Dear Mizahar
I wasn't entirely sure where exactly to put this, but I decided that my Scrapbook was the best place. After all, ever scrapbook needs an unnecessarily long scrap about some serious topic or another (that's not about dead pets or annoying reminders). So, here it goes.
Dear players, staffers, and lovers of Mizahar,
I've been playing Mizahar ever since May of 2012. Come May of the new year, I would be playing and interacting on Mizahar for two years.
Over the past year or so, I have come across many, many, many different types of people, staff, characters, plots, ideas, dreams, and just about anything between. I've always been one for variety and diversity because I love it. I love it all. I adore listening to people's thoughts. I dream about people ranting on and on about this one idea they have, this one spark because they love it so much. I absolutely love when people talk about their moral, ethnical, and religious diversity. I love it when people talk all together, which is probably why I talk too much in the first place. To get other's talking. I love it when people pursue their passions, think outside the box, do something no average person would do, chase their dreams! It's what I live for.
I move on from day to day hearing, listening, watching, and making things like that. To hear a simple joke usually brightens my day, and a simple How Are You makes me feel like others care. I don't know if that's because I'm just some weird Oregon chick who laughs at Oregon's motto. I don't know if that has to do with why I'm here in general. But I do know that I love all that, and I love it with a obsessive passion.
I've been writing my own stories and creating my own ideas on paper ever since I was to comprehend the purpose of a book. And before that, I was outside living my ideas, being my creations and using my imagination. I was an average kid who loved getting dirty, however got a small side of Larping. As I grew older, of course, larping became less and less of a thing, for people frown upon swinging sticks around and breaking your brother's nose, however, I expressed my ideas, my creativity through writing instead. At first it was small, private sites I'd play with my friends, and then it turned to forums such as Mizahar. And aaaall along the way I continuously express my imagination, implanting, what I thought was, hope and pride and confidence into other. Spreading those ideas.
Now, when I came onto Mizahar, it was like a dream come true. I longed and yearned for a forum where you can have an original character start from scratch and build it' s way up to act and talk like a real person, to form their own story and personality. I longed for a place where I can plot with other's freely without being discriminated for my ideas. I yearned for a place where I can talk about my weird hobby of roleplaying and be understood, for most of my friends outgrew it all and no longer understand what the hell I say. I wanted to not only interact with people through PC's, I wanted to interact with people personally too.
I know it might sound stupid to go looking for people to talk to over the internet, but that's what I wanted. I wanted friends who understood what I was saying when I said OOC and CS. I wanted friends that I can talk about my character's with. After all, I'm a writer! I wanted to know people who wrote to. To help them move along with their writing goals and dreams and have them do the same for me.
And I found that here. I found it all here in Mizahar. I found in depth cities and lore, I found dedicated staff and specific areas for new players, I found a chat room where you can talk to people for heaven's sake, it was all right here. And I love it. I love the lore, I love the world, I love the creativity. I love Mizahar as a whole.
But what really makes it for me are you guys.
I can't count how many I wanted to just drop something here. Whether it was just a small plot, whether it was an entire character or lore article idea, or whether it was dropping Mizahar all together. I think about things like that all the time. However, despite my youth, I've managed to think things through and not do something that I would regret.
But I have to say that you guys have played a big part of my life, you really have. And don't you dare take me lightly on that. I've gotten to know more people better here than I have in all my life. I have a very small group of friends that I know well out side of Mizahar, but Mizahar makes me feel special. Mizahar makes me feel valuable. Wanted in some way. I know that might sound selfish at first, but I really mean it when I say that sometimes I don't feel so special. I don't feel valuable in any way. I don't feel wanted or important. Everyone gets that way sometimes, I suppose, but sometimes people never get out of that hole of feeling that way. I still feel that way sometimes, and even feel that way right now while righting this part, however, you guys somehow manage to pull me through. I go into chat and you make my day. I ask a question and you guys treat me with respect. I give my opinion or and idea you guys handle it with love, and I whole heartedly appreciate it, and don't think for a second that I don't. Because to me, those small things matter. Those things matter to me. They matter.
I get discouraged by even the smallest thing. If someone ignores a whisper I sent them with a question or just to talk it hurts. I understand that they went afk or didn't have time, and I respect that, but it hurts. And it hurts when I'm wrong. When someone steps on my foot and shoves me down the stairs. I know I'm not perfect and I know that I certainly can't be right about everything, but when I get in trouble or when someone else gets in trouble for something wrong, it hurts me. It hurts me deep inside, even though I try not to let it get to me. And when it hurts, I'm a sore loser. I'm a pouter and a whiner, I admit it. I throw fits and I complain and ramble.
But you know what? Mizahar has always taken it. And by Mizahar, I mean you. You the players. You people who go into chat and just talk and discuss things. You people who interact on those silly topic boards like what it would be like if your character was your roommate. You people who go out and answer questions, guide people, respond to pointless scrapbook posts. You guys are what takes it all from me.
I've gotten to know some pretty spectacular, gnarly, amazing people here, even when I thought that all people over the internet are jerks, heartless, or brainwashed zombies. I've learned first hand what it means to have a friend. A friend who even though they never seen you, never shaken your hand, never skyped or aimed or whatever, still care for me. Now I don't care who you are, or where your from, or what you've done with your life or whatever, as soon as you start caring for others, start caring for me and how I feel and what I'm doing despite whether I whine, or I brag, or I ramble, or whether I am some mysterious person half way across the world, you are my friend. And I hope that you guys can call me a friend too.
I'm probably going to be calling out some specific people so if you don't want me to talk about you or whatever then just let me know and I'll delete that part or whatever.
Collin:
I know you already know how I feel about you and how much I appreciate all that you've done for me, but I'd like to say it once more, because one can never say thank you enough. I am deeply, deeply thankful that I have the opportunity to be able to speak and to write with such a man as yourself who goes out of his way time after time to help encourage us poor lonely souls to keep writing and to keep creating epic stories and whatever else you stand for. Even when I'm old and grey, I'll look back in my life and remember the people that I've met like you, and have hope for the future, despite how stupid the next generation is turning out to be.
Jen:
I'm sure you get loads of shit each day from both real life and from your own creation. I can only pray that my word can somehow lift your spirits in some way or another so that your day can be just that much better.
Ever since I have started my account here on Mizahar, people have constantly whined, nagged, and talked about how much you were the bad to the bone girl on staff. Me being me, I was deathly terrified of you, as I probably should have.
However, the more I saw you post, the more I see you in chat the more I understand you as a person. The more I understand that you're not some evil Ban hammer ready to pin point all my mistakes and flaws with a laser pointer. You've always treated me with sheer kindness unlike many other, and I can't express the amount of gratitude I have for you for being so patient and so kind to me, even with my stupidity and arrogance. It means a lot on a personal level, though I am unsure of how to express this through words besides this.
You aren't the bad guy Jen. Even if people piss in your face and scream at you telling you so, you aren't. You are wonderful woman who is simply protecting what is rightfully yours and making sure that others are enjoying what you and the other founders created. You, Jen, make someone's life brighter everyday, even if you feel like your the bad guy for correcting someone or booting them off the site. Even if that someone is just me, keep doing what you're doing Jen. Keep making people's lives that much better through your job as a mod, for I guarantee that you will be rewarded with love and kindess, which I believe Mizahar needs to give you more off.
If there is anything I can do as a PC, as a person, or even staff if I get there, let me know and I won't hesitate to do what I can, because I consider you a good friend, even if you don't feel the same way towards me. I am truly honoured to have been able to meet you and to be able to be apart of your life, even if in such a miniscule way, such as being apart of your wonderful fantasy world.
Ireth:
I'm sorry that all you hear from me is my whining, complaining, and rambling, but you have no idea how much it means to me that you sit there and take it all with a grain of salt. I could complain to you all day and night and you'd be there with an open mind and with ears to listen. I'm not sure if there is a way for me to repay all that you've done for me, for it is quite a lot, however, I will say thank you for being there for me when I need an extra hand. I'm glad I had the chance go meet you and have the chance to get to know you. You are an amazing young woman and a blessing to everyone you meet, and I hope you realize that. If you don't then you need to open your eyes, for I'm sure the proof is all around you. Thanks again for all that you've done for me. I won't easily forget it.
Zach:
I know I hadn't talked to you much other than about plots or just some random pathetic questions, but I want to let you know that you really are a hard working, respectable young man that I am unsure of how I convinced you to become my friend. All I've done is drag you behind in your plans and give you lots of unfinished threads and loads of apologies and empty promises, but you act like you have no care in the world, which I know is certainly not true. It is beyond my comprehension how I've managed not to scare you off, but I'd like to thank you now for not giving up on me. I've never asked for your encouragement or your advice, but you give it freely, in which I am more than happy to take with me and my selfishness. I look forward to getting to know you even better and growing into even better friends, and I can only hope you would feel the same towards me.
Chat:
Alright all you chatters, listen up. Don't think for a moment that I don't notice your slightly humorous jokes, your subtle questions of how I am, or even all those random snuggles. You guys make my day every single day, even when I'm having a bad one. And although each of you may not have done something as personal to help me along from day to day, the fact that you guys make me smile is enough to lighten my spirits. For that, I say thank you.
Mizahar:
Although I don't know a vast majority of you on any sort of personal level, I would like to thank you all anyway for being apart of the community that has ever so changed my life. And yes, I do mean changed my life. My life would be so much different without Mizahar, and Mizahar wouldn't be anything without out. You PC's and Mods, you players and lurkers, all you rpers and larpers and writers, you volunteers, you imaginative, unique, and special people. I thank you for being the best that you could be so that Mizahar can be the best that it can be, and in such show me that I can be the best that I can be.
Cheers to all of you who make my life a little bit more hopeful.
~ McPainty
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by Gale Austin McCenry on October 22nd, 2013, 4:47 am 
