[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Nivel on January 9th, 2016, 9:11 pm

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OocI received permission from Goss in the help desk to work on this monster.
Name: Hy’Ly
Aka: Ionu’s Forlorn Frogs
Class: Monster
Type: Moulding
Life span: 30 years
Size: Body is 3 to 4 inches in length, 5 to 7 inches if you include their tail
Frequency: Uncommonly found in temperate forests (population is usually less than 1000, they seem to disappear in late fall and appear again in early spring)
Physical description:
For the most part Hy’ly resemble tree frogs common to temperate forests. What sets them apart are their glowing eyes, which come in sets of 3 or 4, and their long thin tails that end with a tadpole fin.
Their skin ranges in colour from green to brown, but their eyes come in a vast array of colours. The eyes of a Hy'ly almost never share the same colour, and lean towards bold and bright hues over neutral ones.
Like their supposed creator Ionu, they can switch between the sexes to fit their situation. Since the females are usually a bit larger, it also means they can change their size to some extent.

Abilities:
Their strange eyes aren’t just for show; if anyone makes eye contact for even a moment with the glowing eyes of a Hy’ly, they start to see very convincing illusions which either cause them to fight imaginary opponents or lead them to their death. What might seem like a small child in distress could be a ruse meant to lead you right into the grasp of a group of Yukmen, or could simply lead you on a wild goose chase with no idea how to get home. The older Hy'ly get the more elaborate their illusions become and the harder it is for someone to break from their grasp. Though after approximately ten chimes, the illusions begin to fade unless the creature regains eye contact once more. Those who practice meditation regularly or are more familiar with illusions can typically break through the deception with relative ease. Individuals that posses a gnosis mark form Yahal are naturally immune to the Hy'ly's power.

While they may not be able to communicate with other races, they have proven to be more intelligent and clever than they look. They have been known to use traps set out for them against their pursuers and on rare occasions, organize ambushes to those that have earned their Ire. Some have theorized that their brain is similar to that of a Pycon’s nexus, only less developed. If their brain were to be examined however, it would look very similar to a regular frog brain.

Behaviour:
Hy'ly usually enjoy playing tricks on those that dare enter their territory, especially in the Purple Forest of Syliras where they are more common. However, there are a few stories of them helping travellers, but this has yet to ever be proven. What does seem to be the true is their desire to entertain themselves with the powers they've been given. This can be anything from making a traveler make a fool of himself by suddenly thinking he's at a party or see someone act out in fear at the sudden appearance of a hideous monster of the Hy'ly's own creation. There is a popular wives tale that talks about the hy'ly eating human flesh after their done with amusing themselves but this has never been proven and is most likely false.

They tend to be solitary creatures, except during mating season which occurs sometime in early spring. During this time they are known to make haunting wails and screams that sound distinctly human in order to attract a mate. If someone is nimble enough to get one in its grasp, it will hiss like a cat or scream like a human child.


Life cycle:
When spring begins they start their mating calls during the night to attract their ideal mate. The breeding process begins by having the male mount the female and when they are successful the female deposits her eggs into the closest river. Out of a batch of anywhere from 20 to 100 tiny eggs, only a handful will survive into the next stage. After a week the Hy’ly eggs hatch into tadpoles that look no different then any other. After a about a season they slowly develop into full grown Hy’ly and their odd characteristics become known. They seem to stop aging after reaching maturity until they suddenly fade out of existence as if they were never there. Oddly enough if they are killed before they reach their expiry date their bodies remain to be used in the creation of poisons and other uses.

Hibernation begins in Autumn by digging into the moist dirt and Hy'ly rise from the ground each spring when the weather is more accommodating.

History:
Hy’ly are believed to be creations of the God of illusions Ionu, who for whatever reason, abandoned them in the forests of Sylira, from which they spread forth like a plague to various regions of Mizahar. Some say they were made as servants or spies while most think they are just an elaborate practical joke, whatever the reason they don’t seem to be going anywhere.

Practical Uses:
Skilled poison crafters are known to use the blood of the Hy’ly to give their victims varying degrees of hallucinations based on its potency. The blood of a Hy’ly glows brightly so it usually needs to be mixed with something to hide its true nature. Usually something with an overpowering colour or thick consistency will do the trick, though most people just use prune juice. Only L2 poison crafters can properly draw the creatures blood, dilute it enough to hide its true nature, while also keeping the desired outcome intact.
Hy'ly can also be used by magecrafters but the illusions barely ever translate, for mages it's the glow that seems to be the only thing that can be used. If one preserves it properly by containing it in resin or a jar of lye, the glow can last for the rest of the creature's life span before the magic fades to nothing.

Credit for Boxcode goes to Estrellir Konrath
Last edited by Nivel on April 12th, 2016, 6:33 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Alija on January 16th, 2016, 9:50 pm

Population: Uncommonly found in Temperate forests


What sets them apart is are? their glowing eyes, which come in sets of 3 or 4, and their long thin tails that end with a tadpole fin that they frequently sway about.

This sentence is a little long. I've put in commas as a suggestion.

Their skin ranges in colour between green and brown, while their eyes come in a vast array of colour that never seem to match up.

The grammar in the second half of the sentence seems wrong.

Like their supposed creator, they can switch between the sexes to fit their situation; since the females are usually a bit larger, it also means they can change their size to some extent.

Added/changed punctuation

Their strange eyes aren’t just for show: if anyone makes eye contact for even a moment with the glowing eyes of a Hy’ly, they start to see very convincing illusions which either cause them to fight imaginary opponents or lead them to their death.

Added/changed punctuation, changed upper case "l" and "i" to lower case, corrected spelling of "either".

Some have theorized that their brain is similar to that of a pycon’s Nexus, only less developed.

Added comma


If someone is nimble enough to get one in its grasp, it will hiss like a cat or scream like a human child.

Removed space in "some one", removed apostrophe in "it's", added comma.

Out of a batch of anywhere from 20 to 100 tiny eggs, only a handful will survive into the next stage.

Changed "form" to "from".

After a about a season they slowly develop into full grown Hy’ly and their odd characteristics become known.


They seem to stop aging after reaching maturity until they suddenly fade out of existence as if they were never there.

Corrected spelling

Oddly enough if they are killed before they reach their expiry date their bodies remain to be used in the creation of poisons and other uses.

Corrected spelling mistake.

Some say they were made as servants or spies while most think they are just an elaborate practical joke, whatever the reason they don’t seem to be going anywhere.

Removed space in "what ever".

Skilled poison crafters are known to use the blood of the Hy’ly to give their victims varying degrees of hallucinations based on its potency.

Removed apostrophe in "it's".

The blood of a Hy’ly glows brightly so it usually needs to be mixed with something to hide its true nature

Removed apostrophe in "it's".

Usually something with an overpowering colour or thick consistency will do the trick, though most people just use prune juice.

Removed space in "overpowering", corrected "think" to "thick".

Only L2 level poison crafters can properly draw the creatures blood, dilute it enough to hide its true nature while also keeping the desired outcome intact.

Removed apostrophe in "it's", removed space in "outcome".

Hy'ly can also be used by magecrafters but the illusions barely ever translate, for mages its the glow that seems to be the only thing that can be used.

Changed "Hyly" to "Hy'ly", removed space in "mage crafters", removed apostrophe in "it's".

If one preserves it properly by containing it in resin or a jar of lye, the glow can last for the rest of the creature's life span before the magic fades to nothing.

Capitalised "i" in "if", added apostrophe in "creatures".

I fairly simple task for most magecrafters.

The sentence doesn't make sense, and removed space in "mage crafters".

Several grammar mistakes but otherwise a good article. I like the sound of this monster!
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Nivel on January 18th, 2016, 8:12 pm

Thank you Alija for doing all of that Grammar correction (I'm pretty bad at grammar >__>)

I made a the changes.
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Atticus Leslie on April 11th, 2016, 5:08 pm

Hey Nivs! I like the monster. Here are my notes.

Regarding grammar:

For the most part Hy’ly resemble tree frogs common to Temperate forests.


Temperate should be lower case

Their skin ranges in colour from green to brown but their eyes come in a vast array of colour.


Second "colour" should be plural
Maybe a comma after "brown"

Their strange eyes aren’t just for show: if anyone


I believe this should be a semicolon

brain is similar to that of a pycon’s Nexus


Pycon should be upper case, nexus should be lower case

especially the Purple Forest of Syliras where they are more common.


I believe it should be "especially in the Purple Forest" etc etc

Hy’ly are believed to be creations of the God of illusions Ionu, who for whatever reason abandoned them in the forests of Sylira, from which they spread forth like a plague to various regions of Mizahar.


I believe it should be "Ionu, who, for whatever reason, abandoned" etc etc

what ever the reason


I believe what ever should be whatever

use prune juice.. Only


Only one period is necessary.

dilute it enough to hide its true nature while also keeping the desired outcome intact.


I believe there should be a comma in between nature and while.

for mages its the glow that seems to be the only thing that can be used.


I believe this should be "it's"

Aka: Ionu’s forlorn frogs,


Comma is unnecessary, all words here should be upper case

Regarding substance:

Population: Uncommonly found in temperate forests


Perhaps a rough estimate of population by season is wise? Or perhaps you're referring to "Frequency" rather to "Population"?

Like their supposed creator, they can switch between the sexes to fit their situation.


Perhaps include the creator here and expand upon Ionu's involvement later? It's a bit confusing to read your first time over.

they start to see very convincing illusions which either cause them to fight imaginary opponents or lead them to their death.


Expansion upon this would be nice to see.

While they may not be able to communicate with other races, they have proven to be more intelligent and clever than they look. Some have theorized that their brain is similar to that of a pycon’s Nexus, only less developed.


How intelligent? What can they do? What is the extent of their brain?

Hy'ly usually enjoy playing tricks on those that dare enter their territory,


What kind of tricks?
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Dove Brown on April 11th, 2016, 11:20 pm

The breeding process begins by having the male mount the female and when they are successful the female deposits her eggs into the closest river.

Fixed spelling.

Are there any ways to break out of the illusions once they start? Are Hy'ly affected by the gaze of other Hy'lys or are they immune?
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Nivel on April 12th, 2016, 6:29 pm

Okay I made the edits :)
Thanks guys :)
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[Peer Review] Hy'ly {Monster}

Postby Shimoje on April 27th, 2016, 1:11 am

Just a quick question. For a breed of frog to have such a small number and to be exposed to only a small region of Mizahar ... I would think that they would however encompass a larger region. Frogs tend to migrate when their environment is no longer fit for survival or they do not have a good location to feed.

Some frogs can inject their or expose their pathogens to fish to promote growth in varying locations as well.

They typically live in wetlands, and could perhaps follow large bodies of water that run throughout the land - this includes streams and ponds. Just some food for thought.
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