I'm approaching a year anniversary on the forum in a few months and I thought I'd give some time to look back on what I've accomplished here, and a few thoughts on the whole whirlwind experience of it all.
First, I procrastinated a long time on posting. My first entry was poor enough for me to vaporize it with little mercy and with a new title and new first post, I want to make some sort of a statement on who I am...at least in the limited respect by which these letters define my personality. To that effect, has anyone noticed how, sometimes, our personalities change based on the perceptions of others? We like to say that we are who we are, but sometimes we change in imperceptible ways in accordance with how we are viewed by others. Before I wrote this, my interactions with some of the members on Mizahar was a sort of abrasive insistent, always asking questions or for clarifications on rules, or even to the progress of a quest. I realize how annoying that can be, but for some reason I didn't make the connection that what I was doing was necessarily wrong. There was an intention behind communication, a desire to know the typist behind the words...and to that extent I've always been that way. People are people, and I enjoy interacting and knowing them. On the other sites I frequent, my reputation is not nearly so poor nor my mannerisms so persistent...only here.
I wonder at that sometimes, how I managed to forge an identity that was so adverse to how I wanted to be perceived, and how difficult it is to ask someone to give you another chance without sounding desperate. So, I suppose I'm learning the lesson of letting things go. Sometimes you can't change what you've done, cannot amend or edit the actions taken. Some people are going to think the worst of you, maintain you aren't worth speaking to or knowing based on some preconceived notion, or even from the difficult position of being someone relied on before. I've lost friends, here, to assuming I could speak frankly about how I felt, expecting in some part a reaction of humanity to follow.
Was I wrong? Perhaps. It could have been how I communicated, or a hundred other possibilities...and only some of them my fault, but now doesn't seem pertinent to decide how it all came to be...but rather what to do.
For the most part, I enjoy everyone on Mizahar. I've had great experiences roleplaying and although my style cannot compare to some of the greats among the writers here, I like to think I can hold my own in a way that makes me an interesting partner to thread off of. I realize that my reputation is an issue, that I vanished for two months during the summer...that I lost a lot of confidence then. Regrettably, I cannot change what transpired, only hope that by staying current and trying to hold everything together, that I'll somehow re-earn what I lost.
And if not? Ah well. I'm here to write, to expand, to explore, to create, and collaborate with those who are interested in working with me. Mizahar is about the narrative, the world in which you can take a piece and shape it with the actions of your character. We all want stories, we all want purpose, and so we build it with each thread and interaction we have. I cannot change any minds, and a friend once told me not to apologize so much...so I won't.
Instead I'll affectionately reanimate and do my best in the future.
With the storm comes changes to the face of Mizahar...we will all adapt, change, or fall to the wayside.
Let's see what we all become.

Much reanimated love all.