[Flashback] Wish on a falling star (Eridanus)

[Satevis]

Satevis blinked in surprise as he absorbed the information Eridanus was giving him. He stared down at his hand, flexing his fingers and curling them inward loosely. "We will...return?" he repeated. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. True, he had a good chunk of Taras's memories, but they weren't exactly complete, and he had not been Taras the Benshira for what felt like a very long time.

A thought occurred to him, a dark, angry thought, slipping past his careful defenses. He didn't want to be here at all. He didn't want to be back on Mizahar. He wanted to be back in the Ukalas. Why was he here?

Satevis quickly stopped those thoughts before they could continue, the only outward sign of his turmoil being that his hand had clenched into a fist. He nodded once, setting his cup down. So he would transform every morning and every night until...well, until he died, he supposed. And then what? He assumed he would follow the same process, facing Dira again and then either getting sent on or sent to a god that claimed him. Would Leth take him back? If so, wouldn't it be better for him to have drowned?

No. The gods didn't care for cowards who took their own lives. He knew that. He would face this reality, he decided, with as much as he had, keeping the hope that he would prove himself worthy again.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't notice the doctor speaking to Eridanus. "No," said the doctor. "I don't have any other questions. You should get some rest." The last part was directed at him, and Satevis nodded once, getting off the table. A nurse came into the consultation room, leading him to one of the empty rooms.

She turned to Eridanus once the door to the room was open. "Are you going to stay here?" she asked. It was rather late at night and visiting hours were over, but occasionally friends and family did like to help patients get settled in. It would depend on Eridanus at this point, whether he stayed or he left.

OOCIf you want to talk to Satevis more, we can continue, and if not we can wrap the topic up. It's up to you. I had a great time in this topic either way, so thanks for RPing with me!

[Eridanus]

"You know what? Give me a moment," Eridanus told him, heading out of the Infirmary.

His dormitory room was not far from here, since both locations were situated in the University grounds anyway. He was quite aware that Satevis still currently wore only his outer cloak, which he imagined might be a little uncomfortable to be like that for the rest of the night.

Moving into a steady run, he travelled quickly, working up a sweat which cooled in the chill night air. When he reached his room, he checked inside his closet, finding a suitable set of casual robes he had kept spare around. It was just a set of nondescript grey robes that would look in place anywhere.

Locking his door again, he ran back towards the Infirmary, keeping his breath regulated so as not to tire himself unnecessarily. The entire journey took around a quarter of a bell, and he stopped himself before entering the room, catching up on his breath first.

Opening the door, he passed Satevis his spare set of robes, "Here, change to this. I imagine it would be more comfortable than that thin piece of cloth I lent you earlier."

When the nurse finally left the two of them alone, he spoke up quietly. Of course, he averted his gaze while the ethaefal changed, out of civilized courtesy more than anything.

"So... have you seen Him?"

[Satevis]

"Thank you," said Satevis with a smile when Eridanus returned with other clothes to wear. "It is much appreciated." It seemed to be a phrase he was repeating often that night, but then again, Satevis had had quite a bit to thank Eridanus for. He changed, grateful to have something else to wear besides the cloak. Sure the cloak had been functional, but it hadn't exactly been comfortable, and it had attracted stares, which the newborn Ethaefal recalled always being uncomfortable with. Once he was dressed, he folded up Eridanus's cloak neatly, setting it at the foot of the bed. He knew that he was supposed to sleep, but he wasn't tired yet. No, that was the wrong word for it. He was tired, he was exhausted actually, but his mind wouldn't let him sleep. It was still racing, thinking over the events of today, trying to accept the fact that he was back on Mizahar, that the joys of the Ukalas were just a fleeting memory. He was glad that Eridanus had not taken the nurse's suggestion and left. He wasn't sure what dark turn his thoughts would take if he was left alone. The company helped stave the thoughts off for a while. But Eridanus asked him a question and Satevis frowned, looking up at the other man. "Who do you mean?" he asked, motioning for Eridanus to take a seat in the chair that had been left in the room, while he sat on the bed. He had a vague idea of who Eridanus might mean, but he wanted to be sure before he answered.

[Eridanus]

Eridanus proceeded to sit on the chair beside the table as per Satevis' request, but when he heard his brother's response to his question he burst out laughing, though there was a slight tinge of forced bitterness in it.

"Who else can I refer to but to the Wild One? The Divine Beast? Leth?"

The ethaefal sat up more rigidly, making proper eye contact with Satevis.

"Can you remember him? When did he last speak to you?" He asked hungrily.

[Satevis]

The hunger in Eridanus's eyes startled him. It wasn't that he couldn't empathize with the man, because he could. He could understand Eridanus's pain because he was in the same situation as his brother. He had fallen from joy back into the mortal life that he believed himself to be done with. But while their feelings were similar, they also differed greatly. Satevis's pain was new. It was a fresh wound, and it stung with the sharp, fleeting pains of a wound that had not had the chance to start healing. He had only been on Mizahar a few hours. He hadn't yet had the chance to hunger for home, to long for it. But Eridanus's pain was old, much, much older than his. Satevis's pain cut. Eridanus's simply burned. For a moment, he wondered how long the other Ethaefal had been here. "I..." he began. "Well...of course I can remember him. He last spoke to me..." Satevis frowned in thought, then shook his head. He couldn't place a specific time on it. "Time is--was somewhat meaningless there. But it wasn't too long ago...I can't remember the last few moments." The last came as a slight surprise for him. He couldn't remember his fall, nor could he remember those brief few moments before it. Nor could he remember other things. There were gaps in his memory that he hadn't noticed before. "Eridanus..." he began, his curiosity getting the best of him as he watched the other Ethaefal. He spoke softly, unsure whether or not the question would anger or upset him. "...How long have you...?" He trailed off, shaking his head. "Never mind," he said. "You don't have to answer that."

[Eridanus]

"Two centuries," Eridanus stated simply when Satevis began to mince his words. "A little over two centuries, actually."

Upon hearing the ethaefal's words he felt a need to observe him, to magically interrogate him. Already, he could feel djed flowing suddenly into his eyes, and he began to hear the faint tinkling of the bells. The man's aura began visualizing in his sight, but he shook his head, clenching his eyes shut while he forced the djed to back down.

No more. I told myself that I'm over this. No more.

Rubbing his temples while keeping his eyes shut, he continued controlling the flow of djed until it stopped, and he opened his eyes, this time managing to reject his subconscious desire to use auristics on the freshly Fallen Child.

"I remember my Fall... plunging through the air, almost drowning as I struggled for air in the sea..." He muttered. Although some of his memories were not as clear - and some of them he purposely tried to forget - this particular instance was crystal clear to him. Too clear for comfort, perhaps.

"You know," The ethaefal quickly added, abruptly changing the subject and trying to inject some cheerfulness into his voice. "When you turn back you'll forget most of these things. In your mortal seeming, all your memories of the Ukalas will be mostly locked - no matter how badly you try to remember them. Most of your memories of your past lives will also be forgotten. Unless of course, you artificially memorize them, but in your mortal seeming those memories would be that: artificial memorization rather than personal experience like what it is in your divine form right now."

[Satevis]

"I remember...at least part of mine," said Satevis, staring off at a corner of the room as he spoke, his eyes not really focused on anything as the memory of the fall slowly came back to him. "I remember falling...and I remember drowning. Neither of them are things I'd like to repeat..." He frowned in thought, clasping his hands together and staring down at the floor. The reality of his current situation was slowly beginning to set in. He looked up at Eridanus. ...Two hundred years... He couldn't imagine. "So, I can assume that we're biologically immortal," he said somewhat bitterly, his scholarly nature rising to the forefront as he thought about what Eridanus had said. They couldn't be completely immortal, because he was sure he would have died if he had remained in the water, but they clearly didn't age. Two hundred years wasn't a normal life span. So he would remain alive on this rock until either something killed him or he went mad. Lovely. He took a deep breath as Eridanus changed the subject. Satevis was self-aware enough to realize that he was thinking in anger. The reality was finally setting in, and with it, the darker emotions that he had been trying to keep at bay. This was exactly why he didn't want to be alone. He focused on Eridanus's words. So in the morning, he would remember nothing of his fall, and nothing of his past. The idea brought him some slight relief--the fall wasn't something he wanted to remember--but also made him feel slightly uncomfortable. Satevis liked to know things...the idea that he would lose some of the knowledge did not particularly appeal to him. But there were larger concerns at the moment. "That's good to know," he said, also trying to inject cheerfulness into his voice. "Is there anything else I should expect?"

[Eridanus]

"Yes. That we are. Either that or we live ridiculously long lives," Eridanus agreed. He could tell that the other man was getting bitter. It was like this was a common personality trait among ethaefal, though it was hard to fault them, for they also shared similar cruel fates at being thrust out in this place.

Still, Satevis was making an effort as well, and he appreciated it. Though his misery was more like a dull ache, Satevis' was fresh. Fresh and painful, and the emotional trauma and psychological wound hurt more when it had not healed. The man would definitely need time to deal with the inner demons arising from this issue.

"Well, in our celestial bodies we can age small things by a day. We can't do entire bodies, for those are too large. A flower, or wounds on your palm - these small things can be aged by a day. You just have to channel your inherent connection with Leth and will it for it to happen."

Of course, that also meant getting over any discomfort with Leth. That meant angry ethaefals who had given up on their respective deities would no longer have that divine connection - no matter how tiny - and would not have access to that ability.

Eridanus wondered if Satevis still have that divine connection, or is planning to keep it.

[Satevis]

He frowned, his expression becoming slightly intrigued as Eridanus mentioned their aging ability. A casual listener might be quick to dismiss that ability as nothing special. In and of itself a single day didn't mean much. But applied religiously...that single day could quickly add up. Wounds would heal twice as fast, fruit would ripen in half the time, plants would grow much quicker than normal. It had a lot of possibilities, but unfortunately, it was rather limited to things he could come into contact with once a day. "I see..." he said. "That might be useful." His inherent connection with Leth... He sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. It was there still. He could feel it, amidst the pain, anger, and other dark emotions he was currently feeling. He held on tightly to that connection, aware suddenly of how easy it would be to let it go, to give in to the darker thoughts that he was keeping at bay. In a way, he was slightly relieved to know that it was still there. It made him feel a little less...abandoned, for lack of a better term. "I'm sorry," he said with a slightly bitter smile as he looked up at Eridanus. "I'm afraid I'm not very good company tonight."

[Eridanus]

Eridanus noticed the range of emotions that clouded over Satevis as he brooded, though he did so in silence, providing the quiet company that the ethaefal needed. The shock at the sudden Fall was sinking in, and it was clear that he was beginning to realize the implications of what it meant to be ethaefal.

A possibly immortal existence, broken only by death or acceptance by Leth or another god. It was no wonder that many sought to end their mortal lives, content to place their fate back to Dira and Lhex when they could not withstand the eternal solitude.

He had considered this possibility once, as had all ethaefal. However, he refused to give in to fate. Fate had wrested away too many things from him, and he firmly believed in the individual power of resolve. He refused to give in, and he insisted on crafting his own fate, his own future.

"Do you... do you want to try?" He asked, understanding from his expressions that Satevis intended to hold on to this tiny spark of connection. Looking around for an object that Satevis could work on, he realized that the room was pretty much empty of things that could be picked up.

"Give me a moment," He muttered.

Focusing his attention on the shield he had crafted on Satevis' body earlier, he began entangling the djed formation. Using his mind, he added his own djed into the mix, using the fresh djed to regain control over his old shield as the astral resource reintegrated itself into the fold. Reshaping the shield, he gathered the djed and pushed it to only reside on Satevis' left hand, pushing the djed into a large, strong blob.

Untangling the threads of instructions he weaved, he dissipated the original tasking, though he did not specify any new tasking to be had, causing the shield to fall back to its default tasking of blocking djed.

Instead, he used the djed threads to weave glyphs, using the arcane instructions to accept divine powers. Magic was magic, though magic could be categorized into mortal and divine magic - something any basic mage would learn. There were established protocols to define this, and using these protocols he defined such a difference in his glyphing, urging the shield to fully recognize and behave solidly to such a power.

"Try it on your left hand, though don't exactly touch it. About an inch from your left hand would do," Eridanus finally said, breaking the silence. "I'll let you know if you've succeeded."