[Aidara's Scrapbook] It's Real For Us

[Aidara]

So finally. The end of the week from hell. It seemed like all of my professors got together and decided to have every important project for the semester due this week, as well as a test and a bajillion quizzes. I was pretty much on the verge of tears all week, not going to lie. And it was the first week of Nano and all I wanted to do was write! I survived and it's time to unwind and let my brain relax before I throw myself into writing. If there is anyone wondering why I haven't responded yet, I promise I will be doing so tonight and throughout the weekend It feels like a mountain has been lifted off my shoulders. Shew.

[Phoenix]

I'm still on track for NaNo! Even after almost three weeks of constant homework, tests, quizzes, labs, projects and presentations. I'm really quite proud of myself. This weekend gets to be catch up. I did quite a bit of writing last weekend because I knew this week would be a tough one to get even a few words in on. I believe that if I get some writing done tonight, even just 1600 words, I'll still be on track. Way better than I did last year, so I'm quite proud of myself. I've tried to sit and write a couple times today but I just haven't ever gotten around to it. Once I found myself simply staring at the screen and every other time I was called away to do something else. I started to get really frustrated and angry until I realized exactly what has been bothering me. While this took a little weight off my shoulders, I then realized that I had no idea how to fix it, either. See, for the past couple months I have been feeling angrier at stupider things, snapping at people when I don't even realize it and otherwise just feeling bitter. I was always very concious of the fact that I possess more patience than a lot of people, mostly because I was told so almost on a daily basis. However, lately, that doesn't seem to be the case, and I don't like it. Not one bit. I've come to realize that I have started paying far too much attention to everyone else, wondering what they're doing, what they're saying. Is it about me? Is it bad? Why are they arguing over that? Why aren't they being fair, can't they see that's completely hypocritical? On and on my brain goes. Instead of minding my own business I'm sitting here, straining, trying to hear what's going on. It's pointless to worry or be upset. There isn't anything I can do to change it, there is nothing I can do to fix the situation because nothing really directly involves me. I've been thrown into the middle of a dynamic and that is so, so, so hard. I've realized that the best I can do is just cope and worry about the people that I care about and that care about me. However, I've let myself digress so far that I just... don't... know how to stop wondering if so-and-so is talking about me, stop caring that Person A just yelled at Person B (No, this has nothing to do with Miz). I thought of making a list of things I want to accomplish on a daily basis and worry about that instead of things I can't control but... productivity doesn't really have anything to do with it. Today is the first day that my mind as really gotten into the way. So what do I do? I don't want to stop caring, I just want to get back into the place that I was a couple months ago that allows me to observe my surroundings and then let it go.

[Khida]

See, for the past couple months I have been feeling angrier at stupider things, snapping at people when I don't even realize it and otherwise just feeling bitter.

I've come to realize that I have started paying far too much attention to everyone else, wondering what they're doing, what they're saying. Is it about me? Is it bad? Why are they arguing over that? Why aren't they being fair, can't they see that's completely hypocritical? On and on my brain goes. Instead of minding my own business I'm sitting here, straining, trying to hear what's going on

I've been through a period that I think is very like what you describe. For me, this turned out to be a reaction to chronic stress, the kind that is pervasive and sneaks up on you when you don't entirely realize it's there. It wasn't them, and it wasn't me, it was a misdirected response to my situation. The real causes were intensive deadlines, the looming specter of my prelim exam, general overcommitment, and insufficient downtime / personal time. I have had similar, smaller episodes of irritability in response to other stresses, where I get keyed-up and snappish, but that entire year or so was the single most stressful period I've yet had, and the degree of effect on my attitude/temper reflected that. When I managed to better balance my stressors, my attitude settled back to normal; your description of 'observe and let it go' is spot on.

I can't speak to your exact circumstances, but from the parallels, I'd suggest you look outside the immediate concern -- i.e. your frustration and things inward -- to what might be more broadly stressful or imbalanced in your life.

[Gossamer]

I have two comments.


1. Its really none of your business what othrs think of you. Like you said you cant changr it. And your far happier not minding one bit. What you think is all that matters. After all you have to live inside your head not theirs.

2. Love fiercely and enthusiastically. Its who you are.

[Sira]

Lock on the door and a pair of headphones. Probably not the healthiest solution.. but this is America. We don't do healthy here.

[Sliver]

So I have begun watching Supernatural (my friend forced me to a couple weeks ago and suddenly we're in season four), and it kept reminding me of that chat about banners with you and Goss, and how you brought up things about Jensen Ackles. Now having spent some time with him in a television show I realized that I could neither pester you about Jurassic Park, nor about your poke-racism until I had made these.... TEEHEE : This is my effort to cheer you on for NaNo, and cause hey, it was fun. Hope you enjoy Cryo-Phoenix! Also these will clearly aid you with your anxiety and short temper, etc. because staring at sexy men fixes EVERYTHING.

[Gossamer]

... OMG. MEDIC! We'll need to resuscitate.

[Phoenix]

Oh.... my..... god.....

I think

I think

I think

... I'll uh... be right back...

In the meantime, someone find me some place to put these where I can look at them ALL THE TIME

[Ronan]

[Phoenix]

YES YES YES YES YES YES