If walls could cry

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 4:23 pm

76th of Summer 518AV

Days had seen Raeyn's very mind deteriorate. A plague of voiced on his conscience weighed heavy. An uncertainty if he had the strength to keep fighting them for now every single day seemed a day too many. Was it simply a sickness, or a syndrome he had to learn to live with? Had he the mental fortitude to do so?

A knock on the door shifted Raeyn from his usual state of self pity. Suffice to say over the past season he had grown quite used to it, regrettably so. What had happened to the self assured young man who so rarely let insecurities control him. He'd been diminished, broken down to dust. And no matter how terribly he wanted to rebuild himself, Raeyn found himself only more passive in his demise. How sad it all was?

But as he opened the door a familiar sight lightened his spirits. The sister he had not seen, nor spoken to since their last fight now stood before him. Brows pulled together in an expression of sure worry. She'd been as radiant as always, brushed cheeks, tastefully done makeup and a beautiful dress upon her slight frame. She looked the precise opposite of Raeyn.

For Raeyn was gloomy to say the least. Bags beneath his eyes shown the lack of sleep he was getting. Worry plagues him like locusts, feeding on his mind, deteriorating by the day. And the day she had picked for her visit was a particularly bad one. He'd never been more thankful than right now.

"Come in." he said without hesitation, moving out of the way so that the woman could once more return to her own home.

The animals greeted her accordingly. As she removed the cloak from her shoulders and gently shook drops of rain from it, Mara sat on her bed, gesturing for Raeyn to come join her. And so obediently he did. In truth he had missed her. He had missed her so much. Seldom on the daily had this thoughts not wondered what she was doing, how she was fairing. Would she forgive him for that nasty fight they had almost a whole twenty days ago?

Of course mara's heart held no ill will towards her beloved brother. The bond of the twins was such that in the entirety of this world, especially proceeding the death of their mother, they truly only had each other. A bond of Inarta blood that run so deep that they felt as if they could sometimes understand each other without words. And though he would not believe it, Mara did understand him. A twin's intuition told her of his anguish, his uncertainty and fears. What she however still couldn't suss out was why. That he has still kept in the dark from her, from everyone.

A slender, soft hand pressed against his cheek as Raeyn sat beside her. "How have you been?" He asked, a little worried by the silence.

"Better than you, that's for sure." she smiled weakly, looking at him as if he was about to die. That look in her eyes only made him more anxious by the minute. "You haven't even stopped by..."

"I don't know where you've been!" He protested. "For all I know you've been hiding out at that low life boyfriend's of yours. He's the last person I want to see right now. And you know that."

"Raeyn." she halted him mid thought, before the man had the chance to go off on some rant she had no time for. "I've been at dad's. Taris and I are over. Have been for a while."

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 4:45 pm

That news took him aback a little. "I...'m sorry to hear." he whispered, ashamed that he had wasted so much time without reaching out. How reckless was he with such a precious thing as family.

"That's quite alright. Don't worry. I'm fine, he's fine. We've just... realised it's not going to work." Mara's rose petal lips curled into a smile. She was just happy to see her brother again. even if he looked like a ghost of his former self. She was happy to be in his presence, have things at least begin to slot back into their original place, as things have always been. Their relationship felt more like a broken game of puzzles as of late. All the pieces were still there but disheveled somehow, disarranged and impossible to make sense of. There just for a moment, a mere moment, everything felt like it was about to repair itself.

How naive was Mara. The problems that plagued the household outgrew her in the short time she'd been missing.

"I'm actually dating someone new." she said hoping the news would brighten up his spirits a little. "He's really sweet. A friend of yours apparently. He mentioned you two had grown quite close. And, he also mentioned you weren't doing so great so I came. I've been so worried, Rae Rae."

Quite how close the two of them had grown however, Mara couldn't have had imagined in her worst nightmares.

The alchemist rummaged his mind for a moment, but could pinpoint exactly no one whom Mara could have been talking about. He sincerely doubted Alexis could have become an object of her fascination. That man was far too enthralled in his own world to pay attention to anyone else, especially her whom he'd known since they were all ugly little ducklings. But what other friends did Raeyn have?

"There's really no need to worry." he said, grasping her hand between his, smiling weakly as if to try to put weight behind his words. Any weight at all would do. Anything to make her not realise that every word out of his mouth was lies. "You're here now and that's all that matters. I'm sorry about our last fight. I... I've not been my self recently."

Raeyn got up from where he sat for a moment and was quick to find two glasses and a half empty bottle of wine. Returning to Mara's side, he filled both with deep red liquid and passed one to her. "Lets not dwell on it. Tell me about this boyfriend of yours. Who is he? What does he do? is he good enough for my twin sister?"

Mara accepted the wine graciously and took a sip. She smiled, a little flicker of worry passed though her eyes. "It's Haneht. Had... he not said anything about me?"

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 5:06 pm

No. Mention her he did not. And a little part of Raeyn wished he did so that the searing flame of anger that rose in his chest could be spared his sister's sight. Alas, it was not.

Raeyn wasn't entirely sure what hurt worse, the betrayal of it all or the knowledge that he had landed himself in this situation in the first place. For Raeyn had never planned to trust Haneht, not even for a second. The beautiful male had imposed himself into his life, pursued him tirelessly until he broke Raeyn's defences down bit by bit. And the one time... the one time the alchemist thought that perhaps taking a chance on somebody might not be a cardinal sin worth dire punishment, he was proven oh so very painfully wrong. Now the pain that tore though his chest was that of a thousand daggers.

He knew now that all he had been so very sure his entire life, since such very early childhood, was true. There was no one in this world, not even Mara he could rely on. In this great big mess of confusion and uncertainty that was existence, Raeyn had only himself to count on, only himself who'd ever have his best interest at heart. Everyone else was too selfish to trust with such a fragile thing as his heart. if he hoped to ever become somebody of note he had to forge that path himself with fire and steel. There were no shoulders he'd stand on, no one to raise him up. For all intents and purposes Raeyn was totally and entirely alone.

In that moment he made a promise to himself to never let anyone in again. A pain such as this he refused to ever feel again.

Confused, Mara stared at her brother's face which had suddenly turned completely cold. Eyes stared into the depth of his wine glass impassively, lips hung ajar but there was nothing he could say. At the edge of his lashes, tears of seething hatred pooled. A singular silver tear rolled down his freckly cheek and plunged to it's death in the wine.

"Rae Rae... please say something." her hand reached out to his, soiled around his fingers but they were cold to the touch, as if a wind of frost chilled him to the bone. Inside Mara began to panic.

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 5:23 pm

Raeyn said nothing. He wasn't really entirely sure if there was anything at all to say. He stood up, turned his back to Mara and without a second thought downed the full glass of wine in one fell swoop. The alcohol stung at his stomach in such a vast quantity but the physical pain of that was preferable to the one in his chest. As if somebody had tore out that heart of his with their own two hands and stomped on it. And the last person he'd ever dread to think would do such a thing was Mara, the sister he worshiped above all. But yet here she was, hammering a nail into his coffin.

"Raeyn this is not funny. Say something." begged Mara. Her sweet voice cracking under the pressure. She couldn't have seen what was coming. Fate was a cruel mistress.

"No it's not funny at all." he turned to her with flames of rage that set ablaze the blue pools of his eyes. His voice trembling. Only once the words left his mouth and he could hear them in his own ears did Raeyn realise that he was screaming at her. Beneath his thunderous roar Mara cowered. Never had she seen him this angry. But a wound up string didn't know how to stop. "The one person, Mara... the one person in this world that I've wanted for my self. And you couldn't give me that much..."

Her head spun. In that moment two realisations hit her. The first being that something must have happened between Han and her brother that now made her stomach churn to think that it was she now that was the recipient of similar affection. The other realisation; was that Raeyn was gay. And though thinking back on it it had explained so very many things, her twin's intuition had never seen it coming.

Mara rose from where she sat. One more realisation had occurred to her. A realisation that no man, not even her brother would ever dare to address her with such disrespect again. This time it was her voice that boomed though the tiny apartment. "How very dare you speak to me like this?"

"How dare you do what you have done?"

"I didn't know Raeyn!! I didn't fucking know!"

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 5:44 pm

Raeyn sat down. Or rather his knees buckled beneath him. "He hasn't said anything about me, has he, Mara." he whispered.

"No." she confirmed, shaking her head.

The Alchemist's eyes cast aside, ashamed of how he could have thought such a thing of her. Mara was innocent. His true quarrel lied with Haneht, of that he was sure. "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill the smiley little bastard with my own bare hands."

'Watch his blood spill. Make him pay. Make him pay." the voices chimes in with glee. It was as if they had been waiting for this precise moment to pump the Inarta's veins with bloodlust. The wine that slowly made it's way though his system made the idea suddenly so very appealing. Before his eyes Raeyn saw the Eypherian's neck gush with blood and the image sent a pleasant burn though his chest.

Having grown significantly worried that her brother was sincerely contemplating an act of violence, Mara scolded him once more. "You will do no such thing. Over my dead body. I will handle it and you, don't you even dare go knocking on his door until you calm the petch down."

Mara saw the glaze over his eyes. She saw he wasn't listening. Never had she been quite as worried as right now. "Please, Rae Rae. Promise me you won't do anything so god damn stupid."

It is such a sad state of things when a house is torn apart. And it seems though no fault of their own, Raeyn and mara had become entangles in such an ordeal that threatened to destroy 27 years of a twin bond. Neither of them had any idea whether they'd ever recover from this. It there was even a possibility of such. Or had thing simply gone too far and an unrepairable wedge had been carved between them by the actions of one boy, too pretty to say no to.

by **Raeyn** on August 7th, 2018, 6:06 pm

In truth Raeyn didn't really know what to do with himself. The magnitude of it all was still hitting him like a tidal wave after wave. His mind in shards. His hands felt like they itched to hit something, or someone but in the presence of his sister he really couldn't just let it all out. Though gritted teeth he said. Desperation underlining every word.

"I need you to leave Mara. Please. Stay with dad for a few more days."

"Rae, I'm scared of leaving you alone here." she protested. "Please don't send me away. Not again."

"I'll make some arrangements, take my shit to Alexis' and you won't see any more of me. You and Han can have the place to yourselves. Just please I don't want to see either of your faces until I can sort that out. At least do me this one favour."

Of course he didn't want to move out. But in the heat of the moment the words rolled from his tongue by themselves. An unstoppable stream of thought that he couldn't barricade behind the dams of his teeth. And with each words tears flowed up though Mara's eyes and down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It all felt like such a dark dream which she was all too ready to awaken from.

"I'm not going to keep seeing him if that's what you think." Mara's trembling voice replied. "I don't want you to move out. I don't want to be without you."

Raeyn sighed and just looked at her for a prolonged moment. He was glad that she didn't put the Eyhparian above him, but it was too late. The damage had been done. "Fine." he finally said, closing his eyes. "Then please at least just give me some space to make sense of it all. This isn't just a mistake, Mara."

"Were... were you in love with him?"

Hesitantly, and very slowly with gritted teeth, Raeyn nodded. It was something he hadn't even admitted to himself. But the soft part of his heart had began to fall head over heels for the boy and hearing the news of his infidelity drove a dagger of betrayal right though him. Now inside his chest the heart oozed miasma, poisoning everything in it's wake. Every bit of light inside the young mage dimmed as darkness overtook.

There was nothing more she could say. Whispering one last "I'm sorry." Mara left back into the rain, wishing she had never visited. But she had her own wounds to tend to as well.

Seeing the door slam behind her, Raeyn fell to his knees where he stood. The world spun around him. Nothing really seemed real anymore. Tossing the glass to the side where it shattered, Raeyn grabbed the bottle and began to chug it's contents. Tomorrow he'd rise a new man, freed from such nonsensical things as emotions and weaknesses. Of that he was sure. But tonight... tonight he'd allow himself to be swallowed by human nature.