Closed Something New

[Khara]

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..1st of Winter, 514

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The first sensation Khara had upon waking was panic. Had she somehow overslept? Was she supposed to be somewhere? And then there was the fact she was in bed but not her bed and she wasn’t alone and someone was touching her and...and... A tick passed far slower than possibly imaginable before it all came flooding back. It was the first of the Season, she had the day off, no one would be expecting her to be anywhere important and where she was? Well that was fine too. Better than fine, really.

The bit of sitting up she had begun in that half-formed flight was aborted and Khara let herself settle back in bed and her head against Zhol’s shoulder once more. This wasn’t an accident, wasn’t some misunderstanding or anything else that would give her pause to worry about where she found herself or the consequences that could follow.. The slight weight of his arm around her wasn’t constricting, it was comforting. That was… Until she reached out to place an arm across him and found it resting against the arm he had in a sling instead. Khara hadn’t asked any questions the night before, all curiosity aside they had a lot of other things to talk about that had taken up all the bells until they both had fallen asleep at an hour probably considered far too late to be any good. It had been strange to find out that if she had been more direct, like most other Inarta, she may have actually spared the both of them quite a lot of pain. She didn’t blame herself though, Zhol had made every effort possible to drive that notion from her mind and for once in her life, she actually listened to reason rather than self-doubt.

Her fingertips strayed to where his hand rested against his chest, gently entwining around his. The subtle change in his breathing had left her guessing he was already awake, probably due to her initial distress, so she didn’t worry about the subtle gesture disturbing him. Khara shut her eyes, not exactly aiding in the effort to try and not fall back asleep. There were things to be done that day, after all. Not many, but if she managed to get up and moving early enough there was a chance there would be less people around. The Valintar would be paying out wages, and then there was the market - not that she needed anything - and then, well, Khara wasn’t quite sure.

It seemed like for most of the second half of the Fall Season her days off had been spent hiding in Zhol’s room or shadowing him around the stables. Their days hadn’t entirely lined up and when they had, it had been too soon and she hadn’t wanted to go anywhere. Near the end of the Season she had just about given up all her free time, working every day as if she had no other option. So now that there was this day, a day when she didn’t feel gripped with fear and anxiety but instead hope and a warm sense of calm, the girl didn’t know what to do with herself.

For that chime though, she was content to stay right where she was. A stray thought came to her, of where they should have been the night before. Khara hadn’t exactly promised him, but it had certainly been her intention to go when she had spoken of it a Season before.

"I'm sorry" she spoke softly, barely above a whisper just in case he was still sleeping. "That you didn’t get to see the Wind Tower change last night. It was probably very pretty."

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

[Zhol]

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Zhol was too terrified to open his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he had been awake, feeling the weight of Khara against him, feeling her body beneath his arm, hearing her gentle breaths as she remained asleep. He was terrified, because he had experienced this a thousand times before, and every single time the dream had shattered into nothingness the instant he had opened his eyes. Not this time. Not yet. Just a few chimes longer.

But this time it wasn't a dream. He felt her stir; felt her hand around his; heard her gentle voice utter an apology. He couldn't help a smile from teasing it's way onto his lips. Of course the first thing he'd hear Khara say when they woke like this was some needless apology for something that didn't need to be apologised for. It wouldn't be Khara if she wasn't shouldering blame that didn't belong to her, or that didn't even exist. But unlike every other time, unlike every other instance of her trying to take ownership of every scrap of guilt in a several mile radius, Zhol didn't have to be careful how he answered. He didn't have to measure his rebuttal, didn't have to be careful not to protest too much or too quickly, and risk revealing his feelings. She knew; finally, at long last, she knew. He didn't have to hide a single thing from her.

His smile grew a little larger.

Slowly, his eyes fluttered open, and his chest suddenly felt several sizes too small for his heart. If the world were to end this very instant, if Mount Skyinarta were to erupt and encase the both of them in stone, if this was how he was to spend the rest of eternity, then no person or god or creature in all of creation would be able to compete with how happy he would be. In all his years, in all the mornings that he had endured, every time he had awoken wrong. Finally, he had awoken right - with Khara in his arms - and it was a mistake he never wanted to make again.

"It's okay," he replied quietly, moving just enough to plant a gentle kiss against Khara's forehead. "I got to see something much more beautiful instead."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She has failed this city, and will soon be visited by a sexy man in a hood.

[Khara]

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Knowing the truth didn't necessarily make things easier. That was true for a lot of things, Khara supposed, it certainly was for this. Complements in particular were going to take some getting used to. Her eyes met his only briefly before she looked away, not really focusing on anything in particular as she tried to ignore the warmth that let her know she was blushing. The only difference was it was something she would have desperately tried to hide before, now the attempt was only marginal at best. It had been a lost cause anyway, the kiss had doomed her from the start.

"Still," she persisted, another pale attempt at avoiding acknowledging the fluttery sensation in her stomach that had come with Zhol's comment. There was more she wanted to say, she was sure of it, but as her wandering gaze fell on their joined hands the thought had fled entirely.

There also had been some half formed consideration regarding what they should do that day to make up for the last few days of unnecessary misery. It wasn't a want to make up for lost time so much as make up for everything. Zhol's demeanor had seemed to completely flip within a few bells and while Khara wasn't far behind in feeling the relief and solace that simply having things be fully understood brought, there were still dark clouds at the edges of her mind that weren't letting go so easily. There was far too much guilt and self-blame that had settled in and formed deep seated roots to simply pretend that everything was okay. It was better, a thousandfold times at that, but that didn't mean scars suddenly up and vanished overnight.

Khara forced herself to chance a glance back up and caught Zhol's gaze once more. The unrestrained look she saw there was more than enough to - at least temporarily - banish such dark musings.

"We should go somewhere today," Khara's words were still soft spoken but managed to reflect the smile that had formed on her lips. "Just the both of us. Most people will be at the Market today, no one will want to go out into the cold outside the gates. We should."

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

[Zhol]

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His gut twisted as he caught sight of it, that faint glimmer of guilt and doubt in Khara's eyes before she managed to banish it away, sparking whispers of the same emotions in him. To know that Khara felt the same as him had been a relief, a joyous blessing, a wondrous miracle that not even the gods could have gifted. For him, knowing that she felt the same was the truth he had needed, the revelation that he had been missing, and in an instant all of the feelings he had denied himself for the lack of it had snapped into place and assaulted him full force.

For Khara it was different. For her the truth had been no less impossible, no less wanted; but instead of relief lurking behind the much more pleasant emotions in Khara's beautiful eyes, what he saw glimpses of was confusion, that niggling part of her that somehow thought he must have been mistaken. Zhol may have spent almost a year slowly falling for her in secret, and convincing himself he could never be so lucky to have someone like her feel the same; Khara had spent an entire lifetime convincing herself that she wasn't worth enough to have anyone fall for her at all.

Zhol wished there was something he could do, to transform her doubts and convince her of the truth in an instant. He wished there was a way that he could let her see herself through his eyes. There was not. There was no easy way to help Khara see how much she was worth to him, how much she mattered, how much she meant.

But since when was anything worth doing ever easy?

He held her gaze, not with forceful intent, but with the same gentle manner with which he held her hand. "I would walk barefoot into the Tomb of the Fallen," he said, lacing his words with every ounce of sincerity he could muster, "If it meant I could be alone with you for even a heartbeat longer. Every moment you are willing to spend with me, I will be there, eager and adoring."

The smile on his face grew a little larger; his eyes stubbornly refused to blink, not wanting to rob themselves of the sight of her for even an instant.

"You will regret letting me love you," he added, barely more than a breath. "It's not something that can ever be undone."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She has failed this city, and will soon be visited by a sexy man in a hood.

[Khara]

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She didn't deserve this, she never would. If Zhol had been born in Wind Reach, if he had been an Inarta he would have known this, or at least understood it better. Such things weren't entirely unheard of, there were even fantastically romantic stories of Endal swooping in and falling madly in love with a Drudge and using their status to better their love one's life as they raised them from such misery. But those were stories, and Zhol was decidedly not Inarta and Khara wouldn't have changed any of that for anything in the world.

"I only have a little regrets, I do not think that will become one." Her hand gave his a gentle squeeze before she reluctantly sat up. "Laying about in bed all day, though..." A playful edge coloured her words and Khara felt like she couldn't stop smiling no matter how hard she tried.

It seemed like so much time the previous Winter had been spent either in desperate search of food, or huddled within her room trying to conserve what little energy she had. Fall had reflected those actions but in a twisted new way and meaning. But now Syna had risen on a new Season, one filled with hope and numerous possibilities. As nice as their current location and predicament was, Khara knew she wasn't entire kidding about the regret she would feel if she simply let the day slip away.

Her body shifted in position, legs tucking closely to her as she remained near his side. The hand that had been holding his gently escaped his grasp only to fall once more as her fingertips gently brushed against his forehead. The too-long sleeve of the shirt she had once more borrowed for him forced her to keep the motions slow. "We should go somewhere that you have not been. It cannot be too far though, the road is closed as far as the city is concerned and has been bit hard to navigate for a little while now."

A glance was cast towards the sling he wore and Khara felt the concerned tug of worry form at her brow. "That is, if you are well enough to go someplace."

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

[Zhol]

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A day spent in your arms is somewhere I have not been, Zhol mused, almost mournfully, as Khara slowly and slightly moved herself away from him. Would it be such a crime to spend the day like this, to make amends for all the nights that could have ended this way? He almost wanted to say that, but didn't, a mix of better judgement and the distraction of her gaze and her touch on his brow driving those thoughts away.

A playful thought swept across his mind, and tugged a matching smile at the corner of his lips; a line that he had heard his brothers employ when injured and being attended by their betrothed, some bluff about the medicinal power of a woman's lips that had allowed them to trick their way into stolen kisses - and more, for that matter, though Zhol would never try to coax such a thing from Khara. She had endured enough already, been forced unwillingly into far too much for Zhol to even dream of such things transpiring between them; not until she was ready, not until it was her choice.

A sudden twist of guilt collapsed the mischievous idea in upon itself; was a stolen kiss really any better? Was it any less a deception, any less him taking advantage of Khara's nature and her affection? Where did the line end? Where did the slippery slope begin? Was it too much to speak of how much she meant to him? Was he pressuring her by saying too much too soon? Or was the reverse true - was Khara waiting to hear him say such things, so that she would know it was permissible for her to say the same?

Heat rose to Zhol's face and he glanced away for an instant, collecting his thoughts, mustering his composure. When his eyes found hers again, he had loosened anxiety's grip on his chest enough for a gentle smile to emerge; it wasn't exactly a difficult expression to find, all things considered.

"As long as you are there to take care of me," he answered quietly, willingly losing himself in her sunshine eyes again, "I will happily go anywhere you wish. Though..."

He hesitated, his gaze faltering again.

"When we watched the tower change, and when we visited the lakes, had we known how each other felt, things could have been more -" Romantic was the word he wanted to say, though a pang of embarrassment prevented him from doing so. The flushing heat and hint of red that accompanied such emotions rose to his face again, and he instantly began to regret the path he had set himself upon. "- special. Now that you know that I -"

Why was this so difficult? Where was this nervousness coming from? Why was it such a challenge to ask the woman who had awoken in your arms if she knew anywhere you could spend a romantic day together?

"I would like for us to go to another place like that. If that is... something you would want."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She has failed this city, and will soon be visited by a sexy man in a hood.

[Khara]

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It was strange to watch Zhol stumble over his words when the night before he found ways to make everything entirely clear to her. Yet every hesitation was met with complete patience as she waited for him to find the right term and each time a flush of color threatened to overtake him her smile only grew all the wider.

Although he wasn't exact, and Khara got the distinct impression he was avoiding saying certain things - though why now she couldn't fathom - she felt she understood what it was that Zhol was hinting at. There was only one way she could think of to reply, "I would like that very much."

A small laugh worked its way out of her before she tugged at her lower lip with her teeth as she considered the request. Someplace quiet, someplace private, someplace special...

"There is a place I have only heard of, because I have not really gone by myself since, well, I suppose you could but most don't. Anyways, it is a grove of cherry trees a bit between here and Thunder Bay. I've heard it's very pretty, especially when the trees are flowering." Her quickened rambling explanation was cut short as a sudden realization dawned on her and drained a bit of the light from her excited gaze. "But they won't be now, of course. That might be a good thing though, means that there probably will be less chance of others being there, I think."

She had felt it before when she had drawn attention to Zhol's injury and had managed to overcome it, but now the urge to draw her hand away from his forehead and bring both of her hands together got the better of her. Hidden by the sleeves of the shirt her fingertips wove around each other and tugged slightly in her usual nervous manner.

Khara regretted mentioning the Cherry Grove almost instantly. Not because of the fact it was considered somewhere appropriate for couples to go to; that made it seem like the perfect kind of place for Zhol and her to go for the first day of the first season they weren't hiding secrets from each other anymore. Rather the problem was that it wasn't Spring, the trees wouldn't be in blossom and at their best and it seemed like it would be another repeat of when they had watched the Wind Tower change at Fall - beautiful certainly, but not nearly as spectacular as she thought it could, and should be.

"I'm sure it will still be nice, though," She finally spoke, a bit of her typical timid nature creeping back in. She didn't want to take back what she had suggested and make it seem like it was someplace she didn't want to go with him to, but the initial enthusiasm had drained a bit. Sadly there was no one and nothing to blame for that but her lack of forethought.

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

[Zhol]

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Impulse got the better of him. It was maybe - probably - wrong to do so, but it happened almost without thinking, the only action he could think of within his momentary panic to erase that agonising worry from her expression and mind. His lips met with hers slowly, gently, not the same outpouring of passion that had cascaded through their kiss the night before, but something softer and more tender, a kiss that felt more like a breath, for when arms alone weren't embrace enough.

He let his forehead linger against hers for as long as his neck could manage to hold it aloft, her lips so close to his that it was a barely restrained temptation to kiss her again and never stop. "The grove sounds perfect," he whispered, his free arm reaching to brush gently down her cheek, his head falling away so that he could gaze into her eyes one again.

He smiled at first, but it faltered, a hint of the nervousness from before creeping back. "Sorry," he added, more timid than his voice was used to sounding. "I know I shouldn't just kiss you like that, but I -"

A flicker of sadness tugged at his eyebrows; he didn't want it to, but couldn't help it. He'd told her everything, more or less, but it was all at once, all in one confusing mess. Some admissions needed to be reiterated, repeated, reinforced over and over again until Khara not only understood, but believed. "I wasn't sure how else to distract you from worrying. You don't ever have to when you are with me, and I don't ever want you to, but -"

His eyes fell away. "I should have asked what would help first."

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She has failed this city, and will soon be visited by a sexy man in a hood.

[Khara]

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Was this how it was always going to be between them? One would say or do something and the other would respond by blushing and looking as awkward as possible? Maybe not, but Khara certainly felt like the morning was going to be summed up that way. Still, whether he felt like it should have been done or not, and despite the flush returning her to cheeks, the kiss had managed to banish the shred of worry from her entirely. It wasn't the most subtle way of helping, that was for sure, but it did work as intended.

"Y-you can distract me like that whenever you want," Khara managed to say quietly. It wasn't exactly the reassurance that she wanted to say, but it was about the most coherent thing that managed to come to mind.

She knew why he had been so hesitant , or at least had a good idea of it. Trouble was, she had no idea how to assure Zhol that she knew his intentions were never forceful or that anything she reciprocated was happily done so. There wasn't any sense of obligation aside from what she felt her heart was demanding of her. Maybe one day she would find how to say it without it sounded complicated or stumbled or maybe there was something she could do to show him...

Khara looked down to her covered hands and then back to Zhol, the thought that had suddenly occurred to her barely forming before she began to ask, "The things you do with your hands when you talk to the horses, that's part of the language from where you came from, isn't it? I am not so good with words sometimes, and I think I get too nervous for other things and over think and-"

She stopped as she realized she had begun speaking quicker and quicker and her hands were practically wringing themselves. The movement was forced to stop and a gentle shake let the sleeves of the shirt slip back away so they could be seen and she tried her best to keep them still.

"Is there some way to tell you how I feel without saying anything? Not- not all things I feel just... Just how I do about you?" Timidly her eyes met his and a small smile formed far easier than she ever would have thought possible. "If there is, I think I can do that anywhere and you will know and then you won't have to worry either. It will be something just the two of us understand."

"Nari" | "Common" | "Pavi"

[Zhol]

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It was a mistake, what she'd said: a mistake to give him such freedom to her lips; a mistake that he exploited the instant opportunity presented.

With more effort than he would have liked, Zhol levered himself from the mattress until he was almost sitting, and allowed himself to kiss her again. This time he left the flood gates open longer, let his fingers thread into the copper strands of her hair, spurred on by the swell of affection in his chest that had appeared like a persistent breath of wind. His lungs demanded that he stop, but he resisted them, defied them, lingering kisses like aftershocks following in the wake.

Perhaps it was a simple thing to her eyes, what she was asking. Perhaps secret signs and secret words were commonplace among the Inarta, but for Zhol it was the sweetest notion that he had ever heard. To want to speak his language could have meant many things; after all, he was learning to speak hers. But the desire for that to be one of the first things learned? He knew the emotions that lay behind such a thing; knew what it felt to want to make the effort to learn to say something in a way that could not be misunderstood or misconstrued. For Khara to want to do that in a way that was unspoken, that would be a mystery to anyone but them? He would have kissed her until the end of time for that alone.

"There is," he said at last, reluctantly drawing his lips away from hers, but only far enough to speak; his rebellious mouth still managed to steal a few kisses more despite his efforts.

Shuffling backwards far enough so that Khara would be able to see his uninjured hand, his fingers slowly clenched into a fist and then unfurled, the smallest two remaining half-way curled, the others opening, turned palm-upwards, as if he were offering his hand to her. "This means affection," he explained, repeating it again at a more proper pace. Gently, he took hold of Khara's hand, easing her fingers into the positions he knew from reflex. "My mother told me to imagine that these fingers -" His touch brushed gently across the two fingers that remained half-furled. "- are helping to hold your affection in the palm of your hand, and you are offering it to the person it belongs to. Like this is is for friends, and for family, but -"

He gently pushed her fingers closed, and guided her closed fist to rest knuckles outward on her chest. "- if the sign begins from here, it is your heart that you are giving instead."

His eyes found hers again. "Is that the kind of thing that you meant?"

"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"
Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts
...
This template was made by Khara. She has failed this city, and will soon be visited by a sexy man in a hood.