These Tangled Webs We Weave

by **Taurina** on March 17th, 2018, 6:46 am

Afternoon of the 23rd of Spring 518

The flowers were beautiful here. Blossoms of pink, white, yellow, and every other color one could think of bloomed despite the lack of rain.The life that was here just added to its beauty. The Akalaks of varying colors that had come to spend their day here with their children, loves, or just by themselves. Some meditated beneath trees, others had picnics in the grass, and others napped in the shade. There was laughter, a shared pleasantness of life. Taurina thought it a scene out of an art exhibit. No way with all that was going on that all she saw were truly as at peace with life as they looked. No way they were all as happy as they appeared.

One kept hearing about how this spring was different. How things were not as they should have been, but the outsider could not tell from the scene she was gazing upon. Perhaps that was just a further testament to how she did not belong. How she had only started calling this land home within the past handful of days. She had not yet gotten to learn all there was to learn about them. Perhaps she had missed something. Perhaps what she saw was only a diluted version of what it used to be.

Taurina was sitting beneath one of the larger trees in the Knirin Gardens. The grass was soft against her skin, the shade saving her from the burn of Syna’s light. It truly was beautiful here, like its own little paradise nestled in the center of Riverfall. Much about this city was paradise, however. It was so beautiful. One could get used to living here. One could quickly become comfortable and never wish to leave. Not that life was complete bliss here or completely easy. Especially not now with the Shadows that had stolen from them their safety and begun haunting their nightmares. Still, even with the Shadows, there was no place like Riverfall.

The Ethaefal’s hands were black from the charcoal she had been smearing across the page for the past bell and a half. It had started as a drawing of a young child Akalak who had been quietly carving away at a stick in the grass next to his sleeping father. Taurina had watched the boy for a long while, needing to know what it was exactly that he wished to make out of that stick of his. Hands had worked over parchment as she watched. Shapes were drawn that soon became outlines and outlines were added to shortly after to add feature and detail. Taurina always left her shading for last. What really made a piece pop for her was the shading, those final touches, and details. All the stuff that made something flat and motionless come to life on the page.

Somewhere along the line, the boy had stopped looking like himself as he was there sitting on the grass. Taurina did not notice it at first. She had just kept at it, drawing from memory more than what was in front of her eyes. It was only when she looked, like really looked, at the work that she had done that she noticed. She noticed the way she had made his brow curve in a way that was lopsided and given him a smile that only lifted the right side of his face. In fact, the whole left side of his face was frozen. Just like the Ankal’s own had always been.

Taurina tried to smudge away at some of the lines she had made. She tried to add shading and change shapes, but it was no use. All she saw was the one she wanted to see. All she saw was the one her heart grieved for. Her journal was closed in frustration and thrown on the grass beside her. The Eth drew her knees up and curled into a ball, pressing her charcoal stained hands into her face. She probably would have cried if her body had not grown so weary of it. She might have scram instead, if it would not have destroyed the tranquility of the garden around her and caused all near her to turn and stare.

The things she had done since arriving in Riverfall attacked her mind like a hundred angry hornets and she curled further in on herself. There was a whimper, something low and pitiful that echoed in her throat. It was not the first time she had felt so very alone, but now she had things to miss. Now she knew what it was to love and be loved and loose that love. Now she knew what it was to be apart of a family and to support them and be supported. She had run away from that too. She had given up Melody, moved Starfire to a stable where she was not close to him everyday, and had moved into an apartment too big for her with a bed far too comfortable. She hated it. She hated all of it. She missed them. She missed her strider, her family, her home, Azmere… How her heart ached for them… How disappointed she knew they all would be of her if they ever found out.

Taurina pressed her fingers hard into her arms, digging into the cotton fabric of the new shirt she had gotten for herself. She even missed her clothes. As old as they were, they were apart of her. They came from home. She had sweat and worn them to shreds out on the sea of grass, toiling day in and day out under Syna’s unforgiving gaze. The clothing here was fine, but it was not the same. The cotton pants she wore felt too new and comfortable, her shirt the same. She had not been able to bring herself to wear the skirts and dresses like many of the ladies wore as everyday wear. Too much too fast. Taurina buried her face in her crossed arms over her knees. Becoming a ball of clothe and flesh on the ground was not exactly a good way to make friends, but then again, Taurina was not sure that she wanted new friends. She wanted her old ones back. She wanted what she could not have.

‘I need you.’ Her whole body seemed to shake with the unspoken words. ‘Please, I need to not be alone anymore.’

Taurina did not know who she was asking to come. She did not know if it was a wish or a prayer or just her deepest needs making themselves known to her. Whatever it was, it was not as though she expected anyone to actually come to her. It was not as though she believed anyone could hear her. She had let herself forget about the bond that had formed during the heat of the summer. The memory had been lost when her grief took over.

‘I need you.’ Those words, the feeling behind them rather, was sent like an arrow through the Kelvic bond that had formed all those seasons ago. The weight of Taurina’s need was heavy, demanding. It was not something that could be ignored. It was not something that could be brushed off and thought to be anything other than what it was. It demanded that the time had come for the bondmates to be reunited after too long apart.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

Ledger-1 GM 5 SM for Dyed Cotton Pants (pale teal)
-2 SM (rounded from 1.875) for Dyed Cotton Shirt (light brown)

by **Alekxandra Winterflame** on March 17th, 2018, 9:18 pm

23rd Day, Spring, 518 AV

The weight dangling from her right wrist was distracting. No matter which way the Kelvic shifted the joint the metal pressed at the juncture as a reminder. Her decision still rested at the forefront of her mind, crossed between the shock of volunteering, and the impulsive desire to run—again. It seemed something she had become good at when things got rough. Running away with her tail quite literally between her legs until she could find another rock to hide under. This time Alek wasn’t sure if she was hiding behind her newfound status, or if she was honestly trying to make something good of herself. Morwen had cost so many people their lives—not just those affected by the lack of winter, but of her own home.

The red-haired girl couldn’t help but wonder when she had turned into such a coward.

A sound grunt the girl pulled her eyes from the silver bracelet and pressed forward. She had no idea where she was really, despite having taken the time to try and learn the city. Granted to her it was easier than figuring the ever moving tent city she had occupied for so long. While Endrykas always seemed to have a set idea of where things went it never appeared to be the same to her. If it hadn’t been for her nose she was certain she would have wandered that city lost on a daily basis. The thought of the grass city brought her back up short, the contraption around her wrist forgotten in lieu of more difficult memories.

The wolf wished she could bring herself to miss the tents, the smell of grass and the people who worked around the land as one. Maybe it was because she had only seen the city in its harshest time, the lack of winter made for rough living across a land that was in desperate need of it. Everything there was foreign to her, and time had not eased that fact. She was an outsider there as she was here, but even the heat in Riverfall paled in comparison to the heat across the dry grass—or at least in her mind it did. This city was green. Alive. Everything about Riverfall seemed to contradict what was so obvious in Endrykas. Winter had been missed again… Morwen had failed again.

Huffing roughly the Kelvic rubbed the back of her left hand as if to scrub away the mark still resting raised on her skin. She didn’t bother hiding Morwen’s mark, not here. The Akalak knew she was marked and that was all that mattered. The motion of her scratching caused the bracelet to fall against her gnosis and once again Alek’s thoughts were rounded back. Betrayal and duty. The choice to help when there was little else she could do to ease the suffering of those around her by her queen’s choices. Time had not squashed that particular argument with herself. Concern for the queen she had worshiped, the furious burn over the loss her family from it.

Without a sound the girl let her legs buckle beneath her. Her body fell without effort and she let herself lean back so that she could land on her rump soundly into the sand beneath her, wincing at the slight pain that jarred through her at the rough landing, but doing nothing to prevent it. Her dress had flared around her exposing the skin up to her knees as she dug her feet into the hot sand. Her left hand tucked beneath her as her right began to draw nonsense signs into the granules. It was nothing in particular, but it reminded the Kelvic of the only thing she did miss of Endrykas—the reason she had left. She was always there in the back of her mind. Riddled pain leaking through her very being. In some ways, Alek had grown used to this feeling vibrating through the bond. It had been going on for some time. Some days were worse than others, but it was her own choice that had robbed her of seeing to it.

The wolf was selfish. The simplest way to free Taurina was to leave—and that should have included releasing the Ethaefal from the bond. In doing so, however, would have left her alone yet again. The mere idea had been impossibly painful that she hadn’t even tried. In some small, the Kelvic hoped her presence, however faint, might bring the Eth some sort of comfort. The belief that regardless of the distance that she was not alone. Whether or not Taurina felt it or not was unknown though. Whatever regret the girl felt for leaving her bondmate alone did not matter. She could not make her way back to Endrykas now. Too many choices were in the way of a journey she could not complete alone.

The heat from Syna suddenly faded from her skin. The scent of a far-off storm across the ocean stinging her nose disappeared. The world seemed to fall out from beneath her as the Kelvic felt something new across the bond outside of the lingering pain. Or maybe it wasn’t fading pain, but a sharp acceleration of Taurina’s misery. The feeling raced across her skin and burrowed deep into her bones, robbing the wolf of every sense except that of her bondmate and her crushing need. Her fingers flexed and moments later the girl realized she had already pulled her dress up over her head. The shift came effortlessly despite her muddled thoughts and Alek rolled so that she could shove her paws beneath her to stand.

It was the shiny trinket that fell into the sand that gave her pause. For a brief moment, the Kelvic considered leaving everything right there in the sand, including the bracelet. Would that free her of her choice? Did she even want to be free of that choice? Had she been rash to make it? Or would it be rash to leave it behind? The wolf growled, shaking her head fiercely, letting her ears slap against the sides of her head in the process. Another jolt of need shot through the bond and Alek didn’t bother to fight it. Ignoring the mouthful of sand she got as her teeth snatched up the bracelet, she let her long legs carry her across the sand towards the buildings that made up the city’s edge.

It wouldn't have mattered if Taurina was in Endrykas or Riverfall, she was sure her feet would attempt to carry her to her destination. Her bondmate might as well have been a bright light in a dark room, so long as she was heading in the right direction it mattered not how she got there. But the emotions were stronger than they had been in months. The Eth was close—in the city. Just where was the problem. The pull gave her target, but not an exact spot. It was only when her feet moved from the stone streets to the grass that her nose began to fill in the rest.

Taurina’s scent drifted across the grass, faint but most certainly real. Her legs jolted to a stop as her nose nudged through the blades of grass. The musk of masculinity clung to them by the Akalak that passed through, but a softer scent hid beneath. Something Alek couldn’t pinpoint but reminded her of the Drykas. She let it guide her, ears erect and nose to the ground, not bothering to use her eyes until the aroma grew stronger than the Akalak around her. Pulling herself up from the ground, her ears seemed to naturally zone forward before her eyes could, picking up the breathing of the girl curled up beneath a tree some distance away. The wolf could hear the pounding of her heartbeat, the swiftness in her breath. Now that she had found the Eth, the Kelvic had no idea what to do.

There was no telling if Taurina would be angry with for leaving, or hurt by her sudden appearance at her side. Honestly, it didn’t matter, though it did terrify her. Slowly the Kelvic forced her legs forward until the shadow of the tree fell over her as well. Stretching out her neck, Alek allowed her wet nose to brush against the Ethaefal’s right elbow, somewhat amazed at how tightly the girl held herself. She could make out the white lines along her fingers where her grip clenched tightly as if she could fold into herself. Taurina had never looked so small…

A small whine escaped the back of her throat, weak but noticeable. Her nose brushed her elbow again, more firmly this time in an attempt to rock the Eth’s body and get her to notice her presence. Dropping her front paws the Kelvic let her ears fall back against her head and rested her jaw on the grass, looking up at her bondmate as her own breath caught in her throat. Nerves jolted through her, making her insides skittish and unsettled. It took the girl nearly every ounce of willpower to remain still not pace like the nervous wreck she was.

Common | Vani | Pavi

by **Taurina** on March 18th, 2018, 6:21 am

Something was coming. Taurina did not know if it was a what or a who or a something, but she could feel it in her very soul. Something was coming and it was coming fast. She did not know whether to be scared of it or welcoming. She did not know if it would bring her pain or peace. At this point she was unsure if it really matter. She was unsure if she cared. The world was not as colorful as it once used to be now. Nothing shined quite so brightly as it once had, and Taurina was coming to realize that she did not know if she cared whether she lived or died. Who would miss her anyway? Nobody.

There was no one left who needed her. No one left who wanted her. No one besides Starfire. That would be her one regret, leaving him behind as she had been forced to leave another behind a lifetime ago. Starfire… Her zulkina. Her one shining spec of hope and light. The thing that remained constant when everything else was in a constant state of flux. At least… That was what Taurina thought.

She did not remember the other who lingered buried in her soul. That piece inside of her that was completely hers and completely another all at the same time. How had she let herself forget? How had she let so much time pass and not remembered the promises she had made? She could have blamed it on the grief, but truly it was more selfishness than anything. She had not made herself remember. She had not made herself care. Instead she had let things fade, accepted the faint fluctuation of emotions buried within her as just another piece of her. She had let Alekxandra run away from her.

It was the nerves that struck the Ethaefal first. Even before that cold, wet nose was pressed into her arm, she felt those nerves. Only, she could not pinpoint them as anything more than some foreign invasion upon her own emotions. She had no reason to be nervous. Many other things were racing through her mind and heart, but not that. She felt her grief, her loneliness, her needs, and her curiosity towards whatever she felt was coming. Though, when she thought about it, that last had vanished. The nerves replaced that, a pulse racing like a thousand hooves vibrating in her chest. It was not her own. These feelings were not her own.

Goosebumps raised across flesh. Something shook awake inside of the Ethaefal as that rub of affection brushed across her elbow, as that whine of something like worry hung in the air. It was enough to get Taurina to take pause and begin to unfold herself from the tight ball she had become. Fingers released, back straightened, and as Alek put her head to the ground, Taurina turned and let her soft caramel gaze fix on the animal form of the woman she had not seen for what felt like an age. Breath caught in her throat. She knew that wolf…

She knew that red fur, those long limbs and black paws. She knew those big ears and grey eyes. It had been a long time, but as Taurina reached down and stroked the top of Alek’s head with the lightest of touched, she remembered. She remembered it all. The swiftness of their bond that had taken them both by surprise. The way the Kelvic had explained it and offered to severe it because of the mark she carried and not wanting to hold the Eth to something she had not known enough about to agree to. She remembered meeting her again in the daylight, how Alek had told her that no matter her form she was the same to her. That their bond did not change no matter the face Taurina wore. That she was still the same, they were still the same. And Taurina remembered the promise. The promise to take it at their own pace. The promise to grow together as they wished to grow together instead of by any other’s rules. It was not a promise they had kept well.

“Hello…” was the first thing Taurina could think to say in the tongue Alek was far more likely to understand, silver beginning to line her eyes.

Maybe she was not so alone as she had thought.
Gods, had she screwed up.

“I’m sorry,” Taurina apologized, the silver in her eyes beginning to run down her cheeks, “I did not come find you. I’m sorry.”

Taurina leaned down and wrapped her arms around the wolf, pressing her hands into her red fur and nuzzling her nose against the girl’s soft neck. The Ethaefal whimpered, hands griping firm but not harsh as she made herself remember. So many emotions came at once. Relief, sorrow, the weight of everything that had transpired since their last meeting. Taurina was so lost in it all that she had not yet noticed the bracelet in the wolf’s mouth. So lost that she did not quickly realize that in their time apart, circumstances had changed for Alek as well.

“You came back,” Taurina murmured into the wolf’s fur, “you came to me. I forgot about you, I’m sorry. I’m such a selfish bastard, I’m so sorry. Where did you go? Why did you never come to me after that day we spent together in the summer? I never saw you again… I thought something had happened. I knew you were still alive, but… but you never came and then I just… I’m so horrible. Forgive me?”

Taurina released her grip and cradled the wolf’s face in her hands. She looked deep into those eyes, her thumbs stroking the sides of Alekxandra’s face. It was then that she noticed the bracelet and looked at it with a questioning gaze. Why would Alek have something so shiny with her in this form? Why would she have anything at all? The Ethaefal did not know what it was. Had not yet learned of some of the not so savory parts of life the Akalak warriors lead.

“What do you have there?” Taurina questioned allowed, looking slightly confused as she met her bondmate’s gaze once more.

They were not going to get far here. No words would be exchanged if Alek was in her wolf form and it was only Taurina doing the talking. Taurina shook her head slightly. This was not the place. They needed to go somewhere else, somewhere alone. The Eth released her bondmate, wiped away her tears and grabbed her journal before she stood. A part of her wished to gather Alek up in her arms and never release her, just carry her with her wherever she went, but she did not do that. Instead she motioned for Alek to follow her.

“Come on my Alekxandra, let us go to a place we can talk. Let me take you to where I am staying,” Taurina told her, sending a wave of pleading that came off more like need through the bond.

Taurina turned and began to walk towards her home, watching to make sure Alekxandra followed and was not lost from her once again. The walk was not incredibly far as the Kuahala Estates were near enough the Knirin Gardens when one cut past the Monstrous Menagerie to the road and crossed over. Being sure to keep track of Alek the whole of the time they walked, Taurina led and took the wolf all the way up into the apartment she now called her own.

The apartment did not really look much like a home. It was just the furniture it had come with along with the woman’s scattered belongings. It was spacious, comfortable, but not a home. Not like the one she had left in Endrykas. She had not made much of an effort. Had not gotten herself to care quite enough. It was sad really, but as was life. At least she had the excuse of not having been here long. There was still time to grow used to living here. Still time to make it a home. That was not something the woman was focused on right at the moment, however. There was something far more important to attend to. Her bondmate.

“Can you shift for me Alek? I would like to talk to you… Really talk to you.” Was Taurina’s gentle request as she looked to the Kelvic with eyes pleading and heart overflowing.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

by **Alekxandra Winterflame** on March 25th, 2018, 11:07 pm

Time seemed to stretch on forever, though, in reality, it was probably only heartbeats. The girl before her unfolded and it took every bit of willpower in the wolf not to flee. There was no hostility from her bondmate, no ill feelings in the least but just looking at the girl reminded Alek that she had been the one to abandon her—and by the looks of it, Taurina had not done well since then. The Kelvic wasn’t naive enough to think she was the cause, not entirely. But something had happened… the Ethaefal was here in Riverfall and not in the very place she had called home when they had met. The two of them may not have had much time together, but there was little doubt in Alek’s mind it would have taken tremendous effort to remove the Drykas looking woman from that home.

The hand that floated down to the top of her head was the moment the canine let her muscles relax. The first greeting in two seasons was a simple one, but it soothed the nerves winding in Alek’s gut. Almost instantly, however, the Eth seemed to feel everything at once as she muttered an apology. So strongly that the Kelvic couldn’t keep up as they overrode nearly anything she felt. Shoving her paws under her she barely managed a half sitting up position before Taurina snagged her fur in a hug that caught her off guard. Hugging was the last thing she expected from the woman, especially given the strength of emotions she was giving off. Part of her considered shifting—returning the embrace in an attempt to help ease the girl’s pain. And yet she seemed to appreciate this form as much as her human one. Something the two of them shared as well. So the wolf remained still and carefully hung her head across the girl’s neck in the semblance of an embrace.

It was only once Taurina began to apologize for the second time, insisting that she was the horrible one because she had forgotten her that Alek began to feel the gut-wrenching guilt that had plagued her ever since she had escaped Endrykas. Her bondmate had no idea that she had willingly left her behind—something Alek had no idea how she would admit to later. Even if the Eth wasn’t angry now, there was no telling about later. The most she could do was swallow thickly and whine in an attempt to acknowledge the words. She had no right to hold anything against Taurina, not now.

When the Ethaefal finally withdrew the Kelvic let her back straighten into a more natural sitting position, completely forgetting the bracelet within her teeth until Taurina’s eyes shifted down to the shiny contraption. Another story began to flit around her mind and just how she would explain this particular issue. It was a piece that symbolized Alek putting something before her bond. If Taurina had not come to Riverfall she wouldn’t have been allowed to leave to find her… the idea seemed ludicrous now. Beyond selfish to put something like this before her bondmate. Then again it seemed as of late the Kelvic was nothing but selfish. Why would this be any different?

The wolf let out a long grunt in response to the simple question though. A form of dismissal through the nagging guilt that refused to subside. The two of them always seemed to be joined by their emotions for different reasons. It was no wonder the two of them bonded so instantly. They were wondrous at feeling the same things. Regardless, Alek let her tail swish from side to side as her bondmate stood and gathered her things. There was no rush for the two of them to move, but she could feel the need to speak with Taurina. She wouldn’t refuse the Eth the right to at least know what had happened—and Alek was dying to know just what had transpired to leave her bondmate in Riverfall alone. The wolf let her nose brush against her hand once more before letting Taurina lead the way.

While Alek could feel her bondmate’s eyes on her, she did her best to instead keep her eyes on her surroundings. The shadows were threat enough, even during the daylight hours. There always seemed to be some sort of dark corner that stretched out of nowhere, and now that the two of them had been rejoined the wolf had little desire to let something snatch the Eth to nowhere. Not to mention she had the desire to memorize this particular path should she need to return. Her nose brushed over stone and plants alike in an attempt to learn new smells, ears twisting and turning to pick up the sounds of the ocean and shops nearby.

The moment the two of them crossed the threshold of Taurina’s apartment the Kelvic could tell the woman had not been there long. Her scent was strong but didn’t seem to linger. If she had to guess Taurina didn’t actually spend significant time inside—or had just arrived. Carefully the wolf dropped the bracelet to the floor, letting her tongue swipe the sides of her teeth in an attempt to remove the metallic taste left in her mouth. The atrocious taste remained, but Alek did her best to ignore it as she fit her paw into the circle of metal, using her nose to scoot it past her thin toes before allowing the shift to take over. The wolf turned girl stood slowly, shaking her right wrist once again as the bracelet fell against her skin. Left over bits of sand spotted her bare skin from the beach, but Alek wasn’t so much focused on herself as she turned to face Taurina. It was awkward—mostly because she had no idea where to start. Did she start with herself? Or would it be easier to focus on the pains that tugged at the Eth’s heart?

“Hello.” A simple start, with a shy smile tugging at the corner of her lips. The girl’s thin frame shifted to stand nearly on one foot entirely, hands clasping in front of her as the Kelvic bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I disappeared on you.” The apology came from her lips before she could even truly think them. They were honest and heartfelt but did little to soothe the guilt that ate away in her chest. The smile faded nearly as quickly as it appeared, leaving a grimace behind as she tried to grasp answers to the questions pressed to her before.

“I… shouldn’t have disappeared on you. At least not before telling you why. You deserved that much.” The words drifted off as her sides heaved. It felt impossible to breathe, and she found it difficult to even look at the Eth without being swallowed by the negative emotions welling up in her. Regret, sorrow, pain, fear… they lived underneath her skin in a simmer at all times, but trying to admit it to Taurina meant letting them out. The possibility of being swallowed by them. The redhead licked her lips, wincing at the sand still tracing them before snorting and closing her eyes.

“Morwen… I never went into how I felt about her. About all the things that eat at me and her failures. And mine. Before you I lived like the world was going to swallow me whole. I was foolish enough to think that having a bondmate might change the skittishness that I had developed. I think it might have made it worse.” After a moment the girl realized her words might have been taken as more of an offense that she intended. Opening her eyes she looked back at her bondmate earnestly, trying to convey across the bond that she did not regret bonding with her, just the fact she had left. Alek was fairly sure it didn’t work that way… regret was regret. It didn’t matter where it stemmed from.

“I left because of Morwen. Another season without winter. Your people were already suffering. They had already called for those marked to die, and anyone who helped them. I feared what they might do to you if they found out.” In the middle of the floor, the Kelvic slowly lowered herself down to sit. Much like she had found Taurina under the tree, Alek pulled her legs up so her arms could drape across them. She refrained from pulling herself into a ball, but for some reason, it brought ease to her words. “I should have told you. I’m so sorry I just left. I think I might have been afraid of you trying to talk me out of it. I took the cowards way…” The easy way. No one to talk her out of choices, to talk her into staying. Even now Alek knew she was avoiding it as she gave vague answers—answers that would need to be defined now or later, depending on how her bondmate pushed.

Sighing and shaking her head, Alek lifted her head to eye Taurina. Words from the gardens rose from the back of her mind and the Kelvic couldn’t help but cock her head to the side as she watched her bondmate. “What are you doing here Taurina. It’s good to see you but you never struck me as the type to just leave your home.” After a long tick, the wolf focused on the bubbling emotions between them, trying to sort what was hers and what wasn’t. The memory of the pain that had lingered in the bond the past few seasons, the constant waves that had become second nature. Her brow furrowed as she stared at the Eth, head stuck in the tilt as questions began to swirl around her mind.

“Something’s wrong.” It wasn’t a question or an accusation. It was a fact that the Kelvic couldn’t ignore any longer. Now that Taurina was before her Alek realized she could finally do something about it. Or at least try, but first, she had to know what it was. “You forgot me? I don’t understand…” The Kelvic let her nose wrinkle slightly before confusion clouded her features and the bond. “You’ve been miserable for some time now…” Alek finally pushed her feet under her and moved to stand in front of Taurina. Her arms crossed in an attempt to look unyielding, but with her thin frame, she only managed to make herself smaller. “Why are you here?” The question was soft, almost a whisper as her eyes softened. Her own need to understand threaded with her uncertainty.

Common | Vani | Pavi

by **Taurina** on March 26th, 2018, 4:08 am

Guilt. Sorrow. Regret. Fear.

These were the things that swirled through the bond. It quickly became impossible to tell where one began and another ended. Even inside of the bond, one could not tell who exactly which emotion stemmed from. Probably because both Kelvic and Ethaefal were feeling the weight of nearly three seasons worth of pain in the span of a handful of moments. So much had been left unsaid. So much kept secret. Too much.

Alek put the blame on herself. She apologized for disappearing, twice, she told of why she had done it. Taurina did not say anything, did not tell her that she was forgiven or that she was not at fault. Instead the Ethaefal was silent. Silent because she did not believe her bondmate. Silent because she did not blame her. Because she understood the motives Alekxandra explained more than she wished she did.

Taurina had done the same thing. When Azmere disappeared and never came home, when Jasmine’s time to have her child grew ever nearer, when all she saw when she looked at her family was the absence of the glue that had held them together… She had run. She had run and not told a single soul save for the one who had witnessed her leaving. She had been the coward.

Alek and her.. they were cut from the same clothe. Perhaps that was why they were so perfect for each other. Why the bond had formed so instantly, without a hint of a doubt that these two were meant for each other. Two sides of the same coin, one could not exist without the other. The only surprising part was that it had taken them so long to find one another.

It came when Alekxandra stood. The question Taurina did not wish to answer: why? Why was she here? Why had she left? Why had she been miserable for so long? Sorrow lined the Eth’s eyes as shame and guilt spread across her features. She shook her head, crossing her own arms in an attempt to hide herself. She wanted to shield herself from the pain that admitting what she had done would bring. She wanted to pin the blame on somebody else. She wanted to be free of guilt, but that was never going to happen. Not when her heart was burdened by it. Not when her misery was what she spent her days drowning in.

“Alek… I…” Taurina began, shaking her head as tears began to slide down her cheeks.

With shaky hands the Ethaefal wiped her eyes. She sniffled back her snot and sunk down to the ground. There were couches and chairs in the room, but she did not go to them. She did not go to the comfort. She did not think she deserved it. Instead, Taurina sat on the ground and hugged her knees to her chest.

“He’s dead.” Tears began running down her cheeks and she did nothing to stop them. “Azmere is dead. One day he left and he never came home. They did not find him in the web. He was just… gone.”

Taurina shook her head and buried her face in her arms. She had never said it out loud to another before. Never given reason to all the emotions felt across the bond.

“I ran,” she admitted, “I came here. I could not stay. Not when everywhere I looked I was reminded of him. I love him, Alek. I never got to tell him, but he had my heart… and now that he is gone I fear he took it with him.”

Taurina sniffled again and scrubbed her eyes with the base of her hands. It was unlike her to be so weak in front of another. Unlike her to reveal the burdens of her soul to one who was not Azmere. But Alek was her bondmate, her other half. If anyone could be trusted with the secrets of her soul, it was the Kelvic.

“You are not a coward Alekxandra,” Taurina insisted, “I am. I ran. I left my family when they needed me. I did not even tell them where I was going. So soon after he left us.. I should have told them something. I should have given them something so they did not worry. Then I got here and I’ve done things that I regret trying to just forget. Just trying to find some peace.”

A shaky breath was inhaled as shame curled itself into the bond and remained there. Taurina shook her head. She did not wish to speak of what she had done just a few nights ago. The mistake she had made. That was the secret she still kept. The secret she was in no rush to reveal.

Taurina rose her caramel gaze to her bondmate and fixed it on those grey eyes. Such beautiful gray eyes the maned wold had. The color of light that existed between morning and night. The time of day when anything was possible. Taurina’s favorite time of day.

Taurina forced herself to her feet. She forced herself to step towards her bondmate and take her face in her hands. Her touch was soft, almost weak in a way, but all the Eth was asking was for Alekxandra to look at her. For her to understand what she thought of her. That she was not ashamed of her.

“I am so happy you are here Alek,” Taurina admitted, “I have been so alone. So very alone… I need you.”

Taurina closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around the frail bodied woman once more now that she was in her human form. Relief was the emotion that the Eth pushed through the bond. She was so relieved that Alekxandra was here. That her bondmate had found her. That even though she had forgotten her, Alek had come. That she still accepted her. Taurina was going to make sure it did not happen again. That she did not forget Alek again. That they did not part ways again. They were a family. The only family either of them had left.

“Forget about Morwen, forget about the hunt. We will hide you if we need to. I will protect you,” Taurina promised through her cracked voice and tear filled eyes, “I’m not loosing you again. You are not running away again. I will not leave you behind, I will not forget you. Not again. I am sorry I did before. I was a fool Alek. I was a fool.”

Taurina’s body trembled against her bondmate’s and she released her. She looked at the Kelvic and smiled a little. She was so happy they had found each other once more. So happy that nothing else mattered. Well, almost nothing else. There was still the matter of the bracelet that made no sense. Alekxandra had come to her with no clothes to change into, but she had kept hold of that strangely intricate bracelet. Why? Taurina did not remember the woman having had the trinket before. That meant it was new. Something she had gotten in Riverfall? For what purpose? Why was it so important? Taurina reached out and took her bondmate’s hand, exposing the bracelet for both of them to see it.

“What is this?” she asked again now that Alek could give her an answer, her tone unyielding and curious, “you never had it before. Why carry it with you now?”

That caramel gaze searched Alekxandra’s face for answers, curiosity and the need to fulfill it beginning to leak into the bond. It was easy to focus on this. Easy to run away from all the other emotions and make this the most important thing. A distraction. A much needed distraction for one who felt too much and had spent too long mourning alone.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

by **Alekxandra Winterflame** on April 8th, 2018, 10:46 pm

He’s dead.

The words seemed to bounce around her mind like a ball, unwilling to settle. The Kelvic had never met the man her bondmate was so fond of, but the words had no issue bringing up images of her own past. A distant picture of a man much older in years compared to her, but looking nearly as young. Dark hair that shone like the aurora and bright eyes that matched. Blue had always been her favorite color—it had meant he was happy. Most days he had been. Full of mirth but always the one who kept her out of trouble… most days. Liam had been a force of nature, but no force could have kept him alive after all this time. She had never seen his body either. But Taurina’s love for Azmere and her love for Liam were two very different things.

Her bondmate had hoped to build a life with that man. To make something meaningful after her harsh return to this world. Taurina felt as though she was two halves and missing the whole of her past. The Kelvic could not make sense of her loss personally, but the pain that ripped through the bond nearly rendered her to her knees next to the Eth. Alek knew what it was like to lose her brother. Someone whom she had grown up with her whole life. The loss of someone you had come to love like Taurina had… the pain was the same but it seemed to be the other edge of the blade. It didn’t matter which way they were cut, the end result was still the same.

The wolf was sorely tempted to wrap the Ethaefal in her arms, but the idea came off awkward in her mind. She had never been the one to comfort someone. There had always been the rare occasion her mother had felt the loss of her husband—a man she had never been given the chance to meet—but her mother had always preferred running her fingers through the mane across her neck in front of the fire. The Kelvic did not see this as something that fit at the moment. Every memory she could scrounge of her brother holding her in the times she had felt alone and too different in their hold seemed blurry no matter how she tried to focus. It left the girl half crouched over her bondmate, fingers tingling to touch the girl curled up before her but failing. Alek knew what she should do, but came up short. She hadn’t yet learned what would bring comfort to the girl she was bonded to.

It was frustrating, to say the least. Between the pain of Taurina’s admittance and the memories of her own missing family, the Kelvic found she had no words for once. Even as the Eth insisted she was not a coward the girl felt the knot in her throat tighten. There was the telltale burn of tears stinging in the corner of her eyes, but she knew they wouldn’t fall. It had been so long since she had cried—really cried—over her family. But now what was left of her family was feeling that pain. She had failed thus far in taking care of Taurina. If the Eth was here and chose to stay then she would have to step up the responsibility laid at her feet. After all, the two of them had chosen to stay bonded even after all this time. It was time to start behaving as a family, even if it was just the two of them.

Taurina was the one who stood and closed the distance between them. She embraced her and the wolf let her arms come around the girl's frame and held tight. What had seemed so difficult in her mind was actually quite simple. She would have to remember to trust her instincts the next time either of them needed such affection. Alek was positive that she would need the Ethaefal more than ever. The redhead pressed her face into the side of her bondmate's neck and let the pulse thrumming through her veins fill her ears. It wasn’t as loud with human ears but it was enough to pick up the beat. Steady and sure.

“I’m not going anywhere. Regardless of the past, I can’t keep running away. The scenery may change but the end result remains the same. It’s just running in circles and it doesn’t make the pain fade any less.” Alek loosened her grip enough to look Taurina in the eye. “I won’t let you forget either. It’s not the home you wanted or imagined… but we will find a balance. Together.”

The Eth shifted her focus and for a tick, Alek was happy for the change of subject, however, the next question raised its own set of issues. The Kelvic stared at her bracelet for a moment, trying to figure it just how to explain such a choice. Taurina wished to forget Morwen and the hunt. Alek had made this choice because of it. She shifted her wrist within her grasp, not pulling away, but so the metal twisted back and forth in the light.

“That is…” There was no easy way to describe what the bracelet stood for—to both herself and the Akalak. Her tongue rolled around her mouth for a moment before the wolf sighed heavily. In some ways, it still felt like a betrayal to her bond. If Taurina had not come to Riverfall she would have never been able to leave… at least not for some time. She had chosen this over her bond. Looking at it now made the guilt eat at her chest.

“As much as I would love to forget about Morwen and what her absence has cost people, I can’t. I may not be directly responsible, and my people have suffered more than enough—I still felt guilty.” Gently the Kelvic pulled her wrist free and used her left hand to caress the metal.

“I did something selfless… or tried to. Maybe I’m just trying to selfishly get this weight off my chest. Some days I don’t even know anymore but I had to do something.” Alek pursed her lips for a moment. She was still going circles around the subject. Pulling in a deep breath she locked eyes back on bondmate and grimaced. “I chose to become a Nakivak. They are all male, the Akalak, if you haven’t noticed. I chose to… bear a child for one of them. Eventually. Maybe more than one.”

The wolf made a gesture toward her thin body before shifting uncomfortably on her feet. “I'm not quite healthy enough yet, and I can’t leave the city. It’s part of the contract. I…” The words got stuck in her throat, The admittance of her choices. But if they were to remain bonded she needed the truth. “I have no right to be mad at you for forgetting me. This is the second time I’ve put a decision of mine before our bond. This one—this one ties me to the city. If you had not come here, I undoubtedly wouldn’t have seen you again for some time. Years possibly.”

Her fingers tingled, the nerves deep in her belly making it difficult to stand still. Skittish was still built into her nature and Alek felt the need to pace. Which seemed odd because this choice to become a Nakivak forced her to remain in the city. Why was it so hard to stand still for the Eth? A finger hooked itself beneath the metal for a moment, tugging as if trying to pull it off. All it would take was a shift, but it tested the strength regardless as for if it might fall apart all on its own. When that failed the Kelvic let out a huff and let her eyes wander back to Taurina, eyeing her as if she was expecting the Eth to be mad. Honestly, she had no idea how she herself should feel, much less her bondmate.

“It wasn’t fair of me to do… putting so much distance between us. Regardless of what this means, however, I will be dedicated to our bond. If you’ll still have it.”

Common | Vani | Pavi

by **Taurina** on April 11th, 2018, 11:27 pm

Those words, Alek’s promise, brought so much peace to the Ethaefal that she had not expected to feel. Her knees weakened beneath her, her emotions becoming water in her eyes as if the flood of peace and joy through the bond was not enough to let Alek know how much her words meant. Together. Not alone. Not apart. Together. Taurina smiled even as tears made paths down her cheeks.

“Together,” Taurina whispered her own promise, “not alone, never alone again. We will not abandon each other.”

The Eth put a hand to Alek’s cheek, rubbing her thumb across the soft skin before she moved fingertips to tuck hair behind the woman’s ear. How she had let the Kelvic run away from her before was lost on her. What a fool she had been, they had both been, but Taurina blamed herself more. What a bloody fool. Taurina sighed. She was sorry, but she had already said that and there was no use in repeating past promises over and over again. All they could do was move forward and keep their words. They had a future before them, and for the first time since stepping foot in Riverfall, Taurina was not scared of that future. She was not scared of anything.

For a moment anyway.
Fear always had a way of returning sooner than it was wanted.

And it flooded in like a wave when Alekxandra suddenly became quiet and a certain amount of anxiousness and uncertainty twisted through the bond. Taurina’s face contorted with concern, her tears beginning to dry as her caramel gaze fixed on that silver bracelet. Had she been wrong to ask after it? Had this not been the time? The Eth was sure she had made a mistake and ruined what happiness they could find, but she always wanted to know- needed to know. Curiosity demanded it.

“Alek…” Taurina started when the Kelvic’s voice trailed off, becoming more serious than before, “tell me. You can tell me anything.”

Then the answers came. The guilt over what Morwen had done. The need to repay somehow even though it was not her fault and it was her people who had been slaughtered for the goddess’ mistake. A bitter taste began to form in Taurina’s mouth. The need to remind Alekxandra that the Vantha may have been her family, she may have her goddess’ mark, but her goddess had abandoned her and the Vantha were no longer the people they once were. Taurina held herself back, if only to let Alek finish. If only so she could take a moment to think before saying something that might only hurt rather than mend.

Eyes locked, a grimaced formed on the Kelvic’s not fully human face. Molten lava met grey sky. Words came and instantly Taurina stepped back away from her bondmate. One step. Two steps. A half… Her eyes were wide, emotions rolling and raging.

Alek was still talking, trying to explain herself. Explaining what this meant- what being a Nakivak meant. Taurina’s gaze swept over the thin Kelvic’s still nude body, trying to imagine what this would be like and being unable to. The words stopped, finishing with a promise that the dedication to the bond would remain. That this would not shatter whatever it was that they had.

“No!” Taurina finally found a word and it came out of her like a struggled, desperate plea, “No.”

The Ethaefal crossed her arms around herself, as if trying to comfort herself or perhaps protect herself. She could feel that Akalak from the other night around her now. His big form consuming her even in her ethereal body. A tremor crawled up her spine. She could not imagine one of them with Alek. Did not want to. Not because she did not want her bondmate to have someone, to find whatever form of love she could, but this was different. This was a contract. A contract of life. Her life, the baby’s life, the father’s life. Taurina swallowed and shook her head, her gaze focusing on a black spot embedded in the wooden floor.

“You are not to blame for you goddess’ mistakes,” the Drykas’ voice was low but it was angry and torn, “this is not an answer. This is not a payment, and even if it was, it is not one you should have to pay.”

The molten gaze lifted, fixing on Alekxandra. When she looked at her bondmate and saw her, really saw her, she could see the nerves. Maybe not see them so much as she could feel them. The need to move, to pace, to twitch.. it was all there. The signs of anxiety. Even in her anger it caused Taurina to take pause. To reassess and come at this with a cool head. As Azmere would have done with her or another of their pavilion. Though, as she was often reminded, Taurina was not her ankal. Her emotions ran rampant and were hardly checked. Even if she tried, she knew Alek would feel the lingering anger through their bond. The fear that was buried within it and the sorrow that had reformed.

“Alek…” Taurina swallowed and then stepped forward, putting her hands on the Kelvic’s shoulders and running them down her arms till she could take hold of the woman’s tingling hands. “I do not like this. Not at all. And maybe someday soon I will be able to tell you a better reason why.”

There was a sigh and a shaking of the head. She did not know how to deal with this. Did not know what it meant. Her clear, bright future had just been destroyed once more. So soon after being formed too. What happened when Alekxandra was healthy again? What happened when an Akalak wanted to make her the mother of his child? What did that mean for their bond? Would Alek be taken away from her again? Her mind was racing, unable to find answers. Unable to see a clear path forward.

“You do not deserve my anger, I am trying. I am sorry. I was never good at this, the control of emotions,” Taurina apologized, “what are your options? Can you go back and change your mind? What choices do you have? How does it work? What does this mean for us?”

Taurina stopped, forcing herself to breath. She knew she was moving fast. Probably too fast. But she just wanted to understand. She wanted to be able to see their future again and be able to look forward to it. It seemed as though that would never happen. Not for them. Taurina was just not lucky enough. Her heart was destined to always be broken.

“I will support you, I promise you that. Whatever this means… We will figure it out. Together.” Taurina gripped her bondmate’s hands, her voice almost frantic but completely sincere. “I am not letting you leave me again. You will stay here and I will take care of you. Okay? We will figure it out, all of it.”

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

by **Alekxandra Winterflame** on April 16th, 2018, 11:17 pm

It was the first time the Kelvic had ever witnessed Taurina angry—or at least this type of rage that burned across the bond like wildfire. She had been having fluctuating emotions for some time now, however, this was not linked to her unlucky past… as far as the wolf could tell anyway. It stung in a way she wasn’t expecting, under her skin. Alek couldn’t help but flinch at the feeling as she wondered just what exactly had the Eth so worked up. Perhaps it was a final push that the Kelvic had chosen something else once again before their bond, or maybe the idea of bearing children? Possibilities spun through her mind as she tried to mentally cling to anything substantial.

Every story that swirled around her mind was made worse by the Ethaefal’s posture. Her gaze was locked into a spot on the floor, arms crossed in a way that made the Kelvic keep her distance. Her own breathing picked up, pulling air into her lungs until they ached before releasing in a harsh rush that sounded vaguely along the lines of panting. Even sweat had begun to build across the back of her neck as nerves agitated her belly. But when Taurina finally spoke it wasn’t what she expected to hear.

Nor was the reaction to her words.

“Would you feel the same if it was Leth?” The words were low, nearly a whisper, but spit out hotly as her own temper seemed to flare. “If Leth caused some great tragedy and left all like you to deal with the outcome? If his actions hurt those…” Alek barely managed to cut herself off. Taurina had already left her home. It would be unfair to rub a 'what if' situation in a wound already festering. To make matters worse she couldn’t tell if she was attempting to defend Morwen or just her choice to give something back due to her queen. As much as she hated the idea that she still cared for the goddess the wolf was too terrified to admit that perhaps she did still hold feeling towards the queen.

“It may not be my job to try and fix things, but I followed her Taurina. I spent time devoted to her. At one point in time, she made me realize I did belong in my home despite how different I was.” The redhead felt her shoulders slouch in defeat as the rage sputtered into nothingness. A type of sorrow filled her inside. The gnawing emotion that made her crave the past—when times were simple and the only thing she must worry about was finding a bondmate among the snow. “It may not be my job to pay the price, but it feels like my duty regardless.” The wolf eyed the mark on the back of her left hand. Fingers twitched to make the skin stretch across the thin bones and flare the gnosis to move. It left her feeling empty…

Her name was the first thing to pull her from her musings. She didn’t resist or hesitant, simply lifted her eyes to look at the Drykas looking woman. She explained more or less that she did not like the idea, but in time perhaps she would be able to give her the reasons why. Part of Alek wanted to insist on now because curiosity tugged incessantly at the back of her mind, the need to know. At the same time, the wolf could admit neither of them seemed ready to dish out their deepest secrets, especially given the two of them had just reconnected. Regardless the Kelvic flashed a watery smile towards her bondmate as she shook her head.

“I’m not very good with emotions myself. They rule me entirely too easily.” The questions pressed toward her, however, caused the Kelvic to sigh and she finally settled for sitting on the edge of the line bed within the small room. “It’s a contract already. I cannot change my mind… I’m not entirely sure I would even if I could.” She managed another weak smile before pushing past the subject entirely. It wasn’t a fight they needed to have. Not yet. “In terms of us, it shouldn’t have much effect. This isn’t love match. A male will approach when I’ve filled out into a much healthier form and I will get a say in the matter. But it is mostly for the purpose of conceiving a child. I don’t have to have interaction with him other than that and taking excellent care of myself once I’ve become pregnant.”

Alek cleared her throat, shifting slightly on the bed for a moment as considered telling Taurina of the risks. If it was worth it to worry the girl already stressed over the idea of losing yet another person in her life. But leaving it out felt like lying, something she was neither good at or in a position to do. “It is an unusually long pregnancy of a year… apparently, human women have a hard time with carrying to full term and have a high risk of complications. But the Konti who spoke with me told her race and mine fair much better. Kelvics are often sought because we can carry multiple times without issues.” After a moment the forethought presses forward and Alek gave a small shrug. “Not that I might do this more than once. I suppose it will be something to consider once this first one is over.”

To Alek, the idea didn’t seem far-fetched. It would all depend on how attached she got and how difficult to it would be to let go. After all, she had already admitted how easily emotions ruled her. “If nothing else I will be well paid for this. I won’t need for anything, and by extension you either.” A small shrug lifted her shoulders before she brought her eyes back to the Ethaefal. “It’s not about the money, but for once it would be nice not to have to worry about eating.” The joke was half filled with humor that the girl couldn’t help but chuckle at as she poked at her own ribs. “I appreciate the support though. I will undoubtedly need it in the future. It will be nice not to have to face this entire thing on my own.” There was complete honesty in the statement, if not laced with gratitude.

“We will take care of each other.” The redhead repeated, conviction filling her chest. She stood and approached Taurina, smiling as she leaned forward so her head could rest on the Eth’s shoulder. Her hands lifted so they could wrap around and hold tight, the very thing moments ago had been too difficult to do. Alek clung to the girl as if she might disappear, but the heartbeat echoing in her ears told her otherwise. The Ethaefal was here and they were together.

“I promise.”

Common | Vani | Pavi

by **Madeira Dusk** on June 12th, 2018, 5:21 pm

Grades Awarded!

Great job, ladies! My heart is in pieces and it's all your fault.

There wasn't much I could award, since most of it was in your heads, but if you see something I missed (especially lores) let me know! Don't forget to edit/delete your grade request.

Taurina

Skills