind - but now it had come to this. Skin prickled, that bubble of self loathing beginning to spread throughout. Object it, change it, fight against it - it was all she could do now despite all the shredding within.

"I just..." she finally spoke, sound cracking and throat constricting. She could not look properly, gaze watering as it dance about the form of the other, the gaze shifting as the words came forth - truthful, but doing little to soften the blow. Still there was force, a stuttering whisper as she spoke as clearly as she could muster, "Don't know anymore..." Self control was needed, how desperately she craved it now as the battle itself raged within once more. Act or do nothing, be stagnant or invoke change, rip the situation to threads and embrace the other. A rivalry of the self that struggled to find and maintain some level ground, a foundation. Something that seemed far from possible right then.

There was no comment on the work of the gods, she had nothing more to share upon the subject, and her mind was too confused for such idle, fancied thoughts. Man was brutal, vicious and set in their ways for far too long - it was in hindsight and impossible task for her to try and achieve, one that garnered no hope the more she looked upon it in reflection. Pointless, her head lowered, her form deflating as the realisation throbbed around her once more - she had failed at bringing change to a city that was so desperately in need of it. Another voice spoke up in her mind then, whispering so sweetly - but who was she to dictate change? She had no right to do so, that was not within her power. And then, a third voice spoke within, calmer and more comforting - her gaze lifted and looked upon Zandelia then, eyes glistening and a bitter resignation having taken to her face - and with it, her voice gave a tremble once more.

"It was... a marvellous story while it lasted," she spoke slowly, form shifting slowly and taking a mind of its own, "A wonderful tale that can be shared as we lived through it and survived. Somehow. It is the story that lived in us," Stiffened limbs were forced into action, her form inching ever closer across the small space to the other woman, voice a whisper as her thoughts fell forth, gentle and echoing, "Everyone has a story in them. Everyone has a tale to tell. Maybe it is not a long one, maybe it isn't a saga to span across the ages. But it exists there in each and every one of us, and to us as individuals it is important. It is our story, our tale, and one that weaves to and fro with the lives of others," She paused then at Zandelia's feet, her eyes looking sheepishly at her from beneath her brow, looking and checking almost, "Other stories, other adventures, to form not just a single verse, but a grand tapestry of life. Sure, there are times where we deviate away from others, we find our own path to travel down, but sometimes we have to extend that hand out to each other, to rejoin and become one with that grand tale once more."

A sharp inhale, it was tentatively that she began to reach forward leaning in and across, finger tips trembling as she came in closer between the legs. She inhaled, chewing at her lip as she continued, "Maybe the tale is hard going, maybe it leaves us hurt and wounded, cut and torn, shredded inside and out. For some people, our weave is then snipped short, left to fray and patter out." Her hand lowered then looking down to where the injury of her loved was, before gently she brushed that was there away, a gentle stroke around it before she simply placed her own hand over it. The other hand sought stability upon the floor and held her there in her leaning, " Others, those wounds heal. Never perfectly, always leaving that longing reminder etched within out skin, our hearts and our souls. It shows we have not given up with our tale, that we will never forget, and that we have experienced the world, taking the gamble and the cost that comes with it," A weak smile, an attempt to put on a brave face for her, "For that is the nature of Scars, both inside and out. And..."

Fallon could not find the words, her mouth opening as she failed upon herself in that factor, her eyes staring directly, pleading and searching in the other for something. Her leaning hand peeled away and was raised to cup her partner's face, the rest of her leaning in. A brush of lips, her eyes screwed up as she withdrew and bumped her forehead against the other's, "Please... don't... don't ever leave me. I can't... I don't think I could take another loss. Please. Let me be yours, don't leave me... don't leave me alone."

[Zandelia]

She watched and listened to the words as Fallon wove them, starting off depressive perhaps but sliding gradually towards something more positive – even with a sliver of horizon between the lines. If nothing else there was no longer the appearance of the outright defeated. It was not much perhaps and she knew it may not last a lengthy period of time yet it was worth something more than their shared dream, void as it now was. It was a precious glimpse of recovery though she knew it would be a long one. Both of them had suffered defeat and such things were difficult to clamber over mentally if not physically. Their bodies would heal but spirit would be a trickier mountain to move across. She could suppress a small chuckle at the first statement though and it hurt her enough to groan after.


“You think anyone knows? You, my dear, are foolish indeed, but I love you for it. No one knows we just...do. Try to find a way forwards. It doesn't always have to work. We are human after all, prone to faults and so on I believe it is said?” she stated with a slight grin.


It was a strange time for appreciation yet that was what she was doing, watching Fallon make her way slowly over to her own position. Different from the physical, though that was certainly there in the background. No, it was an appreciation of the heart within the other woman. The resilience and spirit, it was visible to her though it should not have been. It throbbed through Fallon, pulsing in its ebbs and flows. Stronger some days, weaker on days such as the one they shared now. So different from that little girl from years gone past. Fallon thought that she was weak at times but she didn't see that it was Fallon – not Zandelia – that had got them through most of their trials. Or that was how Zandelia saw it.


“Pretty words, you always were the better at them. I can talk up a storm if I wish but you talk poetry” she responded to the words, they were moving and touched something within.


In their own way it was romantic, the image of them sharing a long tale to be told. In time when they were gone it might be told by others they met along the way. Those who stayed for a time, those who left after a brief breath if time. She herself had conversed with a Protohuman with the blessing of Tanroa – much as it had seemed a chore at the time. Now she could see it in a differing light, it was tale she knew of another. Had briefly shared across time itself. She could tell it to others and thus their shared weave would become enriched. She had not noticed but as Fallon came closest, resting her hand and brow upon her own, there was a small streak of moistness tricking upon her cheek.


She really thought that I would leave. Is that why she was so dispondent? Or am I just making my part larger than it is? Do I care if I am? she closed her eye briefly and knew that she did not.


“You thought I would leave you?” she managed to get out with a slight choke, “why? Because Sunberth is a petcher? Oh...oh you...you...woman. I'm fickle but not that fickle. I chose to stand with, be with you, not because of a goal but because you are you” she pulled the woman closer and into a sitting embrace.


“You don't have to worry about being alone. I don't care what gets thrown at us. You were there at the beginning...okay almost the beginning...and if I have my way you'll be there at the end. Whenever and whichever end that might be. You are mine, I am yours. And we are in the hold of a ship. Romantic, eh? My little wolf” she laughed then, a rich and deep laugh as she tousled the other's hair.


“If that's what's been bothering you then let it be. Instead enjoy what we have purchased, safety and a new beginning. In Zeltiva no less. You'll have to give me a tour, no?” she asked.

[Fallon]

Fallon stayed where she was, silent as she felt the moisture upon the woman's face, her thumb and fingers moving to attempt to rub it away. She could feel it, the warmth, the care, that fluttering light and cord that seemed to hum between. Their connection, their song and story. Her lip gave a tremble, feeling the hot exhaled breath, the subtle trembles of the skin as both tried to hold back those emotions, looking for control and an answer to her beg. Her nose gave a brush, a deep inhale as she held herself there and released that whisper once more, "I did once tell you I was a fool..." Her form shifted, moving as she pulled herself in closer. Arms lowered to wrap around the frame, but the head remained where it was. "I... I am your fool though. Faults, love and all."

To not own, but to have, it was a desperately craved reassurance - they were each others, they would share the trials and hold hands through the troubled times. Each one was a brace to the other, that grounding rock and pull through the storms and trials. She could not describe it beyond that, it was a want that ran deep and her only thoughts was to embrace it completely, dragging only the woman inwards. Fingers tightened slightly, a brief spasm to the choked question that was offered there

Fallon finally spoke, ashamed that such a thought had passed her at all, "Yes... I did. Yes... because Sunberth is a petcher, and I just..." she shook her head, pulling herself slightly away as she tried to gather her thoughts, but instead only found herself being reeled back in, "I've lost everything else... and it would just be..." she choked, unable to continue just then. Her head slipped down to rest upon the shoulder, a deep inhale of those familiar scents that trembled into her, "I was scared, and I can't... I thought..." She silenced herself. She had thought wrong, there was nothing more to it really. A mistake made over worry and fear - unnecessarily so. It would have just been like fate however to strike down at that particular moment and drive them both apart.

No, it was more than reassuring, it was a confirmation of their shared moments, of their trials and tribulations had not been for naught. And whilst there was still pain, that sting from what had been and fear of what was to come, it was slowly being pushed down by the sensations and laughter of her partner. Shifting once more, it was slowly that she came to the woman's side, arm wrapping round and pulling her in close and across - refusing at first to let go, her head gently nuzzling back in. Teeth gave the smallest nip at the comment of being a little wolf, a moment of play and an agreement. She whispered back into the woman's ear, "I am not little, my sunshine."

She sat there for the moment, enjoying the sensation, sleeve gently being pulled to dab away at the woman's cheek whilst she herself looked for her own control to the relief of the words. While it struck true it did not mean that all of it would be destroyed with just words. Time and patience would be needed, and an effort to keep on going regardless, find that willpower and direct herself once more. No, for the moment she just wanted this, a healing bandage for the soul, "New beginning, new... new... I'll try. I think... Uncle may be better on that one. It has been a few years since I last was there... probably changed. But if that's what you want."

She pulled the woman in closer then, refusing to let go, brow creasing and cheeks puffing in defiance. Her voice was still a whisper, soft and barely rising up whenever she spoke, "How do you want to start again? Just us two? No one else?" Feeling out the questions as she spoke them, Fallon continued, "No more gangs. Just you and me. I'd... like that. I... Romantic?" she paused then, catching herself as she blinked, looking firstly at Zandelia, and then around the rest of the cabin, "Really? Here?" her cheeks gave a blush, "I... I... if you think so. Can't anywhere be as long as there is a memory of it being so?"

[Zandelia]

“You've lost less than you think wolf, we both have. We lost Sunberth true enough but there are other places,” she stated fondly, “places that are already civilized and won't try to kill us for being us. Well...unless we give them a reason. It hurts now, I know I feel it too. But living is a start, I like my breathing privileges” she finished with a small smile.


She tried to count the number of times that they had faced danger to the point of almost stepping off the brink and into the abyss of inevitability as she enjoyed the closeness, the many times that Fallon had saved her with little thought to the cost. They had mostly been physical dangers, this was mental. Loss of a dream, of a purpose, was something deeply cutting that could kill just as surely as a blade in the chest. She was not sure she was qualified to help shepherd them through such a storm but she was certainly going to try. Delicacy was not a strong suit for her when it came to emotional matters. If she had a mark to interrogate she was golden but with one she loved, whom she couldn't bring herself to force, she was uncertain. She didn't like being uncertain.


“Not little you say? I believe it is the prerogative of the elderly to call everyone little,” she chuckled and shifted slightly into a more comfortable leaning position, “I choose this moment to become slightly older than I feel”


The dabbing of her cheek to dryness reminded her that she was in need of care as much as Fallon was. She was perhaps more capable of hiding it, of pushing it down and out of her mind for longer periods of time than her partner but she was still human. She had not allowed herself much time to just sit and feel, to contemplate, but faced with the question of just how they should take their first steps forwards in a new life elsewhere she knew that there was no better time. She closed her eye and breathed deeply, letting the walls dissolve slowly and asking herself just what was it that she wanted. Another subject that she was both hesitant and uncertain on and caused a momentary frown to cross her brow. Perhaps it wasn't about having a purpose for the time being? She had lived with such a drive for so long now she thought it was a requirement, yet she was starting to wonder if perhaps just sitting and relaxing with joy was worthwhile for a time.


“If I went with Uncle then I'd miss out on the view, let alone the fact he likely wants to find his friends and get drunk with them for as long as possible. Share stories and so on. I don't care that you might not have visited for years, we can discover the new things together. Give us something to do that's nice and relaxing” she stated as she kept thinking upon what she wanted to do.


“As for how to begin again...I honestly don't know. I could hire myself out for gold for us, keep us afloat and more with the intelligence skills I have. As for something solid...nothing. I suppose there will be politics in Zeltiva, lawful cities are often less lawful than they pretend. I could find a patron, start over and perhaps help people in a different way. There is always another way”


“Truthfully though, I hadn't much considered it. Wasn't sure we'd even make it this far what with our grand exit. It will take some time to consider. Though I do intend to take at least a few days off to recuperate. If that's okay with you? Why, what are you thinking of doing?” she asked, feeling out Fallon's mind slowly.

[Fallon]

Fallon watched the walls slowly lower, crumble down with that deep inhale. There was a flicker of worry, her hand now gently resting upon her lover's cheek, her gaze looking at the smallest flickers as she tried to almost feel her own way across the emotions that were beginning to lay bare. The other arm simply wrapped and pulled in closer, looking to reassure as the other felt her way across the words and looked to explain herself. She gave a mumble, a brief tap of the thumb against the small smile, "Breathing is good. I like you having breathing privileges too." She withdrew it then, "And being alive. Things would be... darker otherwise."

Her eyes darted away then, blinking away a momentary build up of moisture, catching the frown within her gaze. It was the hand that lifted and raised as if to smooth it out with action, her voice occasionally sounding as she listened patiently to Zandelia's thinking words, "Miss the view? There are many views in Zeltiva, it all depends where you stand in the city. From East Street to the Ancient Quarter, it twists and turns from poor to rich, built all so close together, the buildings tall in comparison to Sunberth. Land is precious, the food more so, but alcohol, that is abundant I seem to remember... hazily." She could already feel the premonition of a hangover creeping up on her, "Kelp beer is their local, it's an acquired taste. You might not like it."

"Hire yourself?" Fallon blinked, trying to remember all the time from years ago and what information she could offer Zandelia to assist in reaching this new, potential goals, "I remember Zeltiva being in parts, or areas. Rich and poor. The University, the Guild, the Council man, I can't remember the others though. Relaxing... that sounds good," her eyes turned then, attentive once more the woman beside her, "I'd... like to take you out one day. As partners should, all romantic. Along the bay maybe, you and me. Like couples do," her cheeks took on a small hue of pink then, "I mean, don't have to. Only if you wa- Yes! Probably, finding a patron would be good. Helping. Helping is good. If you can get through their Zeltivan pride."

It was her fingers that drummed out a beat upon the woman's shoulder, the low, warm hum rumbling up from her throat, "It's okay, if you don't have anything to consider. Yes, very grand exit. You were..." Her form stiffened when the scene of carnage and mindless death filled her vision. Fingers tensed, her gazed fixed forward as she inhaled deeply. It burned, too brightly, too real, the scents and sensations consuming and dragging herself back down. Her jaw locked, nostrils flaring as it dug in deeply, refusing to give. A long chime of silence, the expression growing slack until at last she shook herself free from it. Zandelia had asked a question, what exactly she had missed. Her expression was blank, at first, caught off guard as she tried to remember the last few words that were said. A counter question? What was the likely option?

"Yes. Yes, that's fine with me," she slowly answered, quiet still as she felt her own way across the verbal ice, "Time off. Yes. Very good. See many things. Or stay inside. Whatever the preference... am I allowed to...?" She paused, head cocking to one side, "Myself? It's Zeltiva. The university. Study. Learn. Be a poor student... Maybe open the business once more. And other things. Important other things... us time. Much us time. And plans." She shrugged then, "No more fighting though. No more. Too tired for that. Too much." She peered at Zandelia from underneath her brow then, "But yes. Easy and important things. Spoil you for a few days. Celebrate one or two things. Ask important questions." She was beginning to nod defiantly towards the end, lips pursing together almost into a pout, "Do stupid stuff. Like hand holding. And more public... us. No more masks. No more hiding." She looked at the woman sheepishly then, "Yes?"

[Zandelia]

“Zeltivan pride can't match my stubbornness I'm sure, everyone has a weakness. Something they will be willing to broker over. Just a matter of finding it. And I will have plenty of time to watch and wait” she responded slowly, she had felt the tensing of muscles beneath her at the mention of their escape.


Despite the desire to do so she levered herself up and back against the wall so that she could get a good look at the woman. She had never truly blanched at such violent scenes before, it was distressing she did so now. If anything such matters should be far away and fearless to her. The fact they were not was a sign of something, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. She opted to switch places, this time pulling Fallon across, delicately so as to avoid her stitches, and toy with her mane of hair idly. She was finding things harder, it seemed right she was the one given the pillow. She was always trying to be strong, she had to learn that she didn't always have to be. She smiled down at her fondly.


“You're turn to rest, and forgive and forget the past. Zeltiva, Zeltiva, nice views you say? I did not mean the buildings but if it's anything like Nyka or Ravok I'm sure it's far more charming than Sunberth. I wonder if that means I'm a traitor to my heritage?” she mused aloud idly.


“And none of this poor talk, you're far better than you realize,” she reached down and laced their fingers together, “though this walk down the bay and talk of public sounds very nice indeed. What else can we do I wonder? We've already done the merry sitting in a chair one one of our laps. We've danced and hugged too. Might need to reach higher no?” she affected a mildly teasing tone.


She cast her gaze about the cabin, for want of a better word, and considered what a life of simple pleasures would be like. It was an attractive thought to be sure. It was adorable too how Fallon wanted to show their bond before others more overtly now. It had been playing upon both of their minds she was sure, the fact that they had tried to keep it secret. It seemed foolish now, far away from the blood and death and eyes. They needn't have bothered either given that it seemed everyone had known anyway. Still, Zeltiva would be different. On the horizon there were stronger concerns, urges that had tickled at the back of her mind for some time. Perhaps it would be the city that would see such things realized. It would need to be done right though.


“I'd like it though, it seems time the world knew up front what you are to me. As for being a student, if that is your wish I will help where I can. I have never been the scholar but I have...strange...ways of seeing things sometimes. At the very least I could make sure you have a nice meal to come back to. Rationed food or not. Nyka was the same there, I will survive have no fear”


“Alcohol though...I think I will take a break from that for a while. I have heard of Kelp beer though, met a man once. Ricky his name was. He mentioned it in passing. Perhaps I will try a cup, to show willing of integration to the Zeltivans. Can't live there and not try to belong after all. Perhaps we can help the poor too, it seems a worthy thing without having anything else at the moment” she shrugged then as fingers of her free hand continued to play with her locks.


“Spoiling me you say? Aren't you a treasure. Here I was thinking you needed to be spoilt. Perhaps we can spoil each other. I know it's been hard for you. Just know you needn't stand alone and that you can talk to me about anything. I still remember my promises. For now though, rest. I can be your pillow and you can relax and let it all go. I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably get into trouble eventually with the rich and powerful. But for now, for now I just want to sit here. With you”


“If you're lucky you'll get the best prize of all. But that would be telling now” she brought the hand up and kissed it gently before returning it back down.