Season of Fall, Day 65, 513 AV
Rinya's wince when he mentioned that he'd been acting for her on their first encounter, along with the emotions she sent across the bond (probably unintentionally), made Jorin's heart sink. He really hated to make her sad; it wasn't something he ever wanted to do. But it was also the unvarnished truth, what he'd said, and he'd made a promise to keep no secrets from her if he could help it. Still, he felt the need to put his mate at ease. Especially after her own statements about how his mask was the opposite of hers, and how even without the bond she wouldn't have judged him.
"Without the bond... I think we'd have taken a lot longer to reach this point," Jorin conceded. "But we would have reached this point. I'm sure of it." And Jorin was not acting this time. His voice was full of conviction. He genuinely believed they would have still reached the point where he'd trust her completely. It was true the bond helped immensely, but it wasn't necessary.
"I would have fallen in love with you regardless. I said it before: I was in love with you since the day I met you," he continued. "Of course it wasn't a deep love then, just simple attraction. But that was enough. Enough to begin something wonderful..."
Jorin took a deep breath. "So yes, I acted in front of you then. I wanted so badly for you to like me, and when you smiled at me... I love your smile, Rinya. I was trying so hard to keep you smiling because it lit up your entire face." Jorin blushed slightly from the admission. He didn't know why; it wasn't anything major, and he was sure she knew it already. And he didn't even feel embarrassed; it was just something he'd never actually said to her before.
"But I'm sure you noticed it. That I started acting less and less with you as time went on. By the time we accepted our bond, you were seeing mostly the real me. And by the time we shared our first kiss, the mask had vanished completely." Jorin shrugged.
"But even that time when we first met, I... the act was only at first. When I spoke to you, even when you were a bird; it calmed me. I don't know why, just the fact that you would listen. And I forgot all about why I had gone there..." It was strange. Because at the time he didn't even know he was speaking to a Kelvic. He could have made a total fool of himself, talking to a bird. But still... even if she'd just been a normal osprey and couldn't understand a word he said, the fact that she hadn't flown away still meant a great deal. And sure other people could have judged him for speaking to an animal, but he couldn't deny the comfort it brought. He'd have spoken to her regardless. Though he did wonder what would have transpired between them if she'd never shifted that first day they met.
"And I don't know, Rinya. About not knowing for sure," he commented.
"Over a long enough period of time... who knows? I would grow to trust you to the degree that I'd been sure enough, at least for me. But what-ifs like that are pretty pointless. We are bonded. And I am glad for it." Jorin punctuated the statement with a nod of his head. He went on to attempt to change the subject, but was interrupted by his catching of the tiny fish. And they were back to teasing each other.
He grinned back at Rinya as she fought to control her laughter. He himself was laughing pretty hard, the small fish in his hand still wriggling to get back to the water. She mentioned that for its size, the tiny fish put up a hai of a struggle. Jorin just grinned back. "Yeah, I'm not sure whether to be impressed or embarrassed," he confessed. "This tiny guy almost dragging me in, I'd have never heard the end of it."
Jorin shrugged and walked over to his bucket, dropping his catch into it. He glanced over at Rinya's bucket, taking in her significantly larger fish and sighed a bit. It was so much bigger than the one he caught; to the degree that Rinya's fish would've probably eaten his if he'd put them in the same bucket. And that was kind of sad, in a way.
"Well, at least I caught something for today," Jorin laughed. "But you cheater, you caught your fish as a bird," he teased. Walking over to the pond, he dipped his hands into the cool water to wash off the fishiness from it before turning to Rinya.
"Well, I think we're probably done for the day," he commented, squinting at Syna's brightness. She was descending across the sky much faster than Jorin would've liked, and he knew his mate did not see well in the dark. "You should probably fly home... I'll catch up soon," he suggested. All in all, he had lost three arrows. For the price of three arrows, he got to spend a (mostly) pleasant day with Rinya, and managed to get some pretty important things off his chest. He supposed it was a price well worth paying.
"Don't worry about those arrows, Rinya," he insisted, as he slung the quiver over his back and wrapped the bow around his chest. Walking over to Rinya, he snagged her waist and gave her a brief kiss. It had become habit now, for him to do this.
It was as natural as breathing, for him to simply kiss her; and was as much a form of comfort and expression of love as it was a means of communication. And it was so much easier to communicate this way, because the bond meant she never got the wrong idea. In this case, all he was trying to say was "I love you and I appreciate you." Which he very much did. As he broke off the kiss, Jorin reached up and stroked her face softly.
"I know shifting so much exhausts you, my love. No need to tire yourself further over a couple of lousy arrows. I didn't even hit anything with the damn things, let 'em float off," he joked lightly, but also somewhat seriously. He really didn't want her tiring herself over something like that.
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