Solo Every Tear One Day Will Dry

[Taurina]

Mid-Afternoon of the 67th of Spring 517

“So what is it exactly? What does it mean?” Jarorra’s curious voice came from just over the Ethaefal’s shoulder.

Taurina lifted her gaze up from the work she was bent over so that she could look to her mentor. The smirk that spread across her lips was something taunting and playful, secretive. She was not willing to give up the surprise of what her current project was so easily. It was not because the project was anything special or grand, but she liked the hiding and secret keeping. It kept Jarorra interested and playing with her was a good distraction.

“You’ll see,” was the only answer Taurina gave and was going to give.

Jarorra rolled her eyes and shook her head. Sending Taurina playful signs of Geht Voune before she laughed and promised to be back. The Ethaefal only kept her smile of secret keeping as she watched the Drykas woman wander off to go do something else with her time. Once she was far enough away and had her back turned, Taurina turned back to her work and the smile vanished.

Over the past few days Taurina had been working on this particular piece. It was not that it was big or anything, but it was detailed and she was trying to get it as close to perfect as she could. The Ethaefal was determined to show Injal that she could make the edges of her lines smooth and also do curved lines instead of just straight ones. With work she had found that she could do these things, but they took much longer for her than it did the others. They could have done this piece within a handful of bells, but for her it had been many bells stretched over the course of multiple days. She had decided this did not matter. She was going to get it done and it was going to be her best work, that was what mattered.

The tips of the chisel needles were filled with blood red colored ink before the Ethaefal lined it up over the area of skin she was working with. This was detail work so she was filling up the needles with ink before sending it under the skin. She had found that this method helped with getting the finer details of the work done correctly. Otherwise she ended up with a splotchy mess that had gaps in the ink and gave no guarantee that it was going to turn out correctly until excess ink was wiped away. She felt better doing the details this way, safer. The needles of the chisel in her hands were sent beneath the topmost layers of skin.

Taurina released the pressure she had on the tool in her hands and drew it out. She had to be careful with how much pressure she applied and she was getting better at it. More and more she believed that if the skin was a real patient she would not be making them bleed too much more than what was normal. Of course it was hard to know for sure, the skin of some long dead animal did not exactly bleed. The Ethaefal wiped away the small bits of excess ink that had spilled out over the skin and she sighed softly. No big holes had been left in the skin and the color was all there. Looked pretty good. Taurina was satisfied.

The chisel was lined up with the where Taurina next wanted to add color and she continued the process. It was not necessarily hard, but it took great focus. The Ethaefal was being meticulous this day as well. She was really keeping an eye on the amount of pressure she was applying with each poke of the needles and watched how much ink she was using throughout the work. She did not want to mess up, yes, but there was more too the focus she was forcing upon herself. Making herself focus on one thing kept her from thinking about anything else. Her mind could not dwell on the thoughts that plagued it if she did not give it those thoughts a chance to rise up.

Really, things should have been better and the thoughts gone by this point. Many days had passed since the adventure gone amiss. Within the pavilion many things had happened since then, changed, and it seemed like most, if not all, had moved on from the tension of that day after the fight. For the most part at least. Taurina still had not though. She was still distancing herself from her family and from everyone, bringing only misery and loneliness upon herself. She did not know why or what caused her to be this way, but it was like darkness had swallowed her whole. The light Azmere had insisted was within her was entirely vacant. Well.. maybe not entirely, but she did not know how to find it.

“Such a long time you have been working at that, not finished yet?” Keil’s voice was cold and unfeeling.

Taurina looked up slowly with a frown wrinkling the edges of her lips and a glare set in her eyes. She shook her head and waved him off, wondering why he was even around her in the first place. It was unusual for him to bother her unless he needed he for something or was forced to work with her on something by one of the others. They did not dislike each other, Keil just did not seem to like anybody and Taurina did not like to bother him. Plus she had not been feeling very social of of late anyway.

“If you are not going to be helpful than go away,” Taurina dismissed.

Keil’s gaze narrowed a moment before he shrugged and walked away. The Eth glared after him until he was busy doing something else. She huffed out her nose before returning to the work. Only, things were not coming so smooth anymore. The Ethaefal tried to get her rhythm back, but Keil’s comment made her feel like she was not moving fast enough. Like she needed to be moving faster and the slowness became aggravating. She groaned before reluctantly calling it a day. The frustration was unneeded and only caused mistakes. She was better off leaving it till later, when her head space was clearer.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

The slowness with which the Ethaefal packed away all her things left something to be desired. She was sluggish, nearly uncaring. It was as though any possibility to feel joy or happiness had been taken from her, leaving a vacancy in her soul where those emotions should have been. Even though there were times when true smiles found her lips or a laugh escaped her throat, life as a whole just felt… empty. Taurina felt trapped with no way out and wished for the days to come back when her soul had been unburdened by such heaviness as it was now.

Taurina did get everything placed where it was supposed to go and cleaned the tools she had used as best she could after some time. With Syna lower in the sky than she had been when the Eth started packing up, Taurina left the Lilacwind pavilion with goodbyes to her coworkers. Jarorra made her displeasure of Taurina’s parting without revealing her work well known, but the Eth simply forced a laugh and promised that next time it would be ready for eyes other than her own. Jarorra swore that she would hold Taurina to that promise before letting the Eth part from the pavilion. Taurina expected nothing less.

“Hello my big, beautiful boy," Taurina spoke gentle in greeting to her stallion.

Starfire still had a mouthful of grass as he lifted his head from the ground and made a sound that came from the depths of his throat. He blew a breath, his tail swishing over his rump, and his back legs shifting. He put up no resistance when his rider and bonded reached out to stroke his cheeks as she murmured soft words over him. Taurina’s voice was a gentle hum as she whispered her sweet nothings to the stallion. Her hands moved over the sides of his face and scratched down his jaw. She moved to his side, hands caressing down the side of his warm neck.

“Come on, let’s go home,” Taurina whispered before she parted from him to retrieve the yvas she had let fall to the ground upon approaching him.

The Ethaefal was not particularly eager to get home. She felt almost detached from the place. Not like she did not want to be there or like she wanted to leave for good, but being there did not stir anything up within her. Nothing pleasant anyway. Something inside of her told her that she needed to get over this. That she needed to stop her foolishness and let them back in. That if she did not let them in that they would block her out as she had done to them. Family could only give so much for so long without getting anything in return. If she kept this up than she was risking loosing them all forever.

Taurina shoved those thoughts from her mind as she hoisted the yvas up over Starfire’s withers and began securing the straps that would keep it on him. She did not want to loose her family. They had given her so much and it was not them who had taken anything away. No, that had been her. Her and her selfishness, her foolishness. A sigh was blown out from the Eth’s nose as she finished up tightening the straps of the yvas. She then went to the bags that were attached to it, opening each one to ensure all of the contents that had been there in the morning were still there. It all was, just as she had known it would be. Checking was just stalling time to avoid going home.

After fastening the second bag she checked shut, Taurina finally took hold of the yvas handle and a large handful of Starfire’s mane in her hands and hoisted herself up onto him. Starfire was unflinching as his rider mounted, only shifting slightly once she was on. His long tail came and flicked his side, brushing over his rider’s clothed calf, before it settled once more behind him. Taurina smiled, barely, and gave him a pat against the base of his neck after she had situated herself as best she could on top of him. Muscles tensed as thighs and calves squeezed the sides of the stallion to get him moving. It never took very much, Starfire was a willing participant in any journeys the Eth took him on through the grass. Even when she demanded he go no faster than a wandering walk and their destination was one they had reached probably a hundred times before.

Their pace was slow and meandering through the tent city. Taurina was still in no rush to get home and spent her time grappling with her thoughts. There was the dark grey cloud that had fallen over her life to contend with. All those feelings of emptiness, detachment, uselessness came from it. Color had been all she could see at the beginning of the season when Starfire found her. There had been so much color. Happiness, light, and joy had followed despite the disappearance of her windmarks. Now though, there was just the grey. A whole sea of it that smothered anything that dared try and come against it.

Moving through the tent city like she was showed Taurina the many other pavilions that she lived amongst. People saw her and she saw them, but neither party was really seeing the other. Neither knew what the other was thinking, what their lives were like, what monsters plagued their nightmares or what their greatest dreams were filled with. When the Ethaefal looked at the others in the Drykas city, she was mostly jealous of them. Even if it was not true, they looked as though they had their lives figured out. They knew where they were and where they were going. Taurina felt left behind, stagnant and trapped where she was.

Heals tapped against Starfire’s sides and he advanced to a faster pace. Taurina could feel that he wanted to surge faster, feel the rush of the air flowing past him and the pulse of life running through him. It was her that held him back. That leaned her weight back in the yvas and pulled firm against his mane. They would not go faster than the slow trot she had kicked him up to. They would not swim like the fish in the stream or soar like the birds in the sky. Not today. Not while the Ethaefal remained too fearful of what might happen that she refused to even try.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

Taurina did not know what truly set him off. Maybe it was the loud noise or perhaps the dog that ran up behind him or the scream that pierced the air. It probably was the combination of everything coming at them all at once. It did not really matter what had caused the fear, just that it had been caused. Starfire had bolted and it was all Taurina could do to hold onto him. Sanity left her as she flung her body forward and gripped tight onto his neck. She was screaming at him to stop, but her words were whisked away with the wind. The pair became just a blur of white moving through the tent city.

It was not really a surprise when her arms gave out and she felt herself beginning to fall from the stallion’s back. Starfire did not slow or even seem to realize what was going on. He had lost himself and his rider was not experienced enough to stay on him, let alone get him to slow down back to a normal pace. Taurina landed hard against the ground. Her side took most of the fall, pain vibrated through it. What made it even better was the puddle of mud she landed on. Only.. it was not really mud. The ripe smell of fresh dung that was suddenly engulfing her was enough to tell her that.

Holding her side, the Ethaefal slowly turned onto her back. Tears made her eyes swell as her face twisted with all sorts of pain, disgust, and despair. Through the growing tears she could see the blurry faces of many Drykas wondering after her wellbeing. Someone said that they had retrieved her strider and another asked if she would like some help standing up. There were lots of words and many more faces that only stared than the ones that offered help. Taurina knew she was crying for the warmth of tears could be felt trailing down her cheeks. She did not care though. She felt done. If the day had been bleak and grey before, it was downright hopeless now.

“Would you like some help up?” that was the question repeated most and it was the same woman who asked it over and over.

Taurina just nodded in response finally after some of the shock of the fall had worn off. She felt hands on her after that. Large hands gripped beneath her shoulders and smaller, softer hands helped to steady her once she was standing. Taurina, herself, gripped her side. Along her ribs hurt the worst so that was where she wrapped her hand. From what she could tell everywhere else was more or less alright. She was not a healer though so she could not really tell for sure. The stench that covered most of the left side of her body she did not even address mentally. Taking it all in at once was proving too hard for her in this moment.

The Eth winced as she brought her right hand up and wiped away her tears the best she could. Every movement sent a new shock of pain through her injured side. Someone was saying that she needed to go to the River Flower and get checked out. Another was asking her questions like what her name was and what pavilion she belonged to. The woman who had gotten her help up was telling people to back off while simultaneously asking Taurina if she was alright and what hurt.

“I want to go home,” were the words that came out in a strangled cry when Taurina finally spoke, “I just want to go home.”

Relief exploded through Taurina after those words had been spoken. It was the first time she had wanted to go home to the pavilion in what felt like such a long time. Maybe it was because she was hurt or just overwhelmed, but that was where she wanted to be. Home, with her family around her. Brown eyes focused on the woman who was in front of her. She looked to be probably Haena’s age and had kind eyes that held concern as well as understanding. Taurina repeated her wish to go home.

“Alright, we’ll get you home,” the woman promised, “your stallion is here. He is alright, looks like he was just spooked.”

Taurina nodded, a feeling of guilt twisting in her core. She realized that she should have thought more of him after her fall. Wondered if he was alright, called after him so that he might come back and not run off. The Eth found herself grateful someone had caught up to him and a stronger hand than hers had been able to bring him back to her. She did not know what she would have done if he had been lost or injured.

“Thank you,” Taurina said softly before she looked around to find Starfire.

The strider was right there near her. If he had words Taurina thought he might be saying sorry. He did not seem angry or even scared anymore. Maybe a little weary, but his face was stretching out towards her. He sniffed her as if trying to assess if she was okay or not. Taurina sighed before reaching out towards him. She was slow in getting her hand to his jaw, her body sending up so many signals of pain as she moved. The Eth was too stubborn to let the pain stop her. She scratched her fingers along his jaw and told him she was alright. That she did not smell very good and was not in perfect physical condition, but she was alright and she was glad he was alright.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

At least home was not very far from where the fall had taken place because getting the Ethaefal back proved to be a rather difficult task. Getting back on Starfire was a challenge just by itself, but riding was pretty much out of the question. While some might of accused her of being afraid of riding again, that was not the reason. She did not blame Starfire for what had happened. He had just been scared. It was herself with whom she placed blame. Perhaps if she had just been a better rider she would have been able to calm him back down. At the very least she would have probably been able to stay on until he calmed down on his own. That had not been the case though. She was not that experienced rider.

Anyway, that was not the point. The Eth could not ride after the fall because of her subconscious need to hold the left side of her ribs. If she could barely ride with two hands than she would definitely not be able to ride with one hardly functioning one. So riding was out for she was too prideful to allow someone to ride with her on any horse, even Starfire. Perhaps if Azmere had been there the story would have been different, but he was not. None of her family was nearer than the pavilion. Taurina was undecided if she wished that they had been there or if she was glad that they hadn’t been.

In the end, the Ethaefal walked home. The woman who had helped her and a man who Taurina learned was the woman’s husband insisted upon coming with to make sure she made it. Taurina did not fight them on it, but she did not accept their support. She used Starfire as her support instead. The stallion allowed her to wrap her left arm around the base of his neck -much to the protest of her side- and walked with her. The strider was calm, slow, and needed little direction after Taurina signed that they were going home. It was like he knew just what she needed. Taurina thought that maybe he did. Maybe in his own way he knew exactly what she needed.

It was nearly dark by the time they reached the Stormblood pavilion. Lodai and Asher must have spotted them before they got too close because the two men came out to get her. Taurina was reminded of last time Lodai had been sent to fetch her, but this time was not like that. She had not actually done anything wrong this time and there was no stoic silence from Lodai. In fact, after asking her if she was alright he began poking fun at how awful she smelled. Though she told herself she should hate him for it, she smiled with amusement. Yes, she did smell awful and she could not deny it.

“Starfire looks alright, no bites or anything that I can see. No limping, moving fine. Might be a good idea to get him looked over at the Healing Hoof though, just to be safe,” Asher told Taurina before he settled down next to her by the fire outside.

The three of them had gone back to the pavilion alone after inviting the Drykas who had brought Taurina home to eat some food. The couple had refused though, saying they had their own family to get back to. After thanking them for their help and getting home, Taurina had made her way slowly over to the fire of her home with the help of Lodai while Asher looked over Starfire just to be sure. The old man was wise, patient, and caring. He knew more about animals than Taurina did so she trusted his opinion and when it came to Starfire she wanted to make absolute sure that everything was alright.

“Alright,” Taurina agreed before signing her thanks.

The Eth winced after the movement of her hands and had to return her right arm to holding her left side again. A shadow of concern passed over Asher’s face and Taurina sighed before shaking her head. She would be fine. By tomorrow it would all probably be gone. Just like her windmarks had disappeared. Besides, she would be shifting soon and the Ethaefal body would be void of such injuries.

“You sure you are alright Taurina?” Asher spoke with such gentleness that Taurina was not angry he was asking for what felt like the tenth time.

These words felt heavy in the air though. Like he was asking not only after the physical, but the mental as well. Taurina knew she deserved that after spending so many days pushing them all away. She sighed and she nodded before giving him a weak smile.

“Yes,” she assured him, “strangely, I think I am more alright now than I have been for a good while.”

“Smell better too!” Lodai’s sign of teasing and the bar of soap he handed over was all that saved him from Taurina’s wrath.

The Ethaefal chuckled and shook her head instead, taking the soap thankfully. When her shift came she would work on getting clean. Hopefully she would be able to get up and stay standing on her own then.

“It is nice to see you smile again,” Asher pointed out with kindness in his voice and a smile of his own, “it has been too long.”

Taurina felt heat she knew was not from the fire as her blush colored her cheeks and the tips of her ears. She sighed and looked apologetic.

“I know,” she admitted, even during the feast before Tomas’ hunt she had not smiled much, “I am sorry.”

There was a quiet that settled between them all for a moment in time. Asher just nodded and looked at her with knowing eyes. She hoped it was over now. The not smiling or talking with them. Sitting with them now she realized something. She missed them. Even Lodai with his teasing was and never quieting mouth. She had never been very close to the men, but she had been trying to change before her adventure gone awry. Closing them out had put her so many steps behind, but she found that perhaps not all was lost. Their being with her here tonight told her that. She had not yet lost them.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Ashka Windrunner]

Shiny New Grades !

Taurina

 

Skills

• Tattooing +1
• Organisation +1
• Socialization +3
• Riding +1
• Philosophy +1

 

Lores

• Tattooing: Inking needles before piercing the skin for detailed work
• Keil: unpleasant
• Taurina: pushing away family is a mistake
• Asher: patient and caring

 

Rewards and Penalties

• Bruised arm and ribs that will hurt for 6 days without proper care, pain will go away in 3 with medical attention

All of the feels ! I loved to watch Taurina wrestle more with her inner conflicts. It was a very nice read.
If you have any questions don't hesitate to PM me, and remember to edit your request in the Grading queue !

- Thanks to Aladari Coolwater for the boxcode