Memories and Reunions [Revy/Ana/Xi]

[Ximal]

Xi'd kept quiet sitting at the back of the room. Or rather feeling like a cornered animal. The three in front of him were bickering like small children though the stakes were much higher, everyone there was armed and the only one that really couldn't move was making the most threats. The sarcastic and hedonistic tone in ana's voice mocking the loss of a family member. Lit a spark, ignited a long since contained flame. Xi could feel his muscles tensing considerably, hidden beneath the brown cloak he was used to wearing. Not to sound unfortunate but that was something that touched a nerve with Xi. He could already feel his knuckles turning white beneath his gauntlets. The dark sheen behind Xi's face began to grow again as Xi felt himself slipping from control and he was more prone to it. Though He could hear the anger in zand's voice trying her hardest to hold back her own, if not hold back a torrent of something. The rain of fire from revy was the star that broke the horse's back. Xi literally had to prevent himself from losing his cool with all of them. His arms forcefully at his sides. Causing fighting would only draw in the monks and the keeper of the hostel, so Xi had to settle this with what he rarely used. Xi took a slow deep breath before finally turning the volume on his voice up. "ENOUGH!" Louder than any one of the three in that room would have ever heard him speak but still restrained enough to let them know he wasn't trying to shift the focus bt to get them to stop. Xi was probably the only one there without a major steak in this. Clenching his hands tigher heglared at all three of them in turn. "What are the three of you ? Children ? Gods damn it your not even that, what are you ? Ana your way out of line and i oughta smack you myself. You do not talk about someone else's family like that, i thought you of all people would respect the dead. Revy i warned you once drop it, or next time i wont be warning i will be acting. And zand...What can i say about you zand? That you're not already probably bashing yourself for. You lost control. Because of the two idiots. Now i'm going to take one with me and you take the other and NO you don't get to choose. You don't even get to argue, NONE of you do!" Without a further word Xi stepped between them all scooped up ana in one arm and carried her out of the room. Almost like a small child. She'd crossed the line the furthest and also stamped on any good will he was trying to build towards her and he would make sure she knew that. Carrying her down stairs Xi nodded to the desk woman, and opened the door. Ana in tow.

[Ana Sol Starris]

"Of course I'll refuse her out of spite, Zand" Ana spat at the floor towards Revy, "this woman is crazy, and I witnessed first hand how she was. There was a time I was forced to play sister like a petching imbecile, but apparently she doesn't remember.." In turn, Ana made a scoffing sound at Revy's reply. Tilting her head to the side ever so slowly as her gold eyes twinkled with a senseless mirth "oh, so you've finally managed to differentiate me, from a person long dead.. From what I understand.. You're delusional, and with such delusions- you are ten times more dangerous than the rest of us here.." Ana let a hand rest on her cheek, as if in thought as she examined the mercenary- it was quite obvious if it hadn't been for something done earlier, Ana's brains might have been found on the wall. It wasn't difficult to be this way- all she wanted to do was cause this woman pain, and she would hit low blows where she could despite threats of death, and harm, Ana could care less. Come at me... I don't sleep anyways, so just wait.. I'll have my moment, and your blood on my hands- but no, unlike you.. I'll keep my own threats hidden underneath. No one will ever know.. Because I'll never have told. The laughter was calm, and quiet, her hands going to rest at her sides close to where the hilts of her weapons were; "You don't scare me Revy, look at you, you're sitting there unable to move.. What can you do from there?" T'was an insanity long hidden, created from the years of an abusive home life, shut out with deaths, and riddled with endless possibilities that allowed Ana to become the wild card of the situation. Despite what she was saying to Revy that the mercenary was worse than herself, or more so terrible than anyone else in the room, the thief was far more catastrophic in this state of mind, random, sporadic, she was possibly more dangerous than Revy at the given moment, in this point of time. She straightened up and looked at Zandelia, though the senseless, chaotic misgivings had nullifyed any sympathetic tones of voice; she asked a simple question, and truthfully- she had meant to make it sound more caring "why so tense, Zan-" "ENOUGH!" Ximal shouted the word out, it boomed, and then echoed as the room became eerily silent. Ana's attention went to the giant of a man. ..Respect the dead.. Sin... Something in her mind seemed to freeze as she listened to him, her face paling quite visibly as the blood rushed away from her cheeks and left her body rather cold. Ana blinked, a hand went to gingerly rub the side of her head she had hit earlier, pain spiked there but she hardlty noticed it, and instead her head turned towards Revy and then Zand. Eyes resting on the both of them for a few ticks, a realization setting in that... She had definitely caused some damage, not physically, but definitely emotionally... Petch... Petch... Petch... Was all she could repeat internally, she didn't even struggle as Ximal carted her off.

[Zandelia]

The world was a dead husk for Zandelia, morphing into such just as soon as Ximal bellowed out his singular word. Nothing registered for her, the universe was fuzzy and she looked through misted lenses into a world that she could no longer comprehend. Perhaps she had been naïve, but then how could she even have begun to predict what was to happen this day? She was no Konti with any powers of seeing, she knew nothing of spite in as much as it related to those close to her in a way that had been built on something so wonderful. Her rage left her instantly and it left her…bereft. An empty shell was what she was, waiting to be filled with something else of consequence. As Ximal spoke she knew what he was saying but she had no response, she was not wordless she just didn’t see the point. Things had already been shattered beyond repair…again.

I can’t touch anything without it disintegrating. I should just leave everything, leave them to a better life she pondered morosely as her fists unclenched and the ache of her joints and muscles became apparent to her.

In many ways it was just as well that Ximal had whisked Neilles away before Zandelia had been able to react to her barbs, if she had been allowed to she was fairly certain she would have been hanging from a noose the following morning, carrion for the birds and a tasty morsel for the Aperture beasts that were reputed to exit and ascend into the city at night. Why had she done this? Did she even care about what she had done, had it registered on any level beyond the vicious bile she had been spewing? She knew not the answer. She looked dumbly at Revy, trying to find the right words…any words. Her very soul had been flayed open and she did not know how to cope – it had been years since any crack in her emotional fortress had shown itself.

Why now? she asked the world in general.

“I’m sorry Revy, she had no right to say those things” she started to walk towards the bed-ridden mercenary but her legs only got two paces before her knees gave way.

She crashed to the floor as her mind caught up to her body and a completely different emotion coursed through her, pain. She tried to push herself up but her arms held no strength and all she could manage was a crawl as tears began to moisten her eye, the only good eye she possessed. She touched her cheek in disbelief, feeling the wetness there and looking down at the splintered wooden floor where a few drops were already soaking into the material. It hit her then, a hammer blow to her chest and abdomen as her muscles contracted involuntarily as the sobs came unbidden, betraying her like they had never done before. With a last bout of energy, lent from desperation mostly, she made her path to the bed – to Revy. Collapsing on top of her she could only manage one whisper.

“I’m sorry”

Then, the things she had locked up for many seasons ripped through her. The Crimson Edge, her failures to save them, her love for Ana and the sting of her betrayal – all came to the fore at once and lanced her as if she were stabbed, a dagger of the soul. The only positive thing in it all was Revy herself, that at least she had not betrayed her, she had returned and, even if she had done so unknowingly, it was enough for her fragile state. She sunk underneath the waves, she had no choice.

What had been wrought by Neilles’ words was nothing more than the breaking of Zandelia’s self-control but the little woman had no idea just how much had been hidden behind that rusty iron door of her mind, kept under lock and key until now.

[Revy Hiroe]

The anger from the giant got Revy by surprise, but that's all there was to it. Her rage did not subside. She knew that if she were to meet Ana somewhere in the city, she would lose self-control. Because of this, she was glad that Ximal just nabbed her. This way, both parties were safe.... for now. Revy from the vicious mental attacks and Ana from the physical repercussions. What the mercenary did not expect was that Zandelia was without words. Her eerie silence scared her. Why was she so silent? Where were her well placed words? What was going on with Zandelia? All these questions just kept coursing through her mind. Answers she searched for, were far out of reach. She didn't know enough about what had happened in the two years that they hadn't seen each other. But, even to her inexperienced eye, it was clear that Zand had been through a lot. The apologies of Zandelia hit Revy like a hammer. Her tears set alight the already burning rage. With the crying woman on her lap, Revy vowed to get revenge on Ana for what she did. She had been way out of line, but what was worse was that she hit Zandelia with these attacks as well. If she hated Revy, then so be it, but then don't hit others with your petching bile. "It's ok, Zand. It's not your fault.", she said as she softly patted the back of the crying woman's head. "I vow on Myri's name that I'll make that girl sorry for hurting you. And on another note, I won't be leaving you anymore. Not this time around. Don't want to go through the same hassle as before..."

[Zandelia]

There was no way of telling how long had passed for her, her mind had lost grip upon its sense of real time as soon as she had become overwhelmed. One thing was certain though, that it felt like an eternity – if she could ever say she could measure such an unfathomable span of the infinite. For the first time she could imagine what the Goddess’ perspective was, though her world was one constructed of pain and self-torture and not of mystical shadows and secrets. If she had had the choice she knew, at least afterwards, which one she would have picked. She had known about the self-loathing that she had lived with, the moments that she had locked away and made a joke of in later years, the slave depravities and what she had been forced to do. She had not known about the guilt however, had never allowed herself to even consider it – it had been…unimportant.

“Rgggg!” was the only sound she was capable of making, indiscernible grunts and low moans in between wracking sobs.

She could feel the warm body of the other woman, feel the gentle pats and rubs upon her back but Revy’s words were lost within the maelstrom and would never be recovered. All she understood was the physicality, the closeness and the lack of abandonment. In all the world she would never have imagined it would be Revy that she would be clinging to in such a moment, as if she were a child. And as she did so the faces poured into her mind’s eye, the name sprung into her mind and she could only find more tears. If she were rational she would wonder just how so much could come from one person, one small eye and shriveled heart. She gripped Revy tighter, burying her face into the woman’s neck and wishing it would all leave her be, that it would be over.

But it would never be over. She would carry it for the rest of her life, tattooed into her mind in indelible ink.

Cade…Mok…Shadowfang…Chapiko…Leon…Vuil…Shai…Antar the list went onward until it came to just one, last, name Ana

She had failed them all, most of them had died and were long burnt or buried – their life returned to whence it had came. She had no excuses other than her hubris, no absolution other than the fact that she would pay her own debt one day too. They had needed better, should have been given better. She could have told herself before that she at least saved the small woman but she hadn’t, merely given her into the darkness of hate and loathing. What a pathetic wretch she was. She was only fit for killing, lying and stealing what other wanted kept safe – that was it. She had played a game with them, fiddled as they had fallen one by one. Now…nothing was left.

Nothing but Revy.

The sobs began to subside, the pain lessened though it was still there within the core of her being. She knew that she would have to deal with it later, most likely repeatedly. For now though she was granted a reprieve within which lucidity returned to her and she became fully aware of just where she was and what she was doing. She pushed herself backwards and looked into the woman’s eyes with her own singular one. No doubt she would put Revy through the worst kind of torment in the future but she found herself immeasurably glad that she was here. She tried a sheepish smile, wishing for everything that they had been reunited under better circumstances.

“I’m sorry…I…” she could not find the words, merely brushed the mercenary’s cheek softly, “you shouldn’t have had to see that…it’s just, she was right. In her own way. Her words were wrong but they proved me weak” she tried for a stammered explanation and faltered abysmally.

“I’m just so happy to see you” she smiled then, the first true smile of the day her face filling with a warm glow. She heaved a massive sigh, closing her eyes and trying to reassert her control though all she wanted to do was lay down next to Revy and sleep.

“Who is…Louise?” she asked tentatively, not sure if she wanted the answer but knowing she needed something to distract her before it all returned back to her.

[Revy Hiroe]

Revy couldn't do anything for the woman crying on her shoulder. She didn't know what was wrong and thus she couldn't even start to console her. She felt powerless. A strange feeling that was. She just felt utterly powerless. A foe that cannot be seen, heard, smelled or felt, was a foe unbeatable for her. For the mercenary knew only two ways to deal with her problems, drink them away or beat them to a pulp. When Zandelia pushed herself off and gave Revy a rather sheepish smile, which she failed utterly at, a sharp pain went through her heart. What was causing her such grief? What had happened while she was away? Why did she ever decide to leave? True, she had gained a lot from the journey, but if she couldn't help this woman with it, what use was it? Oh how did she curse herself for ever leaving. The question the scarred woman asked her, felt like it came out of the blue. Revy just went rigid at the question. She had never really openly spoken about the death of her family. For many seasons she had bottled up all the sadness and anger that was left after murdering that murderer. Because of this, it had only became harder to talk about it. But she still decided to talk about it. If she was going to lay herself bare, the only person she'd do that with, was sitting across her. "She was... my little sister... just over five seasons younger then me. If.... she were alive today, she would look almost like that.... girl from just now.", she spoke slowly. The sadness and anger started to boil up and she felt it. It took her a lot to keep those feelings locked down, but for now... she succeeded. If it was smart, that was another thing. "She died... not long after I turned thirty-six seasons, along with my parents."

[Zandelia]

Even in her post-broken state she could see the reaction of Revy’s body to her question, could feel the tensing of her jaw muscles and the way her body became momentarily rigid and her eyes darted to the side, glazing as if she were trying to recall something from long ago. It was strange for her as she had always known Revy to be a woman of action. Not necessarily profoundly sensible action but action nonetheless. To see her emotionally distant was not so strange, she was a master at keeping up the veneer of the hired blade. However, there was something different Zandelia thought, something that affected her in a way that rendered her incapable of projecting such a demeanour. She said nothing, merely waited and listened.

Words can hurt when spoken out of turn, I know that all too well thanks to Neilles... she told herself as concern filled her, her gaze softening as much as it could in her still numbed state.

The story was simple, yet terribly crushing. She had wondered if there was a reason behind the massive drinking, the edgy and aggressive personality that often clashed – quite literally – with others. She supposed that she should have expected it, should have guessed. She herself had been no stranger to childhood tragedy, her mother having been killed. The last she had met Revy she had thought her father dead too, though that had now been shown for a convenient lie. He was alive, had sold them both away for gold. Nothing more than a pouch of two of wealth. He would get his comeuppance, she would have her revenge but right then she could not find the energy for her hatred. She merely turned her gaze aside and stroked the leg of the other woman gently.

“I’m sorry to hear that Revy,” she responded, surprised at the actual tenderness in her voice and her capacity for it, “being 9 years old and going through that...I know how it feels. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I guess that explains why Ana said what she did...at least as to what happened” she told Revy, wondering how she could continue to speak after such a revelation.

She deserves to hear my story if she has told hers she told herself, steeling her mind and hollowing her voice for the tale.

“My...father...he sold my mother and me into slavery, for nothing more than coin. They killed my mother before my eyes, she tried to save me. Me, I got the worse deal. Slavery for a time...years actually. Used for my body...tortured for sport. Lost a...I lost a child thanks to them” she managed to get out after many pauses in her speech, choking back further tears and saving them for later – not for now.

“Found out he was alive somewhere last year...he will get his. I wish I could offer the same to you. If there is anything I can do just ask. I will devote myself to it entirely” she finished, looking Revy in the eye once more.

She was tired, so very tired for only perhaps a Bell’s worth of time. She slipped herself next to the other woman in the bed – her arm draped over her abdomen and her face looking upwards at her.

[Revy Hiroe]

The mercenary had to really fight hard to keep the lid closed. She felt as if even the littlest of a push would make it burst. Which unfortunately came as Zandelia spoke about her own past. Even if she lay herself next to Revy, it didn't help to calm her down. She felt how the dam was slowly breaking away. "Petch.... no...... don't..... don't break.", she begged herself inwardly. But it was of no use. She couldn't take it anymore and all of her emotions just burst out. "Louise...... she... she didn't deserve... to die..... I couldn't....... protect them.", she started while sniffing. "She was.... such a..... sweet girl. We did everything.... together." What she wouldn't do to be able to hold her little sister in her arms again. To comb her hair, play with her and just talk about everything and nothing. She missed her little sister. She missed her a lot. "But that petcher just..... gutted her..... and.... she screamed... and screamed...." Revy started to shiver and huddle as the whole event flashed before her eyes. All that blood and organs, it made her feel like puking. The tears now started to flow freely. The feeling of being powerless crept up on her again. "I killed him just eight seasons later, but..... that doesn't bring 'em back. Why? Why'd that petcher..... kill them so cruely?"

[Zandelia]

The following moments after laying down beside the other women were uncharted territory for her, she had little frame of reference for someone she actually liked succumbing to the rigors of their own pent up emotion. It was ironic really considering what she had just put Revy through, however when she thought about it, it was also quite sorrowful. She could manipulate other as much as she desired, within reason depending upon their wants and her own abilities. She could kill without a second thought, especially if someone were in her way. She could even sacrifice things willingly if it meant a greater gain in the conclusion of her machinations. True enough, she had had little opportunity to exercise such things in recent seasons – the Spires had been too rigidly loyal for it. Still, she could do all of those things.

Yet…I have absolutely no idea how to deal with her reactions she frowned to herself, her heart very much raw as it was but stimulated by the tale she had just been told.

All she could think to do, as her heart suffered another small fracture in the telling, was to push herself back so that she was leaning her shoulders upon the back of Revy’s rough wooden bed. For a few moments she was bereft of activity, merely playing with her hands, fingers toying with each other as she searched for an appropriate response. As she looked down at them, wishing she could just comfort the other woman – not just for what she had been through but for Zandelia’s own past – a fleeting memory wedged its way into her mind. A flashing spark of her mother taking her close when she had scraped her knee and seemingly making the world a better place just by being there. A small smile of fondness crept upon her face and she shifted herself closer to the larger mercenary.

“It’s okay Revy, you couldn’t have done anything. It wasn’t your fault, it was his. How could a nine year old fight a grown man?” she told Revy as she slipped her hand behind her and pulled her closer.

She pulled the woman’s head and placed it upon her chest, letting her feel the slow breathing there as she tried with all her might to keep it controlled and steady. Tears still began to trickle their way down her own cheeks as the past rushed through her mind but she managed to keep her body from shaking this time, to keep herself immune to the uncontrollable shuddering as Revy went through her own battering of emotion next to her. She pushed her fingers through Revy’s hair and kept her where she was until she was ready to finish her sorrow.

It will never be over, but we can at least try and move on. That little…Neilles…she can keep her spite. I don’t even know why I tried with her anymore. Revy is worth a hundred of her and I’ll make sure she doesn’t turn like the other one did. No, this time I will do things…right she thought as she brushed her lips upon Revy’s head and tried to whisper what comforting nothings she could remember from her childhood.

She would wait for the other woman to be ready, she had learnt at least that forcing someone was liable to end in tragedy in the future.

[Revy Hiroe]

It was as if there was no end to her tears. Revy finally cried, after twenty years, for the deaths of her family. Maybe it had been a good thing that Ana spew all that vile, for now Revy might finally start to accept the tragedy. Maybe she would even find out why she was having all those nightmares, which had become worse overtime now. However, no matter how deep her sorrow was, the presence of Zandelia did alleviate a little of it. Especially when she started to hug and comfort the mercenary. How long had it been for her to actually be hugged like this? She couldn't remember, but surely it had to have been her mother that gave her that last hug. Or maybe it had been her little sister, but neither of those mattered anymore it seemed. She now felt the warmth from Zandelia and it just felt so comfortable. Usually Revy irked at any intimate contact, but the kiss on her forehead just felt so nice. It was as if a spell had been cast on her, because she was now feeling drowsy. The fatigue had finally completely hit her. The crying had burnt away the last of her energy reserves and so her body decided that she had to sleep. While she always had nightmares when she slept, because Zand had been near now, she slept dreamlessly. She finally earned a good rest, instead of the few chimes of sleep, at most a bell. Perhaps tomorrow would look differently. Maybe not, but for now, Revy slept soundly.