To his deep seated satisfaction, Cugacon felt Kavala giving of herself – and taking for herself – in a way he could hardly have hoped for – but was entirely pleased to experience. Together, they moved. Together, they gratified themselves – and each other. Together they shared in this first taste of what each had to offer – and he found Kavala that much more enthralling, that much more captivating, for the fact that she was willing to let the barriers down, at least for this moment. For the first time, he truly began to believe that this might work – that her acceptance of him, of his need of her, signaled a beginning. He would not force her – he would not have to. If she took to this willingly, then he could allow himself to do the same. There would be no obligation. There would be no guilt. Only a mutually accepted desire.
What he had felt with Itsa – a gentle affection and appreciation – was nothing like what raced through his mind at this moment, as Kavala rested against him, his strong arms easily supporting her as he sank back onto his heels. As she nestled against him, his hand rubbed her upper back, her shoulders, fingers tangling in her long, wet hair, his lips pressed to her ear. He felt her heart beating against his chest – her warm breath on his neck. Her head turned slightly and she lightly kissed his forehead, and he dared to hope for all that they could have together – all that she had spoken of with such passion. Two individuals coming together to act as one – a family and not just sons – a mother and a wife – a partner, forever – these were the words and images that flooded his mind. But . . .
Was it too soon? He had no experience of such things. They weren’t the rule in Riverfall, but the very, very rare exception. Such . . . feelings – such intimacy, wasn’t something the Akalak spoke of or taught or modeled for their sons. Cugacon didn’t trust himself. He didn’t trust her. Kavala had been hostile – resigned but unhappy. Was she really now content – or only trying to please him – hoping to avoid being contracted to someone else for fear it could be worse? With his arms wrapped around her warmth – her skin pricking at his – his lips trailing down to her mouth, seeking out those soft lips – he hesitated. Was this genuine, or just a performance for his benefit? If she truly wanted him, wanted this – whatever her motivations were – should he care? Or should he just accept it, accept her, and leave all his questions behind?
That’s right! She’s a lying whore! A deceitful bitch! Don’t worry – she’s yours. Take her as you will and don’t worry about what she thinks! Hold her down and pull her arms out of their sockets if she struggles. Anything – just get her with child. Be a man and sire a son on her. Do it! Do it now!”
The voice. The realization. Kavala was a weakness. Sentimentality was a defect in his armor. Emotion was a liability. Eowe was waiting – for any chance. Any chance whatsoever. To open his heart was to open the gate. This truth took Cugacon completely by surprise – just as the sudden voice had – a voice he tried so hard to silence, every minute of every day. The voice that only made itself known when he was . . . weak. Or – not paying enough attention. When something distracted him in the extreme – like . . . Kavala.
Slowly, purposefully, he pulled his lips away from hers. His eyes went to hers, for a moment. And he knew. He knew that he did not want to put her at risk. He could not let Eowe slip out. And that was exactly what she meant to do – to actively seek him out and communicate with him directly. More than ever, Cuga knew that he must keep Eowe locked down, in isolation. He must keep his dark brother away – from her – and keep Kavala away from him. For her sake. For both their sakes.
Cugacon shifted restlessly under her, gently disentangling their limbs and bodies. His fingers traced so very gently and briefly down, from her temple to her cheek to her jawline, while he watched her closely.
“You are beautiful . . . and strong. But the world can be a treacherous place, Kavala. Never underestimate its dangers. I wish to talk to you more – to know you better. But for now, I think you should rest, and I should go. I will be back – and you have given me much to think about. You are . . . a surprising woman.”
What he had felt with Itsa – a gentle affection and appreciation – was nothing like what raced through his mind at this moment, as Kavala rested against him, his strong arms easily supporting her as he sank back onto his heels. As she nestled against him, his hand rubbed her upper back, her shoulders, fingers tangling in her long, wet hair, his lips pressed to her ear. He felt her heart beating against his chest – her warm breath on his neck. Her head turned slightly and she lightly kissed his forehead, and he dared to hope for all that they could have together – all that she had spoken of with such passion. Two individuals coming together to act as one – a family and not just sons – a mother and a wife – a partner, forever – these were the words and images that flooded his mind. But . . .
Was it too soon? He had no experience of such things. They weren’t the rule in Riverfall, but the very, very rare exception. Such . . . feelings – such intimacy, wasn’t something the Akalak spoke of or taught or modeled for their sons. Cugacon didn’t trust himself. He didn’t trust her. Kavala had been hostile – resigned but unhappy. Was she really now content – or only trying to please him – hoping to avoid being contracted to someone else for fear it could be worse? With his arms wrapped around her warmth – her skin pricking at his – his lips trailing down to her mouth, seeking out those soft lips – he hesitated. Was this genuine, or just a performance for his benefit? If she truly wanted him, wanted this – whatever her motivations were – should he care? Or should he just accept it, accept her, and leave all his questions behind?
That’s right! She’s a lying whore! A deceitful bitch! Don’t worry – she’s yours. Take her as you will and don’t worry about what she thinks! Hold her down and pull her arms out of their sockets if she struggles. Anything – just get her with child. Be a man and sire a son on her. Do it! Do it now!”
The voice. The realization. Kavala was a weakness. Sentimentality was a defect in his armor. Emotion was a liability. Eowe was waiting – for any chance. Any chance whatsoever. To open his heart was to open the gate. This truth took Cugacon completely by surprise – just as the sudden voice had – a voice he tried so hard to silence, every minute of every day. The voice that only made itself known when he was . . . weak. Or – not paying enough attention. When something distracted him in the extreme – like . . . Kavala.
Slowly, purposefully, he pulled his lips away from hers. His eyes went to hers, for a moment. And he knew. He knew that he did not want to put her at risk. He could not let Eowe slip out. And that was exactly what she meant to do – to actively seek him out and communicate with him directly. More than ever, Cuga knew that he must keep Eowe locked down, in isolation. He must keep his dark brother away – from her – and keep Kavala away from him. For her sake. For both their sakes.
Cugacon shifted restlessly under her, gently disentangling their limbs and bodies. His fingers traced so very gently and briefly down, from her temple to her cheek to her jawline, while he watched her closely.
“You are beautiful . . . and strong. But the world can be a treacherous place, Kavala. Never underestimate its dangers. I wish to talk to you more – to know you better. But for now, I think you should rest, and I should go. I will be back – and you have given me much to think about. You are . . . a surprising woman.”
