Try to See Things My Way 1st of Winter 512 A.V. Sliver was sweating with exertion from that morning’s training. A ten mile run had started them off, followed by weight training, sparring, and a full on utilization of the other half of the arena in mock battles. Her Mowhawk drooped to one side, having been growing continuously longer over the course of the fall season. Now a thin layer of hair covered her entire scalp, but still the point in the center remained, curling slightly with its length. A few stray braids hung down as well, beaded by Vantha companions, and Sliver rather liked the sensation of them bouncing back and forth against her skull as she walked, ran, and fought. Generally after this sort of event Sliver would give herself a brief rinse of in the ice cold showers available without the heat of reimancy and be done, but she desperately craved some heat, and decided to wait in line for the warm water, or at least she was planning too. As weary feet brought her past a bustling mess hall to the bath area, a hand on her shoulder startled her, and leapt around to face Jaerith, whose eyes glowed contemplative neon blue as he gazed at her. One of her thick dark brows raised in curiosity, and she watched his eyes darken somewhat, becoming a tumultuous grey blue. “Sliver, I need to talk to you if you have a chime.” Sliver blinked, glancing at the line to the bath and then back at Jaerith. She sighed. “Sure, can we talk here?” The Vantha shook his head. “Why don’t we go to your room?” Both of her eyebrows rose at this, but Jaerith just led her back down the hall. When they arrived he bade her sit on the bed, and something akin to fear rose in the Kelvic’s stomach, for she suddenly knew what he wanted to talk with her about. His eyes turned grey, which was a color she was familiar with. Any lesser emotion that spun off extremes always appeared like a greyed or faded color in Jaerith’s gaze, but pure grey? That was when he was trying to keep his emotions out of his gaze. It impressed Sliver to no end, for they generally wore this color in any and all of his Icewatch duties with the occasional flares, which was more than she could say for many other children of the Aurora. “Sliver…we have to talk about the topic of bonding.” Even though she had been trying to match Jaerith’s stoicism, an almost pained growl still leaked between her lips, thought Jaerith continued uninterrupted. “Most recruits are bonded before they officially join the watch, and the rest bond before their first season in our ranks has past. You have been amongst us nearly two seasons yet have not given anyone even the slightest inkling of wishing to bond to anyone, which at this point…is a problem.” Sliver’s gaze was cast downward. “Don’t you think I wish it weren’t this way?” Her voice was soft, but it was quiet in this area of the barracks, she knew Jaerith could hear her. She heard him sigh and she saw flecks of orange and yellow slides into his gaze, though whether it was sympathy or anger there, Sliver couldn’t tell. “We do not wish to force anything upon you Sliv, but we do want to jumpstart the process, which is why you will be put on patrols and routes with new and unbounded recruits, there are plenty of suitable candidates which I thi-“ Sliver rose and snarled, silencing Jaerith. “You think, what? That I’ll like?! You don’t know anything about me, Jaerith! And what about you? I don’t see anyone forcing you to bond, and how many seasons has it been?” His eyes flashed a fiery orange at her words and Sliver regretted them immediately. The flare of anger quickly swept into a stormy blue grey which transformed into a deep blue, so dark it was black…a color Sliver had never seen, and never wanted to again. It was sorrow. Jaerith looked physically assailed and beaten by her words, and she knew his sorrow then…the sorrow she wished and yet never wished to feel: That of losing a bond mate. But she couldn’t show sympathy now, not so soon, so instead she snorted derisively. “Get a hold of yourself…sir.” And she left, it started at a brisk walk, but the thought of Jaerith calling her back, of reprimanding her for her words, it soon made her run fast and far. She crashed through the front doors, startling a bonded pair about to enter the barracks, and she snapped her teeth at them before sprinting bodily through the confines of the city, heading to the one place she knew she could take solace and clean herself off in: Makutsi Springs. Her pace slowed to that of a relaxed walk when the pools came in sight, and as if on cue the little frogs that lived in the spring’s shade hopped out and away from her as she approached. She slipped off her clothing slowly, relishing in the release of the sticky garments from her body, and slipped slowly into the pool, dunking her head under and letting the heat consume her thoughts. She supposed the part that bothered her the most was that he was right…she did need to bond. A Kelvic unbounded was only one part of a whole, weaker. The entire premise of the Icewatch was unity and strength as a whole, something which she could only uphold for so long If she remained only part of who she could be. She kicked the side of the pool viciously, water splashing, a few upset frogs croaking and leaping away. But she was right too, and she wasn’t one to discount her own opinion and values when it came to an issue. She wanted to bond, and knew that she would, so why were they pressing it? In the end the wolverine calmed herself. These thoughts were dangerously angry, and to be honest, this anger seemed always with her. It was unhealthy, and she knew it. Instead of dwelling on this she sat herself comfortably on one of the ledges, mostly submerged in the heated pool, and pulled her pale legs beneath her, curling them up towards her body. She lay her arms underneath the surface of the pool, aligning them with her legs, and let her head droop forward, relaxing her body bit by bit. Her mind was last and the most difficult: Telling your mind to do something, and your subconscious obeying, were two entirely different things. The realization of how constant her desire to bond was, the thrumming of the sensation that was much like a heartbeat, constant and thumping, became a startling realization to the Kelvic in that moment. She knew of her constructed design, of her animal and human traits melded into one and the imprinted desire to find companionship and set up that link, but to think that it was this drive and this drive alone that propelled her, that perhaps every action she had ever taken was not her own but some mechanical reaction on her part to get her one step closer to bonding, it coursed a vein of sadness and rage in equal measure through her. The wolverine snorted and her eyes snapped open. Shyke, she had been so close too…but that beginning of focus was gone…there would be no peaceful meditation in the water for her. She rose out of the water, forcing herself to face the chill winds of Avanthal in order to dry her body before transforming, clothes folded neatly by the side of the pool as the wolverine loped back toward the barracks. Legs pumped, making her move faster than her disproportioned body might otherwise suggest, and she reveled in the burn that sank into her legs, urging herself to go faster and faster rather than increasingly slower. She couldn’t be sure, but she almost imagined that the same two people she had ran into leaving the barracks were the two opening the doors when she dashed back inside and skidded down the halls, much too slippery for the pads on her feet. She yelped and fell and continued sliding down the stone hallway, a few curious and amused looks being thrown her way before she came to a halt and slowly rose, dashing to Jaerith’s quarters and scratching her claws upon the door. There was a long pause before he opened it, brilliant blue eyes finding her swiftly, and Sliver transformed again. Her stomach grumbled at the successive turnings, ready to be filled and restore the energy just consumed, but Sliver had something to do first. “I’ll do it.” Jaerith had less cause than almost anyone to be surprised by naked Kelvic’s, yet his mouth still hung somewhat ajar. Sliver shifted slightly, wondering if he understood. “I’ll meet with the new recruits, I’ll be bonded by the end of the season, that I can promise you.” As soon as the words left her lips she regretted them, but alas they were there. The guard had collected himself, though his gaze was still lower than her eyes…but he swiftly made contact with her dark gaze and nodded. “You’ll being patrolling with new recruits tomorrow.” Sliver nodded and turned to leave. She thought an apology might have been in order, but she was still a prideful creature where it counted. She heard Jaerith clear his throat and close the door, and Sliver entered the mess hall to many an appreciative glance in the nude: She was way too hungry to grab any clothes. |