I need some time alone (Closed)

[Jilitse]

I need some time alone
16th of Summer 510 AV
Being alone is not tantamount to being lonely

Trudging her way into the city was not a foreign experience, Jil used to come to Syliras every now and then for an errand. She could recognize a few of the Knights who would roam the city, some of them have grown old, others have been battered by time and battle. Of course, they would not recognize her, it was hard to remember the face of a person who changed faces - or bodies, for that matter - every year or so.

This time around, however, she would have to stay. It was somewhat disturbing to be away from Sahova for an indefinite period of time: she was now down to a few hundred mizas, without a laboratory to work in. Not that a Nuit would not survive without material things. Jilitse just thought it might take her a while to get used to walking without any roots. She would miss working, that was for sure. And so she hoped to find somewhere to work, hopefully with people who could tolerate an undead in the household. She would also need to start looking for a place to stay, at least until she finds her own space. She needed privacy, and would certainly enjoy being alone.

It was slowly sinking in, the responsibility that she had claimed for herself. She didn't really want to become a hero, she just wanted to take charge of her own life. Pity it had to take her hundreds of years to realize that. She was not comfortable with the thought of the accountability to kill Drainira or to defeat Sagallius, for the feeling of being responsible for the Archwizard's fate, for the illusion that she had a big quest on her shoulders. Jilitse never thought of herself too much, and so she downplayed the importance of her life's quest. But she could feel the freedom. While it was not exactly a welcome thought, it was great to know that she was now liberated - if only for the mean time - of Sahova. Jilitse knew that sooner or later, the consequences of her decisions would catch up with her. But like all rebellions, she still swelled with courage and passion. May the gods not let that light burn out.

There were now faint lines on her pale, creamy ivory skin. The veins were starting to show despite the cream she applies on her face and the powder she used to cover the dark rings around her eyes. It was worse under her cloak where signs of decay have manifested, and it wasn't as if she could delay it any longer. She pushed her cowl behind when she came in front of a store that sold mirrors. It was her first time to see herself in front of a mirror after leaving Sahova. Her face was still beautiful, in its own macabre way. If she could loosen up herself, she might pose as an alive human being. She unconsciously brought one hand to touch her face, and the gesture felt so foreign. Jilitse was not vain for beauty, but she always took special care of her body. Most Sahovan nuits wore their body out faster, Jilitse liked being clean because it delays the fester. She examined her face and her neck in a very subtle way, touching and feeling her skin lightly with her fingertips. Jil watched her face warily, the body will probably last for a season and, give or take, a few more weeks.

She continued to pull her cart along with her. The cart was relatively small, covered in a sheet of cloth. It was filled with various things: books, a set of clothes, a few tools... all of what's left of her possessions when she departed from Sahova. Half of what's inside the wagon wasn't even hers to begin with. She didn't really own anything gaudy except her pipe.

She tried to make a list of the things she might need, but realized that convenience will cost more that what she had. She pulled to the side of the street and stood by her cart. There was no being inconspicuous, what with the black coat and the cart. The occasional passer-by glanced at her direction, and she knew her presence seem to make them walk faster. Jil watched as she repelled humans. She was fascinated with those who treated her graciously with apathy and tried to remember their faces. Most of the time, she was surprised to see beings that were not human, not that it bothered her. Jil knew that the world had changed, but it was still a moot point compared to actually seeing how much the world had changed.

As the sun climbed up in the sky, Jilitse's oddness had caught the eye of many curious onlookers. She did not mind their gazes for she was now immersed in deep thought - how was she ever gonna fit in a city full of strangers and ever stranger beings?

[Jilitse]

The sun wasn't so cruel and the clouds started to coat the sky. Jilitse found herself marveling at the volume of humans and other races that roam Syliras. She had never stopped like this before, but she was now the master of her own schedule. Jil decided to stay in a populated sidewalk, her cart parked beside her. She took her share of gazes and gave a lot of stares.

And then came a dog, sniffing her about. It was gray and short-haired, with jolly beady eyes. A small chubby boy was running after it, dressed in expensive clothes. The dog was still circling her, baring its teeth. The owner walked past her, stubby little legs skipping along the road. The dog gave her a glance back before trotting away.

There was also this young woman who was pretending to be walking lazily, but Jilitse noticed that the woman had passed by the street three times in a row, preying for a customer. Or maybe a victim. Jilitse saw the young woman tracking a nobleman or two, discreetly eavesdropping on their conversations. Probably a cut purse, or a thief. She had been given a glare or two by this young woman, so she gave back her frosty stare and crooked smile. The woman did not bother her again.

And then there was this little girl, younger than the boy that had just passed, dressed in rags. She looked sick, snot dipping from its nose, brown hair damp from sweat. The little girl gave Jilitse's cloak a tug, asking for help because she was lost. Jil frowned at the little girl. Surely this human had to be scared of a reanimated corpse? Or at least aware that she was one? Perhaps it was too young to know the stigma of being a nuit. Such were children who are innocent of prejudice and bias, they treated everybody equal. To this girl, Jil was probably just anybody else. She decided to ignore the child, but it wouldn't leave.

"What's wrong little girl?" Jilitse finally asked.

"I lost my mumsie." Two small hands wiped off the tears.

Jil was unmoved by the gesture. She looked down on the girl who was expectantly looking up back at her. Jilitse thought that it would not hurt to carry a small conversation with this child. "And, I believe you need assistance in finding her?" It was answered with a nod. "What's your name?"

"Clarissa."

"Clarissa is a beautiful name. How far have you gone astray? Do you remember the last time she was with you?" Jil was now back to keeping watch over her cart. The little girl tried to be in her line of vision.

"She's gone." The little girl sobbed, "But I saw her. I tried to follow her... I thought I saw her, but I'm not sure anymore." The small one's voice was breaking out of desperation.

"Why don't you ask a knight for help?" Jilitse sounded uninterested, but the little girl was too hopeful of her kindness. That was her piece of advice, maybe the young girl will leave now.

"Did you know my mumsie was a knight?" The question almost made Jilitse roll her eyes. Jilitse slightly tapped the child's arm as it started to poke her cart. "Don't touch that."

"Lady, your hand is cold."

"Of course it is." Jilitse smiled.

"So, are you a knight?"

Jil paid no heed to the question. The little child was certainly becoming such an annoying creature. "Go trouble a real knight."

The little girl's eyes went downcast. The sobbing returned. Jilitse kept on ignoring her. Together, they stood in the sidewalk. For a while the little girl just stood silently by her, occasional sobs pulling Jil's attention.

The little girl started the conversation again, "Lady, I wish you would talk a little bit more, I'm scared."

"Aren't you scared of me?" Jil wondered out loud.

"No, am I supposed to be?"

"I'm not what you think I am." Jil softly answered. "Why me, off all people?"

"Because you are... you seemed kind."

Jil was taken aback by the little child's words. It was time to slap the young one with reality. "Kind is not a word attached to my race."

"What's a race? What's your race?"

It was impossible to get ideas across to somebody so daft. "I'm not normal, Clarissa."

"Neither am I."

Jil's eyes met with Clarissa's, both of them trying to take in what the other person said.

"Lady, are you dying?"

"I hope not." Of course not, Jilitse thought. And then they were silent again.

[Jilitse]

"It's almost time to go home now."

Jilitse smiled at the girl, nodding, encouraging her to leave and go home.

"Lady, you don't have a place to stay, do you?" Clarissa looked at her cart, "I can tell."

"Smart lass." Jil kept her attention to the people passing by, until the tug on her cloak. Clarissa looked up expectantly and added, "I have a home and you'll be more than welcome to stay. I think... eerrr..."

Was the little child trying to accomplish with her half-meant goading and unfinished sentences? "There is something about me bothering you." A statement, more than a question. "Else you wouldn't have stayed with me this long."

There was a series of violent nods, as if Jilitse hit the right mark. "What are you here for, Lady?" The girl asked her, eyes welling with tears.

She looked at Clarissa, too self-absorbed to understand the longing look in the child's eyes. The nuit could faintly sense that there was something wrong with the way Clarissa acted around her, but Jilitse have not had enough conversations with Pulsers. She knew what tears were, she knew that Clarissa was crying, but she was still oblivious of the other person's emotions. What was it about her that evoke such a sense of dread in the little girl? Jil felt like she was missing the obvious.

"I don't know, Clarissa." Jilitse shook her head. "I just want to be alone for a while."

"Why?"

"Why, why?"

"Why, why, why?" Clarissa was persistent. The girl appeared to be prying out something out of her, something the young girl needed to hear. Before she could answer, her unwanted companion blurted out a question. "Are you sad? Is that why you want to be alone?"

Jil stared at Clarissa incredulously. There was a quizzical yet pained look on her face. She just couldn't seem to connect with this human being. "I'm not sad." She said, as if Clarissa was absurd to even suggest so, "I just want to plan what I need to do. Tell me, is that such a bad idea? Why won't you let me have my peace?" She groaned, stepping away from Clarissa.

The young girl took one of Jil's hands into hers. "Please, please come with me."

Jil yelped as Clarissa squeezed her hand, pulling it gently away. "What is wrong with you?" She shook her head, exasperated. "If sending you back home means losing you, I'll go bring you home right now!" She was annoyed, but her voice did not deliver the emotions properly.

[Jilitse]

Clarissa seemed to appreciate that Jilitse was going to escort her home. To the nuit however, her melancholy and enthusiasm was not yet deciphered. Jilitse found it odd that a young girl would want a cart-towing nuit for company.

To understand the nuit, one has to imagine the world from its perspective. For the better part of the last five centuries, Jilitse had been locked up in Sahova. Most of her time was spent on moments pondering when it would be safe enough to resume animating golems. Djed was wild and the world unkind. Years and years in an enclaved environment with nothing but a single purpose holding everyone steady. Alahea must rule the world. Years later, she was running out of Sahova, all of her possessions fitted inside a small, small cart, her spirit a dying flame of hope. And here, a little girl was trying to be friendly.

Interacting with somebody else was relatively new to Jilitse, even considering the last few weeks of her life. She had been in constant travel, speaking only to people in times of dire need. Those conversations did not really result well, for the nuits' "evil" reputation preceeds them. Now this child, who was constantly getting snapped at for deliberately disobeying Jil's request to stop touching the cart, expressed, in all innocence, that she desired Jil's company. The nuit of course, could only wonder and doubt. The contrasting opinions and the missing logic had forced Jil to accompany Clarissa back home.

"You've got no home, do you?" Clarissa almost sounded sympathetic, "Would you like to... err... stay with us? I'm sure Stitch would accept you." The little girl seemed to convey a lot of meaning into those words, but Jilitse kept her eyes on the road, one foot after the other and the cart behind in tow. It was almost second skin to block out other people, and despite Clarissa's endless attempts to get Jilitse's attention, the nuit stayed cool, stayed cold. The girl seemed to be stalling, almost hesitant to come home. Jil had noticed the audible grumble of Clarissa's empty stomach, the only moment when she stopped, laid a hand on the girl's shoulder, asking what the sound was. The answer was given, and the rest of the tales ignored.

They finally stopped in front of a three-story building, quaint yet beautiful. Jil noticed a signage on the wall and wondered, before asking Clarissa the meaning of the sign.

"Oh, this is an Orphanage," Jilitse recognized the word, but the meaning was unfamiliar. Clarissa continued, "it's a place for people who are alone, who no longer has anyone to be with... who were left behind." Tears welled up in the little girl's eyes once more.

Jilitse asked, "This is where you live?" And Clarissa was asking her to stay because she might be welcome in here? Jilitse had her brows suddenly raised, "Alone, you say." Well, in a way, Jilitse was an orphan, considering her mother disappeared without a trace, and her father died in Alahea's war against Suva - even if that happened a few centuries ago. Yes, of course, she was an orphan. She was alone, and while she didn't have anybody to be with, Jilitse thought that she didn't really necessarily need something or somebody to bring around.

Her expression smoothed when Clarissa said, "I'm coming inside now..." in a tone that encouraged her to intervene, disagree, or say something to keep her from leaving.

Jil gave the girl a sideglance and crooked smile. Clarissa disappeared into the doors.

Now she was alone again to herself, left to resume her planning and wondering. First, she needed to find a secure place to stay. Privacy was the priority, for there were a lot of important things inside the cart that nobody else, nobody in this world, should ever lay eyes upon. She had enough money on her to buy a decent place to stay, in fact she woud welcome one that had a good bath, for she had failed to properly take care of her body for the last week. If she neglects her corpse, she might need to find a fresh cadaver to transfer into. And as such, she started to scout for possible bodies. There was a man, two women, three teenage boys and one teenage girl that she was particularly interested in. They seemed to be citizens of Syliras,and if she chose to, she may be able to find them again. She could not afford to get picky, so she tried to remember their faces well. Killing them would be a plan she will have to think of later.

As she jumped her icy gaze from one person to another, Jil noticed that she had been getting quite a number of odd glances towards her way. She had her own share of oggling eyes earlier, people scanning her with mad interest or crazy fear. Right there, in front of the Orphanage, there had been more of the latter, and a lot of spiteful, if not angry stares. She noticed that their eyes seemed to jump from her to the orphanage, or from the orphanage back to her. Sometimes it was a volley from the orphanage, to her, to the orphanage, to her, to the orphanage, until the person had gone too far to look behind. Others went as far as whispering among themselves. A bunch of women, Jilitse had noticed, even brought back a couple of friends and they stared at her. The nuit was unable to read the expression in their eyes, but they, too, looked mocking.

Soon she heard a few people passing by, dropping incorrigible messages varying from the sarcastic "I can see you've returned. Aw.. you shouldn't have!" to the spiting "Life too good for you, you had to try being undead too?" Jilitse now had the inkling that she was being made fun of. She wore her hood, pulled it low and kept still.

Just as the unwated attention started to end, the doors to the orphanage opened, Clarissa stepping out gingerly. No, Jilitse thought, she was not gonna get her time alone. In the next few hours, she would face the first hurdles of her quest, and she would realize that her stay in Syliras would turn out to be too complicated to be planned out.

Continued here.

[Leviathan]

Thread Award! Jilitse Exp +3 Observation, +1 Interrogation, +2 Babysitting/Childcare (whichever you want to call it) Lore Lore of Loitering, "In the City You're Never Really Alone", Lore of Childlike Persistence Additional Comments I'm so sorry for not finishing this sooner, I've been out of town and extremely busy. I hope everything you expected is here. If you have questions or comments, feel free to message me and we'll get everything worked out. Also, very interesting read, very emotional for an unemotioned character.