[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy role playing forums. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

The player scrapbooks forum is literally a place for writers to warm-up, brainstorm, keep little scraps of notes, or just post things to encourage themselves and each other. Each player can feel free to create their own thread - one per account - and use them accordingly.

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Noblesse on June 24th, 2013, 7:54 am

Millenarians and Millenarianism. Why is it that solid information regarding them are so hard to find on google? I hope our university library finishes doing inventory checks soon. The national library's not going to finish renovation any time soon, and my professor's guilt-tripping me into submitting this research paper already. And I thought professors are supposed to go easy on students the first few weeks of classes. :(
User avatar
Noblesse
Let them eat flavored snow!
 
Posts: 439
Words: 181013
Joined roleplay: February 25th, 2013, 5:29 pm
Location: AS of Avanthal
Race: Staff account
Office

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Jabari Dreamchaser on June 24th, 2013, 8:12 am

*Shakes fist at unknown professors.*

Sorry Noblesse. :( You may want to try some different search engines and see if you have any luck there. Happened upon this on youtube:



Not sure if it has anything of use within, but thought I'd link just in case. I tried to listen to a bit of it, but that stuff is WAyyyyyyy over my head. I'm super impressed that you are working on a research paper about the subject. Good luck!
User avatar
Jabari Dreamchaser
to know without knowing
 
Posts: 121
Words: 46515
Joined roleplay: April 25th, 2013, 3:10 am
Location: a Journey of a Thousand Miles
Race: Human, Vantha
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Plotnotes

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Noblesse on June 25th, 2013, 4:50 pm

Jabari, thank you so much! I haven't thought of checking video sites until I saw this, and now I'm going to do just that! Thanks for the video too, I'll listen to this so I'll excuse myself from Mizahar for a while. *hugs awesome ninja pal* :)
User avatar
Noblesse
Let them eat flavored snow!
 
Posts: 439
Words: 181013
Joined roleplay: February 25th, 2013, 5:29 pm
Location: AS of Avanthal
Race: Staff account
Office

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Noblesse on July 8th, 2013, 9:00 am

Family
Don't read this if you're not interested in reading a long pity party and a hateful rant.


Lately, I haven't been able to do much work for Avanthal as much as I would have liked to. Even though I had some hours to spare at night, all of my energy's just spent by the time I turn on my laptop. I end up just staring at the screen. It's very frustrating because I know I there's still so many things to do yet I can't do anything, and hearing myself say this feels like some kind of lame excuse to skip work. I hate it, I don't like skipping work.

To those who doesn't know yet, I'm currently studying at the best state university in my country. The standard of education is high, and the educational training are equally hard and rigorous. And I'm studying very hard for the monthly stipend, because an unforeseen sick twist of fate turned my story from riches to rags in a matter of weeks.

Suddenly I found myself from living a good life without financial worries to a lowly lifestyle and a family brimming with problems. At first I cursed at the world, at everything for letting this happen to me. I felt it was very much undeserved since I personally believed I'm a good person, and I reach out to help people whenever I can. But I thought this is just a temporary setback and I can overcome this. Many, many people who came before me who led harder lives succeeded in the end, so why can't I too?

I started by applying for scholarships so we wouldn't worry about paying for my scholarship anymore. I had to maintain a minimum grade of 90 in a scale of 1-100, so I studied hard and put more effort than I ever did before. I applied for our university's financial assistance program, and now we get a monthly stipend to help with the cost of living. I took up a part time job, and another online one with a per-hour salary. Basically, I did my best to pull my weight in the family. Technically, I'm the family's breadwinner now. However, my family feels I'm not doing enough.

As soon as I arrive home I fetch my younger sister from school, clean the house, do the laundry, accomplish my sister's schoolwork (because she refuses to do it, and my parents nurture this by saying it's my responsibility to do it when she doesn't want to), buy food... So yes, when I'm home I'm suddenly a maid. I understand why my parents can't help with the more strenuous work around the house but seriously, is washing the dishes that tiring to do? Helping my sister with her homework, which SHOULDN'T be my responsibility now they've piled so much on top of my plate, isn't that tiring. But apparently they can't be bothered to lift a finger around the house.

I feel like I'm alone in all of this. Everyone in the family's not even helping with the lighter tasks to ease things off my shoulders. My father especially. Since he's been diagnosed with Chronic kidney disease and had to undergo those freaking expensive dialysis twice a week, he wouldn't do anything anymore. His reason being he was sick. All day, everyday, all he's been doing is watch tv, sleep, eat, watch more tv, and keep us up at night because he's using the computer in our room and can't be bothered to at least turn off the lights. He's also a slob, and most of the time I'm home I find myself cleaning after his mess.

My sister's the same way. She creates more mess than she is capable of cleaning up. One of the main reasons I'm working hard is to help her finish her studies along with mine. Now that she's acting with this come-what-may attitude, I feel betrayed and angry. It's like she doesn't see that most of what I've been doing is for her, and I hate it to see that she's throwing away her future by being like "huh?" "what?" "eh, don't care" person. I seriously want to strangle her.

Mom pitches in by asking for monetary help from organizations. I'm grateful that she's doing at least this. However, she scorns me for spending my me time here roleplaying. She questions why I'm willing to spend my time and energy on something that doesn't pay. I explained that this is how I release my stress and I like helping out, but she wouldn't have it. She says I'm stupid for doing this for strangers. And every time I mess up, however trivial it was, she's quick to snap at me and rant about how useless and irresponsible I am. Despite everything I've been doing, I'm still useless.

I just want to move away, anywhere, far from my family. To others, this may be trivial, but I'm spent trying to get along with them. I'm so tired and lost. Sometimes ugly thoughts run through my mind, like letting my father die by not paying for his dialysis and medicine. I know I'm horrible for thinking this, but I never liked my father. He's the reason why all of this happened. I hate him and will never forgive him for everything he's done, and still doing, and I resent having to do this for him. But he's my father even though he never acted as one to me, and I feel it's my duty as a daughter to at least do this for him.

I've given up many things for them. My time for myself, bonding time with friends, my dreams and my future. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. All I wanted was some help and appreciation on their part, hoping they would acknowledge that what I've been doing all this time is for them, because I love them and they are important to me. They're my family. But it seems I was asking for too much.
User avatar
Noblesse
Let them eat flavored snow!
 
Posts: 439
Words: 181013
Joined roleplay: February 25th, 2013, 5:29 pm
Location: AS of Avanthal
Race: Staff account
Office

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Alea Davenport on July 9th, 2013, 10:49 pm

Wow... sounds to me like your family is kinda out of line... (in case that wasn't obvious).

I realize I'm a tad more callous toward the concept of family than most people, but as I was reading your post, I did find myself wondering how hard it would be for you to just leave. I realize that some people value the inherent connection of family a bit more than I do, but if that's not the reason you're staying, then I feel like, it's not your job to take care of people who won't take care of themselves.

No matter what your family says, you have friends here on Mizahar, and I'm sure each and every one of them would love to offer support, even if it's just internet hugs :)

Oh, one more thing, if you'll lend me a soapbox for a moment: doing your sister's homework for her is cheating and defeats the purpose of education. Maybe that's a bigger deal to me than some people, but next time your mom tries to get you to do homework that's not even yours, maybe let your sister deal with the consequences instead of constantly getting bailed out. (Obviously this is your situation and I don't know anything about it, so do what you see fit, but that's the course of action I support ;) )

Anyway, you are amazing. If I had to work as hard as you do I would probably give up, so I can't even properly imagine what you're going through, but the fact you've accomplished it this long is frankly Olympian in my opinion. *hugs* and I hope you get through this rough time without too much heartache. :)
User avatar
Alea Davenport
Wielder of Obfuscated and Circuitous Logic
 
Posts: 980
Words: 477755
Joined roleplay: October 28th, 2011, 10:54 pm
Location: Ravok
Race: Human
Character sheet
Storyteller secrets
Scrapbook
Medals: 4
Featured Contributor (1) Guest Storyteller (1)
Overlored (1) Donor (1)

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Noblesse on July 11th, 2013, 12:10 pm

This may be a delayed response, but thank you for the support Alea. :)

Honestly, part of the reason I'm still staying is because I don't want to have my dad die when I know I can still do something to prolong his life, even though I don't want to see him anymore either. But mainly, it's for my mom and my sister. My mom already suffered so much under my dad, and I know my sister is very weak-willed right now and will easily break if she's in my place. I don't want anything bad to happen to my mom and sister, even though they can be exasperating most of the time.

I was really very upset when I wrote the rant, but I'm trying to increase my patience further. After all, I'm not the only one who's suffering in our situation right now. It's just I'm taking these challenges differently from my family.

But you're right. My sister really shouldn't always get her way and should be more responsible now. I'm thinking of ways on how to get my feelings across without it escalating into family drama.

Again, thanks for the hugs. *hugs back*
User avatar
Noblesse
Let them eat flavored snow!
 
Posts: 439
Words: 181013
Joined roleplay: February 25th, 2013, 5:29 pm
Location: AS of Avanthal
Race: Staff account
Office

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Stardust on July 17th, 2013, 5:49 am

You are amazing and I love you and if there is anything I can do to make you happy, I'll do it.

<3
User avatar
Stardust
A Loophole in Limbo
 
Posts: 322
Words: 89537
Joined roleplay: April 17th, 2013, 3:49 am
Location: AS of Wind Reach
Race: Staff account
Office
Scrapbook
Medals: 1
Extreme Scrapbooker (1)

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Noblesse on July 25th, 2013, 3:45 am

Stardust: Give me chocolate sponge cake please! <3

But yeah, I keep telling myself to concentrate and study for that economics exam today but I always find myself popping my head in here, one way or another. Gosh, I need myself some focus and self-control.
User avatar
Noblesse
Let them eat flavored snow!
 
Posts: 439
Words: 181013
Joined roleplay: February 25th, 2013, 5:29 pm
Location: AS of Avanthal
Race: Staff account
Office

[Silarial's Scrapbook] Here We Go Again

Postby Jupiter on July 25th, 2013, 8:35 pm

Good luck with your exam! Kick that thing's butt!
User avatar
Jupiter
Let me help you
 
Posts: 184
Words: 44855
Joined roleplay: May 17th, 2013, 8:14 pm
Location: Crouching Silently in the Corner
Race: Staff account
Scrapbook
Medals: 1
Extreme Scrapbooker (1)

Previous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Leonyrx, Veronaagg and 0 guests