Solo Embers in Ash

[Jaylani Rae]

Evening of the 91st of Summer 517

The flames burned like all the colors of the rainbow. Jaylani had seen rainbows too, especially here. There was so much water. Syna gave off so much light. The mixed blood was not sure exactly how rainbows worked, but she knew that those two things had to be present. Water and light. This place had both in abundance. Yet, another kind of light that held no water contained the same colors. More even. It had never been like this before. Not in the beginning of her time year, not in the land of her past home. No, this was different. Special. Of course, so much that was special had happened this season. If this was how life in Syka was always going to be.. well, at least one could count on something exciting being around every corner. Life would not ever get boring, that was for sure.

The fire was burning without anything to help it. No kindling had been put in the pit. It had taken no blows of air to get the flames to take. Not even flint and steel had been required. Just a simple thought. The fire-starter had discovered the ability at the beginning of the season by accident. She had been afraid at first, but that fear had not lasted long. She had discovered that this fire burned just as others did. There was nothing special about it aside from what was special about it. The multitude of colors. The lack of need for those things other fires needed. As far as Jaylani knew for sure, she was the only one who had the ability. Yet, she did not know if she believed that to actually be true. How could it be? If she discovered this than others had to have as well. Right?

There was nothing special about the mixed blood. At least, not in the way that made someone extraordinary or stand out. Maybe she was special in another way.. in a way that made her unique, but not the kind of person others looked to in admiration. She was very much so like a child in many ways. She was naive, but she that made her trusting and loyal to most all people. She was a passionate being in the ways she knew how to be. She was a vibrant and lively soul who went into everything with her whole heart. Yet, she was not one to talk much. A lot of what others said escaped her and any social niceties that she should have she likely lacked. She preferred the company of animals to that of humans. Not because she did not like humans, but because she knew, or at least felt, that she was a drag on their patience with her constant questions and constant movement. No one wanted to be friends with someone who was going to drag them into dangerous situations without a thought to their safety.

The mixed blood had met some in the settlement this season. There were more to meet and she wanted to meet them, but did not go rushing towards them. Humans or those like them were.. in a word, scary. They had the ability to judge. To reject. To lie, steal, and cheat. Jaylani did not do those things, she did not know how because no one had ever taught her. She did not even recognize when most of those things were happening to her. Her caretaker had warned her just before she left, however, that those things happened. Jaylani had not thought about it before, not accepted the warning as truth. Not until that dark haired woman with strange eyes on that day when all the gems popped up along the beach tried to grab that pretty blue stone from her hand. The mixed blood had reacted, kept her stone, but she had not trusted that woman so much after. The first, probably, that Jaylani had not willingly trusted upon first interaction.

The mixed blood liked to think of herself as fearless. Completely without fear. She would go racing into the jungle and fight a predator if it meant saving another. Yet, there were things that scared her. She just did not admit those things, not even to herself. People and what they could do, they scared her. Being irrevocably hurt, that scared her. Death.. that was the fear she did not even acknowledge as being a thing. The last time the word had really even come up was when Theo had pressed that brutal blade into her hand earlier in the season to protect herself. Death.. that was what that blade was meant to do to anyone or anything it was plunged into. Not just bring sickness like he had made it sound. She may have been naive, but she was not foolish. Not completely anyway.

Jaylani was sitting in the sand beside her fire pit which had been placed multiple yards down from where her tent was set up. The colorful fire was burning and she was just staring at it. Syna had set and Leth was out. Usually she would have gone to bed by this point, but not tonight. The night was still young and she was reflecting. Besides, she was watching the flames. They were so beautiful. So unhindered by the world around them. The light reflected off the seashells Jaylani had collected and placed around the pit as an edging. The light was practically dancing. Could flame dance? Jaylani decided it could because it already looked like it was.

Knees were drawn up to her chest and arms wrapped around them. Her new little wild kitten was sleeping on her near useless cloak by her side. The past day and a bit had gone well with him. He must have been older than she originally though because he consumed the mushed up fish she gave him easily enough now. He was even getting the hang of drinking water when she prompted him too. Though, his several messes in the tent had brought them outside for most of the day. Jaylani did not mind the clean up so much, but it was still annoying and she did not know a solution. So, outside felt like a good place for them to be. Besides, outside was his habitat. As he grew he would likely want to be outside. He might even leave her.. Jaylani tried not to think about that. She had already grown attached and did not wish for him to grow. For him to have to go back to the jungle.

Jaylani exhaled and reached a hand down towards the spotted cat. He was so beautiful. Maybe even more beautiful than the colorful flames of the fire. Jaylani sure liked him more anyway. He was a friend that she did not have. The humans and other races she had met here in Syka thus far had, for the most part, been great to her. She did not know that she called many of them friends though, yet. Maybe Duncan who had taught her some of what she needed to learn in order to swim, but even with him she felt like she was more or less just tolerated. A presence put up with for as long as needed until she left and he could go on with his life. Jaylani was not sure if that was true, but she thought that it might be. What if she was just a burden to all those she had met?

That could not be true in reality. If it was than surely the founders would have asked her to leave. She did give what little she could and she tried not to be that burden she secretly feared that she was. In fact, she strived to not be that person. She strived to be a person who could take care of herself and even potentially help others. Maybe not as Jansen and Kalum helped, but she could help their animals. Slowly, she was getting better at that. Learning more and more each day. The mixed blood stroked her fingertips gently along her wild kitten’s head. Having him now was even a help to her learning. There was no better teacher than experience.

Eyes turned from the kitten back over to the flames that continued to dance. The fire was growing lower and lower, yet it still burned. It would not last longer than the fuel that it burned, though. It was like a normal fire in every way except for in the ways it was not. It still could only burn as long as the life of what was meant to be burned. Then there would be nothing left but embers and ash. Slowly the embers would die as well, then just ash would remain. Grey, dusty ash. Jaylani rested her chin on her knees and stared at the light. Her fingertips traced tiny circles on top of the kitten’s head in between his ears. The wild kitten continued to sleep, content with where he was. He had lost a mother, a sibling, his nest. Yet, despite all he had lost, he had given something. A chance to one who had not known if she could succeed. She still did not know if she could, but as the bells passed she was becoming more and more sure that they would be alright.

Common | 'Thoughts'

Word CountPost Total: 1,572
Overall Total: 43,634

[Jaylani Rae]

Jaylani was not one who thought about her family often. Whomever her mother and father were, they were unknown to her. She knew just one name, Roshia, which belonged to her mother. The mixed blood did not even know what race her mother was. What blood ran through her veins. She did not know that she came from two people who should have loathed each other. Who never should have met, let alone reproduced together. There was a part of the woman that was lost because of her lack of knowing of these things. A piece of her identity had never been put into place, but instead stolen so that a hole was what remained. She was a child taken from the ones who should have raised her. She had become someone that would have made the people of both her parents turn from her. Maybe it was lucky, for her, that neither peoples even knew she existed.

Sometimes, though, like on this night, Jaylani found herself wondering if there was anyone out in the world who wondered about her. Who maybe even potentially missed her. She did not think so. She knew her last caretaker had been likely happy when she left and Malla had died years ago. If her mother still lived, she had given the girl up a long time ago. Jaylani did not think that one who had given away their child could possibly still wonder or care about them so many years later. Why leave the child in the first place? Why had she been left? Jaylani wondered that sometimes. Malla had never told her, said she was too young to know such things. There were other questions she pondered as well. Like, had her father ever been told about her? Malla had never mentioned his name, let alone anything else about him. That alone created doubt. So, the answer had to be no then. No, there was no one out there to wonder about her. No one to miss her. Maybe that was a good thing as well, the mixed blood did not know. Thinking about it, though, made her feel lonely. Like she had no one in this world she lived in.

It never mattered to the girl, really. Not during the day to day routine that she usually kept. She just never thought about it because for the most part it was unimportant. She had always been on her own. So much so that she had convinced herself that that was how she liked things to be. She had told herself so many times that to be with others did not matter to her. To really rely on them was not something she wanted. The words had become true after a time, she had made them true. Too many had shown her that the effort it would take to be there for her was too much for them. Though she was oblivious to it, the way in which she had been raised had scarred her heart. No one looking in from the outside would have likely expected it, but she had turned cold to others. She may have trusted them, sworn her loyalty to them, even embraced them, but somewhere within her she always expected them to leave her.

Perhaps that was the cost of being an orphan. In her first hours of life the one who was suppose to care for her most in this world had put her in the arms of another. That was the first time she had been left. A baby, just a few hours old, as innocent and pure as a life could get was given away just like that. As if she had never matter and therefore never would. Yes, there had been circumstances that Jaylani did not know about. A family up in arms, a husband with hatred in his eyes, a father who was one that never should have been known. A mother who was suppose to kill her, but sent her away instead so that she might live. There had been love in that mother. A deep, burning, unconditional love, and out of it had come the desire to do all that she could to make sure her daughter was taken somewhere far away so that she could have a chance. The mixed blood did not know these things, however. As a baby she had not know them. Now, as an adult, she did not know them. All she knew was that she had not been wanted and as a result, she had been cast aside.

In result, the question in Jaylani’s head had become this: if she had not been wanted then, than how could anyone possibly want her now?

There had been a short time in the mixed blood’s life when she had in fact felt wanted. Two times actually. When she was a child among the Svefra, before she was old enough to understand she was yelled at more than she was talked to, was the first time. Being with Malla had almost been like having a mother. For a small length of time Jaylani had thought the woman her mother, but there had always been differences between them and Malla had always been very clear about not being the girl’s actual mother. She would say, "I am not your mother, but I love you enough that you could be my daughter." Jaylani had thought back then that she knew what love meant, but now she was not so sure. She could not even remember what it had felt like to be under Malla’s care. Had she felt loved? Perhaps. Perhaps not. The mixed blood did not know. She had felt wanted then, though. Wanted and cared about. Whether Malla really had or not, she was the only person Jaylani thought of when she recalled those who might have once actually cared about her.

The other time the mixed blood had felt wanted was when she had been in Riverfall and that male had found her. She had been so unused to attention from anyone before he came along. Though her caretaker would sometimes talk to her, she had always acted like the mixed blood was not worth the trouble. There had been few who actual stopped to talk to the girl when she had been in that city where most of her growing up had happened. Most had just kept going unless they were scolding the girl for something she did. That male though, he had staid for a time and he had talked to her. He had been kind to her and acted like he wanted to spend time with her. Even made plans to come to Syka with her, prepared her for life in the settlement. She had thought that he was actually going stick around. She had even waited for him to come back when he left her. A whole year she had waited. Then she had finally been able to admit to herself that he was never coming back. That was when things sort of came around in full circle. She had been left as a baby and now she had been left as an adult. Circumstances were different each time, but the pain was the same. Whether she realized it or not, that was when her expectations of people decreased. She might call them friend or even family, but she would never again be surprised the day she was left for something better.

Looking down at the wild kitten by her side, Jaylani wondered if he felt the same way. Had he been deeply wounded by his mother’s disappearance? By his sibling’s death? Would he grow up in a way that left him unable to truly attach to anyone? She hoped not. She wanted to be there for him. A presence like his mother. Maybe not to replace her, but to show him that he was going to be alright. She hoped that she would succeed in that, but she also did not know if she could. Did animals even think in such terms? Their minds were different. Not driven by emotions, but by instinct. He would always be a cat in all ways, but not because he wanted to be. Instead because that was what he had been born to be. Jaylani sighed softly to herself and continued to trace tiny circles across the wild kitten’s head. She wondered if she had been born to be anything.

The molten gaze of the mixed blood lifted once more from the kitten’s sleeping form and drifted to the ocean down the beach from her. She watched as the waves came in and washed over the sand. There were birds on the beach, illuminated by Leth’s white light. The tan and white birds were small with slender beaks, and long legs. When the water receded they would rush in and poke those slender beaks into the sand. They moved fast, getting as much as they could before another wave came. When the waves came, they ran back to where the beach was dry and waited until the water went back down. They did it over and over again, constantly searching for food in the wet sand. Jaylani liked to watch them. Not only were the creatures cute, but they never gave up. They kept going back. Kept searching even when the search seemed to be in vain. In a way, they were even brave. They kept going to where the waters would come because that was where they had to go to succeed. There was something to be admired found in that simple, instinctual, action.

Jaylani smiled a bit as she watched the little birds. She did not really see it herself, but in them one could almost find a metaphor for life. When the waters come, take a step back, but do not give up. Go back in when things calm. A treasure might just be found.

Common | 'Thoughts'

Word CountPost Total: 1,663
Overall Total: 48,395

[Jaylani Rae]

Jaylani often had a dream where she was surrounded by a darkness colored dark green. The air in the dream had a certain feel to it, like velvet almost. The smell and taste of that air were always things different from each other. Like it could smell like salt, but taste like sugar at the same time. It never made any sense. The darkness was the kind that reached out to consume and take over. Yet, the mixed blood always moved through it. It was like the darkness made room for her. Like it knew she did not belong, that it could not possess her, so it wanted her out as quickly as possible. The dream always ended roughly the same. A mirror covered in vines at the end of the darkness. What she saw in the mirror always changed. Sometimes it was herself as she was in the awake world, but sometimes it was something else. Sometimes it was a monster or something she interpreted to be a monster. Sometimes it was some meek creature soon to be consumed by something larger. Whatever it was, it never lasted long. In one dream, the first dream, Jaylani had been told by a reflection that was Malla in appearance that she must reach the light to get home. A rainbow of flames had appeared then and had always come in every dream after, either within the mirror or consuming the vines around it. Jaylani would step through the mirror and the dream would be over.

The mixed blood did not know if the dream was just a dream or if it was actually a nightmare. She was never scared when she woke up, but occasionally something within the dream would scare her. Did that make it a nightmare? Did the fact that some parts of it staid the same, but some parts changed matter? She did not know. She did not know if she cared. It was just a dream. Just something to play before her eyes until Syna rose and it was time to get on with her day. Still, she did think about it sometimes. She wondered if it meant anything. Did dreams ever mean anything? She had never been told anything when it came to those things. To her they were just stories to be told. It was curious to her, though, that this dream had been told more than once. In fact, it was the only dream she had had all season. Always the velvety darkness. Always the need for those special flames to wake up. That was strange, was it not? Was it not suppose to be that dreams always changed? They were never to be the same? Jaylani did not know the answers to those questions either.

The mixed blood was not one who often found herself sitting and contemplating all of these things in her life. She was not one who really cared to ponder the mysteries of the universe or untangle the complex web that was her past. What was was. What happened happened. There was nothing she could do in the present to change the past. So there was, in her opinion, nothing to think about. Things were as they were and hopefully they were as they were always meant to be. Fate was tricky though. Jaylani did not know if she believed in it. If there was such a thing as fate than why did the gods give gifts to mortals that could alter fate’s design? It did not make much sense, but then again, not much made much sense to one as uneducated as the mixed blood was.

Jaylani brought her hands up to her head and ran her fingers through her hair. She stopped in the middle of her head and took a moment of pause. She held her head as her brow furrowed in frustration. This night had been a strange one for her. She had been thinking far more than what was usual for her. There were so many unanswered questions that she wished to have answers for. So many opened thoughts that might never find their close. So many thoughts at once, it was like her mind had gone into overdrive. Her head had begun to ache as a result. A low whine escaped from her throat. The pain was something unpleasant and not something she knew how to fix. How did one get rid of all the thoughts that had crowded in unwanted in their mind so that their mind might be go back to being at ease?

The wild kitten stirred from where it slept by Jaylani's side. Her attention was instantly drawn to it. She had to make sure that he was alright, that he had not been upset in any way. He was also so very cute to look at and watch so she did not mind looking over at him. She even dropped her hands from her hair and pushed the tangled mass out of her face so that she might see more clearly. He was stretching right now. His front paws were stretched forward, claws puncturing out before retracting back in. His mouth opened wide, his sharp baby teeth exposed and his sandpaper tongue stuck out while his eyes squeezed shut. The mixed blood smiled as his tongue went back in and his mouth shut. Eyes golden as Syna’s light with slit pupils down the middle stared up at the woman who stared right back.

“Hi there, have good nap?” Jaylani questioned without expecting an answer.

The mixed blood smiled and ruffled the fur of his head. He was not the most affectionate animal, but he was more so now than he had been when she first picked him up. Though, Jaylani had to frequently remind herself that he was not an animal that was meant to really be affectionate. In reality, he was a wild cat. He had not been born as those domesticated cats people kept in their homes. Though, he was cute like one of those cats and he was not very much bigger than a kitten of one of those would be at this age. Jaylani did not know what breed his true breed was, but she suspected some smaller jungle cat. Nothing that was very large. However wild he had been meant to be, though, had been changed when the woman who cared for him now took him into her care. He would never likely be fully wild now and he would never be fully a pet. He would be something in the middle. At least, that was what the mixed blood assumed he would end up as. Assuming, that is, he continued to thrive under her care.

“Yeah, I bet you had good nap,” Jaylani answered her own question with her smile still lingering.

Jaylani’s hand went down from his head to stroke his back. The mixed blood was careful, not wanting to scare him or anger him. She also wanted to get him used to being touched, though. To have him lashing out at anyone, including her, would not do. Especially when he was older. There was a balance that needed to be found, though. She did not wish to completely take him away from his instincts or the jungle that was meant to be his home. The mixed blood was unsure of where that balance was exactly, but she was striving to figure it out. This was all new to her. Perhaps there was one in the settlement who could help her, but she would deal with that later. Right now she was just worrying about keeping him eating and drinking. He needed to gain weight as he was rather bony and his eyes bulged slightly. Part of being on his own for too long. It was likely that much longer on his own and his life would have been ended from either the hunger or how cold he had been. So keeping him alive and healthy, that was first priority. Everything else could come later.

The wild kitten reacted to the mixed blood’s touch by pawing at her hand and trying to bite at it. Jaylani laughed for while his teeth were small and sharp, his bite was not hard. He was not angry it did not seem like, but instead it was like he was just playing and the woman was content to play with him. She kept him over where the cloak she had made his bed out of was though for she did not want him any closer to the fire than they already were. If he touched the flame and got hurt… well, she would never have forgiven herself.

Jaylani sighed softly and stretched her legs out in front of her so that her body could act as a barrier between the kitten and the fire pit. Her fingers rubbed at his tummy as he tried to “attack”, but she just simply giggled and touched the tip of her index finger to his nose. He was adorable, but she did not continue to watch only him. The mixed blood’s gaze drifted over to the fire pit. The flame had been reduced to just embers and ash. The embers still glowed with all those colors, though. Some burned orange like regular fire, but others burned blue and white and green. So very strange this fire was. So very beautiful. Jaylani wondered how long the ability to create would last. How long would she be able to create fire with just a simple thought? She did not suspect very much longer. It was not normal and what was not normal did not normally last unless it was a gift from the gods. Though, who knew really? In Syka everything was new and unknown. Who was to say what was normal and what was not? Perhaps it even was a gift from the gods. Jaylani did not know one way or the other. She decided it was not her place to question. Questions just made her head ache worse anyway. Instead, she decided to just accept things as they were.

So, with that in mind, the mixed blood decided that to start fires that burned in a multitude of colors with only her mind was to be her new normal until such a day came that she could no longer do it. She hoped it lasted forever, though. The flames truly were so very beautiful. It would be a shame for them to never be seen again.

Common | 'Thoughts'

Word CountPost Total: 1,757
Overall Total: 50,152/50,000