[Redd's Scrapbook] My Ramblings

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The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

Me!

Postby Redd on August 8th, 2014, 3:21 am

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Me!

So, I figured that I would share a little photo of me, a really recent one in fact. I snapped it just before I went for a job interview today so I don't look like my scruffy self. xD

Image


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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
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Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
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A Warning & A Simple Catch Up of Topics

Postby Redd on August 16th, 2014, 6:00 am

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A Warning & A Simple Catch Up of Topics

Redd
Ok, so first things first, I know that my posting has been suffering a little bit, as I worry about something, something which has been eating at me for the passed couple of weeks. This character, Redd, although she is my main and my favourite character of them all, may be put on the back burner for next season. As much as I don't want to do that. I have already had to find and enact a back up plan, which I didn't want to do, but it had to be done for my own sanity. Now, Redd's master has gone 'poof' again and it is closely gaining the one month mark since he said he would be back within two weeks, so I'm not really holding out hope anymore. Even if I really wanted to keep Redd going for next season, I'd have the problem of seasonal expenses, a collar that is locked around her throat and a lack of housing. A slave, a collared slave no less would probably perish very fast I'd image, especially in those conditions and I don't exactly want her dead just yet, so back burner it is unless I can work out a second back up plan.


Grader
Yes! I am now a grader, of which I am some-what excited about and will be grading threads in between typing up responses for my characters. This is a little bit of news that has put a small skip in my step, simply because I now feel like I am actually making something of a contribution to Mizahar and helping the work load of other volunteers a little.


Vlog
I'm not sure whether I'm going to continue this at all, I may just end it and leave it at just two video blogs. Not enough questions, well no questions are being asked and so even if I do a video on each character that I have, it'd probably end up finishing there with no questions asked or anything. I think that I'll just continue things with my scrapbook, typing about my characters instead, whenever I have time to do that and adding anything that I may feel like sharing about myself. I just don't feel like the vlog is making anyone interested, I've never really done it before, so I don't know how to make it interesting. Personally I think my humour is different to people, so that may be a failing factor.


Threads
My present thread count is all the threads that are still incomplete and that count is at twenty-two. Out of all of those, I probably only have at least fifteen that are some-what constant. At the moment I only have two threads to respond to and they are both for one character only and that is Sherashadiss, my newest character. I do have pending threads with people people for next season for Shalita, one person I know, if given the ok from help desk will thread with me as they have previously done so with a couple of my other characters. The other one, I'm not too sure on, I guess it just depends if they forget about asking me about the possible plot line. We shall see in Autumn I suppose. I don't really want to hassle people about threading with me because then I feel like a thorn in their side, especially seeing as some people that I wouldn't mind threading with already have a ton of threads. On a side note however, I have noticed that people do tend to thread with those, whose writing style that they like. Maybe, I should just simply work on a few solos and change my writing style a little bit so then my characters seem more threadable. It's something to think about anyway.


Me Over-all
It's a, 'I'll get back to you on that one,' kind of thing. Even I don't know, because my moods shift and occasionally things are all hunky dory and then suddenly they are not. So... I honestly have no idea. Yes I am helping others and yes I am giving others advice, my brain doesn't stop working whenever my nickers get twisted into a knot. Other people I can help, no worries at all. Putting a smile on their face of making their day is easy, I do it for lots of people, I do it for my real life friends, no matter how I am presently feeling. In actual fact, I don't lean on my friends, because everyone has enough problems without me dumping on them. Now, I don't mind helping out people, with either asking about prices or helping someone smile, but I don't know, sometimes I have an urge to just tell people to shove it sometimes, because I'm not an ST or a Moderator. I'm just a member, I'm not 'the go-to-gal' when someone is just too lazy to actually look for what they want properly. Occasionally, I do get a bit bitter at times as well, because I don't like to kiss ass, in fact, I tend to look down on those that do, but I have noticed, that the ones that do, tend to get the threads. An sometimes I wonder why I even log on into chat, half the time what I says go un-noticed and I end up lurking, working on posts and stuff. I'm not sure whether that's just me and my imagination, but it doesn't seem to be. So if I don't end up signing into chat but I'm still posting and doing grades, it's mostly because I don't see the point of signing into chat.

Alright, that's about the bulk of everything at the moment, so I'll just sign off now.


~Zebra




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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
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[Redd's Scrapbook] My Headache, My Saviour

Postby Redd on August 21st, 2014, 4:53 am

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My Headache, My Saviour

Have any of you have one of those people that lives in your house and they insult you and are constantly putting you down, just to make themselves feel better about their situation? I have one of those right about now, my partner's brother moved in with us a month ago and whenever he has a horrible day, he comes home and takes it out on me. Insulting me and so on and so forth. He is also always eating or taking things, that I have stressed not to. Such as my painkillers, I need them for my condition and being a creature of habit, I know when they have been moved. My pain killers are a special kind to deal with my condition and they are expensive, it literally burns a hole in my pocket whenever I have to buy them. So when he is going around and taking them for a simple headache, it just pisses me right off!

For those of you who don't know, I suffer from a chronic pain disorder called Fibromyalgia and I have constant pain flares within winter which can often leave me in such much pain that I can't even get up from bed. So these pain killers I really rely upon heavily whenever that happens. As it is, I have to live this condition for the rest of my life and it's just so frustrating to have to deal with on its own, let alone having to worry about whether I have any pain killers left to deal with it. There are many other symptoms that I have to deal with as well. Such as Insomnia, Dizziness, Memory Impairment, Anxiety, Depression, Fatigue, Twitches, Vision Problems, Dysfunction of the joint in the jaw, Cold Symptoms, Chest Pain, Nausea, Morning stiffness and the list goes on! It's such a long list of symptoms, that it takes years to even get a preliminary diagnosis! Which I have, but then I still have to keep going to a specialist [Which I cannot afford], to get a full diagnosis.

So, imagine having to deal with a bastard house guest on top of everything else! It's stressful in its own right. Not to mention that I'm currently living in a new town, unable to get a job because the competition is so high, so we are relying on my partner's wage, a job that he may be loosing soon and if that's the case, we will have to move again so then he can start this next job straight away. I did have an interview, but I got rejected, again! So I'm not feeling 100% on the emotional scale.

However! I have Mizahar and I really, REALLY enjoy logging on, because it distracts me from all of this that's going on. Recently I have enjoyed grading, because reading other people's threads is just so fascinating and humourous at times! The journey that my character's take, is just so special, because their development also distracts me and its something that I can actually control. The people on chat is just so warm and fuzzy, I like the fooling around and the helpful tips that you receive, it's just great. The whole website is just a get distraction, something that I am so grateful for.



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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
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Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
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[Redd's Scrapbook] My Ramblings

Postby Redd on August 24th, 2014, 8:56 pm

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Just a Rant~

I don't know whether it's because someone decided to get all nit-picky about Incy & Itsy or the fact that I am once again having to pack the house because me and my partner is moving house for the forth time this year, but I am just really annoyed. I mean like come on! What ignorant son of a bitch argues about how to say the first part of a spider rhyme? Like seriously, people are gunna say and spell shit differently, we aren't all from the same damn country! I suppose it also doesn't help my temper when I think about helping someone and although I had tried to talk or join in on their conversation so then they will address me long enough to ask a freaking question, they just flat out ignore me. Then turn around and wonder why I could no longer be assed to ask it anymore. It's like, well hello, 'I did try to address you guys, but you just went ahead and ignored me, so fuck you, you can get someone else to fix your damn problem.' It's so hard to not just chew someone out, especially when I'm naturally hot-tempered to say in the least, so I'm kind of glad that this scrapbook is here for me to just vent and get it all off my chest.

I truthfully don't know how I feel about this move, I'm about ready to settle down into own place for AT LEAST longer than six months, I'd be nice, cause then I could actually make some female friends, instead of hanging around with male company. I suppose that's why I'm so hot-tempered. Jo! Do the dishes! Jo! I need my washing done. Jo! Have you seen, this or have you seen that. It's like, FUUCCCK! I'm not a housewife! You may be my partner's brother, but I'm not playing housewife, nor am I playing the role of your fucking mother!

So anyway, that's about it, I just really, REALLY had to get that off of my chest.


~Zebra




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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
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[Redd's Scrapbook] The Hyphen Plague

Postby Redd on August 29th, 2014, 1:17 am

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The Hyphen Plague

So, some of you may have noticed that I have been putting a lot more hyphens into my posts and I apologize deeply. Apparently I'm going on a hyphen binge, so if any of you notice that I have placed a couple in my posts, please do not hesitate to tell me! They even annoy me and I don't know why I even do it! It's just one of those little things that I pick up and just continue using for some odd reason. It may be the simple fact because I'm a creature of habit and once I do something once, I will repeatedly do it again if I can. It mostly only happens when I'm not really paying attention and I've just gone into pilot mode.

-Insert awkward whistling-

Aye, I go into pilot mode, simply because it helps me when I'm feeling rather tired/sad because that way it helps me to just simply let my fingers do the typing with me not really having to think much about everything else going on in my life at the moment. So if there is a hyphen in my posts that doesn't really need it, please, don't hesitate to tell me. Cause if you don't, I will eventually re-read over my posts, only to find it there, which will severely annoy the crap out of me, cause even I dis-like them. xD

So anyway, just figured I'd let everyone know about my newest annoying habit, just to give y'all a heads up.


~Zebra




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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
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[Redd's Scrapbook] Death By Tray!

Postby Redd on August 31st, 2014, 1:05 am

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Death By Tray!

I just had to share this with everyone, it's too funny not to!




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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
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[Redd's Scrapbook] Real Life Stresses

Postby Redd on September 1st, 2014, 8:30 am

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Real Life Stresses~

So I have been bottling a few things up and I just don't have anywhere to really turn to, so I figured that I'd just write it all up on here and forget about it, because at least then I've put it all out in the open and I've talked about it, well, wrote about it. To people who have started to read this, just a warning, swearing and dark thoughts will be written in here and if you don't like that kinda crap, then this is your warning to just stop reading and close out of this page.

Where do I begin? Lets start with why we recently moved in the first place. So, we have been putting off our medical bills because the new government want us to pay extra and what was now a $60 visit, is now like an $80 visit and if you go to a public hospital, there is no guarantees that you will even get to see a doctor. So you either fork out money to get seen or you wait for hours or even days just to see a damn doctor. Honestly, I think our country is going to shit. Our problem is that we are not financially stable and is constantly struggling to even keep the basics, so we are constantly having to move to find work and bring in the money to keep the bills paid and the essentials on.

My partner's first job, screwed him around, the $80 doctor said he could work and even provided him a certificate to say that he was able to work with what he was currently doing, but the office at his work said that that wasn't enough and they wanted him to go see a $400 surgeon just to get a certificate to say that he is able to work and can do what he is currently doing. What is my partner's problem you ask? He has two protruding disks in his spine, which pinches the nerve every now and then, but it isn't serious so long as he sees his $80 physio-therapist every month and he isn't allowed to lift any heavy stuff. Which is fine, because his job doesn't include heavy lifting, but his work said 'Nope we won't keep you on till you get that $400 certificate,' so we moved, for the fourth time this year.

We moved further down south were it gets colder and where my Chronic Pain symptoms get worse, just so then he could get this job that was offered to him. They found out that they have this back problem, but they have no worries about keeping him on, so long as the local doctors signs off on it. So today we waited for HOURS in the waiting room, only to be told that they couldn't see him today. I mean, we had even booked an appointment for him which is even more frustrating because they were letting walks in just go ahead of him. I mean like seriously, it would takes five minutes to explain, get the doctor to sign off and we will be out of their hair, but no, he has to book another appointment and wait for hours again just to get this certificate signed off. If he doesn't get that certificate signed off, then we are up shit's creek, because his current job won't keep him on otherwise.

So what about me? Why can't I bring in any money? I have been trying my damnedest to find work and I have been throwing out resumes like no tomorrow, but no one will hire me! Honestly, I feel so useless that I cannot contribute to our financial state, it's making me cry. It makes me feel so weak and useless. I just don't know where to turn to, because my partner is in a depressed state and I don't know how to get him out it. I have basically tried everything to help keep that smile on his face, to try and ease his troubles, but now I'm at a loss because it just seems like life just doesn't quite like us at the moment. I turn to Mizahar to try and keep my depression at bay and my partner is constantly playing games to try and keep his own depression at bay, but it's slowly wearing in on us.

I would have talked to a friend if I could, but they all moved away and are getting on really super fantastic with their lives and are too busy to talk with me. I don't really fancy paying $80 to see a councilor to spill my heart out, so I figured I might as well just type it here and forget about it, so long as I have got it off my chest. So Mizahar, just so you know, you guys are fantastic and you are always keeping me going with your lovely smiles and jokes. Even by threading with me helps, so Mizahar is my anchor at the moment and I thank you all for it!

Thank you for listening guys and I shall leave you with a funny video!


~ Zebra




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Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
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[Redd's Scrapbook] Tired, Just Plain Ole Tired~

Postby Redd on September 6th, 2014, 12:03 pm

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Tired, Just Plain Ole Tired~

So, I know I talk a lot about people bailing on me or my characters, they talk and plan one thing with ya and then just go, 'Well, I'm going to go and do something else.' I also know how I talk about being drowned out and being ignored on chat, but it happens and I honestly go 'Why do I even bother talking?' I'm tired of trying to formulate plans and plots and I'm tired of people bailing on my characters or threads. I'm tired of chasing up people, I'm tired of poking and prodding people for threads. I'm tired of sounding like a broken record and I'm tired of sounding like a mum.

Lately, I have found that I open up a thread and I just stare at it for hours or a few minutes and then I'll type up a sentence or two before I stop, save and close the document, thinking to myself, 'What's just one more day before responding?' Then I stare at the folder with all the documents that I have for all of my threads. Twenty-five threads stare at me and chances are, a third of them are basically dead, another third taking their time to respond and the other third is made up of two or three people that actually bother to respond. To those that are slow to respond, I actually understand that real life does get in the way. If there is a thread that you have talked to me about, but you're no longer interested in doing it, then just tell me so then I'm not waiting for a post that will never come. While it may be discouraging, at least I know that you don't really want to thread with me. You don't even have to tell me why. If you don't want to continue on with the plot that you have with me because you want to go and develop it with someone else or go to some other place, then great, just tell me. I've learned to not hold my breath.

The reason behind why I thread is because it's a distraction from my real life, from my short-comings. However, since people are starting to take up ST positions, which is super, I encourage people to do that! It's an honour, for sure, just don't make plans with me and then ditch me because some other character is more interesting then my own. I have made three major plot ideas for my character Redd and so far, two have fallen through the floor and I had to make a back-up plan for my back-up plan. I have also since found out that another one of her major plots will also be maybe put on hold for an indefinite amount of time. Super... Yay! I mean, I understand why that plot may be put on hold for an indefinite time and if that's the way it has to be, then that is the way it has to be. I'm not hostile towards it, I don't resent that person, because it's not in my nature to resent someone unless you're an asshole or my sister. I'm just disappointed that it didn't go anywhere, that it never had the opportunity to grow and expand.

I sit in chat, day in and day out. I see people come and I see them go. I watch them plot and I just sigh. I want to participate, I want to create ideas, but my past history record makes me hold back. I create ideas and then they just don't happen. I push and I shove to get it moving, but in the end it was all for naught and I hesitate about ideas, I hesitate about creating them, because I just wonder as to whether it will stick. So to everyone that I have threads with and are expecting replies, I'm sorry. My inspiration has been running low and my motivation to type has been lacking, so I ask for patience as I slog out a couple of posts every day, maybe three if I'm lucky enough to be able to push it that much. To those that are willing to plot and actually follow on through with it, I just ask that you don't disappear. For the few that actually do respond to my threads, I'm relying on you for inspiration, for motivation. If I'm not on chat as much, don't worry, I just don't really feel like talks of plots and Vlogs. I'll still respond to threads, just less of me on chat, cause I just don't feel like pretending that everything is ok for the moment. I'm tired guys, I'm just tired of pretending and for a bit, I just need to be able to feel what I'm actually feeling. So instead of portraying my down-wards emotions in chat, I'll just keep out of chat whenever I am feeling down, so then I can express these feelings.

This post isn't meant to step on people's toes or offend them, it's just a chance to express myself, to tell you how I do feel, that I do have feelings when people bail out on me. If I have offended you or stepped on your toes, I'm deeply sorry. To those of you who have been slow to respond because of real life, I don't judge you, I understand and I'm sorry if this post is offensive to you because of it.


~Zebra



"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.

Don't let them in, don't let them see,
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know."





User avatar
Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
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Medals: 2
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[Redd's Scrapbook] Old Vlog Posts~

Postby Redd on September 6th, 2014, 5:59 pm

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Old Vlog Posts~

I'm deleting my Vlog thread and just posting the old Vlogs that I made for curious minds to find seeing as I'm no longer making Vlogs. I may consider making them again, but I had lack of questions last time, so I don't see that happening.

~Zebra






User avatar
Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
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Medals: 2
Mizahar Grader (1) Donor (1)

[Redd's Scrapbook] A Pick Me Up~

Postby Redd on September 8th, 2014, 12:26 pm

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A Pick Me Up~

So, I needed a pick me up and I decided to share it with all you lovely people!




User avatar
Redd
The One-Eyed Wolf
 
Posts: 473
Words: 425591
Joined roleplay: March 30th, 2014, 1:29 am
Location: Endrykas, Cyphrus Region
Race: Kelvic
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Journal
Plotnotes
Medals: 2
Mizahar Grader (1) Donor (1)

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