[Gossamer's Scrapbook] The Ethereal Canyon I

[Gossamer]

You know, I'm as human as the next girl. I make mistakes. It happens a lot. But sometimes I just get flat out frustrated when I feel like I've been nice and someone is still slamming me. They don't understand how truly blunt I can be. And this is no where near the level of angry it could have been. Nor do I ban people for stupid PMs. I just label them 'stupid' somewhere in the back of my mind and avoid them completely. There is a whole culture out there on the net of people who disguise their nasty attitudes and provokative behavior behind polite 'I'm sorry." But the truth is, unless you sincerely say you are sorry... meaning talking about your actions and your behavior only and not padding it on either side by all the excuses and reasons why you did what you did then it really means nothing.

A single 'I'm sorry I did that." Is far more powerful than a "I'm sorry I'm acting like this but I did because of this, that, and the other.." becomes just another set of excuses for bad behavior.

I've never liked that. I've never considered it very sincere. I probably never will in the future either. There was nothing normal about this interaction, but Malia, you are right I should have stopped answering him back. I just feel sorry for the people that actually play with him later down the line. Hot avatars don't make for great interaction or instant likes or dislikes. It will always be something with these kinds of people. Butthurt - Misha calls it. And I tend to agree.

[Panna Cotta]

I wouldn't dare to talk to someone as bullheaded as that guy. It's way past the mark of being annoying, it's a waste of time, and will ruin an otherwise busy, but happy, day.

I still could not believe how you can still manage to answer all those PMs, HDs. I mean, there are those people who do really need help and are capable enough of differentiating rudeness and bluntness... but you mostly have these little tots on you. I'm not sure if it will make you feel better, but I know I'm not alone when I say you're doing a great job, Jen. And it's through your help that Mizahar is holding itself together, shooing unworthy players away and guiding the lost and confused ones to the light!

Ha. Now I'm being dramuh queen. Anyway, my advice is, continue helping people, but ignore the ones that do not want to help themselves. And when you're feeling down, look at how far Mizahar has gone. It's alive, it's thriving, it's an awesome fantasy roleplay site. Surely it couldn't have last this long if you were a doing such a lame job as an Admin, right?

A smile for you Jen! And a Kudos!

[Gossamer]

. Control And some updates on my life. I miss writing. I'm all but going crazy not writing, but it can't be helped. I don't know if you know what its like to be too exhausted to get up, to move, to cook, to actually go use the restroom... but I do. We're still on schedule with the remodel - well the revised schedule. But things have slowed up with the flooring mainly due to the fact that we can't get everything done in the time I scheduled it. I was optimistic and foolish. It happens. Plus I forgot the downtime needed which involves taking a deep breath. That's not easy to do. The deep breaths, that is. And somehow Mizahar isn't helping things. I tend to log on, be bombarded with what I see is ludicrous stuff (today a potential new player posted a HD ticket wanting to know if we had vampires... they only ever played vampires and wouldn't play a site that didn't have them) and I just rolled my eyes. My patience level with this sort of thing is in the negative factors. So is my patience with confrontational PMs, people not reading the lore, and impatience when it comes to posting speed. I'm officially on break for September or at least until the bad weather hits and I can do no more inside. That means working from sunrise to sunset (the contractors do and pound away anyhow so there's no sleep regardless!) getting things in order and preparing for the busy season at work where I will be mandatory for 6 days a week. That starts at the end of September... the last weekend. So where are we in the remodel? My art studio is completely done. It's a total chick haven, complete with an elegant fainting couch where I can practice armchair psychology on my husband as I quietly work on art or watch the new flatscreen. sitting on the opposite wall. I'll take pictures of it soon, but I do still have to get all my books out of boxes and dress the shelves with all my old familiar friends including unloading clothesbaskets full of notebooks from my old days on a previous site where I took copious notes and had a ton of things in development. I'll post pictures when I have things completely done. Outside, the garage is painted a gorgeous shade of blue. It's Behr's Cayman Bay. We trimmed the garage in white and I painted two cute little gates that now hang across our arbor (to keep horses in the stable area) the same color. The pump house next to the arbor is going to get resided with the same material to match. I'll probably go out and take some pictures tomorrow to give you a feel for how it looks. I'm super proud of it. As for the siding on the house - they found rot beneath. The entire Rim Joist was bad all the way around, so the house had to be worked on additio - 3 days delay. Now, however, we're all back on track and we have new siding about halfway up the house. Tomorrow, more will be on, then the day after it should be done. The new varge boards are on, and tomorrow the fashia (sp?) should be completed as well. They found no rot, thankfully, so we should be good to go for years. As for setbacks, a few things cropped up. We have a major leak under the sink. Somehow the contractors also discovered a crack in the septic line. Gillar will be replacing the septic line himself, but I think I'll call a professional plumber to tackle the sink project. Gillar acts brave, but I don't think hes exactly up for the repair. While the plumber is here, I'm going to have them install a new sink for my bathroom... there's a leak underneath anyhow. So I'll start making some calls tomorrow to get that scheduled before winter sets in. Anyhow... what else? We're still on schedule for the deck. That's the most exciting part of the whole thing. I'm really proud that I'm going to be the owner of a neat new deck. I've always wanted one, and somehow its going to dress the house up nicely. We've also decided on a hottub for it. That was a major undertaking. I guess its fine if we don't get the inside stuff done right away - we want to do what we can, but I'm also realistic that winter is coming and the outside stuff is far more important. Speaking of outside stuff. Gillar still has to skirt the house for us. I'm a little worried about that. He'll be doing it in the rain at this rate. And I'll want that done before I take final pictures of the house. But its definitely something I can help him with. Have nail gun will travel, right? Okay... well this is about all for now. I'm exhausted and I think there's a piece of chocolate cake calling my name. I just wanted to note... I'm glad others of you blog in your scrapbooks as well. It's always very interested into see whats going through other's minds.

[Gossamer]

. Being a Founder Or an dreamer. In Jils log today, Tarot responded to something Jil said and then added a comment of his own. I read what he said and it struck me just as importantly. Sometimes, when I was developing stuff for the game before it opened, I found myself wondering on my self-doubting days if anyone would even read or use it. I can't express how incredible it is to know that people did read it and made use of it in such a great way as you and Malia do. Tarot, I feel the same way all the time. Whenever I catch a moment like today to pop into chat and see someone heavily debating a kelvic ideal or trying to determine what drives a Konti or Drykas... I am slightly struck with how real people all take these cultures and peoples. It makes me smile. I don't have any children of my own, but in a way I have dozens. They might only exist on paper and in people's minds. But they truthfully do exist. It makes me proud.

.

[Gossamer]

. It Kills Me Seriously, it does... When someone asks to take over one of my pet projects (and yes I know there are a lot of them) or takes one over and tries to show it to me without getting permission to start on it - it disturbs me. It bothers me because I hate giving the impression that I don't trust someone with a project or give them the impression that I don't think they can do a good enough job on it. I'm sure they can. But the core of the issue for me is that I've already put significant time into something. I have invested significant brain power into it as well... even if its not posted on the site, that doesn't mean there isn't tons of work already done on it. So, because of that.. I want people to see two lists. One is what's currently on my plate in terms of development. The second one is a list of things I'm anal about not giving over to anyone else. All founders have one. Its probably a very boring list... but consult it if you want to do something before you put a ton of work that topic and then find out its one of my pet projects. ACTIVE WIKI IN-PROGRESS LIST Phylonura (Divination - Caiyha's Gnosis) Lavis (Sea Manipulation - Laviku's Gnosis) Laviku (God) Skills: Jewelcrafting, Herbalism, Ryvata, Dagger, Medicine (Expansion), Meditation, Shielding (Magic) Truthism (Knowing the truth - Tyveth) Tyveth Ice Reaving (Morwen's Gnosis) Gemstones of Mizahar Semele (Goddess) Mele (Gemstone Manipulation - Semele's Gnosis) Blight (Isn't it obvious? - Vayt's Gnosis) Syna (Goddess) Inavalti - (Sunlight Scrying - Syna's Gnosis) Things I have territoriality in: Races Kelvic, Akalak, Konti, Drykas, Vantha, Inarta, and Svefra (as yet still plotnotes - suvan sea whalekin). God/desses Akajia, Avalis, Cheva, Eyris, Ionu, Ivak, Laviku, Morwen, Nikali, Nysel, Ovek, Rak’keli, Rhaus, Semele, Syna, Tyeth, Vayt, Wysar, Xyna, Yshul, and Zulrav. Alvina Zintila, Glav Navik Factions The Inverted, The Shroud, The Savina, and all the rest of the gnosis groups generated by the gods I've developed ... Cerulean has been turned over to Charon. Opal Order is under Alice's Watch. Magic Webbing, Shielding/Warding Cities Wind Reach Skills Jewelcrafting, Herbalism, Medicine Reserved Projects: Gnosis' for unfinished God/dessesm Shielding/Warding, Gemstones of Mizahar, and any unfinished skills I have stubbed or listed as actively working on. PM me first: New Gnosis' Related things, Religious Factions involving God/desses I have developed, Cultural Tweeks to Races listed above.[/quote]

[Gossamer]

. Silence - From Me Uncharacteristic, isn't it?... Last weekend was a bit of an epic fail. When you have to work six days straight through upwards of 10 hrs a day on a very busy event week, you get tired. Saturday I spent the day in bed (until incredibly late!) then lounged about most of the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing but recharging. The weather was absolutely great, but for some reason I couldn't be motivated to care. I didn't get the outside painting done I needed to do and for some solitary reason, I was fine with that in my soul. It was like it was just okay to take a day off. I did. And I really enjoyed it. Sunday I did not have to work. Why? My hours at work are so abused that my boss refused to pay me anymore overtime. But my mom called early and I had to drive down to her town and catch a loose frog in her kitchen. Yes. It was evidently croaking away tormenting her and she couldn't find it. Once I had the perp apprehended and released back into the wild outdoors she had other tasks for me to do. I did them. Nine hours later I was finally heading home. Her thanksgiving decorations were out, her garden was weed free, and all her plants she'd just picked up were planted. I was tired. When I got home I had to pressure wash and clean up the driveway because the hottub is coming thursday and I wanted it to be ready. The light died and I wandered inside cold and wet and even more tired than when I had started. I trudged inside and promptly fell asleep on the couch waking up somewhere around four am. Then work started this week. We got the great news the contractors won't be back until around the 15th of this month meaning everything wont be done until Nov 1st or after. I can't tell you how angry I am at them. ITs been a rage thats been eating away at me for weeks now. I'll blog the whole story one of these days - at least from my perspective - and share this. But its been a rage that has dictated my actions and behaviors and I think in a lot of ways fueled my exhaustion. I'm burned out on life. I seriously am. I'm hitting a midwinter depression a full season ahead of time and its kicking me in the shins in a way that doesn't allow me to kick back. Ever had that feeling? I can barely write. I can barely log on. I hope it passes soon.

[Gossamer]

. Hottub! You are my new love... second only to Gillar I was told to post pictures or else. So here they are. Some of you might know that Gillar and I work insane hours. So we decided to save some of our insane overtime and indulge ourselves a little in a treat for our remodel. The remodel isn't done, but unlike anything else in the whole mess, the hottub showed up just on time. So, on the bright side something went right. I took some in the dark because the place the tub is sitting is still torn to shit. I will post in a few minutes the entire story as to why it is, but I'd rather not show it in the light until it is finished and fabulous! Without further ado... my color, heat, and massage therapy device! Medical devices are a tax writeoff you know. And also, I don't want anyone to think I'm 'bragging' here. I'm not trying too at all. I'm just excited and talked about it and now I have to post some pictures at the requests of others. Tomorrow I'm going to get a rubber ducky or two to float in it. Gillar thinks I'm ridiculous, but I think rubber duckys are pretty mandatory for something I'm going to be relaxing in nightly. This is not a fancy model - just a small Sundance Spa with enough room for four. This isn't something that costs five digits. Its fairly inexpensive and in terms of a hottub, its at the extreme low end. It has numerous color functions. You can set it to just one or have it randomly cycle through green, blue, teal, red, magenta, violet, yellow, purple, and white. This blue is my favorite. This is my second favorite color.. green. Its clear and soothing. And finally red. This looks off of what it really is, which is a blood red, but I think I caught it turning from yellow to red before it got that really deep dark blood color. Gillar prefers the red. Go figure.

[Kelpie]

OMG OMG OMG OMG. I am going to your house you better save a "Pao's Spot" in that hot tub, for serious.

That is so chill that the colors change like that. Wtf. I want one. This just settles it I have to go visit you. Horsies, kitties, doggies, and a hot tub. Just gotta.

[Gossamer]

. Contractors I now know why everyone hates theirs. Seriously. So, where to begin on this story. I've told a few of you but I think I'm finally ready to blog about the whole thing. So in previous blog entries I've posted our remodel plans... a new deck, siding, and a cover for a 'grotto' that we are turning a large unused cemented in carport area into. When one has a carport area that is flanked by large evergreens, one doesn't want to build an actual carport because the trees will be cut down. So to solve this problem we decided to cover only half the width which was about a twenty foot wide cement space beside our house. When we purchased the place, we were impressed that it was wide enough in front of our house, in cement, to park two semi trucks with their trailers side by side. We later learned that the people we bought it from owned a paving company and just kept expanding their driveway with left over pour. Cool for us. Anyhow, so sacrificing the carport area to turn it into a vacation spot at home is no big sin. We found a contractor that seemed amazing via recommendation of a friend, and signed for siding, the cover, and deck. This was in August. We were on the schedule for the first week in September, the third, and fourth week to get it done. The plan was simple... put on the deck, cover, siding, and then we ourselves would be building a fence for the 'grotto'. The Grotto I have plans for... cool seating areas, lighting in the form of an outdoor chandelier, and lots of those cool solar lights on the fence that keeps it private. The fence is important. We want the Grotto to be secluded because hot tub skinny dipping is a necessity! I had years with a crazy roomie some of you may or may not have heard me talk about that eventually bought a house with a 12 man hottub and we LOVED skinny dipping in it. There's a long tradition of it. Grotto : Anyhow, said contractor came out, redid our siding, and we were able to repaint our house and garage and redo the trim. We also remodeled my art studio (yes I'll post pictures soon!) and have been doing all sorts of 'cute' things like making signs, cutting out horsehead shutters and window boxes, etc. So we've been hugely busy. Plus we work. Alot. shutters : Okay now replace the pelican with this horsehead... yes.. have scrollsaw will travel. Those are my shutters.. .when I get them hung (I'm still cutting them out there's a lot of windows!) I'll snap a pic. Anyhow, he did a great job on the siding and got it done on time. He also found some rot in our rim joices and fixed that. Yea him! But, after reassuring me he had me on the schedule and that was priority, he got a call from the County Commissioner to do a stain job on his house. He dropped everything for this absolutely gorgeous million dollar house and went to stain it. I was devastated, hurt, and many number of things. He left our project with big holes in our driveway for the posts for the hot tub cover. And to make matters worse, my mom signed on for a roof from him for right after our job is done. Her roofing was to be delivered the 22nd of Sept. The 22nd came and no roofing. So too did the 23rd, and 24th. On the 25th she called me up and wanted to know what sort of looser I'd recommended to her. My word that he was amazing caused her to sign the contract and hand over the money and expect him to be there. He wasn't. The staining job (the multimillion house he ditched us for) went badly, work had to be redone.. he got further and further behind. It's now the middle (almost) of October. I was furious. I called and unleashed my fury on the owner of the contracting company who was a friend and ironically enough a co-worker at my job. Funny thing is - he screwed me in this everyone he works with, everyone we know together, everyone pretty much in this county will find out. He knows I know people and that I don't hesitate to strike up a conversation. No one likes a story of the 'little guy' getting ditched for wealth and title. His business is still too new for him to drop his current work altogether. No one leaves a 70 year old woman hanging - they worry, fret, their blood pressure rises, and suddenly SHE tells everyone in her county just south of here and hes suddenly locked out of two counties if anyone bothers to check Angie's List or talk to L&I. Anyhow, presto, they actually miraculously got to my moms roof, did it, and its as of today done. Nice. When I get mad it never ends. It doesn't stop until the problem that's making me mad is corrected. They fixed it. I got a letter in the mail that was a formal apology, and supposedly they are going to show up monday and resume work and work straight until our project is done. I hope to hell thats true. Meanwhile - we got screwed. I can't tell you how angry that makes me. Our new deck will be done somewhere after Nov 1st. Our cover the same way. Where's the good priority weather going to be for us to stain it? Paint? There won't be. It will be solid sheets of rain, falling heavily, until about June or July of next year... plus snow. Lots of it. So the moral of the story is... don't sign contracts unless you have dates on them. Don't believe contractors when they say 'If your on the schedule first, you get priority!" And pretty much assume they are lying. Really just assume that. It's terrible, but its true. Watch them work. Keep watching them work. Make note of everything they do. Don't be afraid to ask questions and comment on everything. Be proactive. Get your buddies over to look at their work - people that know good from bad. Don't just assume it looks good. That part makes me crazy. The whole thing makes me crazy. I guess its been a good thing that between work, fighting with these people, the interior remodeling, and my mother I've been swamped.

[Gossamer]

. Book Suggestions Here's a few I've read recently that you might like... This series is crazy good. Like OMG where the hell is the fifth book? It concludes in Jan of 2011 so be prepared if you read them to sit down and scream... absolutely scream... at the end of Dreamfever and feel like throwing yourself on the ground having convulsions until you find out what happened. Don't start them though until you have all four. I had a few hair-raising days waiting between two and three for a rush Amazon.com order. I read this entire series last week. Its fabulous. If you love stories of Djinn and the types of books where you can't ever catch your breath, you'll love this one. She actually has a new series out that's only got book one and two about a fallen Djinn that's great too. The first book is called Undone. Great read. They sorta remind me of Stormwardens, but I hadn't read the series when I wrote the gnosis for Zulrav. So you'll enjoy them I promise. This was a super fast read. It's not its own novel so be prepared to scream and say I NEED THE SEQUEL immediately. Finally, Kate Elliots Jaran series. It starts out with Jaran, then goes to An Earthly Crown, His Conquering Sword, then finally The Law of Becomming. It's an amazing epic series that I hope someday they will make a movie out of... or a series of movies. Just incredible in terms of epic. It's sort of a Star Wars meets Arabian Nights on a far more sophisticated level.