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1st of Summer, 521
Madeira and Chiona Dusk, though married, didn't live together. Not really.
The arrangement was never outwardly discussed. They both just fell into it, a comfortable compromise. Chiona still lived and worked at the Dusk Tower, having kept her quarters in the family wing. Madeira still lived and studied at the Infinity Manor, taking care of the dead and the living who called it home. They would stay with each other if the compulsion struck, there was always room in the bed and clothes in the closet if they did. But often they would just smile as they passed each other in the halls of the Tower, hurrying along on their separate lives.
So Chiona didn't look up as the lock of her quarters clicked and swung open on soundless hinges. She smiled down at her desk, wiping the nub of her quill against the ink pot.
"Hello Madeira."
Madeira came up behind her, the tips of her fingers gliding from the back of her neck to around her throat, tipping back the older woman's chin so she could kiss her mouth.
"Hello Chiona."
"It's been awhile. How are you feeling?"
"Like I was beaten half to death by a Myrian. How do you think?"
"Sass won't get you laid", Chiona warned, turning in her seat to regard the woman behind her. It had been two weeks since the attack and the healing efforts had been going well, but the young Spiritist still looked ruined. The bruises had turned from black to a dusty blue, no longer swollen but stretched tight over the bones of a woman that struggles to take care of her body. Most of her right side was made of slings and linen, everything from her collarbone to her fingers having been shattered and put back together.
"Sorry", Madeira smiled apologetically under the gaze. "I'm just tired."
Madeira had never been an easy read, but Chiona suspected that that statement rang truer than she meant it to.
"Sit. I'll help you get undressed."
As Madeira moved herself to the end of the bed Chiona took a night dress out of the closest and placed it down beside her. Then, kneeling in front of the smaller woman, she began threading the buttons of the high-collared dress with dexterous hands while Madeira looked down on her.
Madeira studied the crown of Chiona's head, her thick auburn hair carelessly tied back, exposing the back of her bowed neck. Her dressing gown was gapped around her collar. Madeira slipped her good hand inside, pushing the left side off her shoulder. Chiona, unlike her wife, had no tattoo's and very few scars. But there was a space above her left breast where the blankness of her skin seemed to draw the eye. Madeira covered it with her palm, but the emptiness was still there, pulsing like a second heart under her hand.
"I'm thinking of leaving the Tower", Madeira admitted, the words falling heavy from her lips.
Chiona waited until she is done the long row of buttons before she met Madeira's eyes. Then with careful fingers she opened the dress and helped Madeira's good shoulder out of its cotton casing, and there was something forcibly casual about it.
"If something is wrong, you know you can tell me."
Madeira opened her mouth, but it fell closed before a sound could escape. She tried again.
"I'm not sure you'd understand."
"Try me."
Her first instinct was to lie. But Madeira glanced at that empty space on Chiona's chest again, and something urgent and scared clenched in her gut. She worked moisture into her mouth.
"I've had this... this feeling, all my life, like... like if I relax, I'll fall apart. At this point it's the only way I know how to live. If I stop now, if I relax for even one moment, I'll never find my way back. I'll unspool, fall to pieces, and drift away." She licked her lips, watching as Chiona rolled her sleeve down her arm. "I notice it less when I'm moving. Then its almost bearable. But going on like this...", her hand fluttered through the air, uncertain and vague in a way Madeira almost never was. "It's like I'm just waiting to shatter."
"Alright, you've got me, I don't understand", Chiona's lips twitched as she reached for Madeira's other shoulder. She slipped the dress gently over the broken slope of her bones, but Madeira still grimaced in pain. "You think you're too... complacent as a teacher?"
"My calling was never teaching."
"Then what is it?"
"I want to be a Spiritist again."
"I wasn't aware you ever stopped."
Madeira smiled sadly and shook her head. "It's not the same. I used to be out there, putting souls to rest, helping people. I was good at it. And I believed in what I was doing."
"Doing for Dira, you mean", Chiona motioned to what little of Madeira's right hand she could see, and to the black gnosis intersected by a still healing gash. "Is she the goddess you feel most connected to?"
"No. Maybe. I'm not sure. But she's the only one who has never asked me for more than I was willing to give."
"Wait, how many gods have you met?"
"Too many."
"And they all want something from you?"
Chiona had managed to strip her down to her waist, and silently prompted her to lean forward so she could pull her dress down her hips and off her legs. The dress was all Madeira needed help with, but Chiona stayed where she was, kneeling on the floor, to take her shoes off her feet. Then pulling Madeira's left hand towards her she began to remove her glove and the many bracelets and rings that weighed it down.
Madeira considered her question. When she had first interacted with the gods she hadn't though she was giving anything away at all, or at least nothing of value. She had thought these changes they were inflicting on her only added to her, that these were gifts that were given to her. But she was beginning to understand that that was not the case. She had been giving pieces of herself away this whole time, selling parts of her body and soul for power. And the cost was starting to add up.
"Yes. But Dira was so... She was so clear about what she expected of me. There's nothing grey about her. She's that straight, narrow path of good and evil. Black and white. I miss that clarity."
Chiona nodded, depositing her handful of jewel, bone, copper and stone accessories on a nearby chest of drawers. Getting to her feet, she began pulling at the ties and pins that kept the severe bun on Madeira's head.
"You want to leave the Tower and serve Dira?"
"I've accomplished all I can here."
"Okay." Chiona ran her fingers through Madeira's thin hair, combing it out and fanning it around her shoulders in steady strokes.
"Okay? I saying I'm backing out of the deal that was supposed to bring new power and knowledge to the Craven and Dusk families. And all you can say is 'okay'?"
"Is this what you want?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then okay." Throwing the covers of her bed aside, she tucked Madeira inside and pulled the blankets back over her, cocooning her in warmth.
Madeira blinked, and only then seemed to understand where she was and what was going on. She had been five years old the last time someone had taken care of her like this and tucked her into bed. She might have been embarrassed by the babying, but there was not an ounce of condescension in Chiona's face. The woman was humming as she propped a pillow more comfortably behind her head.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm taking care of my wife. If you feel your calling lies elsewhere, I'll support you. Agreement or not, you're not a prisoner here. I'll help my father run the Tower. You go do what you need to do."
Madeira just laid there for a moment, listening to the resumed humming, stunned into silence. Chiona wanted no guarantees, and had required no coercion. Madeira was breaking a promise sent down from the two most powerful families in Kalea and nothing had happened. It was just Chiona, her hand stroking through her hair, taking care of her wife.
Something swelling and fond, frightening in its intensity, bloomed in the Spiritist.
"You know I love you madly."
Chiona leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Her palm brushed her lashes, prompting her to close her eyes.
"Get some sleep, Madeira."
The arrangement was never outwardly discussed. They both just fell into it, a comfortable compromise. Chiona still lived and worked at the Dusk Tower, having kept her quarters in the family wing. Madeira still lived and studied at the Infinity Manor, taking care of the dead and the living who called it home. They would stay with each other if the compulsion struck, there was always room in the bed and clothes in the closet if they did. But often they would just smile as they passed each other in the halls of the Tower, hurrying along on their separate lives.
So Chiona didn't look up as the lock of her quarters clicked and swung open on soundless hinges. She smiled down at her desk, wiping the nub of her quill against the ink pot.
"Hello Madeira."
Madeira came up behind her, the tips of her fingers gliding from the back of her neck to around her throat, tipping back the older woman's chin so she could kiss her mouth.
"Hello Chiona."
"It's been awhile. How are you feeling?"
"Like I was beaten half to death by a Myrian. How do you think?"
"Sass won't get you laid", Chiona warned, turning in her seat to regard the woman behind her. It had been two weeks since the attack and the healing efforts had been going well, but the young Spiritist still looked ruined. The bruises had turned from black to a dusty blue, no longer swollen but stretched tight over the bones of a woman that struggles to take care of her body. Most of her right side was made of slings and linen, everything from her collarbone to her fingers having been shattered and put back together.
"Sorry", Madeira smiled apologetically under the gaze. "I'm just tired."
Madeira had never been an easy read, but Chiona suspected that that statement rang truer than she meant it to.
"Sit. I'll help you get undressed."
As Madeira moved herself to the end of the bed Chiona took a night dress out of the closest and placed it down beside her. Then, kneeling in front of the smaller woman, she began threading the buttons of the high-collared dress with dexterous hands while Madeira looked down on her.
Madeira studied the crown of Chiona's head, her thick auburn hair carelessly tied back, exposing the back of her bowed neck. Her dressing gown was gapped around her collar. Madeira slipped her good hand inside, pushing the left side off her shoulder. Chiona, unlike her wife, had no tattoo's and very few scars. But there was a space above her left breast where the blankness of her skin seemed to draw the eye. Madeira covered it with her palm, but the emptiness was still there, pulsing like a second heart under her hand.
"I'm thinking of leaving the Tower", Madeira admitted, the words falling heavy from her lips.
Chiona waited until she is done the long row of buttons before she met Madeira's eyes. Then with careful fingers she opened the dress and helped Madeira's good shoulder out of its cotton casing, and there was something forcibly casual about it.
"If something is wrong, you know you can tell me."
Madeira opened her mouth, but it fell closed before a sound could escape. She tried again.
"I'm not sure you'd understand."
"Try me."
Her first instinct was to lie. But Madeira glanced at that empty space on Chiona's chest again, and something urgent and scared clenched in her gut. She worked moisture into her mouth.
"I've had this... this feeling, all my life, like... like if I relax, I'll fall apart. At this point it's the only way I know how to live. If I stop now, if I relax for even one moment, I'll never find my way back. I'll unspool, fall to pieces, and drift away." She licked her lips, watching as Chiona rolled her sleeve down her arm. "I notice it less when I'm moving. Then its almost bearable. But going on like this...", her hand fluttered through the air, uncertain and vague in a way Madeira almost never was. "It's like I'm just waiting to shatter."
"Alright, you've got me, I don't understand", Chiona's lips twitched as she reached for Madeira's other shoulder. She slipped the dress gently over the broken slope of her bones, but Madeira still grimaced in pain. "You think you're too... complacent as a teacher?"
"My calling was never teaching."
"Then what is it?"
"I want to be a Spiritist again."
"I wasn't aware you ever stopped."
Madeira smiled sadly and shook her head. "It's not the same. I used to be out there, putting souls to rest, helping people. I was good at it. And I believed in what I was doing."
"Doing for Dira, you mean", Chiona motioned to what little of Madeira's right hand she could see, and to the black gnosis intersected by a still healing gash. "Is she the goddess you feel most connected to?"
"No. Maybe. I'm not sure. But she's the only one who has never asked me for more than I was willing to give."
"Wait, how many gods have you met?"
"Too many."
"And they all want something from you?"
Chiona had managed to strip her down to her waist, and silently prompted her to lean forward so she could pull her dress down her hips and off her legs. The dress was all Madeira needed help with, but Chiona stayed where she was, kneeling on the floor, to take her shoes off her feet. Then pulling Madeira's left hand towards her she began to remove her glove and the many bracelets and rings that weighed it down.
Madeira considered her question. When she had first interacted with the gods she hadn't though she was giving anything away at all, or at least nothing of value. She had thought these changes they were inflicting on her only added to her, that these were gifts that were given to her. But she was beginning to understand that that was not the case. She had been giving pieces of herself away this whole time, selling parts of her body and soul for power. And the cost was starting to add up.
"Yes. But Dira was so... She was so clear about what she expected of me. There's nothing grey about her. She's that straight, narrow path of good and evil. Black and white. I miss that clarity."
Chiona nodded, depositing her handful of jewel, bone, copper and stone accessories on a nearby chest of drawers. Getting to her feet, she began pulling at the ties and pins that kept the severe bun on Madeira's head.
"You want to leave the Tower and serve Dira?"
"I've accomplished all I can here."
"Okay." Chiona ran her fingers through Madeira's thin hair, combing it out and fanning it around her shoulders in steady strokes.
"Okay? I saying I'm backing out of the deal that was supposed to bring new power and knowledge to the Craven and Dusk families. And all you can say is 'okay'?"
"Is this what you want?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then okay." Throwing the covers of her bed aside, she tucked Madeira inside and pulled the blankets back over her, cocooning her in warmth.
Madeira blinked, and only then seemed to understand where she was and what was going on. She had been five years old the last time someone had taken care of her like this and tucked her into bed. She might have been embarrassed by the babying, but there was not an ounce of condescension in Chiona's face. The woman was humming as she propped a pillow more comfortably behind her head.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm taking care of my wife. If you feel your calling lies elsewhere, I'll support you. Agreement or not, you're not a prisoner here. I'll help my father run the Tower. You go do what you need to do."
Madeira just laid there for a moment, listening to the resumed humming, stunned into silence. Chiona wanted no guarantees, and had required no coercion. Madeira was breaking a promise sent down from the two most powerful families in Kalea and nothing had happened. It was just Chiona, her hand stroking through her hair, taking care of her wife.
Something swelling and fond, frightening in its intensity, bloomed in the Spiritist.
"You know I love you madly."
Chiona leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Her palm brushed her lashes, prompting her to close her eyes.
"Get some sleep, Madeira."
x
