[Note by Antipodes] Zerarh

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Zerarh

Postby Zerarh on March 9th, 2019, 11:32 pm

Zerarh


Race : Svefra
Gender : Male
Age : 19
Birthday : Spring, 1, 500
Birth Place : Suvan sea, aboard a Pavilar.
Ship : He sails a Casinor

Appearance :

Zerarh is a large man "6,5" with a quite thin frame, but this doesn't make him a weakling. He has blue eyes with bleached blonde hair styled into thick dreads which are cut rather short. He has a bleached blonde beard which is large and bushy. He has scars all over his chest from sword fights from raids on small trader ships.

Character Concept :

Zerarh is a lone wanderer, he enjoys the solitary atmosphere in the suvan sea. He is a brave man and not scared of taking on a small crew of traders to take all their goods to flip at sunberth to then soon travel away into the ocean just making coin when he can only without a substantial goal ahead of him, other than finding a new pod after a incident that happened in his last pod

History :

He was born into a pod on a Navar of later in his life after the death of his mother he went into a fit of rage and attacked another member of the pod injuring them badly, this prompted the Lia to kick him out of the pod leaving him without a Second name and a actual pod which he is desperate to find.

With this sudden change of being alone Zerarh had no ship, He was left with nothing and was in desperate need of money and a boat. He jumped on a ship that was due to leave with only two people on board, he hid in the cargo hold and waited. In the cover of darkness he attacked them besting them both throwing them over board leaving them for dead. This is the Casinor he still has present day.

Fluent Language : Common Tongue
Basic Language : Fratava
poor language : None

Skills :

Fishing : 10 - Novice
Sailing : 10 - Novice
Sea Navigation : 10 - Novice
Swimming : 10 - Novice
Sea Wilderness Survival :10 - Novice

Lores

Lore of religion : Laviku
Lore of Fishing with a spear.

Possessions

1 Set of Clothing (cloak & footwear included)
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
1 Set of Toiletries (comb, brush, razor, soap)
Food for a week
1 eating knife
Flint & Steel

Housing

A Casinor docked at Sunberth

Ledger

Starting = 100 Gold Mizas - 100 Gold Mizas
Fishing Kit = -10 Gold Mizas - 90 Gold Mizas
Fishing Rod = -1 Gold Miza - 89 Gold Mizas
Last edited by Zerarh on March 11th, 2019, 4:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Formally Zerarh
Zerarh
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Race: Human, Svefra

Zerarh

Postby Antipodes on March 10th, 2019, 8:26 am

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Hello there, it appears you are a bit lost! Please allow me to be your guide.


I'm Antipodes, a CS Liaison here on Miz, and I'm here to help you achieve the coveted green check mark. In order to do so, however, there are some minor changes that I ask you please make.

☉ Ships You mention in your CS that his old pod had a Navar. Please change this to a Palivar. There are no Navars in existence anymore; the lore even mentions that the last one was drydocked/burned following the death of the last Svefran Queen. It is common for most pods to be made up of a collection of Casinors and Palivars.

☉ Concept The current concept you are going with is a dangerous one. The Svefra are not ones to be crossed, let alone by their own. Simply stating he was kicked out is not a severe enough punishment - especially after stealing/killing other Svefra for their ship (as only Svefra may have Casinors). I recommend making changes or else he'd likely be hunted down. Perhaps say he had his own Casinor (inherited his mother's, even). Further emphasis below.

☉ Skill and History/Concept Issues You mention in his concept and history that he has engaged in combat and theft yet your skills do not reflect this. You will need to change one or the other as your skills must back up and reflect the concept and history of your character. No where do you mention him being a fisherman; rather he seems more ruffian and marauder. Please assign appropriate skills to show this.

In addition, you are missing his 10 Racial Bonus points. You may add these in on top of the 50 Starting Points but they must all go into one of these racial skills: Sailing or Swimming. I also ask that you label your Starting Skills as SP and Racial Skills as RB. I strongly suggest making use of the table code if possible.

☉ Lores These are currently fine as is but you may want to change the second if you do overhaul his skills.

☉ Possessions Please add any items purchased to the possessions portion of your CS.

You are also missing an heirloom. This is a free item valued 50gm and under that has some significance to your PC.

☉ Casinor I'm a touch worried about how you've described Zerarh's acquisition of his casinor. Although doable, he would be going completely against Svefran law to obtain such: "A man or woman's ship is the most important thing they own. It is an extension of their soul. To strike at a ship is the same as striking at she or he who owns it."

It's ok if you do plan on making him a rogue Svefra, I just cannot stress enough that you must write the implications of doing so. The culture if a huge part of this race so going against it would have a big effect on the PC and I currently see no hint at this so far.

☉ Gnosis As a Svefra, you are allowed to apply for a starting Oceanus Gnosis. Simply make a polite post in the HD stating how you'd like to start with a Racial Gnosis.

On the other hand, if you do intend to go the route of a counter culture Svefra, you might want to looking into a curse.

☉ Tavan All Svefra get a Tavan, an aquatic animal that they bond with. Your PC may start between Tavans (perhaps his died) or you may include one.

☉ Signature I don't understand the signature you are currently using. Do you intend on him going by a new name? If so, please include this in his CS.

Do let me know via pm once the necessary edits have been made. I welcome you to touch base with me if you have any and all questions about the issues listed above or about the site, in general. My job is to help, after all, and I will do what I can to assist you as best as I am able. Remember, don't get overwhelmed and enjoy! You'll be writing with the rest of us in no time :)
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