life in death was she. [nel + murdoch]

[Nel Sayo]

"The other dream was different," she insisted, straightening sharply. She stared down at him, bright eyes wide. He couldn't mean to just send her away, just like that, just that fast. "It was a dream, it was just a bad dream, and if you've been waiting this long for an excuse to send me away, at least admit it and don't hide behind some hokey stupid fear of magic that doesn't even exist!"

Anger, fear, a hint of that inevitable betrayed, they dueled within her eyes for prominence, though all remained, welling equally. Small hands shoved him back by the shoulders.

"Everyone has bad dreams, why do mine have to mean that everything is ruined?"

[Murdoch]

Doc let her shove him, took it without complaint, and just rocked back to his original position. But where her eyes were suddenly full to the brim of warring emotions, his went completely blank - nothing surfaced, no anger or heartache or indifference or even cold betrayal. He locked everything down so tightly that her voice became muffled around the edges, as if he'd wrapped cotton bandages around his ears.

He rolled slowly to his feet, stiffly, and began circuiting the room, gathering up everything that was hers and placing them carefully and gently on the table.

"Don't tell me where you're going," he said, words thick and ponderous in his mouth. "Or how far. If you stay in Syliras and you see me on the street, don't come up to me." He paused, and had to swallow again, but he forced the next words out, berating himself for that hesitation. Forced himself to recall the memories, to listen to the description of what had been done to... "And don't ever cross this threshold again," he growled, something desperate and fierce in his voice now, though he wouldn't look at her again.

[Nel Sayo]

"Fine," she said, her voice trembling with a combination of anger and shame. "Fine."

She snatched her trousers off the table and started climbing into them. Swapped the nightshirt for her undershirt next, and the long-sleeved one overtop it. The rapier and swordbelt were last.

But as she dressed, she ground out, "I'll go -- and you know what? Whatever you think is going to happen -- will happen anyway, if the future is something that a person can touch, can see, which I don't think it is. Whatever you're afraid of, it's going to happen, and you can just stew in that forever, because even if you never see me again -- it was my petching dream, Doc, not yours, and I guess I'm happy to be just one more thing you pushed stubbornly away."

She snapped the belt's buckle low about her hips and grabbed up her bag, slinging it onto the curve of her shoulder as she spiked the collar of the black shirt, and hauled her hair loose to spill down her back.

A step towards the door, but then she paused, and twisted back to look at him, even if he wouldn't look at her.

"And I know that, because even if I'd bloody said something, the storm still would've come, still would've destroyed my ship, and all my friends and family would've still drowned."

He could listen to her footsteps then, as she stomped to the door and through it.

[Murdoch]

He caught her wrist before she was past the first step, his other arm going around her waist and pulling her back against his chest. He still couldn't look at her, kept his eyes slammed shut even as he took one last breath of her pale skin.

"This isn't a storm," he whispered, fear and despair finally edging his voice. "This isn't some unavoidable force of nature that no turn of the sails can avoid. This is a man, flesh and blood and all the cruelty that goes with it. I won't let him do it again," he said, and shuddered against her.

She could escape it. If they were coming for him, they could bloody well have him. It'd been a long time coming. But they would not have her.

Little Nel could think him cold and uncaring, could feel betrayed and abandoned. He could petching care less. "Good bye, little swan," he murmured, and then unwound his arms from around her and gave her a nudge to keep going down the stairs.

[Nel Sayo]

"It's all a storm," she whispered back, stiff against him even though she wanted to just grab on for dear life. She wouldn't let herself, because it wasn't what he wanted. Could feel that seeping out through his skin, that desire to be have her gone, no matter whence it stemmed. "It's just not everyone can breathe underwater."

When he let her go, and nudged her, she went. Not another word or sound of protest, no more wasted time.

Some day, he'd be gnarled an old -- or dead and dust -- and she'd still be walking this earth, or riding the seas, and she had to believe that or there wasn't much point to any of it. She could never live as he did, so full of rage and fear, ducking shadows and memories alike; she was a creature of sunlight, of bright skies and lightning, and someone would slaughter her for that, one day, but at least she'd die brightly. Knowing that she'd never let the world, or dreams, or her own fears stop the smile on her mouth or the wonder in her eyes.

The door at the bottom of the stairs clattered back against its hinges, the lingering sound of her passage.


THE END!

[Gossamer]

. Character: Nel Experience: 2 XP Storytelling Lore: Having Nightmares, Stating the Obvious Character: Murdoch Experience: 2 XP Persuasion, 1 XP Leadership (for finally making a decision and sticking too it) Lore: Comforting Nightmares, Self Torture Additional Note: Depressingly sad thread... I don't know whether to throw Doc into shark infested waters or give him a hug. Nel, your crazy. Nuff said. .