Winter to Spring (Khara)

by **Zhol** on March 16th, 2015, 2:36 am

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Zhol's feet were rooted to the floor, but he wouldn't have moved an inch even if he had been able. Khara's slow approach, the view her new clothes provided, the look in her eyes, the touch of her hand against him; he was frozen in place, not afraid of her or what was happening, but rather afraid that even a breath might shatter the dream he found himself part of.

At first he was sure he misunderstood; that this was some quirk of Khara's command of Common, or some confusion between her culture and his. But then, why should it be? The Inarta saw everything differently after all, acts such as this especially. Why shouldn't she want this? Why shouldn't she want him? Why shouldn't she keep teasing open his buttons, peel off every last piece of his clothing, and run those fingertips everywhere that Zhol desired to feel them?

You know why, his mind admonished, flooding him with guilt and anger and memories, enough to disrupt the attraction that paralysed him to the floor; enough to clear a fraction of his mind so that he could begin to think things through.

His hands gently reached for hers, not pulling them away, not discouraging her actions, but holding them softly in place, a pause and reprieve long enough to force Khara to look at his eyes. Questions welled up inside him, ones that weren't sure how to be asked. Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you are ready? Is this just because of what I asked? Would this be happening if I hadn't asked you to stay? Should I stop you? Will it hurt you if I try?

"I love you," he said softly, settling on one single sentiment that he hoped would convey it all. "But we don't have to do this if you aren't ready."

by **Khara** on March 16th, 2015, 4:16 am

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A breath was taken, a moment to let the pause settle and to let his question, his offer of waiting, to fully be appreciated and weighed. They didn't have to do this. Khara realized suddenly how it must have seemed to him; an offer to move fully into Zhol's room being reciprocated with her offering him something physical. That wasn't how it was though. There was no way Zhol could have known that she had been planning this step for days, how she had to actually prepare for certain aspects well ahead of time, how she had to sit and really question if it was what she wanted or she was simply pressuring herself. Khara still wasn't sure she had a definite answer to the last bit, but one thing was for certain...

"I want this," she reiterated, hoping her voice sounded as certain and reassuring as she wanted. Khara allowed her eyes to linger on his for a few moments longer before her hands resumed the slow unbuttoning of Zhol's shirt and her lips met his again in another kiss.

From there she was lost to sensation, to wants and urges. Her hands found the skin of his chest, her lips remained with his in a series of kisses that were held for as long as possible before breath for a step back towards the bed insisted they part. She could hear little else aside from their quickened breath and the constant pounding of her heart that seemed like it would overtake all other senses. Then another kiss would happen and it would become the single thing she was aware of, each gentle yet passionate meeting seeming more intense than the last.

It only paused for a moment as their movements were halted by Zhol sitting down on the bed. For one short tick, Khara wasn't entirely sure how to proceed, where to go next, what was expected; then instinct took over and she slowly followed, knees pressing to the blankets on either side of Zhol's hips before she let herself settle in his lap. The moment apart had been unbearable and instantly they were entwined again, hands seeking out each other, lips once more meeting in breathless moments that seemed to drown out all time.

As it continued, though, Khara became more and more aware of a slight tremble that had begun to work it's way up into her fingers, of how each move forward came more hesitantly than the last and finally she was forced to stop. Her forehead came to rest against Zhol's, her hands nervously fidgeting with the hair at the back of his head and against the skin of his neck. Her breath was still quick, but there was something else, passion depriving her of air but her body rebelling and causing each to be clipped before it should have been. This wasn't right. She felt excited, certainly, but there was something else, a growing sensation of panic that was pressing forward and made the next kiss she placed to his lips far more hesitant than Khara felt it had any right to be.

The trembling continued, somehow working it's treacherous ways into her shoulders and all she could think of to do to distract from it was kiss Zhol again and again. Eventually her lungs demanded she stop again, each breath struggled for and grasped for rapidly. No, no, no...

"I love you," she whispered, almost pleadingly as if she could convince her body to behave itself as much as assure Zhol she didn't want to stop.

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

by **Zhol** on March 16th, 2015, 4:30 am

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"Hey."

Zhol's voice was gentle, softly insistent, not worried or concerned or questioning, but warm instead, understanding, happy even. "Hey," he said again, a hand brushing around the frame of Khara's face, lingering against her jawline to gently ease her eyes to aim in the direction of his. He waited patiently for them to open, a smile spreading across his face as they did. There was nothing negative in his expression at all, nothing that seemed disappointed or put out; the only shadow of anything unusual was the faintest flicker of relief.

"It's okay," he assured, his voice soothing, the gentle caresses of her cheek by his fingers a concerted effort to try and instil some sort of calm in her. He brought his lips towards her, but avoided her mouth entirely, the delicate kiss instead planted upon the tip of her nose. "We aren't ready yet, and that's okay."

He let his forehead rest against hers, a slow shift of his head nuzzling his nose gently against the side of hers. "I know you love me. You don't need to prove it, and we don't need to do anything for me to feel it. As long as I have you in my arms, I already have my heart's every desire."

by **Khara** on March 16th, 2015, 5:18 am

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Khara had expected disappointment, had dreaded seeing her own sense of defeat reflected in those brilliant green orbs she loved so much. Opening her own to meet Zhol's took more effort that she ever thought was possible. The smile that met her though spread all the way into his gaze and instantly Khara felt her heart stop; if possible she fell in love with him all over again.

She forced herself to take a deep calming breath as soon as she heard the word okay leave him and leaned in to the gentle touch of his hand on her cheek. Her eyes closed again only for an instant as he placed the soft kiss on her nose, her lips slowly forming their own smile despite the continued shaking of her hands behind him.

"Are you sure?" There was a pitiful tone behind the softly chirped question that Khara couldn't quite help. He had told her he could understand when she spoke Nari and she suddenly could bring herself to try and muddle words through in Common. Zhol may not completely have understood every word she was going to say, but stumbling over the less familiar language would threaten to strip away the meaning behind them and she couldn't bear to think that he could misinterpret her. "I just... I wanted this night to be something to remember. I... I hate that I can't. Y-you shouldn't have to suffer for my own shortcomings. It shouldn't matter, not after all this time, not after with everything else you do that I never thought I'd be able to enjoy but I do. It isn't fair. You deserve so much better."

Her eyes met his again as she leaned away from him in the slightest, just enough so that she could fully see him; see every nuance behind every expression and reaction. Khara felt herself began to tense once more as a new thought came to her. She had been so worried about her own wants and hesitations she hadn't once thought -

"Y-You want to, though. Right?" A new wave of panic swept through her. "I...I haven't made you do anything you haven't wanted to, have I?"

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

by **Zhol** on March 16th, 2015, 5:47 am

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Perhaps Zhol gave the question more thought than it needed. His heart screamed for him to instantly reply with an emphatic yes, but his mind hesitated. It wasn't as simple as yes or no. He did want her, and given half a chance and her permission he would eagerly tear off her clothes and hope that somewhere along the way instinct would kick in and teach him how to make love to her. But that was only half of it. He wanted the sensation mirrored, reflected, shared equally between them. He knew that his body wanted him to do certain things with certain parts of him to certain parts of her; but his heart wasn't interested in that, all it cared about was the sensation, the emotion, the love part of making love. But he already loved her, and she already loved him. It was a feeling that was already so intense that being exceeded was surly impossible. That kind of intimacy was supposed to be a tier above, the next stage beyond what they had now; but what they had was already perfect, and there was no need to rush into trying to make it more.

"I want it, but -"

His hand caressed her cheek again, his mind searching itself for the right words, but as he gazed into her eyes he found exactly what he was looking for, exactly the meaning he wished to convey, staring back out at him. "I already have your heart," he said, his voice soft and gentle. "I already have your love. I already have the sound of your voice, and of your laughter; the sight of that smile that I know is meant only for me."

His own smile broadened, his words becoming brighter, more eager. "I already have you in my arms every night when I sleep, and I still have you there when I awake the next morning. I already have your kisses. I already have the feel of your fingers between mine, or against my skin. I already have -" He brought the hand that had been brushing her cheek to his lips, a gentle kiss placed against the ribbon that Khara had tied there. "- the knowledge that I am the safe place that you come home to."

His hand reached back to her, gently cradling the back of her hair, easing her forward so he could rest a delicate kiss against her forehead. " I am not waiting, Khara, not for anything. What I have already is more precious than anything else in the entire world. As long as I have you, I do not need a single thing else."

A hesitant pause followed, Khara's nervous question looming in his mind. "But do I want to?"

Slowly he brought his lips to hers, not an intense or passionate kiss, but quite the opposite, a fleeting, brushing contact that none the less conveyed his feelings between them like lightning, his love and desire and affection and lust and every other possible permutation of such sensations wrapping around his chest like a vice. His voice was barely a whisper when at last it managed to escape. "When you are ready, and when the time is right, making love to you would make me happier than any man has ever been."

by **Khara** on March 16th, 2015, 6:16 am

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There was a sigh of relief that came first, the tension that had been lingering in her shoulders finally letting go as he spoke. It was the rest of the reaction that she wasn't expecting as Zhol continued, each word striking a chord within her, burying deep into her heart that she felt like she might either break apart or melt or -

The first tear that escaped was felt immediately as it streaked down her cheek. It took a few blinks for her to realize her eyes had glassed over as they had earlier, she wasn't sad though, not at all. Nor nervous or any of the other emotions she had been experiencing only a moment before. She'd never felt happier or more comforted, more sure of the truth that Zhol meant in every word.

"When we're ready," Khara softly corrected, using the way Zhol had phrased it when he had first told her everything was okay. The shaking in her hands had finally stopped and they slowly slid from where they had lingered against the back of his head down his neck before settling at his shoulders.

"I love you," she whispered softly and sincerely as possible. There wasn't a single thing she could think to say that was more true.

"I will always love you." Khara repeated before she brought her lips softly to meet Zhol's, the kiss slow and gentle as she willed every bit of what she had said to be conveyed through it.

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

by **Zhol** on March 16th, 2015, 3:21 pm

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Why Khara had chosen tonight to try he didn't know, but her discomfort aside, he was glad her attempt had failed: not because he didn't want to be with her, but because he wanted moments like this more. In Endrykas, he had grown up knowing that one day he would be expected to find not just one woman to love, but many; the prospect had daunted and terrified him. He hadn't ever wanted the several wives and the pavilion overflowing with children; all that had mattered, all that he'd ever wanted, was to find one person to love and be loved by, with the entirety of both those hearts. It was a question people asked often: if you could go back, to a time when you were younger, what would you say to yourself? What advice would you give? As Zhol's lips met with hers, he knew the only answer to that he would ever need to give.

Don't give up. Her name is Khara, and she's waiting for you in Wind Reach.

"Always is a long time," Zhol whispered back, so much reluctance at forcing his lips to part with hers, even for the brief moment necessary to speak.

His fingers brushed delicately across her cheek. His words hadn't been just words; they were sincere and true. Every aspect of her, every perfect and imperfect detail, they all accumulated to comprise the most precious thing to him in all the world. He could easily, happily, eagerly spend an eternity studying each one; a lifetime lingering on the taste of each kiss, another on the smoothness of her skin, several spent sailing on and drowning in the impossible depths that awaited behind each of her eyes. She was, and always would be, the entirety of his affection, the one, true, and only custodian of his heart.

Words were not enough for such things though; he leaned forward to return her kiss, trying to make each sentiment pass between them in a single breath, a single tender caress of their lips against each other.

He lingered too long, his neglected lungs refilled in a contented gasp. "But not long enough. It will take more forevers than there are for me to run out of love for you."

by **Khara** on March 17th, 2015, 1:59 am

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Her forehead softly came to rest against his again, the last tiny shreds of unease finally drifting away and Khara was left with only a small content smile that didn't want to seem to leave; not that she wanted it ever to. As much as she felt they could remain as they were for the rest of eternity and she would be content, a small concession felt like it was needed. Some further step of affection or intimacy that would show just how much Zhol mattered to her and to prove to herself that Khara wasn't as broken as she feared she was. Were they ready for what she had originally planned for the last few bells before Syna rose? Maybe not. But that didn't stop her wanting to let Zhol know she wanted to continue to do new things, that he was worth every attempt to her. Even if it ended this same way each and every time for seasons to come, Khara needed for them both to know that it wasn't because she felt she had to, but that she wanted nothing more than to be closer to him in every way possible.

Another tender kiss was softly placed, first against his cheek, then another found his lips and Khara felt she would be entirely lost to the sensation all over again. The kiss slowly ended as her hands slipped away from him. With brushing contact still lingering between them she spoke, each word gently made against him. "I- I know I don't have to do this..."

As her voice trailed off and before Zhol could question her intentions her hands moved behind her and took hold of one of the strands that kept the delicate vinati she wore tied in place. Even as her fingers undid the simple knot she had made earlier in the evening her eyes remained focused on his. He needed to see the lack of fear, the fact she wasn't upset or the least bit unwilling. The pressure she had placed upon herself to go far beyond what she was actually prepared to do was gone and all that was left was a quiet determination. Her movements were slow as the thin ties were undone. "The first time, a year ago, I thought I had to. Now though? I know you wouldn't force me, not even by accident. And... and I want to."

Slowly the satin fabric was pulled away from her body and let drop to the side. No sooner were her hands free than they returned to the space between them, fingertips gently pressing against the skin of Zhol's chest as Khara kissed him once more.

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

by **Zhol** on March 17th, 2015, 2:15 am

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A slow moment passed before realisation dawned; what could she possibly want to do that would deprive him of her lips? With them both unready for what Khara had originally planned for the evening, what else was there to do but kiss, embrace, and gaze longingly into each other's eyes the way that his heart ached to do.

Then understanding cascaded into him, and his breath snared in his chest. When Khara had made her intentions known, emotions had swept him away, his mind too fixated on every button that she slowly undid, unable to think of anything else but what each contact of her hands was doing, too consumed to even speculate on where this might lead. But now? Now, her hesitation had halted those singular thoughts, and given his mind the space to collect itself; and now it began to race off on it's own in all directions. The anxious anticipation that it brought with it was all consuming.

As ever, the moral compulsion to look away, to avert his gaze, to respect Khara's modesty gripped him; but this time there was permission of a sort, Khara's wants on the matter made plain. Should he look? Should he not? Should he -

As the fabric slid away from her chest, all hope of coherent thought faded. First in this room a year ago; then in the baths a little more than a season ago; it was nothing he had not seen before, and yet somehow it was. His lungs emptied, any protests he might have had to what she intended lost, driven away by the feel of her fingers against his chest, her lips against his. His hands, which moments before hand lingered between them, fled out of the path of Khara's body, loitering with no idea of where they should come to rest.

"I- I- " was all he managed to stammer, utterly lost for words in any language.

by **Khara** on March 17th, 2015, 3:10 am

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"It's okay," she reassured, the sentiment echoed with another kiss that started delicate but gradually grew in intensity. When her lips parted from his, she was left breathless but more assured in what she had done. It felt strangely peaceful somehow, to know she was perfectly fine with being in such a state as him. The only worry now was the reluctance that Zhol still seemed to have. "You can look if you want. I want you to... If you want to."

For a moment she let the sentiment linger before continuing, her voice timid but more out of concern for what he was thinking than her own actions. "Zhol, I- I don't want so many things between us. When we're near each other all I want is to be closer to you, to feel more of you against me. I-I know that sounds..." Khara paused as he tried to think of the word. Silly? Strange? Completely naive and sentimental to a level that would make him roll his eyes at her? No, not the last one but, "Foolish, maybe. But it's true."

Her eyes searched his for signs he was understanding her, that there wasn't any lingering confusion. It was hard to explain, after all, and if things were getting lost in words she wasn't entirely saying right...

Her fingertips softly moved from his chest to his shoulders before her arms slid behind him, her eyes meeting his once more. ""I just wish for our souls to be able to be a tiny bit closer to each other, if that makes sense? If that's okay?"

Lips met in another soft kiss as she gently slid forward, the kiss only pausing as a slight gasp left her as her chest met his but was quickly resumed, still kept as slow and careful as she dared everything else to be.

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

Closed Winter to Spring (Khara)