Closed I'm Not Dying, Am I?

[Casimir]

33rd Spring 516

Atticus had given him this idea, but Casimir still felt proud for doing it. Running his fingers through his silver blue hair, he straightened his shirt, trying to appear neat. He wished it wasn't as cold up in the mountain. Shirts always scratched him and could be so uncomfortable. Finally adjusting it, he looked up the stairs, the narrow winding staircase travelling up Tenten peak. At the top, there was a doctor, a doctor to heal and help him.

Almost bursting with excitement, he began the journey up, leaping over stairs where they were narrower. It wasn't long until he was in the marble hallway, which he almost raced down. Careful there, came the voice of Mim, teasing, You're eager. Casimir shook his head, "To see someone about you," he whispered, realising the implications. This wasn't normal, so curing would would mean getting rid of Mim and Mu'walla and the unnamed priestess of Leth. In a way, he would miss them. But at the same time, he wouldn't miss the strange feelings and the disconnection and the hallucinations.

Casimir moved into the reception area lost in thought but it wasn't long until he noticed that the corridor had opened up into a large central room, beautiful skyglass staircase placed at the centre as the piece of focus. Casimir moved to it, entranced by the workmanship. Skyglass was so beautiful, and perfect for the city. A finger tapped it lightly, then he remembered why he was there in the first place. A doctor!

Moving over to where a receptionist sat, he smiled, the young lady smiling back. "How may I help you?"

Casimir cleared his throat, "I wanted to see a doctor."

After a moments silence, the lady realised he had nothing to add. Of course, she had expected more - the majority of visitors came to see a doctor. "Did you have an appointment? What is it about?"

"No, no appointment," he quickly shook his head, before running his fingers through his hair again. For some reason, he had become nervous. He couldn't tell why, maybe he could ask the doctor that too? "It's about voices in my head."

The receptionist looked at him a little shocked, but didn't question it. It was more how casually he said it instead of what he had said. "Well, then, just wait here and a doctor will be with you shortly."

[Veldrys]

Veldrys had just visited a patient that recovered at the Catholicon after a particularly complicated operation and made sure that everything was as it should be, as a nurse approached him, a human woman with brown eyes and dark hair. She was a little hesitant, as a lot of people were around him and remained standing in the doorway rather than approaching him. “There is an Ethaefal in the reception area”, she informed him somewhat coolly. “He came here without an appointment.”

Veldrys took one last look at his patient who seemed to have fallen asleep again after the examination and gave the nurse a sign that he wanted to talk to her outside the patient’s room lest they woke the man up. “He came without an appointment”, he repeated. “Is it urgent then?” The nurse, who still kept her distance, he noticed, shook her head. “No, Doctor, he just claimed that there are voices in his head. Shall I tell him to leave and come back when he has an appointment?”

Veldrys considered her question for a moment, and then he decided, “If he is already here, I might as well take a look at him. Can you take care of the patient in room four in the meantime? Her position needs to be changed so that she does not get any pressure sores.”

The nurse nodded, and Veldrys made his way to the reception area. He spotted the Ethaefal at once, with his horns, silver blue hair and shimmering skin. There seemed to be more Ethaefal in Lhavit than in most other cities he had visited so far, but they were still not exactly common, and their otherworldly beauty still left him almost speechless every time he met one of them.

He decided to approach him. “I’m Veldrys of the Vervain Web”, he introduced himself. His voice was pleasant, there was something calm and almost soothing about it. He spoke Common as well as most residents of Lhavit, with just the hint of an accident. “I’ll be your doctor today. I was informed that you have been …” He lowered his voice since Casimir probably didn’t want the other patients to be aware of the exact nature of his problem. “… hearing voices.”

“How long have you been hearing them?” he wanted to know and gestured for Casimir to follow him so that he could examine him in a place that was less crowded and a little more quiet, sincerely hoping that the Ethaefal was not one of those people. Those that had fallen from the Ukalas were usually less prejudiced than the normal inhabitants of Lhavit, but one could never know.

Veldrys Vervain was anything but human. He was paler than any man should be, with amethyst eyes, silver hair and long fingered hands that ended in blackened nails. Even the clothes he wore, cut in the style of Lhavit, did little to hide his race. In fact they almost accentuated it.

[Casimir]

His doctor came along, introducing himself as Veldrys of some Web, whatever that meant. Casimir wasn't sure, but assumed it was a way of linking himself to a family. All it made him think of was the beautiful webs, crystals of dew sparkling upon then, and Casimir had to blink a few times before responding to his question, coming back to reality.

"When did I start hearing them?" Casimir repeated, before noticing that Veldrys had gestured towards him, long fingers and blackened nails that weren't quite human. Of course, he should have noticed he wasn't human. He had been too preoccupied with his thoughts to see the incredibly pale skin and amethyst eyes; or, at least, note upon them as something unnatural, at least for someone of the human race.

He followed obediently, bobbing up and down and looking around with wonder at all the things he had never seen before. He had never entered this building, so everything inside was something of delight. There had been a time before the Ukalas, of course, when he had walked on this ground, but it was lost in fragments in his mind, almost sharp to touch. Besides, there was beauty in this rediscovery.

Realising he still hadn't answered the question, the Ethaefal quickly began to speak. "It must have started when I drank from that fountain - the 25th, I think. I started seeing strange things. Things that weren't real." Things that haunted him, like long lost lives. "Then I heard Mim, she started talking to me."

Casimir stopped, deciding to introduce them. "Mim's a Kelvic, or so she said, a magpie. She liked talking. When I'm alone in the ocean, she does nothing but talk. Around others, she's learned to stay quiet, though." He smiled, thinking fondly of her, however annoying she was at times. Without her, he would be alone. "Then there's a Konti, Mu'walla. What's a Konti? All she tells me is that they love to swim too. And a third, she worships Leth with me. They all do, but especially her. I don't know anything else."

His mood seemed to shrink, then he looked up, eyes lighting up, "I'm guessing this isn't normal?" His voice remained at a fairly normal volume, even rising when he spoke with a little more excitement. Why would he stay quiet? He didn't care that the others knew - Casimir hadn't even thought about it. To him, he was just speaking to the doctor and the others were just passerbys. His focus wasn't on them, apart of the wonder when a more unusual individual came along. Like Veldrys, he supposed.

Trying not to sound offensive, Casimir looked at him, "What are You?" He simply wanted to know about this elegant, pale race. Racism was something he didn't even know of, not yet.

[Veldrys]

„I drank from the Sharai Spring as well“, Veldrys answered and furrowed his brow. “But I don’t hear voices nor do I see things that aren’t real. The spring water merely made me care less. It made me calm.” He shook his head lightly. He had thought that the spring water merely made people calm or angry or made them develop new kinds of magic, but apparently it could even mimic the symptoms of insanity. There did not seem to be any discernable pattern to all those strange happenings, but then again it was possible that he had overlooked something. Maybe the effects varied depending on how much somebody had drunk – and when. Maybe they varied from race to race or from age group to age group. He needed to examine the Ethaefal with every method that he knew. Maybe he’d be able to make sense of the chaos this way.

He led Casimir to a small room that was sectioned off from the rooms where the patients rested. There were a table and two chairs there. Veldrys gestured for Casimir to take a seat, and then he took a seat himself. “What is normal anyway?” he asked rhetorically. “It seems a little unusual to me, but then again I heard that people set themselves on fire after they had drunk from the Sharai Spring. Those voices you hear though, Mim and what was it? Mu’walla? Do they answer your questions or are the conversations one-sided? And have they ever tried to make you do bad things? Have they ever tried to make you hurt yourself or others?”

The Ethaefal, he observed, seemed to know little about the ways of the world. He didn’t seem to understand why he had lowered his voice and that people might not take kindly to a man who heard voices. He alo seemed to be fairly excited, which was again strange. Most people didn’t like visiting a hospital. Was that his normal personality or was it a side effect of the spring water?

"I am a Symenestra”, he answered Casimir’s question willingly. By now the Ethaefal had likely noticed that the blackened nails, the silver hair and the amethyst eyes were not the only things that were decidedly inhuman about him. His canines were elongated, almost like a predator’s. It was obvious when he spoke. “I was born in Kalinor, deep underground, but since the beginning of the season I have been living here, in Lhavit.” He looked at Casimir, considering him. “I know that you are an Ethaefal, but what else are you? I met others of your kind before, and they always changed …”

[Casimir]

It turned out Veldrys had also drank from the fountain, with a completely different effect. He was calmer, which seemed like a pretty good thing to happen. Compared to the strange magic that happened to some - erupting into flames as one drank from it, he supposed even he had got a good effect, although, of course, that could be argued otherwise.

Casimir settled into a seat, listening to Veldrys talk. He had plenty of questions, but Casimir assumed that was how it worked. The doctor asked loads of questions so they could find out what the condition was and how to treat it. Casimir replied to each one in as much detail as he could, trying to make it all clear to the doctor. "Mim and Mu'walla, yes. They talk to me and reply to me. It's the other one that doesn't, the nameless one. Mim and Mu'walla respond to what's happening around me, they see what's going on and might say something relevant, or answer something I said. They're like friends, in a way, except they are always with me and in my head." Casimir chuckled at what he had said, somehow finding it funny.

"But they never made me hurt myself or others, or do bad things. In fact, Mu'walla stops me from doing them. She advises me, sometimes. She's really friendly and nice, really helpful. Mim's not as nice - she's jokey and annoying, but she wouldn't want me to get hurt. They don't tell me to do anything, not like orders. Suggestions or jokes, maybe, but not seriously."

He looked up, listening to the Symenestra, as he called himself, talk. He lived deep underground and Casimir couldn't understand why. Surely underground, you couldn't see the beauty of the night sky, or of the sun and moon. You couldn't see the ocean from underground, nor the plants and animals. But if there was a whole city, perhaps it worked, somehow. Maybe the Symnestra didn't care about beauty. Lots of things didn't care about beauty. It was a shame, especially in this beautiful world. Only people like him made the most of it.

When Veldrys asked about his other form, Casimir's mood changed, for a tick. He didn't like revealing it, yet he didn't know why. Perhaps it was because he liked having at least one secret, perhaps it was because he didn't want people to know that he was the one who had caused problems with fishing boats. But this was a doctor and if he was asking, it had to be important. "A Charoda. The race live underwater and can't survive up in Lhavit. I have to stay in the ocean." He shrugged, "No big deal." It was, but Casimir acted as if it wasn't. He hadn't come here to talk about that situation. He had come to talk about the voices in his head.

[Veldrys]

The Symenestra listened to the Ethaefal as he told him more about the voices in his head and furrowed his brow. He didn’t comment right away, but sat there quietly, thinking. He had not had such a case before. He had dealt with people that suffered from insanity before. Sanairas Larkspar, the most powerful mage of Kalinor, had overgiven, lost her mind and eventually died, but she had been nothing like Casimir. The voices in her head had been aggressive, they had been dangerous, and she had been completely out of touch with reality. They had been forced to lock her up so that she wouldn’t hurt herself or others. Casimir’s voices on the other hand seemed to be comparatively harmless. There was one thing that definitely bothered Veldryst though.

“The nameless one”, he wondered. “What does he do? Does he not talk to you? How do you know that he’s there? And how do you know that Mim and Mu’walla are a Konti and a Kelvic? Can you see them?” He hesitated for a moment before he aksed the next question. He was not sure if he was worried about the answer or what Casimir thought of the things that he asked. “Are they here now? Are they listening to us?” While he waited for the Ethaefal to answer his questions, he lit a candle and held it in front of his eyes, to see if they reacted normally to the light. If they didn’t, he might have a hint as to what exactly had happened to Casimir.

“I have never met a Charoda”, he admitted and extinguished the candle again before he took a notebook and a quill that he dipped into a vial of ink. It would be best if he wrote Casimir’s answers down, he decided, so that he remembered them later on. He looked at the Ethaefal questioningly to see if he minded, and then he continued to speak.

“There is water, under Kalinor where Charoda could potentially live, but I assume the journey to my homeland would be too exhausting for your kind. You are probably wondering why I asked that question. If I want to have a chance at treating you, I need to know as much as possible about you. Every little piece of the puzzle will help.”

He had more questions of course, a lot more, but if he asked them all at the same time he would overwhelm the Ethaefal. It would be better to pose them one at a time, he decided.

[Casimir]

He spoke of the nameless one as male. Casimir smiled, chuckling to himself a little. Of course, Veldrys had no reason to know about the nameless one being female - Casimir had given no indication and it wasn't like the doctor had heard her speak. Trying to restrain himself, he finally replied, still smiling widely at the thought. "It's a she. She speaks to Leth, so I hear her. She prays to him, like I do, only more solemnly, more deeply. I don't know how to put it." The Ethaefal frowned, trying to put the feeling into words. When she prayed, it was so solemn and religious, so connected to the god, especially compared to him. He chatted as if he was a friend, but she spoke with even greater connection, yet so much more formally. "I call her a priestess of Leth, because only one would sound like her.

"As for how I know, they told me. I asked, they replied. When they first started speaking, at least when Mim did, I said, 'what are you?' She said a magpie and a human. Then elaborated to kelvic. I didn't know about them before, not before she said that. But turns out they're real!" Casimir exclaimed, excitement of a child running through his veins. Something about kelvics was just out of reach, that he knew yet he didn't. The feeling had only started when Mim had said it. Yet he could never figure out quite what. "And Mu'walla, she mentioned it when I was swimming. I can't remember, exactly, but she spoke about how she could breath underwater too, like me." He frowned, once again feeling this inexplicable feeling. It was like there was something in the back of his mind he couldn't remember, that was bugging him so bad.

Veldrys' next question brought him back to speaking, and Casimir began again, an almost excited, rambling pave. "I don't know if they're here. They aren't in this world, not properly. It's like, they're always there, but, but... they're not at the same time. I'll ask!" Turning his speech almost inwards, he muttered to himself, a question to see if they were around. "Mim, Mu'walla? Are you there?'

Yeah, why are you talking about me? came the familiar voice of Mim, soft and rounded. Not soft in a motherly way, but of a younger sister. "So you can hear us?" Well, duh! Anything you hear, I hear. Just can't be asked to respond all the time - you're boring sometimes. Like now. Casimir turned his face to one of surprise, then looked back up at Veldrys. "She - Mim - says she can always hear, but doesn't listen, because it's boring. So yeah, she's listening."

Veldrys held a candle up to his eyes, causing the Ethaefal to squint at the light. While he didn't know it, his pupils become smaller, reacting in the way they should have. "What are you doing that for? It hurts my eyes that close!" Besides, he never liked fire. It was beautiful, the way it danced and twisted, but something about it was terrifying as well.

"Water under Kalinor?" Casimir repeated, returning to his parrot ways, "If it's far from the coast, it could be dangerous. But if I get the chance, it would be nice to visit. It must be strange living in darkness. Where are all the pretty things?" He stopped before he embarrassed the doctor, letting him ask the questions. He didn't want to seem too judging. "Have you got any more questions? This is fun!" Then, noticing that the man, or Symnestra, had begun to write, "What are you writing?" Of course, this was exactly the reason he had stopped talking about Kalinor, but Casimir was too caught up with interest, trying to peer round and read the words.

[Veldrys]

„I apologize“, the Symenestra replied as Casimir informed him that the nameless one was female. “I cannot see them so you have to tell me what they look and sound like. What is she like? Is she an Ethaefal – like you?” She did not sound harmful, he thought, but like somebody he would like to get to know, a kindred spirit. For a moment he wondered if it would not be better to just leave Casimir be – the voices in his head seemed to be friends and provided him with guidance and companionship – but then he recalled that it had been Casimir who had sought his help. He had to be suffering in some way.

“If they are just in your head they are not …” He wanted to say that Mim, Mu’walla and the nameless one were not real, but it would be unwise to confront Casimir with the reality of it at the beginning of his examination. He might just decide to jump up and leave the room. On the other hand, maybe they were real. The likelihood was small, but it still needed to be considered. He looked at Casimir abruptly. “Ethaefal fall from the Ukalas, do they not? Do you remember any of your past lives? Who were you before? I still remember who I used to be. The memory came to me in a dream …”

His mind seemed to be far away for a moment as he thought of it, of the human seer that had died alone, broken in body and mind by the magic that he had wielded. Now was not the right time to dwell on the past though, not when there was somebody that needed his help. As Casimir claimed that his companions were here now, he raised an eyebrow before he decided to address them directly. “Mim, Mu’walla. Casimir said you could hear me. Can you tell me why you decided to come to him and keep him company?”

“I apologize”, he murmured as Casimir complained about the brightness of the light. “I needed to see if your eyes react normally to it. They did which is reassuring. Tell me though, Casimir, do you ever suffer any headaches? Are you ever dizzy? And forgive me for asking the next question, but it is a necessity. Did your companions ever try to take control of your body?” He readied the quill so that he could note Casimir’s answers, should the Ethaefal decide to answer his questions and not just be offended.

“The pretty things are everywhere”, he replied. “Kalinor is beautiful, despite its inherent flaws. The houses hang from the ceiling. Their walls shimmer like crystal. The Symenestra, they dress in silk in all the colors of the rainbow. Even Lhavit pales compared to it, although Kalinor’s is of course a darker kind of beauty.”

“I’m taking notes”, he replied and shrugged his shoulders. “I want to remember my patients. If somebody comes to me with similar problems, I’ll already know how to help them and which questions to ask. I hope that you do not mind.”

[Casimir]

"Sorry too," Casimir hung his head in shame, for a tick or two, before reverting to his smile, "Laughing was stupid! I don't know what she's like, I don't see her. At least, I don't think." He frowned, thinking about it. He had seen Mim before, flying around him. Little glimpses of her anyway. And Mu'walla, he had seen the same Konti around, in reflections and the ripples of water. That was her. How did he know that he hadn't seen the final voice? "I've seen the others. Like hallucinations. I'd see their face in a reflection or something, then it would go. Maybe I've seen her..."

Then the doctor spoke of falling, and Casimir felt the remains of the memories of that too, like the faint breeze when the wind wasn't certain if it wanted to blow. "I don't remember much. Traces. I see them, more, than I remember them. The yellow teapot." He shrugged, as if the phrase meant something. "I've seen it in windows, but I don't think it's there at all. Are you trying to say that they are memories?" Casimir put the pieces together, his mind broken with thought. Shatters of memories came back to him, but they came in a rush of senses, so nothing came through. Only Leth, only water.

Then the Symnestra spoke to the voices, asking them a question. Something stirred in his mind and they replied, this time Mu'walla speaking. "Tell him, Casimir, that I came to look after you. To protect you." Casimir nodded to himself, looking back up to the doctor. "She wants to care for me," he conveyed, paraphrasing because her words didn't sound right in his mouth, "Make sure I'm happy and safe and well." While she hadn't said that directly, he knew it was right. It was a gut feeling inside him.

Casimir answered the next set of questions with ease, not hesitating at any, but for the moment it took for him to think about the reply. "Dizziness, headaches, yes. I feel light headed sometimes, paranoia overcomes me, things feel out of reach. And no, they don't. They don't do anything at all, apart from talk."

Veldrys' words painted a beautiful picture in his mind of the city. Hanging houses, silk and rainbows, walls that shimmered like crystal. In his mind, he saw a city very similar to Lhavit, only with houses that hung upside down and with darkness everywhere, instead of lightly. Houses that hung upside down interested him, and he sketched a mental image in his mind, solidifying it into place. Houses that hung upside down. Where they could be built, other than underground, he wasn't certain, but it was certainly something to investigate. Lost in thought, he almost didn't notice that the doctor had replied. "I don't mind at all," he tagged at the end, hoping it would make it seem like he was listening.