Niall lay still in his cot whiole the rest of the squire's slept. It was not the first time he let his mind wander to that day, nor would it be his last. His body was sore from the combat training regiments that Captain Degan was putting him through, but the good Gaptain had always pushed the squires to their limits without breaking them. The lessons taught them discipline while furthering their knowledge with thier weapons.
He Lay in his cot with both hands clenching his Lakan; his mind drifting to that fateful day ...
"Niall! The Captain would like to see you in his private study," a fellow squire yelled while Niall was running the obstacle course on the practice grounds. It took the akalak a moment to let the words sink in ... in his private study ... had he done something wrong? The other squires all looked at him as if he caught some rare and uncurable disease. No one ever got called to the Captain's private study.
Niall did not want to go and every fiber of his being had told him to stop, but his duty had been called upon and so he went at a fast pace. Niall's face held full fact that he was nervous of the upcoming encounter. He did not know how to get rid of it even when he knocked on the open door frame of the Captain's private study.
"Squire Raghnall, Reporting as order, SIR!" He said coming to full attention.
Captain Degan had noted the look on niall's face and spoke softly, "Niall, please come in and close the door. Have a seat next to me." Niall had been caught off guard by this but did as he was told sitting quietly wondering what was to come next.
"Son, I am not sure how to tell you this so i'm going to come straight out and say it. forgive me now for my bluntness, but it is something both you and I have never had to go through." Both mentor and pupil locked eyes. "Earlier this morning, your father and grandfather were on patrol in the cobalt mountains. The patrol was ambushed ... both your father and grandfather died." Captain Degan pulled out both Lakans to show his proof of what he had just said.
Niall hesitated not sure what to think or say. Was this real? He couldn't let the rational side of his brain connect with the words that were spoken. His hand went to the two Lakans and traced the pattern upon each ceremonial dagger. The first belonged to his grandfather, the second belonged to his grandfather; the patterns proved it. Tears began to well up in his eyes at everything came crashing together and his mind deciphering the events.
"But .. but ... how?" he asked lowering his head into his hands.
"The how does not matter my son. What I say to you is no consulation, but you not only lost your family; I lost my best friends. Men such as these are completely irreplacable. We are less fo rnot having them around. Just know their lives served with great honor, and your task is to honor them in life and death so that their souls can smile down proudly upon you. I will leave you to your grieving. Take your time; you can stay in private as long as you like. But after you have mourned, it is time to respect them in burial ceremony and look to the future. That is the Syliran Knight way."
Captain Degan rose from his chair and headed to the door. Before opening it, he turned his head to speak one last time. "Ask anything of me from here out, and I will help. That is my offering to you. I cannot replace your family but will treat you like a son in mine from here forth." Then he left closing the door behind him.
Niall spent what felt like an eternity in the private study crying over the loss of his family. He felt devistated and alone. There would be no one there for him to go to when he needed to talk, no one there for supprt or guidance. He wanted to know how this happened and the words of Captain were of no help. Knowing they were doing their duty was not good enough, he wanted to know how they died. It was clear he would never learn the truth. Something stirred deep inside him, but he ignored it for the moment. It was a raw emotion of anger he'd never felt before. It could not be let out.
Niall went back to the squire's dorm after his time in the private study. He still felt hurt and alone, but he know longer held an urge to cry. Two of his fellow squires were there and saw him enter. they had no idea what had taken place but everyone in the camp was assuming.
"Even the best get in trouble. maybe he isn't the best."
"Maybe he has been let go! Not going to be able to follow in daddy's footsteps eh?"
Something inside of Niall clicked and the suppressed rage came forth with a voice of its own. It took shape inside of him like a savage beast who only wished to kill. Niall's eyes looked to the two squires with pure evil. a power swirled inside of him that frieghtened him, but he had no control. It felt like a freedom compared to the cage of chivalry. He let the rage take control. He tried to remember what had taken place but his own conscious could only focus when three men had him held down on the ground. Laying on the ground beside him were the two squires who were making fun of him ... they both lay in their own blood either unconscious or dead.
Niall was thrown into an isolation pit by the Captain informed everyone to remain quiet or else he would release them as squires. He told Niall this occurance would never be discussed again, and he would have to control his rage or else the knights would have to send him with his father. Niall lay in the pit letting the words sink in. He wanted to be angry about the whole thing but sorrow was the only emotion that came through. He had dishonored himself and more importantly his family. Captain Degan had told Niall to live the rest of his life bringing honor to his family. The rage still stirred within him, but his desire to honor his family from here forth overcame the rage and tucked it deep in a mental box in the back of his head.
Each day in the pit, the rage came closer to getting free, and he found it harder and harder to resist. How could he honor his father and grandfather in such a state? After five days the beast stirred too close to the surface, and he grew desperate. That was when he remembered Wysar whom his father was slowly teaching him to understand. Wysar was the god of discipline whom most Akalak worshipped. Was this rage the reason why? Did all Akalak feel the rage?
Desperate, Niall fell to his knees. "Wise and merciful Wysar. I beg you to here the prayer of a humble follower. I only know one life, the life of a Syliran Knight, the life of my father and his father. I have jepordized that through a rage which I cannot control. I have dihonored my family and myself. I am begging you to hear me. Help me control the beast inside, and my life is yours. Completely! From life and through death! I will honorably serve you. Please! Can you help?"