Solo Fragments

[Taurina]

Late Morning of the 29th of Fall 516

It was rare for the Ethaefal to dream. Scattered throughout the daylight hours, usually during the warmest times of the day if work was not happening, Taurina took short naps that lasted a couple bells at most. Sometimes, if she had worn herself more than usual, the naps stretched to three bells but that was rare. Mainly her sleep was light and she was easily disturbed so it was not often that she had dreams and if she did it was even more rare that she remembered them. Mostly all she could recall were clouds of darkness and sometimes some scattered images, but that was about the extent of it.

On the rare occasion that she did remember her dreams, they did not feel like dreams. Often they felt very real as if they were happening or if they had happened before. Taurina wondered sometimes if the few dreams she did have were really memories. Memories of a past life that was forgotten but longed to be remembered. A black horse frequented a lot of these dreams. A big horse that was larger than most of the striders she had seen while in Endrykas. Wild, untamed, and yet there was familiarity and comfort surrounding him. Often in the dreams he was a presence meant to induce fear, but he never did. Not in her anyway.

Such a dream had captured her this day. There was nothing special about the day or really memorable about the dream. Just that horse. He kept reappearing. He was in her fragmented Drykas memories as well. At least, Taurina believed it to be the same horse. It looked like it. It felt like it. Some instinct told her he was important. That he meant something or at least had once meant something. Likely he was long gone now. Had they been a team? Had he frightened her once? Did he become tame for her? Or was he the wild, unstoppable force that he had always been in the dreams? What had she called him?

Memories made her head hurt and caused the world to spin. Taurina did not focus on them often. Not only did trying to focus on them too much hurt her brain, but it also hurt her soul. Trying to remember that time put a strain on her emotions unlike what she had experienced yet during this life. She wanted to know and yet it hurt to try. What had she had in that life? What had she lost when it was over?

There were so many questions and yet so few answers. Taurina sat up and reached for her waterskin. She opened it and gulped down a slow drink before using some of the clear liquid to wash over her face and smooth through her hair. Her skin had felt clammy upon waking and the strain on her mind had likely caused it. It felt good to drown in the drops of water she dared to waste on herself. In times like these water was precious, everything was. Taurina sighed and put the waterskin back in its place before she stood to stretch herself out.

The Drykas woman lifted her arms into the air and slowly arched her back, pulling up towards the sky. The stretch was followed by the twisted of her back and the tilting of her neck, both of which gave satisfying popping sounds. The stretches worked in loosening the Drykas up. Taurina made a move to grab her needed belongings before exiting the tent. In hand was her journal with the charcoal piece wedged between the pages along with her waterskin and ever present dagger strapped at her waist.

Taurina moved to check up on Melody first. The mare gave her a gentle huff when she noticed her master, after lifting her head. Taurina offered a small smile and outstretched her hand to stroke the mare’s cheek. The colorsplash looked good, calm, her normal self. Taurina smiled softly, giving a gentle sigh. While Melody was perfect for her needs now, she suspected Melody once would have been too boring for her. That she had once gone out looking for adventure and trouble. Why else would she have ended up with such a horse as that black one?

“Having a good day there Melody?” Taurina questioned, stroking a hand down the mare’s withers. There was a tremor under the skin at the touch of Taurina’s palm, but no other response was given. Melody was too busy chowing away at the grass. Taurina sighed softly once more. Yes, Melody was tame and she was boring, but the Ethaefal would not have been able to deal with anything more. She had grown soft with her fall. Whatever skill she had had when last owning this body was gone now. Lost with everything else.

“Be good now, I’ll see you later,” there was no response, which was expected but still caused Taurina to let out another soft sigh. She rested her head against Melody’s warm neck and kissed the mare tenderly. Melody did not as so much lift her head. “Yeah, be good,” Taurina murmured before heading off. There were things to do today, she could not spend the whole rest of the morning and afternoon thinking about a life past. There was a life present to attend to and it needed some attention if the Eth planned on keeping it.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

Taurina was distracted, that much was clear. While the city of Endrykas bustled and moved around her, she did little to avoid colliding with anything. It was luck alone that kept her on her own two feet. Often she had to move out of the way or apologize for not moving out of the way. It was not to challenge the Drykas or to go looking for trouble, her mind was just simply not where it should have been. So while she was looking to keep out of people’s way, she was not really seeing and while her feet moved, she did not remember clearing the distance she had already.

The Lilacwind Pavillion looked as pretty as ever nestled amongst the tents of the amethyst clan. The intricate work done in shades of gold and silver stood out amongst the purple canvas of the tent. It was truly beautiful to look at and the inside was just as interesting. Taurina enjoyed the colors of ink set out for those who entered to see as well as the many different examples drawn out on scrolls of some of the many windmarks that had been given here. Today though, things were different and everything was cast in a dull light. It was not Syna’s fault. The day was warm and the light golden as ever, it was just the Ethaefal. She was trapped in her own mind today.

The usual beauty of the tent and the joy of her job was not present today as Taurina made her way inside. The three workers within looked up and offered her signs of greeting before going back to their jobs. In a strange turn of events, all three of them seemed to have something to do. Jarorra was holding a consultation with her ever present scroll and charcoal pencil in her hands while Keil was focused on threading a needle through a Drykas female’s nose. Injal was creating some ink in colors they had likely run out of or were close to running out of.

The Eth made her way over to Injal, sure that he would be the one with the most need for help right now. She sat her things down in a safe place before making her way over to one of her superiors. She stretched out her fingers as she sat down next to him and began taking the little jars of new ink carefully in her hands. She took a wet rag and cleaned away the ink that had splashed on the edges of the jars and made sure they were each securely fashioned shut. It would not do to have one fall and all the ink wasted. Not when it was so much work to create the multitude of colors in the first place.

“You’re not very talkative today,” Taurina’s gaze lifted to the ever sociable Injal. There must have been something in her gaze for he gained a look of concern. Everything alright? his signing was simple enough to catch onto. Taurina gave him a nod, not usually one to share her burdens and not even really sure what was wrong anyway. She had been out of it since her nap. Since that horse had reappeared in her dream. Everything just seemed grey now. Like a fog had covered the whole of Endrykas and all the people in it. The fog was not lifting and yet, Taurina seemed to be the only one who noticed it.

“Work keeps my mind busy,” Taurina told him in response. It was not a true answer to his question, but it was true technically. The words were true. Her gaze dropped back down to the jar in her hand. Her hands were busy and for a few seconds her mind was busy. That is, until the actions became automatic. Her muscles were growing used to this kind of work and her memory took over more than her conscious mind. It did not take so much mind power after long and the grey returned.

It was not long before the others were not working any longer. The tent had become more quiet with the family Jarorra had been working with gone now. Jarorra was busy refining her work and coming up with the concept for the windmarks she would be giving the lucky bonded Drykas soon. A gentle hum filled the air, but that was all beside the sound of Injal’s hands moving to create the ink. Keil was silent as he cleaned up the leftovers from his work. He cleaned and sterilized his equipment before moving to some quiet corner likely to work on something of his own. Taurina rarely knew what he was up to.

It felt like the grey should be taking over them as well, but it was not. Not really. Jarorra still hummed and Injal was concentrating on his work. Keil was the only one pretty much perfectly silent, but that was normal for him. They were all their normal selves, acting like they always did. Something just felt different. Taurina suspected that it was all in her head. That today was just an off day or something. She tried to think of something else, anything else. Something to keep her busy and distracted. That would be nice.

Taurina threw herself into daydreams. First they were about marvelous sketches drawn out in her journal. She could see them with her mind’s eye. Flawless, perfect, realistic, seeming as though they will jump off the page. Her hand moves to create such works with knowing and brave strokes. There is nothing hesitant or unknowing in her. The works come easy and fluid, like a well designed dance or something. The daydream is a nice one, but does not last long. Suddenly she realized that what she had been creating was an image that was almost a perfect likeness to that big black horse…

Daydreams were distracting and Taurina was not very steady when she was distracted. She tended to make a mess of things and herself. That was proven when checking if a lid was sealed on a jar suddenly turned into a mess of purple ink puddled on the ground. Startled from her daydream that had already begun to mess with her mind, Taurina looked down to see that she had dropped a jar and the ink had pooled at her feet. When she dared look up, all eyes were focused and horror filled. The Eth wanted to become small, tiny, unseen when she realized what had happened. It had been her fault and they were going to blame her.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

Over and over Taurina had apologized. Before she cleaned up the mess, during her scrubbing of the stain, and profusely after she had done all she could to get rid of the mess. Jarorra had told her just as many times that it was okay and that accidents happened. Injal had even exchanged his horror to a social smile once the initial shock had passed. Both Lilacwinds assured that it would be okay, that they would make more. Still Taurina felt guilty though. She had made more work for Injal and she had gone against the task she had been given. The goal had been to protect the ink, not waste it. Not to let it fall.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes at one point after she had realized that she could not just simply disappear. There was not hiding from what she had done and there was no making it better. All she could do was apologize, over and over. Which is what she did. Seeing her distress, Injal had insisted she go home. That had been the last thing she wanted to do and she had pleaded with him to let her stay. He insisted that she needed rest and the others did not argue. After she had scrubbed the floor, Taurina had grabbed her things and left the tent.

The Ethaefal did not want to go home. She did not want to see her sad little tent or her too calm horse. She did not want to lay there all day and stare up at the ceiling of canvas. There was no desire to produce anymore daydreams for she feared the black horse showing up again and there was even less desire to produce any sort of art. She did not wish to sleep for she did not want to dream. There also was no desire to spend time with Melody. The mare was not exciting. She was not even trained like the other horses in Endrykas. While Taurina usually felt attached to and comforted by the mare’s presence, it was no comfort today. Instead it almost caused her skin to crawl.

What was in the grey that covered Endrykas? Surely it was all in her head for no others seemed effected by it. Taurina did not feel as though she was going crazy nor did she think herself insane. Perhaps a little on the daring side. She wanted adventure, but when she looked towards the open Sea of Grass she recoiled from the idea. Adventure brought danger. Danger could bring death. She was not ready for death. Taurina continued to head home.

It did not matter how restless she was, this was her life. This was home. Melody was her mare and she was good. Taurina knew she should be happy. Sure things could have been better. She could have a family like the other Drykas did. She could have been apart of a pavilion and perhaps have bonded with a strider by now. She wanted there to be progress, true progress. While she had been learning, the process was so slow. It had been a struggle to find teachers who would take the time and while many had offered housing in the beginning, few did now. Those who she had taken up on the offer had not felt like home though. Taurina longed for a home. For a place to belong.

“Injal thought I was a little off today, said I should take a day off,” Taurina explained her presence to Melody who looked at her with those bored eyes. She spoke in common for the words were more comfortable in her mouth, the pavi created so much strain on the mind right now. The image of the black horse came back to the Eth. He had a wild look in his eyes that had caused him to look alive. He was vibrant and strong willed. He had not been a boring horse, Taurina knew that much. Her old self would curl away from Melody, that much was certain. The mare was just.. too tame.

A warm muzzle pressed into Taurina’s palm, likely searching for a treat that was not there, and Taurina sighed. She brushed her thumb softly against the tender part of Melody’s nose. The mare was soft and gentle, such the opposite of the horse Taurina assumed to have been hers before. What did her memory hold in regards to the black horse? How could she unlock the knowledge? A better question was, if she figured out how, would she want the knowledge? Was it better to know or not to know? Taurina was not sure.

“What should we do today?” Taurina questioned. Melody was without a response. Taurina wondered if the striders answered those they chose to take as their riders. Surely they had some sort of input to give. Maybe not with words, but with enthusiasm or a lack there of. Something, anything. Taurina stroked her hand down Melody’s face, resting her chin gently in the center of it and looking up towards Melody’s ears. The mare softly chewed at a mouthful of grass and if she was disturbed by Taurina’s actions, she did not show it. It was rare the mare ever showed any signs of refusal or did not let Taurina get her way. Up until this point it had been that way anyway.

“What do you think of the striders?” a rhetorical question, as all questions to Melody were. Taurina did wonder though. What did her little colorsplash mare think of the horses that ran these plains? Did she regard them with respect or with loathing? Likely she did not even care. Though horses tended to have a system of hierarchy among them. Perhaps that including striders against the rest, perhaps not. Taurina was not sure. She was not well versed on horse behavior.

“I wonder what you would do if we gave their way of riding a try,” Taurina mused out loud, stroking the mare’s cheek. Taurina thought about her idea. She wanted to immerse herself in this culture. She wanted to be like her old self and to be like the Drykas again. At least, by daylight hours that is what she wanted. By night all she wanted was to return to Leth. She viewed his realm as her home, the moon her only comfort during the long nights pretty much everyone else slept through. It would do well to ride like the Drykas, become like them in one more way. Perhaps it would be a step in further in the right direction. If Melody complied that is.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

There was that black horse again, dancing around the Ethaefal’s mind. When she envisioned him she saw power and fearlessness. Everything about him was power. The shape of his body, the way he held his head, the gleam in his eyes. Each time she saw him the details of him became sharper. Taurina was not sure if the details were real or if she was imagining them. Perhaps he was only a figment of her imagination. Perhaps the real thing had simply been a strider that she had bonded with who had nothing special to him. It was possible that her dreams had twisted him and along with that, her dreams twisted her memory. Neither could really be relied on. Dreams were just dreams and her memories were too shattered to trust.

Taurina sat in the grass, pulling absently at the long strands and tying the blades into knots until they broke. She had moved away from Melody, not finding it within herself to spend anymore time close to the too calm mare. She also did not have a strong desire to search out a yvas this day. That could wait. It could be put off to another day.

Taurina stared off into the distance, watching a family of Drykas work, but also not really watching them. She had seen happiness among them and she had seen companionship between them all. They worked together to form their home and faced hard times with strong faces set with a determination to not be shaken. Taurina aspired to be like them and to have something like they did. Her soul craved a home and a place to belong. Endrykas was suppose to have been that for her. It was supposed to hold the answers to all her problems and wishes, but it had not been as expected.

A part of the Ethaefal had expected to be overwhelmed with a feeling of belonging and purpose when she got here. She had thought things would just click into place and that it would feel like she was always meant to be here. A part of her even expected the transition to be easy and she had thought with the end of her long journey, the hard part would be over. She had never been, to her knowledge, so wrong before.

The feelings she had desired and thought to be a given never came. Life in Endrykas was not easy and to a point she had not expected it to be, but the transition had not been easy either. Compared to the other places she had been life within the tent city was very hard. These people worked for everything they had and somehow had survived so many enemies out to get them. Taurina had witnessed her first Zith attack not many nights ago and while it had terrified her into hiding, the Drykas had turned into warriors. While there had been casualties, Taurina felt like a fool and a coward for her own actions. They fought, they were strong, they were a family who fought for one another. She wondered if she belonged.

Taurina moved to make her hands busy, pulling at the grass was beginning to bore her. The Eth pulled open her journal and removed the charcoal piece from between its pages. A fresh, blank page was easily found and she began sketching. Her mind felt like chaos, her soul hovered in some unknown place of existence. Nothing pulled at her mind or begged her to draw it down. Nothing ignited passion or desire within her. When she reached within herself she found a hole and the familiar feeling of loneliness. She was lonely. Lonely. That word was hard to admit. It felt like weakness.

Her emotions spilled out onto the page in big black streaks. She shaded the entire page in charcoal, her hand turning the same color from all the pressure she applied to her tool. There was no skill or drawing put onto the page. It was just darkness. Angry, sad, bitter darkness. Taurina slammed the book shut and moved it out of her sight. She did not want to see it. She did not want to be reminded of her failures or of how nothing matched up with the ideas she had in her head. The Eth pulled her knees in tight, hugging them close. She felt the desire to cry and forced herself to stop.

’You will not cry. You will not appear weak.’ her inner voice was strong and forceful enough that she was able to choke back her tears. They would not surface and give her away. Taurina pressed her forehead to her knees and gripped her legs with strong fingers. Over the days she had been here she had grown stronger and her hands had grown rougher. There was more knowing within her as long with more emptiness. By night she at least had Leth, but by day she had no one. No one besides the calm mare that never seemed to react to anything.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

”What are you doing?” a small voice aimed to drag Taurina out of her shell. At first the Eth did not move, not believing she had truly heard a voice. It was not until she felt the sharp poke of a tiny finger against her scalp that she reacted. Slowly, Taurina drug her face out from behind her knees and glanced up to find a tiny child likely no older than six or seven. The little girl was dressed with a simple dress with locks of auburn falling tangled to frame her delicate little face. Braids and dreads were locked in the hair, some intertwined with beads and ribbons of purple. The little girl’s eyes were what were most interesting though. They were a crisp, clear blue. The kind that bore into one’s soul and dug out secrets best left hidden. Taurina curled within herself, not desiring to have her secrets touched.

“Noth…nothing,” Taurina stammered before signaling the child that she was fine and that the girl could go away. The child just stared blankly however, looking at her with a gaze that made the Eth’s insides squirm. It was clear that the girl did not believe her. How a child dare to question the words spoken to her, Taurina was not sure, but this girl did. It was written all over her face. The disbelief and clear questions clouded with doubt.

”I’m just.. um.. sketching,” Taurina remembered her journal by her side. That was not a full lie and sort of a truth. She had been sketching at one point. Even if the artwork could not truly be considered a sketch, it was close enough. The girl did not have to know. Taurina just wanted to get rid of her. Takes much focus, sometimes frustrating Taurina signaled with her hands as she showed the little girl some of her earlier sketches. The girl did not need to see the darkness of the last sketch. It was not something that was beautiful or meaningful. It was just chaos. The same chaos that had rooted itself so deeply within the Ethaefal and had been felt since the early morning of this day.

Those big clear blue eyes looked at the journal. The little girl looked as though she was studying the work put before her very careful. She was so focused that Taurina snuck a glance to see what page she had landed on. It was her first attempt at creating a face and what a horrible face it had been. Taurina grimaced slightly. Not the best representation of her work, but it was already given over to the child. There was no making her forget what she had already seen.

”Not my best work, but practice makes better,” Taurina assured, acting as though the child was the best judge of art in all of Mizahar. Even this child, some stranger with too clear eyes made Taurina squirm under her gaze. It was hard handing her art over for others to see and Taurina did it rarely. Even Jarorra had not seen much of it. Only things that Taurina had been confident enough with that it had not been a total embarrassment to share them. This sketch had not made the cut. Even though the Eth wished for help in making the face better, she had not gathered the courage to ask. She had been too scared of criticism.

”It suits you,” the girl finally spoke and the words were accompanied by many signs Taurina did not understand. There must have been confusion written all over her face for the young girl gave an exasperated sigh before speaking once more. ”You Drykas?” the girl asked, motioning that Taurina looked Drykas, but did not sound like one. Taurina curled back slightly, remembering another thing that showed she did not belong. Her voice, the words she spoke. While she spoke the language of the Drykas, her pavi was lathered with layers of a common accent which caused words to be lost and broken beneath it. Her understanding and ability to sign was also lacking, even more lacking than her ability to make and understand the words. Another embarrassment to add to the list. Another thing that proved she did not fully belong.

”Once,” Taurina gave her usual answer, sounding more sad than usual. She motioned to her body and showed some of the tell tale signs of being Drykas. While her windmarks were covered by her shirt, she had scars from her past life as well as some from the current one. Her hair was tied in some of the telltale knot work of these people and it was wild like the wind. All things that could simply be from being within the tent city for many days, but to Taurina they were her symbols of being one of them. Her symbols of belonging.

”Now I do not know what I am,” not technically a falsehood. While Taurina knew her race and knew of the differing lives, she did not know her purpose. She was lost with no answers to tell her which way to go. Leth was her guide and while she clung onto her belief in him, she did not understand. She feared that she never would. Why had this happened to her? Why could he not take her back to be with him and the others? Taurina pushed the questions away, they would only draw out tears and she did not wish to cry in front of the girl.

”I am Drykas, but not. I am one of Leth’s, but not. It is all very…” signs sometimes came easier when words were too heavy to speak. Confusing and she even added it hurts to further explain herself. Why was she giving into the girl? Perhaps it was a need to talk to someone besides a mare that did not react. Perhaps this girl used some sort of magic, but Taurina did not think that to be so. The first seemed to be a more likely scenario. The girl did not respond at first, her gaze fixed on the Eth and as piercing as ever.

”The girl is like you, you should draw her again,” the young girl said. Then suddenly the atmosphere surrounding the girl changed. She became less serious and let out a giggle before tearing her attention away from Taurina. Someone called out and the girl answered. The Eth watched as the auburn haired child raced along the ground until she was met by another child. They both ran off and Taurina was left alone once again.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

Blink. Blink.

Taurina stared at the page in her journal, just slightly stunned with the previous interaction.

Blink.

’Did that actually happen?’

The Ethaefal gazed down at the poorly drawn female face with her flat eyes and disproportioned everything. It had not been such a horrible sketch until she had seen it in the light. Once she had been made aware of the completely miserable work she had done in creating the face she had vowed to never let anyone see it. She told herself to make it better and then go to Jarorra or one of the others for tips on how to make it even better and more realistic.

She had just broken that promise by showing the little girl the sketch.

’What just happened?’

To say Taurina was dazed and confused was likely an understatement. It was like she had to trek through the Sea of Grass, but with chains wrapped around her ankles to weigh her down. Only the chains were in her mind and they had created this perpetual fog that would not be lifted and would not disperse. She could not be sure that the interaction with the girl had actually been real. It could have been her warped imagination or a vision induced by a lack of sleep and mental instability. She was not in the strong, capable body of her night form, but the broken, flawed body of her day form. Anything could happen in this lesser form.

Taurina did not think that the girl had been imagined though. She had seen her and felt the finger poking into her head. The girl had been real, just cryptic and mysterious. What had she meant by the “the girl is you”? It did not make sense. Taurina looked at the sketch once more. The face was no one. A nameless girl created from a weak mind that had been trying to grow stronger. Her hands had been even more unknowing than they were now when the creation had come into being. Taurina had not even really had anyone in mind when drawing the face. She had simply pictured a face. A basic, neutral, suppose to be easy to draw face.

An artist’s fingertips stroked down the length of the page. Her fingers of this hand were already black from the charcoal she had gotten on it earlier and not taken the time to clean up. Some of the black smeared along the edge of the page, but Taurina did not care. Her attention was focused in on the flawed face. A sigh escaped her as she lifted her gaze to look where the girl had gone. No signs of life had been left where the girl and her friend met up. They had chased each other away and left no tracks to make it easy to find them.

The Ethaefal wanted to find them, well at least the girl who had first come to her. She had questions that demanded answers they would not get. She wished to know what the girl had meant, how she had seen Taurina in the sketch and why it needed to be drawn again. Taurina knew it needed to be drawn again, but she wondered after how the girl knew this and why the girl had demanded she go through with drawing the face again. The girl had also been wrapped in mystery with eyes that held too much and a voice that spoke too little for one so young. There was a pull to get to know the girl. To find her and learn about her.

Taurina racked her fingers through her hair, not thinking it through and wincing back when she hit the snags and tangles ever present in her hair. The braids and knots she had woven within her sun streaked hair easily became matted tangles when not taken care of properly and Taurina was not good at looking after them. Too often she let her strands of hair go untended and blow free with wind that only looked to tangle them more. The Ethaefal hair was better looked after, but that likely was to do with the fact Taurina had more time during the night hours and less eyes were around to see her mess up.

There was no little girl in any direction the Eth looked. She had truly dissolved into the surroundings and Taurina had been left alone once more. Her company had not lasted long and she had been too moody to enjoy it when it was here. With another sigh, Taurina flipped the pages of her book. She had nothing bester to do. Injal had sent her home and home was cared for well enough. It would hurt nothing to give the face another try. Well maybe it would hurt something, Taurina’s pride should she not be able to get it any better.

The charcoal was fished out from where it had been placed between two pages. A daunting blank piece of parchment stared at Taurina from its place in her journal. She sighed one last time before beginning her sketch.

First, Taurina drew herself a guide which she had not really done last time. The guide started with the basic oval the first sketch had started with. The oval was longer than it was thicker and it also became more narrow towards the bottom. It looked something akin to an upside down egg in shape. Taurina then sketched out very faint, slightly curved lines that crossed in the center of her face. Once came down the center and connected at the top of the head and at the bottom where the chin would go. The other stretched across the width of the new face shape. It met with either side of the guide oval and was placed where the center of this face’s ears would go.

Taurina took a breath before starting on this face. There was a lot to overcome when drawing this face. The last one had been so poorly done, she feared what would become of this one. The fear was hard to push away as it neared down on her like another weight. This one was worse than that fog though. This weight was heavier and carried thoughts of not being good enough. The fear of failure was stronger than the emptiness of being lonely. While neither were easily overcome, the fear was harder to deal with than the emptiness. Taurina pressed her charcoal to the parchment and began to draw. Determined now to overcome this fear.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

Last time Taurina drew a face she had started at the bottom and worked her way up until ending with the hair. This time, instead of beginning to with chin and moving to the mouth, the Eth tackled what she had had the hardest time with in the first face. The eyes.

While Taurina still did not know how to give her eyes dimension or make them look realistic with wetness and lighting, she could least make them proportionate on the face and more equal to one another. One thing she had noticed after drawing her first face, though, was that when she looked into others’ faces, each side of their face was different. Not by a lot, in most instances and only noticed when one payed close attention. Those that took the time to wear cosmetics often reduced this to a completely unnoticeable amount with the tools used in the face art. However, for the most part in natural faces the differences were close to unnoticeable.

It was usually that one side of the face was lifted just a very little bit higher than the other or sometimes an eye was curved up or down more than the other. Sometimes one eye was slightly larger than the other. A nostril might be wider than the other or one eyebrow more curved than the other. Some might have a dimple in one cheek while not on the other, that was a more noticeable difference. Freckles or other face marks were also more noticeable and not often equal on both sides of the face. There were differences seen only when truly looking at someone. Flaws, but there was beauty in the flaws. Each person was already unique, but they were made even more so unique. The sides of their faces were even unique from each other. It was strange, but fascinating.

Realizing this fact while studying her own face in a mirror had blown Taurina’s mind and changed things for her. While trying not to scare people off, she had tried looking at other’s faces. When she knew what she was looking for it was easier to pin point the differences. She had seen it in near everyone, those differences in the face. She assumed that it was rare to find a person with a face that had everything the same, where no natural flaws were present. Did such a person even exist? Did they exist because of nature or was it because of something else?

This realization made creating her second face easier on Taurina and told her that it was okay if the two sides of her face were not perfectly balanced. There could be variations and flaws. Not as much as her first face creation had, but some. Things did not have to be perfect. While perfection could never be achieved, it was nice to have confirmation from reality to tell her that perfection really was simply in the eye of the beholder.

Taurina sketched the ovals for her eye guides. These looked much like they had the first time and resembled something like eggs turned on their sides. The more narrow part of the shapes were pointed towards the center of the face and the wider ends were pointed outwards towards the outer edge of the face. Taurina tried to make the shapes look as though her head was turned more side profile than straight on, but this was not accomplished. Her face looked much like the first one in that the eyes were facing forward. Taurina decided it did not matter and that she could work with this. She continued towards creating this version of the face.

The eyebrows were created first at the tops of her eye oval guides. Much like last time she created fanned short hairs at the beginning of the eyebrows and then smoothed them out more towards the edge. They tapered off to a thin line towards the edge of her guides. Once the basic look was there, Taurina went through once more and filled in the eyebrows a little more. She wanted them to look real, but not too bushy. More natural and soft. When that was completed, Taurina paused to look at her work and evaluate it. She decided that she liked the work well enough and moved towards creating the actual eyes.

Last time, Taurina created her eyes to be more of a turned-on-its-side-teardrop shaped. They were wider near the center of the face and narrowed in. The look was not pulled off well. They were too wide near the center and too thin near the edge. There were other problems with the eyes, but this was one of the bigger problems Taurina had with them. This time she aimed to make them shaped more like a pointy oval. She wanted both sides too be narrowed at the sides with the inner side to have the little curve found in most people’s eyes where the pink, fleshy bit is found. So she drew this shape out on both sides of her face, faint at first so she could see if her lines were how she wanted them.

Taurina darkened her pointy ovals when they looked near even on her new face. She added the little curved blip onto the inner part of both eyes and darkened that as well when it looked how she wanted. This time, she added eyelids. These had not been well done in her first attempt. If they were even there, they were blocked by the poorly drawn eyelashes. This was another problem Taurina had with her first drawing. The eyes did not even have correctly drawn lids! That would be fixed with this version. Underneath the top of her eye shapes, Taurina began drawing in the eyelid. It was nothing huge, just another line a very short distance away from the top of her eye shapes. The line stretched from the inner part of the eye to the end of the top part of the eye. She also added the lower lid, but this was added by creating a shadow under where the eye shapes were and was easier to accomplish than the top lid was. When Taurina was sure the top lid looked right and it looked to be along the lines of a realistic eyelid, she made her line darker with the tip of her charcoal stick.

The eye shapes were now in place along with eyelids. Already this work looked better than the first and Taurina’s fear was beginning to calm. The eyes had been the hardest part last time and they had just not looked right. Now though, they were getting closer and the better she got them the more her fear melted away. Next she moved to add in the iris and pupil section of the eye. She did not know how to make them look wet like true eyes and she also did not know how to make them look as though Syna’s light filled them. Taurina knew they would look flat like her first attempt, but she was going to try to make them better. Practice did make perfect after all.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

Someone once told Taurina that the eyes were the window to the soul. Taurina never fully understood what that meant, but her guess was that the saying was telling her that she could find out a lot about a person from just looking into their eyes. Maybe the eyes told one everything about a person or perhaps just a glimpse. The eyes often showed emotions, maybe it was that that the saying was speaking of. Perhaps though it was talking about the type of eyes that little girl had. Eyes that looked into other souls and worked to draw out secrets. Whatever it was truly saying, Taurina did not believe the eyes she gave to the newest face matched the saying.

The eyes were better than last time, that much was certain. They were shaped better and shaded better. Taurina had even left little light grey spot in the top left corners of the irises to give them a short of shine. The shading had helped bring some life to them. They looked a little less dull and flat than the eyes of the previous face. Not quite wet like they were suppose to and they were not filled with light, but they were better. There was a gleam to them. Taurina was proud of herself for figuring such a technique out on her own using just her basic knowledge of shading and working through trial and error.

These eyes were grey like the last one, but a darker grey with the darkest grey in the middle to create the pupil. Taurina used the same technique as last time to make the inside of the eyes, but did change it a little. She sketch out circles missing their tops to make it look as though the eyelid covered that part. The bottom half of the circle was there because the Eth realized irises were circular and did not fill the whole of the eye. They were completely surrounded by the white of the eyes and the pupil was a circle completely surrounded by the color part of the eye. Last time she had not done it the same way and liked this better because it looked closer to the real thing.

This face was given medium sized pupils that were darkest color her charcoal would create. Taurina’s hand had grown even darker from her charcoal with how hard she pressed down to get the pupils the right color. She did not do any shade work in the pupils, just the iris of the eyes. The part of the eye meant to be left white was shaded a very light grey. Taurina barely pressed when shading that part of the eyes, wanting the area to look shaded and not just the off white color of the parchment, but not wanting the grey to match the irises or even come close to matching the irises. She was happy with the job she did. The corners of her eyes were shaded dark with a little lighter grey shading at the very tip of the corners, similar to how the Eth did it with the first face.

After the eyes Taurina moved to the nose. With the guide lines to help her it was much easier to draw the lines of the nose. Taurina just followed the center line on one side, curving the line slightly more inward towards the center line where the bridge of the nose should be. The Eth did the same on the other side and had the two lines meet in a half circle shape below where her two guide lines meant in the center. The nose stopped about one and a half fourths from where the chin of the face would be. Taurina went in next to add the lines that would become the nostrils and shape the nose how she wanted it to be shaped.

To give this face a little more uniqueness, Taurina gave it wider nostrils. She branched curving lines off the top part of the nose to give it that wide nostril look. She added the middle section of the nose before going in and lightly shading inner part of the nose. It did not look bad and the wider set nostrils gave the face a little bit of character. It already had more than the first face had.

Next was the mouth which had not been very hard last time. Though, when looking at the first sketch under Syna’s light, Taurina had noticed that the mouth had been drawn not quite right. On one side the lips were fatter than on the other side and on both sides they did not come together the same. They also were not really in the perfect center of the face which had not done much more harm to the proportions than any of the other multitude of mistakes, but Taurina wanted this sketch to be better. The girl likely did not tell her to redraw the face simply so she could repeat the mistakes as last time. So this time, Taurina used her guiding lines to show where the center of the lips should be. Instead of starting from the bottom lip or the top, she started from the center of both.

Slowly, creating the bow shape of the lip first, Taurina sketched out her shapes. She made the lines faint like she did with the eyes, wanting to get it right before bringing any definition to this part of the face. Once the center of the upper lip was done, Taurina sketched out a faint line for the bottom lip. Once she was sure the distance was correct between the lips, Taurina went back up to the upper lip and drew her lines out from what she already had down. The lines were curved slightly upward, giving the face a hint of a smile. It seemed better to make the face smile rather than frown or look straight faced. Taurina moved to the bottom lip and drew two more lips curved upwards to meet with the ends of the upper lip. A faint center line was drawn between the two lip lines to show the separation between the two.

Once her faint outlines were done, Taurina checked them to make them the best she could before going over and darkening them. She also filled in the lips, making them darker towards where, in theory, they would split for the mouth to open. Like with the eyes though, Taurina did not know how to make the lips look wet or give them any sort of gleam. So instead they were just decently shaded to look like lips before she moved out. The last big part of the face Taurina had to work on was the chin and she did not believe that was going to be too hard. It had not been hard last time.

Like last time, the Ethaefal just drew two lines below the lips to form the chin of the face. There was a top line that was longer than the bottom line and both were curved slightly downward to give the area a more rounded shape. Taurina also went in around the base of the chin to give it some more definition. She did this by shading the area behind it darker than the actual chin. This made the chin have a rounded off look to it without her actually touching the actual chin itself.

When the journal was moved away from her face and Taurina looked at the image as a whole, she found that she liked it. Even though Syna’s light was sinking in the now mid afternoon, it looked good under it. Much better than last time which made Taurina was proud of this work and the progress she had made. The fear from before was barely a whisper now and was instead replaced with pride in her own ability. The grey of the day was even beginning to fade a little with this success.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Taurina]

”See, there you go. That looks better. She looks happier!” the child’s voice came from behind this time. Taurina swiveled her body around to capture the strange little child with those peculiar eyes. Sure enough the same little girl was standing there with a new addition of mud on the hem of her dress and messier looking hair. Taurina cocked an eyebrow and looked at the strange little girl who was just staring at her and beaming. The Ethaefal found her insides squirming slightly.

’Why is she staring? Make it stop.’ Taurina mentally complained but forced a smile onto her outward appearance, the several moments of a staring contest just making things odd and uncomfortable for her. The little girl motioned once more to the half finished face that was Taurina’s latest sketch, a smile widening on the girl’s youthful face. The smile was contagious and Taurina found her own smile becoming more sincere as she looked at the piece of work a tick and then back up to the little girl.

”It is not finished yet,” Taurina admitted, her smile decreasing in size a bit at the truth, ”the basics are down, but I think I am going to wait to finish. It will be getting late soon. Things to do.” That was not a full truth. Taurina knew she would likely just eat something before making sure Melody was all good and then maybe take a nap till nightfall. When nightfall came she would be up, out, and close to Leth. Maybe the loneliness would go away for a time with him out. Sometimes it did, sometimes it did not. It depended on how strong it was at that particular day. Sometimes Leth made it worse. Seeing him and not getting to be with him or the others could be particularly painful some nights.

”It will be better when you are done. Much better,” the girl commented, nodding as if to accent her point. Taurina did not speak, but she did sign. Thank you was one of those signs Taurina found quite easy and it likely was her most used one. The girl beamed, but signed nothing back. A silence fell between them and while it was not uncomfortable at first, the little girl began to sway on her heels in somewhat of a bored manner and continue to stare at Taurina. The Eth did not really know what to do. She had been sad when the girl left at first and had wanted to find her, but now that she was back Taurina was lost on what to do. It was like the rules on how to interact with other beings just flew away.

”What is your name?” that was a good question and not one that had been asked before where this girl was concerned. The girl took a pause, as if not thinking such a question was going to be asked. Taurina grew concerned, wondering if the girl had been able to understand her through her thick common accent. The concern was only waved away when the girl began to speak.

”What is yours?” the girl gave her reply and Taurina knew her face had twisted into a look of questioning as the concern returned. The child had not answered her question, but looked for an answer instead. Yet, the girl also looked as though she was calm and completely content with the question she had posed instead of giving an answer.

”Taurina,” the Eth answered after a moment of hesitation. She was not sure why the child had refused to give her her name, but decided maybe answering the child’s question first would gain the girl’s trust. However, the girl just looked suddenly very concerned now. Like she did not quite understand the name or was not sure on how to speak it.

”T-ta-trr… Rina,” the girl struggled to get the beginning of the name correct, but the last part came more easily to her. There were a couple moments longer of confusion as the girl tried to figure out the beginning part of the name. She tested it out a few more times before suddenly her faced relaxed. Taurina raised an eyebrow, not sure how to help and not sure what the sudden relaxation meant. ”Rina,” the girl finally said, the tone of her voice telling Taurina that a decision had made and was not going to change, ”I’ll call you that.”

The Ethaefal let out a little laugh and signed yes to the child. While she had not thought her name very complex it seemed to have posed a challenge for this child who was having a hard time with the "r" sound next to the "t". ”Okay, you may call me that,” Taurina was fine with a nickname. It gave a hint to friendship and while she was not sure she wanted to be friends with the child who had not even given up her name, it was better than her current situation of loneliness. It may not be a home or a family, but it was something. Anything more than nothing was something.

The call of a female voice for another being suddenly filled the air. When Taurina looked over she could see the silhouette of an adult female not too far away from her and the little girl. Before she had a change to say or ask anything, the young girl was saying her farewells. Taurina watched as the young girl scampered off towards the woman’s silhouette. It was strange, Taurina had still not caught the child’s name, but the child knew her name now. She even had given her a nickname. The woman took the child’s hand and Taurina watched them till they had gone too far away for her to see anymore.

Taurina sighed and looked back down to her new sketch. It was better than the last one, the girl had been right. It was formed with shades of grey and no color, but somehow the fog of the day did not touch the art. It was leaving the air as well. Somehow she felt better. The horse in her dreams and memories was no longer pressing so hard on her mind and the child had chased away some of her loneliness. Though Taurina was still concerned, what if she had imagined it all up? She did not believe that she had, but it was just all very strange to her. She did not believe herself to be the type to imagine such things up, but it was possible. She had been lonely enough.

The Ethaefal sighed and closed her journal. She needed a break, the world was beginning to fray. She pressed her fingertips to her temples, a headache beginning to form. It was likely time for this earthbound body to get some rest.

Taurina staid seated for a couple more moments before she got up, journal in hand. She took a swig of water out of her waterskin before making the short journey to her tent. There was a look thrown in Melody’s direction only to find the horse still grazing. The Eth continued into her tent, putting the journal with her other things. The second face could be finished later. The small form of Taurina’s earthbound body climbed onto her bedroll and curled up under her blanket, needing something surrounding her despite the warm weather. Already her eyes were heavy with the thought of sleep. She wished for dreams to leave her and for just the comfort of darkness to swallow her whole.

Dull, brown eyes closed and it did not take long for darkness to fall. Sleep came to claim Taurina’s daylight form for itself for the majority of remaining hours of Syna’s reign. It was the calm, peaceful, dreamless sleep Taurina desired and even while in it, the Eth had a slight smile on her lips. She was happy. Despite all the grey, she was happy.

Common | Pavi | ’Thoughts’

[Rufio]

　　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　

g r a d e s

xp

Philosophy +4
Acrobatics +1
Observation +5
Rhetoric +2
Cleaning +1
Intelligence +1
Sketching +4
Socialization +3


lores

The Black Stallion: Memory or dream?
Melody: Tame and boring
The Lilacwind Pavilion is beautiful
Taurina: Not one to share her burderns
Rhetoric: Avoidance in answering questions
Taurina: Yearns for adventure
Adventure leads to danger and danger to death
Taurina: Not ready for death
Pavi: Grass-signing when overcome with emotion
A meeting with a mysterious Drykas girl
Sketching: Creating a guide for drawing faces
Observation: Faces are not symmetrical
Sketching and shading facial features
A saying: 'Eyes are windows to the soul'

If you feel I missed anything shoot me a PM.
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