by Philomena on April 10th, 2013, 1:42 am
Blackness... blackness... this color of blackness she knew. This color and sound, this hissing, this great black bird. These were not strangers. And she knew he had come. Gypa had come.
Her heart felt sick and full and hungry all at once, and she began to grow smaller, needier, smaller, needier. Her Shiress, she was strong. Her Shearsy, she was the priestess, the wise-woman, the one she raised to be strong and great. Her Wren, he was the one she raised to tell stories. Her Gypa... and she looked at him, now, and knew, with a sickly horror, what she had done to him. She looked hard at him, and she saw him for what he was. Her fingers rose and she held him - but not him, a doll. She touched his face, and his hair grew golden, long, his face narrowed, grew feminine. His clothing wavered, changed, the lank dress of a Kennel Girl.
Lanie.
And then, then she knew. She knew what she had done. She had not raised Gypa, she had pressed him, trained him, urged him, taught him to be... what she needed. And she looked again, at the black bird.
A carrion bird.
Vayt's bird. A thousand-thousand years ago the Bird Lady had pinned a black wren over Minnie's pillow, and Lanie had become the bird. The Bird that Brought Death. And Minnie taken her son, and nightly kneaded, pulled, pressed and formed, and made for him, his own pair of wings, and made of him a Death-in-Life, just like his mother before.
And Minnie felt sick, her mind revolted against the sight with such revulsion, that it nearly tore her awake. But a figure, a second Minnie appeared behind, a horrible monstrous Minnie, younger, angry, uglier, fiercer, hateful and cruel, her lips curled into a sneer. And it spoke with the hiss she kept within her own mind, the hiss of hatred.
"Wake? Escape? Don't you dare, you petching gutterslut coward. You filthy beast. You daughter of shyke. Kneel down. Kneel down, take the quill, and write it down. You wanted to be a petching Qalayan, did you? You and your filth-soaked prayers. Write it down. Stop pissing yourself, and write, you worthless thing. That's it."
And she did, she fell to her knees, tried to take the plume, failed. Her hand flew through, and her fingers shook. She reached her hand into the earth, and found a heavy stone, and took it, smashed it hard against her face, the mask shattering, leaving blood and glassy shards of ceramic scattered over the book.
And beneath, nothing. Behind the broken mask, nothing. No face, no skin, no blood, no flesh, nothing. Simply... nothing. An empty place far blacker than the feathers of her son. The cruel laughter of the hate-Minnie rang out cruelly.
"Well done. Well done. We've been a monster so long, why not make a face for it? Tell the truth now. Tell the truth, tell the truth. Tell how we sent our sister-love away. Tell how we've murdered two of our children, and how we've branded a slave-mark on the third. Tell it all. Write! Write Gutterslut!" The voice grew frantic, frightened, cracked, desperate, terror, terror, terror in it. "Minnie Lefting, for once, you petching bitch, write me down! One petching time, write me down!"
And the hate-child began to cry, heavy, red tears, and Minnie took the quill up. Then tried to write.
//Qalaya, I am this monster, with the broken face.//
The page crumpled, burnt, floated into the air, dissolved.
She tried to write it again.
It crumpled, burnt, floated into the air, dissolved.
She felt then, the sick release of surety. She stood, reached, and clutched one of the black feathers, floating, took it in her hand. The frets of it sliced at the flesh of her hand, and drank her blood into the well of its center. She set the quill tip to the page.
//Qalaya... I do not have a story, that I know how to tell, of myself. But I have three children, all beautiful. //
Her head did not move, and yet she looked, though no more had she eyes.
//My child, my Shearsy, my brave priestess, Qalaya, whisper to her one more poem, for I have written her a Book of Days but could not teach her the Book of Nights.
What is the chain, that binds the foot?
What is the brand that burns the skin?
The shackle rubs the ankle raw,
But cannot touch the soul.
Love is the only chain that binds,
Love is the only fire that burns
Love rubs the skin of the soul straight through,
But Love alone, though hard and cruel,
Can make the spirit whole.//
The eyeless eyes look again. And she sighs, and sets pen to paper again, and writes.
//My child, of the stolen heart, my Gypa, slave of his body-mother's past, Whisper to him Qalaya, the secret of the Ukalas, that I have--//
Her body shook, and melted smaller, dark and tired and empty husked.
//That I have made a road for him, that seeks a story's end. But all the ends the story has are wicked, but for one. And if he need a hand to worship she who is the final goddess, I will draw close to him, and I will pull the blade across his tender throat. And I will draw my courage up and live, when I am done. And I will write the story down, and break my oaths to Lanza-mae. And Wrenmae Wanderer, at last, will sail into the stars.//
And Minnie set the Quill down, and the voice of what she wrote pierced clear and sweet as eyes of deepest, deepest, ever-knowing blue, the bluer eyes of memory. The eyes that write things down.