Closed [The Quay] Back in, Back out

[Fallon]

Fallon tensed. It was hard not to, more so with the silent judgement that radiated from the woman's back. A nervous swallow, her fingers curled slightly, gripping onto her shoulders in an attempt that it would somehow protect her from harm - be it verbal or otherwise. She still refused to look now, the gaze finally looking down into the warm waters. She could almost feel the hum of nerves igniting, the mind trying to remind the body to breathe. Lips trembled, the low hiss of air as it was sucked in and the back remained all she was allowed to look at. And then she spoke.

There undoubtly would have been the noticeable flinch in response to the sharp tone. Fingers tensed, her jaw tightening as she refused to lift her gaze. It was expected, she knew she had to take it for it was only fair to. At least, that was what she kept telling herself - even she knew she had little right or ground in order to voice back. And in honesty, she was not completely sure how to. The mind gave a tremble, her eyes blinking before she simply let them screw up, allowing her a moment of respite from the visual aspects of the world - it gave a temporary illusion of safety.

"I know I'm an idiot," she took to the focus on agreement, her voice a mere whisper in comparison to Zandelia's voice, "No, I didn't think... I never think. Yes, battle was the first thought. I'm an idiot. I wanted to make things better again. Didn't work. Nothing works. Not your fault. All mine..." A deep inhale, focusing on trying to maintain a level of calm and self control. Another tremble, her brow creased as the tone strained and snapped, a sharp inhale in reflex. Expect it, absorb it, it was deserved. As the woman made her move however, the knees snapped back to her - creating a cocoon of flesh between her and the other.

"I didn't want to break that promise," she mumbled, the edge of defeat within her voice. Her forehead pressed into her knees, the eyes still closed and clenched shut. She bit her lip, feeling the burning glare sweep across her mercilessly. Skin prickled, a moment of simple fear closing its jaws around her ego, "I just... No!" came the exclaimed objection. Her head shot up then, her eyes wide. Here entire form leaned slightly, frightened almost that she really would, "Don't. Please. I just... didn't..." She looked away again, shoulders hunching in, "I just didn't want you getting hurt because of me. I just..." Swallowing she pressed herself as much as she could against the far edge, an attempt almost to make herself as small as possible against the further impending wrath of Zandelia, "I just want to keep you safe. I just, wanted to do the right thing... why can't I do that? Why do I just petch up?" The words fell away and Fallon simply stewed within silence.

No use in fighting back, her thoughts now were thinking on the natural reaction - flee because she could not fight. Her throat constricted, the deep inhale as her body gave a tremble. Even in the heat of the water she felt herself shivering, the groans of disappointment being another of a long line of just retribution from her partner. Questions buzzed through her head of course, the mind racing to find an answer that would actually help her in this scenario. What was right? What was wrong? Could she do anything to correct what had happened? Was there any point to when so much was her own fault?

Another part at her nagged at her, the urge and whispers to get up and leave - run away and not look back. It would surely do something, but was it the right thing? Probably not. Of course, another side chimed back, reminding and refreshing in her mind - she could not run away, or would not run away any more when it came to her problems and fears. Yet why did she feel that edge of lacking welcome? Why did her pulse quicken and the urge to simply beg for
punishment claw at her? She exhaled, nor making a move from her re-established cocoon of flesh.

"Would you have rather I didn't come back then?" she finally asked, the mind screaming for her to shut up and not make a noise, "Am I just... that much of a troublesome source to you? A pain?"

[Zandelia]

Well…that went well. Drink, death and dunking don’t mix well for you Zandelia…for the love of all… her mind trailed off as the tones came out, echoing slightly to create sound that seemed to surround her, mentally jabbing her quite astutely.

Now the anger had burned to charred cinders, the surprise had stopped wrong-footing her, her mind was clearing and she as faced with the terrible sight of the impact of words – how she knew their power well. The right things said, at just the right time, could drive many people to sheer desperation. The right manner was important also but truthfully it was largely hat and when that dictated reactions, the how just changed the intensity – as was being seen now. Even with one eye she was capable of watching Fallon all but recoil, slipping inwards upon herself as her surety seemed to dissipate and protectiveness became the drive of self-preservation. She wondered why, truly, she had never harmed Fallon if she could help it, yet this reaction was as if she beat her senseless every day, or scolded her too often.

The words were soft, muted perhaps though even quietly said the acoustics made them very much audible, for better or worse. They were cutting, though not as badly as the body language. Still, they left stinging barbs and she flinched at some of what was said, that she believed she was useless. That she always petched up – that wasn’t true. Not as far as she was concerned. She always knew Fallon had a darker side, that she didn’t necessarily think she was worthy. Or even liked herself particularly. Still, she had not suspected that it went so deeply, was as all-pervasive as it was unfolding to be. She sighed, wishing she could go back several Bells and make it so she had been sober for this, it might have transpired differently. She rubbed her eyes once more, this time in sadness and a desire to disappear from the world…temporarily.

“Don’t say that!” she almost hissed out, a whisper of a response, “I didn’t say that. Do you think I go an drink myself stupid after tearing parts of the city apart because I like to?” she asked rhetorically, “No, I did it because you were gone. I never said you were a…a pain. Not really. I never would! Even when you’re being a pain in the arse because you were too hot and belligerent” she stated, firmly if quietly, she would not be miss-represented when such things would harm Fallon’s mentality.

This was one conversation she would rather have had sober but was being forced to do so half-sober and she wished she knew what to say through the foggy haze in her skull, slipping into the waters opposite, closer no but not encroaching just yet, clearly the other was on the defensive and she knew sometimes her impulses could be erratic at best when it came to the physical and emotionally charged situations. She simply knelt there, it was not too deep and she was stable enough in that position even as she leant forwards to speak further, hands bracing upon the tops of her thighs.

“Where did you get this idea that you are worthless? I wasn’t saying you petch everything up, I was just angry because I didn’t know. Come no, did you think that I wouldn’t give you a hard time upon your return? It’s not because I hate you, or think you are awful…it’s because I don’t like losing things”

“And because I don’t like not knowing, or being able to help. To exert…control. It’s my thing…shouldn’t take it out on you really. Look, getting you back is the best thing since losing you. I…uh…I might have gone a bit mental for a while. Um…ignore any wood damage…throwing knives” she shrugged, trying to find some small semblance of humour as she edged slightly closer then.

“But…don’t ever think I think low of you. If I did then I wouldn’t be here, in this house, which we bought. Just…don’t do that again…the not telling. Please. I have enough reasons my heart will give out. Come on Wolf?” she sat next to her then, just offering the arms though she really felt drained enough to fall asleep.

One bloody piss poor reunion, probably thought it would go better. Should have gone better. This…is why I shouldn’t drink. Not in replacement of actual things she sighed inwardly.

It was proving to be a very long day indeed.

[Fallon]

A small recoil away when the woman hissed, the eyes simply wide and watching in their glamour. The form continued its process of hunching in, the small narrow of a look as she body reacted in like to her mumbled. Everything was audible, louder even in the small room. It shuddered as words were amplified round, seeping and wriggling their way in under her skin. It made her writhe, the niggling uncertainties echoing around in her head - much like the hissing speech that escaped in objection. She still remained in her ball however, seeking her own peace from it all in such a form. Still, she watched, the rubbing, the groaning, the way the brow seemed to crease in disappointment.

Had she thought wrong then? Obviously so, the response spoke volumes - not that most of it made sense within her mind. It convoluted, twisted and struggled to comprehend, the emotive issue was quickly turned into a series of sections and conditions - little more than logic, which in itself was starting to prove confusing. Her brow creased, frowning as she simply watched, silent and trying to find understanding in the scenario. Difficult to say the least.

"So, you are angry," She blinked back, repeating the words, "I made you upset, mental as you said." There was a small shift of movement, her eyes tearing away around the room and flickering to the known exit that was there. Lips pursed into a line, and then turned into a chew as she tried to gain a reading between the tensing emotions in the air. Her head tilted to one side, her eyes glancing away once more as she spoke, "You said you'd drown me yourself if I did it again." A swallow, a deep inhale as she tried to find some level of self control, "I don't want..."

The mention of the knives made her simply screw her face up, a slither of white breaking out, "Knives. Wood work... I didn't want you..." She fell into silence, the words swimming around her head, turbulent and unfocused as she continued to try and form it into words, "I just..." A sigh, "I keep doing things wrong. Very wrong. So wrong. I didn't want to make you lose control. I didn't want you to drink and do this because of me. I didn't want to."

"I screw up a lot though, I made you angry," she shook her head, "I drove you to drinking stupid, made you do things. I didn't send a message, I didn't tell you enough, or quick enough. I don't want to be a strain. I didn't want to be gone and to have things break." Fingers gave a tense, gripping in their nature, "I made you shout. I made you cry. I made you hurt. I made you do stupid things." The fingers gave a pull, the sensation of scratching upon her flesh as she blinked, "I can't even try to keep you safe without making you angry. I don't know... I don't know what I do wrong."

The movement made her jerk back, a flurry of blinks to the offered arms as she sat next to her in the bath. Wary, worry, the chest made a steady rise and fall quickening. Her eyes gave a dart to the offered arms, and it was slowly that she shook her head. It did not feel right to, the mind wrestling and trying to look for a sense of redemption to the events that had occurred, "I... no. I'm... I just... No thank you." Fallon took herself to silence once more, the bitter taste resting in her mouth. She did not deserve to be here, the echoing words rested in her mind, settling, sinking and solidifying. Exile, remove, find redemption, she did not belong here anymore. Her fingers continued to drag away, slowly unpeeling and lifting from her form and then planting firmly upon the sides of the bath - the small encouragement to push herself out begun. There was another collection of blinks, "I... think I need some fresh air. I... excuse me."

[Zandelia]

“Anger finds its source in the angry, not the other party Fallon. I was the one who got angry when I should have been happy. Yes you could have told me. Doesn’t mean I should take it out on you. I should know better by now, with my age” she sighed as the form slipped away and she just leant into the side of the tub.

First proper bath too and it had to be this way didn’t it? Perhaps the world is telling me I shouldn’t bloody well look after myself and keep clean. Dirty and rough, that’s me alright. Yeah she told herself, knowing there was likely no salvaging this night as the words continued.

They were hurtful, in their own way. She had certainly said those horrible things, she was guilty of the accusation. She hadn’t meant them of course, they were just the metaphorical ranting that everyone went through When under stress and shock. Surely that was easy to realize? It was then that remembrance slipped in, deviously late as always after a bout of liquid tavern fare, to tell her what she knew about Fallon. She didn’t do well with metaphors – emotional ones at least. She took them literally, astute as a person yet uniquely possessed a lack of knowledge when it came to emotions. She wondered if she had actually ever had someone shout at her for any reason other than scorn before, surely it was so…yet her memory was fragmentary at best. She shook her head slowly.

“I’m not going to hurt you Wolf, I was ranting and…well…it’s like when I say I’ll do something to a mark when I won’t. To get them to talk, do what I say. I just don’t want you facing things alone. You think I’d actually drown you? That’s…that’s…well…just forget it” her voice trailed away, not seeking to touch that sudden lack of trust for the pain and possible anger it would bring.

She’d deal with it alter, probably with some more knife practise – she was getting better with them these days. More accurate and able to get the blade to land first half of the time. Not the best record but better than before, soon enough there would be the ability to use them in battle at short range. For now she just looked at the woman, trying to see what she was thinking but finding a wall. If she just sat down and thought for a moment she’d know she wouldn’t hurt her, she’d spent the last two seasons protecting her. She couldn’t blame her…well she could but that would lead to nothingness – a lonesome goal to aspire to.

“The decision to drink was mine. Honestly? I’m more angry at myself now than anything else. Foolish. Stupid and foolish. Should have known better, known that they’d not be able to kill you so neatly. Won’t make that mistake again in a hurry. S’pose I’ll get my comeuppance later…will be one Hai of a hangover” she groaned then, a slight motion of the head causing a little wobble of confused pain – it was beginning already.

“Don’t blame yourself for my actions, they were mine. You’ve protected me plenty, just want the chance to return the favour,” she said as she closed her eye tightly against the upcoming waves of certain anguish and felt Fallon shift and begin to heave herself out of the bath, “don’t forget to towel off. Don’t want to get you back and lose you to the damned snuffles” she threw the towel into the air in the direction of the other woman.

“I’m just…going to stay here for a bit. Come back if you want to. If not…I’ll see you in the…is it a lounge?” she asked, she hadn’t found a satisfactory name for the communal central area yet – it was a combination of things.

[Fallon]

There was only the smallest of pauses as Fallon removed herself from the bath, barely a flicker of the gaze back down as the woman spoke. The air chilled, the green-blue orbs blinking as she tried to gain some clearer understanding of what was before her. She could barely gauge a reading, and so she took to simply retreating and finding away to find some redemption. Which, by her bad logic, was simply by leaving. A small pray of droplets, a shudder as she continued to work her way out of the heat and exposed to the air. The towel was picked up without another thought, a flurry of blinks as she mumbled, "Thanks."

There was nothing else to it, somewhere in the back of her mind things had been set in motion though it would not be until the last moment that they would dawn upon her. Skin was dried and covered, fingers taking up the clothes and pulling them on. The gaze kept away, the bumps rising in irritation of potentially being watched by another - she could not help herself, nerves were presently getting the better of her. Swallowing, she buttoned up the cotton, barely a blink back in response, "Yeah, lounge. Or if you want to be fancy, parlour."

An attempt at a smile, but instead she ended up simply pursing her lips into a line and frowning. With that she simply shook her head and left the woman in the bath. Little else could be done, and so with the pace around the newly dubbed 'longue' Fallon let herself fall into nervous silence. It felt uncomfortable, stifling as she stood there, waiting in the silence for something, anything to happen. Her feet shifted, hands taking up the coat and belt of weapons as she stepped. A small tug up the fabric, her eyes blinked as she felt the weight of the notebook within one of the deep pockets, the other the ink and gloves.

Her head gave a turn back towards the door, and her gaze lowered to the floor. Whispers and doubt seeded themselves, the knuckles clenching and unclenching tightly around the rim. It was pulled on also, arms wriggling through and the buttons being quickly done up - the belt was looped round the top. Another step forward, she found herself in the entrance room, rocking up onto her bare toes as she looked forward. Her clothes were still dirty, but right now she did not care, her eyes were fixed forward once more and glinting at the door.

It would not matter if she disappeared, right? It would not matter if she simply separated herself from being something difficult, a cause of such effects. A droop of the head, her fingers plucked up the boots a look down to the muddied feet before she pulled them on once more. There was no noise to make, the groan of leathers as armour was pulled on to protect herself. It was the wall that she put between herself and the world, the words, the emotions and confusion that came from it. Her worn shield that would allow her to step forward through the darkness. A tug upon buckles, the exposed skin of her hands were finally covered with the gloves. Fingers curled around the handle of the front door, a small push of the catch as she stepped on through to the world beyond alone. There was only one last look back, one last sigh before it clicked shut once more, "See you."

[Avarice]

Fallon

Skill	Points
Detection	+1
Caretaking	+4
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Lore

Sunberth Believes Me Dead

Zandelia is Piss Drunk

Comforting My Lover

Cleaning Up My Lover

Zandelia, Forgive Me for Disappearing

Zandelia, I Just Wanted to Keep You Safe

Zandelia, I love You

Stuff?
Consequences, Injuries, Expenses, and More!

• N/A

Zandelia

Skill	Points
Singing	+1
Rhetoric	+5
Investigation	+1
Logic	+1
Intimidation	+1
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Lore

The Pain of Losing a Loved One

Drunken Singing...On Tables!

Getting a Bath...While Drunk

Practically Drowing in a Bath

Seeing a Ghost...Sort of

Fallon, Why Did You Abandon Me?

Fallon, I Love You

Fallon, Forgive My Anger

A Piss Poor Reunion

Stuff?
Consequences, Injuries, Expenses, and More!

• N/A

Comments

The feels. All the feels.

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