by Laszlo on March 20th, 2012, 8:31 pm
Sometimes it gets difficult to separate the important things from the trivial. The Internet further blurs that line, because there are people who think that nothing on the Internet matters--it's just text on a screen--and others who think the Internet is just as serious and meaningful as "real life". Both are true, in my opinion, because people on the Internet are still real people, but many of them are emboldened by a sense of anonymity and freedom of consequence that can make someone act inhumanly cruel, simply because they can.
The Internet provides some people with the opportunity to assert themselves at the expense of others, to prove how intelligent and transcendent they are. THEY understand the world more than the rest of us, because THEY are real, and OTHERS just names without flesh. It's a very childish mindset to have, but many people do it anyway, regardless of age (especially the sort who continually blame teenagers for their lack of maturity [lol]). Even people who are really intelligent, kind, and wise offline can be total dicks online, because here they feel empowered, uninhibited by their social insecurities. Here they can take out their repressed frustrations on people who can't really fight back (but they do, since those OTHER people also have repressed frustrations). It can become an infuriating battle of egos.
There is another group of people, which I can admit to fitting into, who aren't really jerks online, but they still consider themselves transcendent because, while they are more courteous and patient, they still think they "know better" and judge others harshly. These people sometimes band together and spend time happily agreeing with each other. This does not make them better, and this kind of private circle-jerking can breed a seething hatred for others that doesn't help anything. Eventually it stops being cathartic, and becomes poisonous and bitter.
I think, especially among Americans, there is a trend of people who learn their sense of justice and goodness from movies and popular media. Oppression is evil, selfishness and conceit make people into "bad guys", and for perceived injustice, there must be swift retribution. In many real-life situations, these are sound ideals! Oppression should be fought, and immoral people shouldn't be allowed to hurt and exploit others.
However... this kind of idealism simply can't exist everywhere. In our social lives, at work, and online, we see people behaving unfairly, being hypocritical, and hurting others, and that's simply how it is. Profound virtue and righteous idealism can't be practiced on a small level. We, as humans, have the right to be assholes to each other. You can't make someone change, you can't make everyone like you, or get along with each other. You just have to endure it. People will be jerks, and that's life. Accept it, move on. And for your own sake, choose your friends carefully.
If someone is hypocritical and mean, then let them be. You can't change them; it will only cause pain to both of you if you try. No one is perfect, no one is "better". All everyone wants is to be accepted and loved, and if you can't do that, then at least don't hate them. If someone doesn't fit your idea of a "good person", then maybe you need to expand it.
If you see something happening that you think is unfair or unjust, ask yourself: does this REALLY matter? Is this person REALLY worth the energy it takes to loathe them? Forgiveness is one of the hardest things for people to do. "Forgive and forget" is a famous mantra, but I don't entirely agree with it. Don't forget, because experience makes you wise. If someone was a jerk to you before, they likely will be again, but don't harbor bad feelings. Just stay out of their warpath. Love what's good about them. Put out of your mind the bad stuff, but don't forget them completely. You do this for family and friends, so do it for strangers, and enemies.
I'm not lecturing. This is me talking to myself. I feel like I've had to swallow so much bile lately, so I need to say my thoughts out loud, express myself. Being quietly bitter and struggling with myself to let go of my anger has been hurting me. I'm not perfect, neither is anyone else. That's okay.
Ten years ago, I might have prayed to God for the strength to be patient, to forgive others and myself for dire flaws. I'd have asked him to help me replace my negative feelings with positive ones, and to focus on the good.
I'm not a Christian anymore. I don't believe that a higher power exists outside myself and can help me. I still believe in the power of prayer, because I'm not asking God for strength. I'm asking myself. I have the ability to be a better person. I just have to find that somewhere in my own human heart. It's there, I know it is.
Don't sweat the small stuff, Laz. You're a good person. You're above petty grudges, shrewd judgment, and hurt feelings. Don't retaliate. Absorb it, then let it go. The world is a beautiful place.
In the daytime I am one of Syna's fallen.
At night, I am Symenestra.
