Beyond Heart To Heart

by **Tazrae** on April 23rd, 2022, 7:52 pm

Timestamp: 49th of Spring, 522 A.V.

Continued From: Hearthside Heart To Heart

Tazrae sat and waited for bells. The sun ticked off time in increments through the sky, marking its passage in shadows that started out non-existent and then grew longer. Taz looked up and couldn’t help but think it wasn’t real, as a cascade of thoughts continued to circle her mind and held her prisoner to where she sat. She needed a letter, one written for Syka, to take back but she was too much of a coward to go back inside for it. When the shadows were long and the sun was halfway to the horizon, hidden now from the cool courtyard, she finally rose, shouldered her backpack, and decided to do what she hadn’t done for a long time; she went shopping.

Her Inn was full to capacity and she was sleeping on the beach in a worn tent with a bedroll as a pallet. Taz took a breath and knew she wanted more than that from life. She’d once dared others to dream with her, but dreams had to be taken in small steps and so she did what she always did when she was confused or heartbroken or incredibly sad; Tazrae moved forward. Taz had never been affected by depression, not in the classical way people lost their smiles and slowly started to grieve deep inside. But this… was so different. The isolation was killing her and even being around people was a burden because she knew the moment she was out of sight, she was out of their mind and out of their hearts and alone.

Her stepmother… no aunt… would have smiled a vicious smile at the reality she was in. Her father… no uncle… would have offered her comfort. What would her real mother have told her? What was her real father like? Both her parents were still alive, deep in the desert somewhere, at odds with each other and at odds with the land. Would she be what they thought she would be? Or would she be a disappointment? Taz longed for a connection, a person to talk to that would know her name and maybe hold her hand, but that had been stolen from her. Even being with Alric had been too much after all that had happened. He was warm and comforting and familiar, but she couldn’t pinpoint the pain that caused looking into his eye and knowing they didn’t share the same memories.

Meeting Lys had been too much as well.

Taz wanted to love the girl like her own child, but the jealousy that had instead eaten her alive had taken her completely by surprise. She’d never been a selfish person, but looking at Alric interacting with Lys, she knew she’d always have to share him with the girl. And that crush of emotion was something she wasn’t ready for.

She told herself she didn’t deserve either of them in her life, but that was a lie. Taz knew she deserved things. But the things she deserved were things she needed to earn, and she’d done a poor job of it thus far in her life. Part of her wondered if Alric used The Outpost and the apartment as a means of escape from Sunberth and its horrors. She also wondered if anyone he met shopping for games would have been better than Arcadius’ granddaughter.

It felt like her mouth was full of bitter berries and she couldn’t stomach the thought of swallowing any of them. A thousand doubts crossed her mind, starting with the weight of her gnosis marks and the power of her djed pool. They all felt like they were undeserved and would be taken at any moment, like people’s memories of her. She’d had one failed relationship after another… first Marino her first friend in Syka jumped on a boat and never returned to Syka. He’d been the forbidden male friend never allowed in Riverfall. Then Duncan happened who at the first chance after he got what he wanted to leave her for a healer here at The Outpost that had gifted him back his sight. They’d both wanted things from her… a family, children, a person to be their anchor. But neither of them had followed through.

In a way, she was glad she’d only told Alric part of the story with them. It saved her yet more humiliation because honestly, part of her thought her curse was working so well because it was acting on what people naturally did around her anyhow…. and that was to dismiss or forget about her. That was especially true in Riverfall and was bringing up all kinds of old anxieties that she could truly live without.

So she rose, dusted off her rump, and decided she’d go spend some of her hard-won coin on things that would make her life immediately better. Then, as night was drawing to a close, she’d slip back into the T&T and look for a letter to see if Alric finished one.

She started off for the Open Sky Bazaar. Someone there would have to have what she needed.

Words: 842

by **Tazrae** on April 24th, 2022, 10:25 pm

Taz wandered through the Open Sky Bazzar at first, her shoulders feeling heavy and her heart a broken mess in her chest. Without realizing it, she lifted her hand and covered it repeatedly, as if she could make herself feel better just by a touch. She had no real destination in mind and no idea of what she wanted to buy. But there was a hollowness inside of her that made her think food and drink could fill it… maybe liquor… or maybe other more tangible things. She kept wandering, up one row, down another, peering into booths and glancing this way and that. Nothing caught her eye.

But she heard music.

Tazrae followed her acute hearing, slipping through one booth after another, cutting across rows, until she found a place in the Wall of the outpost, opposite of the Riads, that thrummed with a heartbeat of music that was almost primal and raw. She slipped in, a man at the door eyeing her, then opening it wide for her, and the bass of a truly massive number of drums hit her. The place was dark, lit only by lanterns that rocked with the percussion and swayed back and forth. But the lighting was well placed, well utilized, so only the musicians and the dancers were backlit.

Taz could see now that it was a place to dance. She’d heard of such things before but she’d never visited one. Drumbeats rolled across the room like thunder and bodies gyrated in the dark, everyone dancing like nothing she’d ever seen before. It was a wild tribal series of tones that had flute and other stringed things involved that she couldn’t quite place. She noticed above the door was the symbol of Rhaus and she relaxed almost instantly, expanding her awareness and suddenly feeling the sheer amount of Rhaus Marked in the room.

She pushed into the crowd, the music affecting her, and noticed a bar at the far side serving hard liquor and water to hydrate musicians and dancers alike. As Taz moved deeper, involuntarily, she started to dance. Standing still, just walking, felt incredibly wrong with the music flowing all around hard and primal. Hands grabbed her hips and she found herself dancing with a stranger who had dark brown laughing eyes.

He spun her around shooting his arm up in the air and dipping her lightly before passing her to another, this time a female, who leaned forward and kissed her cheek as they clasp hands still moving. Taz lost herself in that moment, gave into the pull, and let herself be swept up in the crowd. She laughed, for the first time in a long time, and grabbed a green-eyed man by the shoulders. He lifted her in the air and swung her slightly, setting her down lightly before they resumed dancing. Taz had no idea how to dance, had never once been asked to go to a place where dancing happened.

And this was beautiful, lovely, and the most fun she’d had in a long long time.

Each time someone else spotted her, took her hand, and danced with her for a few minutes, she felt a little more full. It was a connection after connection, especially when she took the hands of others that were similarly marked. She could feel the kinship, the unity, even though no one knew each other’s names. Men ground against her and she didn’t even mind because it wasn’t any kind of attack. Hands ran up her spine and down across her rear, pulling her into hard bodies to dance in tandem.

She was breathless and euphoric and couldn’t seem to get enough. At one point she even found herself on stage, a beater put into her hand, and she added to the rhythm that she could now see was produced by multiple people utilizing the same huge kettle drums.

There were also multiple smaller drums and percussion instruments played by multiple people. Not everyone around her was a bard, but there were a whole lot of them in the crowd. She caught the beat, learned how to smack the stretched hide skins lightly but firmly, and then caught on without the assistance of a hand holding hers. Then she danced and drummed, laughing as she loved the feel of being part of the music. She learned how to double beat, split between two drums, and at one point had gained a second beater as a reward for not throwing all the rest of the drummers off. It must have been bells, for though she was growing weary, she felt so much better. All the music engaged her mind, linked her heart, and when someone took the drumstick from her and shoved her back out into the dance floor she only laughed.

Words: 801

by **Tazrae** on April 24th, 2022, 10:31 pm

A hand clasped hers and dragged her through the crowd until they were at the bar in a crowd of other woman. It was a blue-eyed blonde that ordered them both water which they guzzled greedily. The woman was incredibly pretty, with straight flowing hair that was tangled wildly around her face. “You looked like you needed some water.” The woman smiled, finishing yet another refill. “There’s privies on the other far side if you need one.” She said, studying Tazrae thoughtfully. “I’m Dana. I haven’t seen you here before. Where you from?” She asked, making casual conversation.

Taz smiled, finished off her second water, and grinned. “Syka… and its my first time. What is this place?” She asked, glad to talk to someone finally, that was looking right at her and was meeting her in truth for the first time.

Dana smiled. “This place is called Aftermath and its ran by the followers of Ivak and Rhaus. I follow Ivak. But I saw your Rhaus marks. I bet that’s why you wandered in here. Bad day?” She asked, then grinned. “I’ve never heard of Syka. I’m from Riverfall myself.” She added, then tossed her head and before they could say more, pulled Tazrae back into the crowd. They danced longer then; the songs changed with a blend from one style to another until the thrumming beat turned slower. Dana pulled Tazrae into her arms and Taz found herself naturally wrapping hers around the other woman’s form.

“Later at night, they play some slow songs.” Dana whispered in her ear and nuzzled Tazrae’s neck as the two women swayed. Taz found she didn’t mind at all, so like the Ixam showing their affection until Dana turned Taz slightly, ran a hand up her chest to cup a breast, and kissed her firmly. The Innkeeper froze her whole body stiffening and caught Dana’s face in her hands gently pushing her away.

“You are beautiful. And truly this has been a good afternoon… one of the better ones I’ve had the whole season. But…” She drifted off, her voice trailing and her eyes catching Dana’s pretty blue ones.

The other woman laughed. “He’s a lucky guy. And I can respect that… but Tazrae… come back and dance with me any time. I’ve got you. Whatever’s bothering you, come here and forget it. There’s always someone to dance with, always… and they’ll give you as little or as much as you’d like.” She said firmly, eyes meeting Tazrae’s turquoise ones.

Taz found herself nodding an agreement. “I will. I’ll be back. Thank you, Dana.” Taz said, then leaned forward and hugged the woman hard. They were both covered with sweat and their clothing was damp, but the other woman laughed and nodded.

“I’ll expect to see you again.” She said sternly and turned Taz with a little shove towards the main entrance and exit. Taz left the place feeling blessed, recharged, and while she should have been exhausted, she truly wasn’t. Instead, finding the Bazaar still open, she decided it was more than time to get on with her shopping.

Taz had to refocus, peering into booth after booth as the sweat on her body slowly dried and her breathing evened out. She felt like she’d been working out with Buraga and decided maybe regular visits to Aftermath would be a sort of therapy.

Would anyone mind her sneaking away to dance?

She wasn’t any good at it, but with enough practice, maybe time would bring some improvement. It brought a smile to her face to think of having a place she could get away from the others that she was a stranger too anyhow and enjoy her own kind in without anyone needing to know her name or care. It wasn’t as hard being a stranger among strangers.

Words: 636

by **Tazrae** on April 24th, 2022, 10:33 pm

Three rows over and fifteen chimes into her search Tazrae found what she was looking for. It was in the form of a rug maker who had elegant rugs for sale. They were large things, beautiful, and completely something that was counter to what Syka would have. Taz slipped into the booth which really took up multiple booth spaces and wandered through touching the incredible weavings, colors, and vibrant patterns. The Innkeeper knew she looked a fright, with her hair frizzed out, tangled, and tousled from the dancing while sweat was still slick on her skin. Her cheeks were flushed to a deep coral and she’d barely caught her breath.

Still, the Salesman treated her like a queen when he bowed to her and gestured widely. “Can I find you something in particular?” He asked, being a charming older man. Then he studied her and beckoned her to follow him. Taz tilted her head sideways, Ixam-like, yet followed him anyhow. He lead her through a maze of rugs and woven mats until he paused at a rug that was rolled tightly.

“I can tell from your dress and the deepness of your tan that you are from Syka. What about something like this?” He asked, partially unrolling a few coils of a huge rug that hung on a rack there. It was deep emerald green and had animals woven into it among the greenery. Every foot of it seemed to contain a different animal. It looked like a masterwork, for certain, and beautiful beyond measure. There was an allure to it for Tazrae, simply because she saw all the animals on it she was familiar with. There were parrots and jaguars and fronds of monstera plant. There were palms and tucans and even Ixam frolicking. Asta played with trunks holding coils of flowers.

Involuntarily Tazrae reached out and stroked the rug lightly. “It’s lovely.” She said, then asked him his price. He quoted her one, and she nodded. “I’ll take it.” She added, then paused. “Can you deliver it to the dovecote at an appointed hour day after tomorrow for me to pick up with something big enough to move it and other things with?

The man nodded, and lead her up to a desk where he took her payment, wrote up her bill of sale, and then ended up selling her a wide protective matt to put across a doorway that would absorb dirt and sand before someone stepped off the matt and onto the ornate rug. Taz paid the funds happily, then carefully tucked the receipt into her pocket and started off again. She told herself she was crazy for buying a rug, but she decided that it was exactly what she needed to get started on what she wanted to do.

Setting off, more determined than forever, Taz asked around and quickly and was directed to a huge seller on a corner that was more than eager to help her. They haggled quickly and when they were done, Taz was the proud owner of a rather large pavilion with a low opening, and the ability to roll up the sides. It was a lavish expenditure, far beyond what her tent was, and would hold not only her rug but a large full-sized bed, and any furniture she’d need to be comfortable. And at his recommendation, she wandered further, finding a furniture dealer that sold her a large carved bed and a mattress and a platform box to put it up in the frame with.

From there, Taz found a seller who made carved wardrobes and bought one made of exotic wood from Syka, finding it fitting that it would be returning home. She bought a set of matching wooden end tables that went with the bed and wardrobe, then a huge comfortable chair she could set up to watch the sunset if she rolled up one side of the pavilion. The chair had a matching ottoman and both were a deep blue of the night sky and embroidered with stars.

Words: 674

by **Tazrae** on April 24th, 2022, 10:44 pm

Tazrae didn’t stop there though. Making arrangements with the furniture dealers for delivery was fairly easy. And once she had the pavilion and bed arranged for delivery, she was able to add a mule chest to the purchase.

The chest had a lovely padded top and held a tremendous amount along with pull out drawers at its bottom. It would look lovely at the foot of the bed. Taz continued her search, her eyes settling on a huge copper tub that would make the most exotic bath around. She purchased it without hesitation, filing that emptiness inside and that need for a home she could call her own.

The rug had started it all, but the Pavilion would be someplace solid, with walls that would open so she wouldn’t feel so walled in. And the bed… the bed would be a delight to sleep in. She stopped by the linens dealer and bought several sets of sheets, all silk, and thick fluffy towels and washcloths to go with the bathtub. She took those things with her, well able to fit them in her backpack.

Taz had no doubt she could talk Lars into taking an Asha cart and collecting the purchases in two days time and dropping them off at Garden Beach. Even the pavilion was too much for her to move on her own, and even her Ixam cart couldn’t haul the heavy wooden pieces she’d purchased. But she did make one last stop at an exotic lamp shop before she left for home… and purchased more than fifteen lanterns and lamps, some hanging some that could be set on the ground. She bought enough lamp oil to fill them and some excess lamp chain to string from tree to tree to hang them from.

To Tazrae, it was enough luxury to fill a palace. But she didn’t mind. When she was finally done shopping, and the ache in her chest had eased a bit, she was just leaving the furniture section of the bazaar when she saw it. It gave her pause. It was a decorative weapons rack, carved of vines and lilies, with a matching bookcase that was stained exactly the right color of deep exotic mahogany as her bed, end tables, chest and wardrobe were. The weapons rack would hold multiple long blades, even broadswords, and her compound longbow and all her arrows. It would hold her machete, and daggers, and even had a hook for what she assumed was for weapons harnesses or belts.

It was just about perfect, actually, for what she wanted to set up at Garden Beach until she could build her dream home. And when she went to talk to the seller, she didn’t even bother to haggle with him over the pieces, she just paid full price and arranged for the delivery at the dovecote… sure now that Lars would have to make multiple trips.

It was then, and only then, with her coin depleted significantly, that Taz turned back to the T&T. She listened quietly at the door, not sure if the pair was home, but hopeful it was late enough that they were asleep so she could check the letterbox. There was no sign of them but the door was unlocked. She slipped in, glancing at her key on the table, and went immediately to the letterbox. If Alric had written a letter, she’d take it and give it to Cleon to read. If he left nothing, she’d take nothing… nothing but her key off the coffee table.

Then she headed home. It was going to be a busy rest of the night and an even busier tenday tomorrow where hungry people would need to be fed.

Cost :

Words: 685

by **Tazrae** on June 17th, 2022, 2:11 am

Grading!

Tazrae –

Psychology +3, Logic +3, Investigation +2, Dancing +3, Play Musical Instrument (Drum) +2, Endurance +3, Business + 1, Planning +1, Interior Design +3

Psychology: Taking An Honest Look At One’s Mental Health/State, Psychology: Being Overwhelmed, Psychology: Lying To Oneself/Realizing One’s Lying To Oneself, Psychology: Being Deserving, Psychology: Self-Fears – Fear Of Abandonment, Planning: Retail Therapy, Psychology: Using Things/Food To Fill Holes In One’s Heart, Psychology: Dancing For Mental Health, Dana: Appearance & Mannerism, Aftermath: Location, Layout, Purpose, Aftermath: Rhaus & Ivak Co-Op, Business: Arranging Deliveries/Purchasing Items, Planning: Putting Items Together That Work, Interior Design: Planning Rooms, Interior Design: Organizing Furniture, Interior Design: Picking Pieces For Functionality and Beauty.

Completed Beyond Heart To Heart