Abashai sighed heavily. The conversation had taken a turn he had not expected, stumbled across subjects of ideology, culture and psyche that had seemed to polarized the trio rather than unite them.
The half-benshiran could obviously see the tension between the bondmates. He gave Liriel credit. Liriel detected the emotions and attempted to bridge the apparent rift. She was insightful, like Nya, was able to think beyond herself.
It was not unprecedented, as in any relationship, for the pair to have disagreements. Nya and Abashai were very different people. Those differences usually complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses, but on ocassion, their strong wills collided.
He saw the frustration, bordering on anger, as Nya ftossed the rest of her food into the fire. For an instant he thought the half-eaten meat and vegetables were aimed at him. But he knew if the Forest Cat wanted to hit him with the food, she would not miss.
Abashai knew what stung his bondmate was more than her frustration at what she saw as more of the humans' confusing and seemingly senseless rules. He knew Nya strained at the myriad of subtle etiquette, traditions and unspoken expectations that create the tangled and complex web of human interaction. In fact, the more Abashai saw things through the kelvic's eyes, the harder he found it to defend the behavior of humans. Tonight's conversation was a case in point. But the proud man would not admit it in front of the stranger and Nya, it only drove him to defend it more fiercely.. .perhaps to convince himself.
No, he knew the real sting he delivered came as a personal attack. Abashai's hard, self-righteous words had taken his dearest friend with no culture of her own, far from her home and family, living among people she was only beginning to understand, and pushed her away. He had told her she was without the ability to understand. Abashai had treated her like a child.
Heartbroken, the man cursed his pride, grieved at the hurt he had caused to his bondmate. The two of them had come a long way in understanding each other since they met early last season. Abashai wondered how much of that understanding he had damaged tonight. Her words spoke not only of frustration with humans, but of the insignificance her bondmate had placed upon her.
Abashai suddenly wanted to run to her, scoop her up and flee to their cave, away from the city and people. Where it would be just Nya and he and Sus and the trees and rocks and their nights by the fire with music and stories and laughing. As tempting as that sounded, he knew they could not run. Nya had to learn to interact with humans, understand them because they were everywhere. The bondmates too, had an unspoken purpose, he believed, to minister to the wandering souls entering the city. That is why he agreed to join the Cultural Council, that is why Nya befriended Liriel.
He wanted to talk to Nya, to mend the wounds he inflicted, but they had a guest with some issues of her own. A bright guest that, at the moment, seemed to be working her issues out better than the Kelvic and Benshiran were solving their own.
Abashai sat back down in his chair, glancing at Nya long enough to see she was not going to return his gaze. Turning his eyes back to Liriel, he mustered a smile. "It is true Liriel, you and I are no longer in the desert. We have a freedom that is both bitter and sweet. Bitter because we are far from what was our home, from what we know, what is familiar and comfortable. Sweet because we are no longer bound to the harsh land that dictates how our peoples must live." Abashai looked down into Nya's resolute face, the dancing flames reflected in the smouldering green eyes, firmly fixed on the fire. "We are all far from what was once our home." His gaze again fell to the constrasting deep black eyes of the young desert woman. They reminded him of deep wells, hiding their contents in shadows. "But perhaps you are right. We are more than Chaktawe or Benshiran....or Kelvic. Here we are free to take the best of those parts of us, shed what hinders us. We do need others, but our people become those we choose to surround us."
Abashai felt an epiphany unveiling. He could be benshiran and not benshiran too. He had a 'people'. Foremost Nya. Their friends, like Matilda ( he called her the shining konti) and Glav. Liriel could very well become one of his people too.