Kavala was acutely aware that they were coming up close to a year. The changes in her body told her so, and though she was loathe toadmit it, in her workouts and training the young horses, she’d slowed down quite a bit. Slowing down wasn’t something she’d admit though, not wanting to ride horses that might ultimately buck her off or harm the child within her, so she’d altered her training schedule so that Aweston took the first rides and managed the very young very green horses for the last two seasons of Kavala’s pregnancy. It wasn’t just the child’s life at stake either. If anything happened to the child, Kavala would be blamed acutely, especially with her job. A miscarriage likely meant a death sentence for her, even if it was an ‘accident’.
As Hatot held her close, Kavala relaxed, listening to him. She’d said her piece and now it was time to just let him talk. And she did, listening silently while he too got some things off his chest.
He was wrong about what she wanted and didn’t want though. It wasn’t about gold or silver on her wrist. What Kavala had really wanted was for Hatot to play by the rules the Oathmaster laid out. It shamed her somewhat that they were not even under contract and he hadn’t yet seen to forging her a bracelet of gold to show she was his for a time. It wasn’t the metal on her arm. It was the fact that Hatot had signed no contract for her. It was as if he’d denied what she was completely and in doing so had rejected some part of her existence. There was almost a sense that they had a normal relationship and that they’d met and fallen in love with each other and that he could just pretend things weren’t what they were. And in some part of her, Kavala wondered if Hatot wasn’t ashamed that she was a Nakivak, bound to slavery as surely as a freewoman was not. Before she’d discovered she was pregnant, any Akalak ever could have walked into the Oathmaster’s Tower and signed for her. She wouldn’t’ have had choices in the matter. That’s what mainly bothered her, far more than Hatot not giving her something gold to wear.
But she couldn’t just tell him. It would have sounded self-centered and shallow. And now, he said he wanted it because she wanted it. Part of her felt that wound acutely. She wanted him to want it as well not because he felt it was important to her, but rather because it was important.
Kavala’s face went quiet, loosing its expression, as she fell back to old ways and defenses. Even pregnant and feeling the urge to cry, she couldn’t bring tears to her eyes. That was something the girl had done, the one before the capture. There were no tears left in her… only an emptying of emotion. And so she stayed quiet.
With his forehead pressed against hers, he’d no doubt not miss the withdrawl, but she couldn’t help it nor could she hide it from him. Kavala was too tired. Having not slept in all the time he was gone, her worry had reached new heights and consumed her every waking thought. She’d tried to ride out a dozen times to look for signs, but had turned back with the fear of interrupting or not finding anything. And so she rode in her arena, worked her horses, and waited. It was so hard for her to know what was right and proper. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, without somehow damaging what was between them or lessoning it. And so she bottled up the frustration and the fear and all the things she couldn’t control and simply eased into the moment. Life was complicated. Her feelings were complicated. And she didn’t know how unbalanced the baby was making her either. Was this uncertainty and vulnerability coming from within rather than of Hatot’s making? Kavala didn’t know. What she did know, however, was that she hated the feeling.
Hatot’s touch comforted though. And she soaked it up, the iron clad veneer really needing the love he offered. She kept silent as he spoke of fates and the future. Kavala knew hers was intertwined with his, somehow, whether just because of their child or what plans they had for the future. Kavala didn’t know, but it was definitely something time would tell.
His words were refreshing, a pouring out of his soul. She listened and was comforted though something unsettled her about them. Radris and Hatot were their own balance, not the Konti who loved them both. Everyone in the world only had themselves to stand by when the truth was fully told about it. Kavala could easily die in childbirth or be taken by glassbeaks out riding one of her young horses. Hatot could die in a training exercise with one of the boys he tutored. Accidents happened. Things changed. They changed in a heartbeat, and the truth of it was Kavala was terrified to be too dependent. She’d never come fully back from a place like the one she’d been in when she first fame to Riverfall, especially if she was unwillingly and violently throw back into one. Some days were better than others. Some days she still lingered in bed trembling and longing for the world to go back to where it was when she’d been riding Windsong home, without a care in the world, unhindered by life’s darkness.
And some days she wouldn’t change a thing. Looking around at Sanctuary gave her that sense of pride. Being held by Hatot also gave her a sense that everything was going to be okay – absolutely everything. Kavala slowly smiled, the blank expression melting tentatively. He was getting into safer waters anyhow with his discussion on fate and what was to come.
“There will be lots of new memories.” She affirmed. She couldn’t guarantee bad or good, of course, but there would be new ones.
Then moved on to the veranda where she began cooking his breakfast. Kavala was getting better at fixing food, though the truth was she wasn’t the greatest chef. Really, she’d want to eventually hire someone to cook for Sanctuary and perhaps do the cleaning in the main clinic and living area. When the baby came, someone would have to watch out for him as well when Kavala couldn’t always be around because she was running a business. Kavala would choose the individual wisely, that was for certain.
Her eyes snapped to Hatot. She almost burned the oatmeal she was working on even as she pulled the pot from the heat. Transfer ownership of Sanctuary to Hatot? The Konti felt trapped for a moment. If she readily agreed it showed her trust and that she agreed Hatot knew what was best and could best protect their new family and Kavala’s dreams. If she disagreed, it showed she didn’t trust him or might look as if he somehow was untrustworthy when he was not. The Konti paled a bit, frantically stirred the oatmeal to bring it to the right texture, and then flavored it with a bit of brown sugar and cream. She set the enormous bowl in front of Hatot and offered him the slices of fruit as she finished peeling and slicing them for him. Kavala declined any help, for she wasn’t feeding him a feast fit for a God, but rather a simple faire that would leave him satiated enough to get through the day. She’d do something fancy at dinner, with meat the kelvics had hunted.
Her mind turned back to his offer.
Riverfall itself owned her body. Hatot claimed her heart. The baby claimed her womb. What was left for her? Kavala needed something to belong too that was exclusively hers. If Hatot took over Sanctuary, it would be like he would be buying Kavala’s soul because that’s what Sanctuary was to her - her soul. She needed to hold onto something that was all her own and exclusively hers.
“Thank you Hatot. That’s a very generous offer. It also solves many problems. If there comes oa time this might be an issue,that might be a good way to solve it.” Kavlaa said.
“We’ll keep that in mind, okay?” It might not have been the best way to answer but it was the only one she was willing to give. Kavala didn’t want to hurt him, and she did trust him, but she wasn’t ready to let go of Sanctuary to anyone.
When he began discussing his family, Kavala’s eyes grew huge. Not even in her wildest imagination had she imagined Hatot’s family to be so large. Kavala was under the impression that many people didn’t have big families and that they were lucky to have sons or grandsons at all. But the epic family tree Hatot outlined gave her pause. Quietly, she sat down, picked up an apples slice, and began nibbling it. Halfway through she knew the child inside her wasn’t exactly fond of apples today so she left the rest uneaten and sipped at water instead.
Names whirled past outlined carefully in relationships. She tried to memories most of them, but knew all she was going to really retain was his immediate family and his grandfather because of the comment about Radris. When he was finished she simply shook her head.
“I can’t imagine them ever feeling ashamed of either of you. I know Radris can be an ass, but hes got a good heart. Surely they’ve seen that. Thank you for telling them about me. It means a great deal to me that you did.” So she wasn’t a secret from them and they’d been asking about her. It startled her and made her feel somehow welcomed in his family despite the other feelings she’d been experiencing lately.
“I’ll meet them if you’d like. They sound like an interesting and colorful group.” With that, she smiled again, her frozen expression of a bit earlier completely melting off her face.
“Does Radris take after your Grandfather then?” She asked, curious.
His talk of his family made her think of her own. She’d been away from the Pavilion for over five years now. It was more than time to visit them herself, perhaps in winter if the weather stayed mild. For in spring, she’d be in no condition to sit a horse for that long.
