Language of the mind

by **Raeyn** on June 13th, 2018, 2:44 pm

13th of Summer 518AV

Raeyn had been feeling kind of peculiar as of late. A certain sense of unease had plagued him for no reason in particular. It started a few days prior, this feeling of his, when he woke up in the night almost certain that someone had been calling out his name, screaming it in his ear but that was an impossibility. Since then he banished the nightmare from his mind but that feeling did not leave so easily.

It was as if some unearthly apparition had clung to his back. No matter how often he'd turn his head, the road behind him would be clear but it, whatever it was, still clung to him and mocked him with it's very existence. That was the only way he could describe what he was feeling. Others could not see it, they might even deny it's existence but Raeyn was so certain that no matter what he did or where he went, it followed.

That morning, like any others he had fed the dog and went about his day as usual but in the quiet and stillness on his house, Raeyn could find no peace.

It was as it the silence itself was alive. Something within it murmured, his in the shadowy corners where Syna's light could not reach. He couldn't make out words or even individual voices. The logical part of his mind would assure him repeatedly that he was only imagining it yet with every hum he'd startle so easily and turn to look upon familiar walls just to make sure no creature had broken into his house.

Fiddling his fingers to take his mind off the paranoia, Raeyn took a few deep breaths. One to steady his heart rate, one to calm his mind and one after which he would tell himself to stop being so on edge. It wasn't healthy. A mage should be clear headed no jumping at every crack in the wooden floor boards.

by **Raeyn** on June 13th, 2018, 2:59 pm

It had began a few days ago. The day he had left the alchemy lab perhaps. Although Raeyn's mind did not make the connection. At first it was dreams, then a realisation that those strange dreams, which he could not quite explain, carried on into consciousness.

For the longest time he'd make nothing of it. Every strange sound he blamed on his surroundings. Every muffled call of his name, Raeyn deemed to just be sound of the wind or voices from the streets somewhere in the distance. Sound distorted, after all, as it bounced from cobble to cobble. Did it not?

As the days passed however, his condition became harder and harder to ignore.

Desperate to occupy himself with anything other than this, Raeyn sat on the floor and beckoned his companion over. Long fingers combed though the dog's long fur, finding knots which he'd then untangle with a comb. Soothed by the warmth and the smell of the animal, Raeyn set him mind adrift.

Thoughts passed by liberally and the alchemist would imagine himself standing at the side of them, watching them pass. A meditation technique once pitched by Orath, a long long time ago. It was to no avail however for once a negative though rolled along he would focus on discarding it, only letting it fill his mind and cloud his clarity. And once one unshakable thought came, so did another until his focus was taken off his breathing and the task at hand. His mind felt heavy.

Frustrated Raeyn threw his head back and let go of the dog, covering his eyes his fur-plastered hands. For a moment he just laid on the floor and felt sorry for himself as always. A whispering echoed in his ear as if somebody other than the dog had snuck into the house and laid beside him but the moment he'd open his eyes, there was no one.

by **Raeyn** on June 13th, 2018, 3:11 pm

"I'm going man." Raeyn said to himself. "Am I going mad Ru? Or have you secretly one of those Kelvic folk and are now deciding to wind me up with your anger inducing chatter." he looked at the dog who in turn looked back. Two deep pools of chocolate blinked as he tilted his head to the side before a great pink tongue rolled out in a pant. The dog could have not been more confused than this.

What was Raeyn thinking? Had he been sleeping so badly as of late that he now resorted to accusing his favoured companion of such unimaginably ridiculous things? There had to be an explanation to this faint whispering that none other than himself could hear for there was simply no reason why Raeyn should be having this much trouble in his own company - the best company.

The Inarta sat up once more, crosslegged and let his hand flop comfortably onto his knees. He straightened his back for a few moments, feeling every click of his spine loosen up his nerves. His eyes found darkness beneath the eyelids as the world disappeared and his chest filled with air. Raeyn held his breath in until he could breathe in no deeper and then very slowly, with a low whistle, he let it all out along with the last bits of tension from his body.

Once again he breathed in for four counts and out for four, focusing on counting rather than any tangible thoughts. This was what he had to resort to to calm himself down. Rarely did he meditate for truly the Inarta found the whole exercise a waste of time, but there was nothing else he could think of that would silence the whispers.

by **Raeyn** on June 13th, 2018, 3:26 pm

Raeyn just breathed as loud as he could just to banish the silence of the room in hope that the sound of his breath could overpower the chatter in his mind. He counted to four each time though gritted teeth. After all, even simple mathematics were far more pleasant than the paranoia. With each breath his body would relax a little more. His spine would soften, every muscle felt a tingle flow though it and out into the air.

Suddenly Raeyn realised that he was oddly aware of his own heart breath. Is was as if he could hear it in his ears. It pounded in his chest rhythmically, strong and healthy as it should be for a man his age. Every beat, like the sound of a gong. He found his mind drifting to the thoughts of his heart, wondering what it must look like beneath his skin, pumping red blood though his veins. Instead of awkward counting Raeyn's mind now nodded along with the rhythm of his heart as if it was some enchanting music. Instead of counting the breaths he just consciously acknowledged their existence.

The longer he just sat there, listening to his own heart beat the more he zoned out. time seemed to pass at it's own leisure. He didn't know how long he sat there, forgetting about the world but once his thoughts caught up with him, Raeyn felt a sense of disappointment. That prolonged moment in which he forgot the world existed was as blissful as sleep without dreams. Waking up only to find that such peace would not last forever was indeed disappointing and so he found himself missing the state of pure daydream.

by **Raeyn** on June 13th, 2018, 3:40 pm

Navigating his way back into that meditative state proved harder than he anticipated for that blissful moment was the result of complete accident. Now that daydreams could no longer protect his mind the voice echoed in his ears again. For a moment Raeyn thought he could just about make out a word but it was so muffled and unclear. Shaking his head, the Inarta recalled every meditation technique his master had ever told him of. It was time to pull out the big weaponry. He would have some rest if it killed him.

Laying back on the floor, Raeyn once again practiced the deep breaths. For the longest time he struggled, casting aside every thought that would come to his mind as if they were people in a crowd he was trying to push away. The harder he pushed the harder at his they came. Eventually however he would relax a little more and let them drift past him. Though him.

He'd imagined roots sprouting from his body. The longer his mind focused on these make belief roots the clearer the image appeared in his mind until he could tell what colour they were and how they branched out. He imagined them growing, pushing though the mountain earth and towards the centre of Mizahar, whatever that centre might have been. In his delusion, those imaginary roots held his body still against the ground and if someone tried to move him, they would not. Like ethereal chains, those roots grounded him.

The sound of whispering in his mind took a back seat to the sound of his own heart beat beneath the bones of his rib cage. It self as if his body pulsed along with the rhythm. The interior of the house in front of his eyelids began to disappear as Raeyn felt his body drift along in a river of thoughts.