[Issues found by Astator] Relea Vinyre

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Relea Vinyre

Postby Relea Vinyre on February 1st, 2016, 10:46 pm

Relea Vinyre

Image


Basic Information

Race: Human
Birthday & Age : Fall 493 AV, 22 Years of Age
Gender: Female


Physical Description

Relea looks like a typical deviant child. Her long black hair is often down in her face, or pulled to the side. Her lips, nearly always pulled back in a devilish smile, that isn't quite humourous. She has a slender frame, weight about one hundred and ten pounds at five foot six. While her body is small, she is still built like a warrior.

The clothes that Relea wears are simple, and are always toned for warm weather. She feels tied down with long pants and shirts on. Her face makes her look older then she actually is, and she uses this to her advantage. Her blue eyes and full lips give off an intimidating impression, especially when matched with her hair. She keep her head up, and chest puffed out, maintaining a perfect posture at all times.


Character Concept
Personality - Relea loves to argue. Whether this be in the form of an argument, a fight, or a competition of sorts, she loves to prove that she is better then anyone else, even if she isn't. Her sarcastic remarks leave an impression of a worn soul, and her conscience is nearly non-existant. Relea will have no problem telling the local drunkard that he is a waste of space. She will also have no problem with murder as long as she is payed for it.
Relea doesn't normally enjoy much of company, she prefers to be left to her own thoughts. Though she isn't afraid to be around other people, she often looks down on those that don't have the same views as her, which in turn leaves most humans out of her circle of friends. She also enjoys talking to people, because it gives her the chance to decieve them. To lie any way possible, it's her favorite activity. Even if the lie is trivial, Relea finds the most enjoyment out of being able to convince people that they are wrong.

Ethics - Relea isn't keen on what is good, and what is evil. She instead bases all of her decisions on how things effect her pesonally. If she gets money from it, she will do it. If it is a required action for her to survive, she will do it. However Relea will not sacrifice herself for anyone, unless that person is willing to pay. In Relea's mind there is no point, there is no reason to sacrifice herself for someone when it doesn't help her. That concept of chivalry has no effect on Relea.

Likes - Relea enjoys a good argument, a good battle, and intimidating strangers. She enjoys money, and material objects. She enjoys a good drink every once in a while, and most of all loves to see the squirmish look of an opponent that is defeated.

Dislikes - Relea dislikes talkative people, and cheery people. She also can't stand weak and helpless women that blame their helplessness of the fact that they are female. This includes children. She dislikes the simplicity of sitting around. Also Dhani, and snakes creep her out. Cheap people and beggars are also on her list of dislikes, as well as slaves.


Character History

Every story has it's beggining, these begginings differ, some start as a neglected child, some a rich spoiled brat, maybe a monstrosity here and there. Releas story, her story starts as a genius. Relea has always been smarter then her parents, not the kind of smart that will make her the inventer of some great new world changing device, but smart enough to decieve them, and get what she wants.

Even from the age of nine or ten, Relea got to do what ever she wanted, utilizing her parents weaknesses to get them to give in to her strong points. At this age it was just so that she could hang out with friends, or buy the newest cool toy. However once she turned fourteen and fifteen, Relea just liked to trick people for the fun of knowing she could do it.

Her parents weren't the most wealthy of Sylira, and Relea knew that. One of the most important things in the world to Relea though, was money. So she set off to gain it where her parents could not. She would often go around town, asking people if they needed help, and that she would accomplish any task for a small fee.

She got many missions to go on, things as simple as run to the market, and buy some things where she would get double the money back. Or deliver this message to so and so. Sometimes she would get dangerous things, like go out to the wildlands and pick me this berry. Now Relea knew that the Wildlands were way to dangerous to go out in alone. Especially with no means to defend yourself. So for these missions, she went to the local pub, and found a man named Henry to assist her.

Henry, much like herself, liked money. So they would split the cost. She knew what berries looked like, and had a plan. He would kill things. So they accomplished these goals successfully together.

One day, Henry himself came to Relea, asking for service. This suprised her, but she said she would complete anything for him, of course for a small fee. Henry asked her to kill an enemy of his, Charles Shanter, in the Maiden District. Relea was taken aback, and hesitated to accept. However in the end, she realized that she would get a hefty sum for this job, and accepted. Henry gave her a dagger, which she stored in a belt, under her shirt.

It took Relea an hour to get to the Maiden district, and to Charles' house. By this time she had gone through a million different possible solutions, and even more emotions that she would feel afterwards. Either way, it had to be done.

Relea took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. It took a minute, but finally a grown man, maybe six one, one hundred seventy pounds answered the door. This made Relea very nervous, he could easily overpower her, then she would be done for. She took a deep breath.

"Carles Shanter?"

"Yes thats me, who might you be young lady?" Charles asked, seemingly happy enough. She noticed his lack of caution, and this made her wonder why Henry wanted him dead, he had never told her.

"I'm a part of the cleaning service your wife ordered, I just need to come in a take a quick look at the kitchen and bedrooms of your house, is that alright?" Relea answered, a fake smile spread across her face. Charles took the bait, nodding and motioning for her to come in.

As they walked through the house, towards the kitchen, Relea's heart was pounding. She touched her stomach, feeling the hilt of the blade that would soon be through this mans heart. It felt cold, against her hot skin. Relea knew she would have to do this fast, and without thinking, or else she might hold back.

She lifted her shirt, and grabbed the blade, hiding it behind her forearm, and continueing to follow the man through his large apartment. They got to what Relea knew would be the kitchen, and her arms and legs started shaking. She could feel each individual heart beat and breath. Charles turned around, taking what seemed like forever..

"This is the kitch-" He started, before Relea turned the knife around in her palm, and quicker then she realized she could do, stabbed the man right through the heart. He let out a scream of pain, clutching his chest. This cranked Relea adreneline higher then it had ever been before. She stabbed, again, and again. Fourteen times in total, all over his chest before she stopped.

When she was finally done, Relea was a bloody mess, her mind frantic, and her lungs wearing out from the speed of her breathing. She dropped the blade and ran. Out the door, back to Henry's house. She didn't stop one moment in between.

Henry gave her one hundred gold mizas for the task, and Relea realized within herself, how much fun she had in the cold blooded murder that she had just played out. However she also knew that she couldn't live in Sylira anymore, and that if she was going to do it again, it would have to be more planned out then that. They would find her here for sure. So she left.

Three months later she arrived in Sunberth, where she would continue the rest of her mercenary work. She completed many tasks for others here in Sunberth, and has made quite a few reliable sources. The age of twenty-two is where Relea's story begins.



Training

 
Skills
Rhetoric - 25 (25SP)
Short Swords - 10 (SP)
Daggers - 15 (RB)
Stealth - 10 (SP)
Unarmed Combat - 5 (SP)
 
Lore
Lore of Poisonous Berries(Sylira Region)
Lore of Sunberth Backstreets



Equipment and Possessions

 
Equpitment
Set of Clothing (cloak/coat & footwear included)
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
1 Set of Toiletries (comb, brush, razor, soap)
1 Week of Food
1 eating knife
Flint & Steel
1 Short Sword
2 Assassins Dagger
 
Language
Common - Fluent


Ledger

+100GM (SP)
-10GM (Short Sword)
=90GM
-8GM (2 Assassins Daggers)
=82GM
-4GM (The Establishment)
=78GM


Thread List


Code: Select all
This is a remake of a character I had created years ago, if there is any problem I can log in to the account that I have taken most of this bio from and prove that it is me
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Relea Vinyre
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Posts: 1
Words: 3131
Joined roleplay: February 1st, 2016, 10:34 pm
Race: Human
Character sheet

Relea Vinyre

Postby Astator on February 1st, 2016, 11:32 pm

Image

Hello there! Welcome back to Mizahar! However, we got some issues.

Let's start with the great big things and move forward. Don't worry all easy fixes.

  • I am going to get with the dead obvious one:
    This is a remake of a character I had created years ago, if there is any problem I can log in to the account that I have taken most of this bio from and prove that it is me


    If you have access to that character… Why not just go and USE that character sheet and remake it instead of carbon copying it? Not saying you need to prove anything, but remaking it this way is just waste of time.
  • As technically your Character Sheet is a template, and a template is a Boxcode… Your image is far too large to keep there. Hide it in a spoiler or make it smaller. Box Code Lore I want to direct you to this line:
    For this reason, we have placed a size limit on box codes. They can be no more than 700 pixels wide and 500 pixels tall for one image.
  • Short swords and Daggers are not skills. They are weapons, and therefore the skills you are looking for are: Weapon(Short Sword)/Weapon: Short Sword and Weapon(Dagger)/Weapon: Dagger. Are the acceptable formats for a weapon skill.
  • Please LIST your clothing in the starting gear. It is necessary. And remember, is it either the Cloak OR the Coat, not both.
  • Your history… Just doesn't fit for Syliras. And here's why:
  • No houses, all apartments
  • You really think knights are not going to hear your target scream and not come running? Fat chance.
  • Erm… Cleaning Service? >.> Really?
  • There are no months on Mizahar… Three real life months is 1 season. Here's the Travel Times Lore: Syliras Depending on when you left, it would take you 93 days, just over a season. Longer as possibly due to weather and monsters...
  • How did you get to Sunberth? No Wilderness Survival skill whatsoever, blood on your hands (how did the knights not see you again?), And no mention of a caravan (which again, how did the knights not hear screaming, coming running, see a woman leave with bloody hands…)

  • Your birthday requires an actual date, not just a season and a year.
  • Weigh 110 pounds at 5-foot-6 as a female and 22 years of age… Erm… Yeah, you aren't in any shape to be doing anything, that's underweight. By at least ten pounds.
  • No heirloom? Not required, just a honest question.
  • You need to list what city you are born from (judging from your history Syliras), what city you are starting in (Sunberth judging from you history as well). Also housing. And judging from the fact that you haven't turned in the housing for 500 extra gold, you have housing in Sunberth: A tent? An apartment? Please list it.

Over all you need to re-read the lore for Syliras. It isn't lawless, and something like your history is not likely to occur. Now if you started in Sunberth That history would be more plausible…

Any questions, please feel free to private message me. Once complete, please private message me as well. Via the little envelope to the left.

Thank you,
Astator
Which way do you want to go? Up or Down?

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She said down...


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Astator
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Joined roleplay: January 30th, 2013, 3:34 pm
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