Closed [Hammer and Nails] The Scary Man with the Nice Hat

[Reisen Widerspruch]

Reisen could only sigh at what he dragged himself into as he finished bathing one of the horses. And set aside the tools for the job inside near a wash basin with other such tools so that they’d be sterilized and cleaned. One of the cloths used to clean said horse however would be thrown away on account it would worthless to reuse and just go up in flame.

After that bit of loveliness, he went outside in search for the dangerous duo. It didn’t take long to find them seeing as the whispers of some the customers and their frequent gazes pretty much laid a giant pointing sign to where they last were. Reisen had hoped they wouldn’t show up, but he let out a sigh as he approached the duo who stood against the wall like some bad Sunberth stereotype with their horses.

To his surprise, from what he could see of kon’s horse it looked like it was at least moderately taken care of. The one with the bad third eye tattoo however was a travesty , his horse was even worse and judging by peculiar sounds was not gonna be a pleasant customer..

He gave them no greetings yet as his gazes still lingered on the horses. … it was probable he’d have to give them a full check, particularly the gaseous horse. He might even have to stick a hand up the ass of one of them, or rather Colin might….

His eyes then wandered to the duo. His eyes lingered on them for a bit, not out of malice though one couldn’t be faulted for thinking so, but rather out of wonder if the two of them are of proper hygiene themselves. Their health might as well affect the horses two if they aren’t careful.

“Alright, bring your horses inside the stable, got a couple of stalls to use while I check them out. And while this might be annoying, I have to stress you spook none of the horses inside. A stressed out horse is not a healthy horse, that and a I really don’t want to have to see one panic and began harming themselves” He tilted his head in a polite way to indicate that they follow.

“And mind your steps, don’t want horse shyke on your boots”

[Konrad Venger]

"We'll do that."

"Aye, too bloody right we will..."

Something like a chuckle slithered out of Konrad's mouth as they led the horses into the smelly confines of the stables. Ah, he knew there was a reason he kept Three Eyes around, other than an extra pair of blades and, if all else failed, a body to throw on the blades of others. Every now and then, he made the sellsword laugh.

Which wasn't to say he didn't follow Reisen's advice... and gods above, there was a lot of the shyke.

They passed rank after rank of horses they regarded them with those cool, calm equine eyes. The beasts had always been just that to Konrad: beasts, another source of labor or food, if it came to it. He'd dined on horse more than once. Sometimes it was all a gutter rat could manage; a few half-rotted sides of horse flesh from behind the knacker's yard back home. But now he had one, he understood why people felt such affection for them.

Big buggers have got personality. Feelings. Some are right bastards, some or gentle as lambs. He looked to his own and a pair of lidded brown eyes regarded him with curiosity. Still haven't made me mind up about this one.

Once they were in their own stalls, Konrad retired himself to a convenient stretch of wooden wall where their smell and sight wouldn't bother the other horses. He watched Reisen get to work and prodded Three Eyes with his elbow.

"Eyes on 'im," he whispered. "Might learn somethin'."

"'bout takin' care a' horses?"

Konrad smiled. It wasn't pleasant. "Not just that, Eyes." He waited a few chimes as Reisen found his rhythm and spoke louder. "Never got yer name, by the way. Figured y'must've heard some a mine, y'know... when we first met."

If Reisen turned and gave him the sullen, vaguely-challenged look he was expecting, all he'd get would be a broader smile and the sight of Konrad rooting around in his pocket for his pipe.

"Wouldn't bother with that, mate," he'd say airily, pipe found, search mounted for his baccy pouch instead. "Had nastier bastards that youse gimme the Evil Eye. Jus' havin' a chat. Ain't that what people do?"

It only occurred to Konrad after that when a man was working was probably not when he wanted to chat and have his attention diverted, but even then, all that would garner was a shrug.

So? I'm paying the bastard...

[Reisen Widerspruch]

It was tempting, really tempting to see if he could walk by one of the rears of the kicker horses and see if they’d kick the duo for him. Big men or not, a horse kick would kill at most and cause injury at the least. There is no gentle kicks with a horse as far as Reisen knew, one nasty kick was all it would take. But Reisen had no knowledge of how to do train a horse to do that and quite frankly he wasn’t sure if he did…. He wasn’t caring for warhorses after all, he was caring for horses that were to be ridden for travel and for labor.

When they entered the stalls, Reis immediately went for the bucket with the tools and another bucket with water and looked at the horses. They’d appreciate a good bath he was sure and this Stall was left for bathing horses. Prior to their arrival he’d already set a number of buckets ready to bath the two, imagining it was about time to give them one.

Horses didn’t really require baths most of the time, quite frankly too much baths can in fact cause a risk for them. It was acceptable to wash them a few times a year but no more. Before he really started however, he approached the horses and gave them gentle whispers before kneeling down and checking their hooves.

They needed a good shoe replacement, especially since one of them lost one…and their hooves needed to be leveled, or clipped. “The name is Reisen Widerspruch and if you want to chat, chat. This looks to be a while… I’m sure you lot have been brushing the horses and feeding them every day, but there are some things you really need to take note off”

He lifted the leg of the horse belonging to the one with the bad third eyes tattoo and pointed to the hoof “The shoe is worn, that ain’t good for the horse. Another thing is that the hoof nails is growing and with the shoe still there then it will likely stress the leg and stress the horse, obviously you don’t want that to happen” he told his unappealing audience “For this you’ll have to come back in a few days since we’ll be fitting the horses then when the Radacke come down, otherwise you could go back to the smithys to see if they can fit you new shoes.”

He lowered the legs and then examined the coats of the horse “Could also use a bit of a trim, nothing important about that unless you want them to look good. Always nice to baby the horses now and then” he said with a grin as he ruffled the mane.

Then he looked at Three eyes horse and remembered the nasty smell “On an a related note, if one of you is giving the horse more than they need to eat per day or giving them too much treats… stop, just stop” He sighed wearing as he ran a hand through its mane “you might as well be making it fat and giving it intestinal problems. That isn’t good, as you can probably smell, the Magistrate might as well fine you for polluting the air“ He muttered.

He then moved to check their teeth and eyes, seeing if there was anything wrong there. Satisfied that it didn’t seem so, he moved to the bucket with his tools and grabbed a brush and began giving Kon’s horse a brushing and would then move on to Three-Eyes’.

Throughout all this, he was in the zone as it were. Much like whatever the duo consider their area of focus Reisen was in his, this did not however prevent him from talking.

“Right, considering we should be private enough, is there anything you want to ask of me or shall we talk about why one of the is releasing gasses that smells worse than the whole stable combined?”

[Konrad Venger]

'Widerspruch'? Shyke, no wonder he's perpetually pissed off...

Konrad kept his trap shut as Reisen gave them more than just his ungainly name. He was still and silent with his arms crossed, merely nodding now and then as he absorbed what the man was saying. He found it easier to dice it up into chunks, sections, times, body parts.

Brushing and feeding every day. Yeah, that's the obvious bit. Feet, hooves... every couple of days? Make it every week, unless we've been out. Not made of bloody mizas.

He frowned when the suggestion for a trim was mentioned, looking over Horse and deciding point-blank that he was fine-looking beast and didn't need no stupid trimming. He was just about to voice it when Reisen spoiled his damn horse and the treacherous bugger went and snuffled happily.

"Think he looks fine."

"Too bloody right, Eyes."

Then the mention of overfeeding, being overweight and over-stuffing the atmosphere with gaseous abominations was mentioned and the two men got quiet... until Three Eyes turned and saw Konrad scowling down at him.

"... what?! Just a few apples every day! Algernon's earned 'em, deserves to be treated a little!"

"Make it every other day, then. He gets to fat to ride properly and stinks up the place, we won't be usin' him to help track anyone, will we?"

Three Eyes didn't have a comeback for that, of course. They were city boys, always had been, but more and more they knew their duties would take them into the swamp, the fields, the Sea of Grass beyond them. Hunting, tracking, sneaking and slaving... all things that required you to mask yourself, and anything that might give you away.

Such as a horse that smell's like Rysol's cock after an hour in a fire made of burning trash.

"Aye... aye, true enough."

Konrad turned as the stable boy (which is what he is, title-wise) spoke his last piece to the pair of them, and remembered why he had a small corner of himself that liked the little shite. He'd seen Konrad and Eyes at their worst, their bloodiest, and not two bells before he'd been at the man's mercy, but gods be damned if he was going to let fear rule him.

Konrad didn't know whether to admire or pity that. Part of him was silently awed that he had such courage... a larger, more experienced part knew that one day, it would kill him, and mayhap he'd be the one holding the blade.

"Just if yeh want to make some extra coin onna' side," he said with a nonchalant tone in his voice, closed hand sliding out of his pocket and shaking up and down... with a plethora of jangling coins inside it. "Seems like yeh've got a brain in yer head an' yeh know how t'swung steel... at least a little. Youse keep yer eyes open, yer ears open, yeh hear things youse think a man workin' for the Dynasties might wanna hear..."

He shrugged, all the possibilities and listening out for secrets and lies his words suggested played out in that single gesture. Then his hand opened... and ten fat gold mizas tumbled into Reisen's-

-bucket of water. Konrad winked. "Gotta go through shyke to get the gold, lad. Way o' the world. Eyes? He's doin' yours, too. Pay the man."

"Ah, fer shite's sake..."

Three Eyes waddled forwards and did as he was told, though. His horse was getting the brunt of Reisen's attention, after all, and like Konrad he'd received a fat payday from the Brotherhood of Chains for guarding their slave caravan all the way from Sunberth to Kenash. He dropped his own handful into the bucket and only afterwards did Konrad frown, run the last chime back and almost squawk-

"Wait... "Algernon"?!"

Receipt20gm to PC Reisen Widerspruch for his time, work and maybe a little wheel-greasing...

[Reisen Widerspruch]

Reisen resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Three-eyes, a feat made remarkably easier by the fact that his eyes twitched at the man’s admittance of feeding him too many apples daily. While he did agree a horse did need to be rewarded for its good work, there is a limit to how much before he spoils it and puts its bloody health at risk.

His arms crossed, his left brow then quirked in surprise at the man’s sort of compliments and the admittance he could find Reis useful as an informant of sorts. However, he felt unsurprised that the man admitted to working for the Dynasts, giving fair chance to the idea that what he saw back at the swamps involved the Dynasts in some way. Now which particular dynasts was a thing of curiosity but despite his nature Reis knew better than to pray…. Knowing his luck things are bound to screw that over in any case.

Back to the current situation however, while Reis didn’t realize it, it made sense for Kon to try his sale’s pitch on Reis to act as an informant of sorts. The Stable was a busy place with many customers throughout the day, people who thought the place too busy for others to hear and notice might not be aware of someone keeping an ear out for such things. That and Reis’ peculiar habits did lend him to walking on to awkward situations from which knowledge could be gleamed.

While he doubted what use he could be, he couldn’t deny that an extra revenue source would make the eventual departure from Kenash a tad easier. If anything, he could keep an ear out for the more nefarious aspects and Rujaro and considering the city’s greedy nature there should be no issue with that.

Then, for whatever condescending reason, Kon decided to drop his payment as well as what would be considered a bribe into one of the buckets of water. The one he had currently grabbed to use to clean the horses….. then he got Eyes to do it too. He should be angry, but he clamed himself with the thought that with duo's attitude to hygiene it the Mizas might as well need the washing.

“Considering my job here, that is quite the literal metaphor” He considered emptying the bucket, but really there was no point to it other than make the place a wet mess. So with the patience of a laborer he knelt down and reached for the Mizas, moving them around and scooping them into his hand. Once they were out he gave them a good look before placing them into his pocket.

It was at this moment he heard Kon’s disbelief at Eye’s choice of name for his horse. Reisen couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that. “Oh don’t give him the stink, do you know how many ridiculous horse names I hear in this stable daily? Believe you me, your friend’s choice of names is positively normal” and as if just to emphasize the point. Reisen began to list off a series of ridiculous names while he picked up a brush the begin brushing the horses of some of the grime and dirt clinging onto them prior to begin giving them the actual wash.

“Windracer, Daylight, Kevin, Pearl Eyes, Hoof Kicker, Twilight Sparkle….”

[Konrad Venger]

"Twilight what?!"

"That's just bloody bizarre."

"Aye, but least it's a name," Three Eyes ventured with a rare flash of courage. "You still ain't even named yours yet."

"Yet," Konrad stressed, concentrating on stuffing his pipe rather than admitting the fact that choosing names for dumb animals was hardly his forte. "Just ain't got around to it."

Three Eyes snorted softly but let it lie. Contrary to popular opinion, Konrad did have a sense of humor, but it didn't pay to needle him to much about his faults. He'd seen him skewer men he'd counted as comrades chimes before, and didn't want to add himself to that list. Instead he just waited and watched, nostrils stinging as Konrad lit the bowl of tobacco-

-from the covered lantern in the stable.

Konrad didn't know if Reisen had seen him work his wyrd on the poor bastard staked out in the swamp, but he didn't need to advertise it. Not when he still had so much to perfect when it came to Reimancy. So rather than a tiny swell of Djed and a little flame at the end of his finger, he opened the lantern and angled the flame carefully to torch the tobacco... without spilling any embers onto the hay-strewn floor.... then closed it again.

"No shyke about me not smokin' in 'ere, either," Konrad said with an enigmatic smirk. "I know about fire, mate. Ain't gonna do shyke in here without be sayin' so."

Nice touch. Bullshyke, but nice.

Like his partner, he watched as Reisen worked, and let the warm, rich smoke fill his mouth and sink down into his lungs. Swamp Vision, it was called, bought just days before from a man who knew his herbs and baccy as well as any Sunberth potion-peddler Konrad had ever met. A combination of herbs both mundane and narcotic, Konrad closed his eyes a moment and let the special wyrd that Caiyha blessed some of her plants with work its way into his brain. He breathed deep... held the smoke... then let it drift from his mouth and nostrils in a sweet, grey wave...

He opened them again and every scratch, ever scuff on the wood was plain and stark to him. The stench of dung and the bite of water laced with soap was think in his nostrils. Even sounds were amplified, the calls and braying of men and beasts outside louder than before.

Konrad smiled through the smoke at Reisen as he worked. Mizas, grog, powders, potions... and fine herb. Stick a willing woman on that list and those were the things Konrad had always relied on for entertainment. His free hand caressed the hilt of his sword, and he was reminded of his means for gaining them.

"How long y'think this'll take, mate?" His voice didn't have a slur to it, not yet. He'd been necking and sucking down concoctions since he could afford to buy them; it'd take stronger stuff (or just more of the mediocre) to get Konrad fuzzy with his words or his wits. "Not rushin', y'unnderstan. Jus' curious..."

He sucked at the pipe and the bowl glowed, winking at Reisen as the stable boy went about his business. Konrad kept his eyes on him and pondered what the boy would bring to his ears. What whispers and news that others might not know, might well pay for... and how he could wedge himself into the profit at the end of it.

[Reisen Widerspruch]

He didn't see what he was doing on account of focusing on the brushing, but once the smell of the tobacco hit his nose his head darted to look at the man in disbelief, then shot that look to Eye's with an unspoken question that went 'Is he bloody serious?'

Then there was that bravado that exclaimed he was experienced with flames that there shouldn't be a problem with any accidents. At that Reis gave him the stink and just at every flammable material, hoping the man would follow his gaze to not that such materials surrounded them in all conceivable direction.

"Alright then, far be it from me to criticize a man his habits. Though I reserve the rights to nag if we're all charred to a crisp and we become ghosts" He probably shouldn't have said that as he resumed his focus back on the horses, but he was valid to feel skeptical all things considered. After he was done brushing both horses he replaced the brush and grabbed one of the buckets of water he had ready, pouring it all over Algernon, making sure his coat is nice and wet.

He then grabbed a bar of soap and began to rub the coat with the soup, rincing the horsehair delicatetly till it was all bubbly “Right, what you see me doing is something that, by your choice, can be done a few times a year and only that. The reason I’m doing this is because they got too much dirt and grime to ‘em and that could attract ticks and parasites, whenever you give it a brush each day make sure to remove any tick you find”

And in response to Kon’s question “Should take about 30 chimes to a bell more or less, If this is their first bath of the year than I need be thorough” He then grabbed another bucket and with damp rag approached Algernon’s eyes and nose, cleaning them out as appropriate. Then with a shudder tossed the rag aside in an empty bucket, grabbed a new one, dampened it and began wiping its arse. Reisen may love horses but he had limits on what was comfortable. After that he also cleaned the undersides beneath the tale.

He then tossed that rag with the other and let out another shudder as he went to grab a new one “Right….before I go further, I’m assuming both your horses are male, right?”

Now for what reason would he ask that?

[Konrad Venger]

There weren't many things that could tangle the tongues of a pair of killers like Konrad and Three Eyes. They'd seen and done so many horrible things that they'd forgotten most of them, and the fresh ones barely registered anymore. But Reisen's last question was not, as they say, in their job description, and for long ticks, the two of them just... stared.

"Well... I mean, we... at least, I haven't-"

"Er, well," Three Eyes tried and failed to take up his partner's slack, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I've been behind Konrad when he was riding and... I mean, when you think y'see something... swinging-"

"Oh, petch's sake, Eyes?!"

"Oh, so youse don't know, either?"

"I... I didn't say that!"

A quick look at Reisen's face and the smirk stretching his cheeks to breaking point gave Konrad a little peek outside his skin and told him just how petching ridiculous they must look. Even the sweet slumber of the laced baccy wasn't helping, and gods, he was sure his cheeks were hot.

Ruro's balls, that hasn't happened since I was sodding sixteen.

"Aye," he said finally, puffing on his pipe like a baby would its pacifier and injecting a tone that dared Reisen to push this any further. "They both have... I mean, they're males. Stallions're... whadayacallem... geldings."

Three Eyes winced out of instinctive gender support for any poor sod that had it's balls snipped off, regardless of species. Why did they do that, anyway? Probably something to do with them not messing with the females, he would guess. Konrad was focusing more on finishing the last embers of his bowl, sucking until the crackling died, the smoke shriveled to a thin wisp and all he was getting was air and-

PTOOF!

Gods, always tastes like shyke at the end.

"Bloody hell do you need to know for, anyway?" Some terrible and unthinkable thought dawned, and it spread from his mind to Konrad's face. Reisen Widerspruch (petch do you even spell that?) saw something very close to fear, mingled with disgust, cross Konrad's face. "Oi... we haven't gotta wash their... y'know... that...?"

[Reisen Widerspruch]

Reisen couldn’t help but smirk at the whole ordeal, in part disbelief and heavy amusement at the situation at hand. After all, how could one expect two blokes who’ve perhaps done more harm than good to both the scum and the innocents of the world flounder at the simple question of their own horses gender? It was a down right riot act for sure.

Of course, after a bit Kon regained a bit of composer to at least bubble out an answer. The answer being that the horses were geldings. He unconsciously winced at that, being a gelding wasn’t a rare thing for stallions. The reason for doing so was often to eliminate a low quality breed of horse to mate with a better quality but also to make them behaved and quieter. Basically, they can’t get amorous anymore.

Then came the look of realization on Kon’s face, that irrational look of fear and disgust that crossed his mind after he asked the reason for wanting to know the horses gender. His smirk already plastered on his face helped him resisted making a remark on that. A look of sympathy in his eyes may also helped a bit because unless you were used to it then the situation was entirely awkward.

“Not exactly but may as well be, we’re cleaning the sheath. The bit where the horses wiener is contained. Like bathing the horse itself it’s only an occasional bit, a couple of times a year at the least. Anyway, the reason we clean it is because the sheath can accumulate a sort of gunk, dead skin and the like to be more accurate. Sometimes this gung can erm, block the passage and make it hard for the horses to take a piss among other things. There’s also other health bits but you don’t need to all that, just the general picture.”

He then lowered down and then pointed at the sack that was the sheath “Since the stallion’s here are geldings, this means they gather the gunk faster for… um….obvious reasons. And yes, the process is awkard for all involved, especially for the horses. So what I need you lot doing is grab the horses lead straps since there likely aren’t used to others handling their um….gear as it were” Whether they did so or not was their choice of course “ It also helps if you whisper some comforting words and pet their mane”

As he reached for yet another clean rag and went for a fresh bucket of warm water he said “By the way, if you lot ever deign to clean the horse yourself, always have warm water. Not cold, not hot, just warm enough that you could put your hands in without complaint, it’s the horses’ health on the line if you ain’t careful about that”

Realizing he forgot something, he stood up and grabbed a syringe, a few extra rags and some sort of cleaning oil from his tool bucket, then dropped the tip in the water and sucking it in. Returning to Algernon, he lowered down and looked at the baggy sheath ‘Ugh, this is going to be hell’ He said as he sprayed the water on the horse’s sheath gently, then with the patience and awkwardness of a priest he reached inside the sack to grab the wiener by the gland and gently and patiently pulled, through gritted teeth “There are no words needed to be said as to why I’m being so petching gentle and patient” Algernon, he was sure, would perhaps feel a bit disgruntled and he could only hope Eyes is speaking soft words to the horses ear. If Algernon was outright disgruntled he’d have to be patient before trying again.

Either way, he needed the wiener out if he were to do this properly and nothing was gonna stop him from doing so as he began to apply the oil in the necessary regions, grimacing at how uncomfortable this. After a while and many rags, plus a repeat process, he was finally done with the awkward process and gave the duo a deadpan look as he furiously washed his heads with wet rag.

“Right, its done. It was weird, it was embarrassing and we’ll probably erase it from our minds until next time, perhaps sooner than later for me than you lucky sods, but it is done.”

[Konrad Venger]

Konrad couldn't quite hear what Three Eyes was whispering to... Algernon, but he'd not heard that tone from him in quite a few years. Well, maybe those couple of times he'd heard him court whores, turning on what shallow smidgen of charm he had. It wasn't... soft, per se, but it was without the usual, sloshing contempt he had for others. There was some affection there for something other than his own skin, and gods help them, the horse seemed to be reacting well.

"Oi, Kon?" Three Eyes said with the smile of a proud papa, jerking his head towards Reisen's gingerly-working hands. "Lookit' that, eh? My horse, hung like a-"

"Horse?"

"Er... well, I mean-"

"Petch's sake, Eyes, just keep doin' what yer doin' and don' ask me to stare at yer horse's cock."

“Right, its done. It was weird, it was embarrassing and we’ll probably erase it from our minds until next time, perhaps sooner than later for me than you lucky sods, but it is done.”

Whatever other bulbous, red-tipped horrors Algernon had hiding under his folds, Konrad was lucky enough not to see them that day. He was carefully emptying his pipe into an already-filthy bucket of water when Reisen spoke, washing his hands and rattling off the last bits of advice he had for them. Konrad took one look at his own horse - gods, I need to get a name for him - and decided one cock-washing was all he could take that day.

"I'll bring 'im round next week," he said as he pocketed his pipe and took Horse by the reins, Three Eyes already leading his own, sparkling-clean mount towards the exit. "And if you hear anything, need to speak t'me, leave a message at the Terraces. One way or 'tother, I'll get it."

The tall man touched the brim of his hat, a mirror of the same gesture Reisen had seen him make four nights before, splattered in blood and standing among the corpses, when he'd decided to spare his life. Konrad looked him up and down once more and there was a snort followed by a smile that was halfway to a grimace.

"Lucky sods". Aye. Boy has balls. Hope his brains can match 'em.

"See youse around..." he said, turning around and waiting until he was walking away before finishing. "... Reisen Widerspruch."

A name was a name, and easily changed, even easier to lie about... but Konrad put enough emphasis on every syllable of Reisen's that the old mage's story seemed a little more believable. That knowing the True Name of a soul gave you power over it. No different for killers as mages, Konrad had long-since realized. He knew Reisen's face, his weapon and his wits. Now he knew his voice, his name and his place of work.

He let that reassuring thought sink into the back of his mind as he found himself blinking under Syna's glare again, Three Eyes already in the saddle and waiting. Konrad brought his horse to a stop, shoved one foot in the stirrup and jumped up with one leg, throwing it over the gelding's back.

Now Horse clopped along without any pain or discomfort, and the grizzled Sunberthian patted the big beast's mane.

"Aye, boy did good, din't he?" He leaned closer. "Let's hope he keeps that up."