Solo Looking Glass and Butterflies

[Taurina]

Morning of the 11th of Spring 518

Taurina knew it was lazy of her to remain in bed all throughout the morning. It was not the Drykas way and she had -technically- slept through most of the night… if one considered staring at the ceiling with closed eyes all night long to be anything close to what sleep was meant to be. The Ethaefal blew out a breath and groaned, running the base of her palms over her eyes. She was tired and the comfort of the bed made her achy no matter which form she was in. She did not wish to remain within it, and yet she also did not wish to leave it. Strange how that went. How it had gone for several days now.

The bed had been winning pretty much since Taurina had set foot within the apartment for the first time. There was a sort of pointlessness to life now that she had entered Riverfall. The absence of the routine of Endrykas that had been her life for the past year was felt so very strongly. At least when she had been lonely and listless within the tent city, there had always been something to do. Always something that demanded her attention. It was not the same here. She could ignore life for several days and nothing would fall apart. Nothing would break without her.

Even Starfire did not depend on her to care for him anymore. Of course he always seemed to be thrilled to see her when she did make it out to the stables where he was boarded. He seemed unhappy here, lonely. His friends were not here and he was always restless when she went to see him. He did not like the stables. He did not like the lack of freedom. Taurina knew she had made a mistake in bringing him. She had stolen him from his home and it was wrong. So very wrong. She regretted it, but at the same time.. she needed him. He was the lingering piece of home and he was her best friend. She could not be without him. She would not be without him. How very selfish of her.

There was a groan as Taurina rolled her body from the bed and planted her feet on the floor. There was no desire in her. No fire she felt the need to feed. Near everything had been taken from her and much of it was her own damn fault. She had run away. She had left. She had given up. Coward. Bastard. The Eth shook her head, the ever darkening thoughts threatening to consume her. She needed to get out of here. She needed to do something with herself.

The first task was to find her clothes and get ready to present herself to society. Her clothes were really an embarrassment here; pants that were just threads at the seams and a shirt so stained by sweat and whatever else that its was just a mess of varying shades of off-white. Her boots were even so worn that the sole threatened to part from the base at any given moment. Good thing Taurina was not really in the frame of mind where she gave a crap. The most important thing to her was her hair, or more specifically, the wrap she intwined within her hair. That lingering link to the past, to Azmere, and her home. She would hold onto it until it was threads in her fist, and then she would find someone to reassemble it no matter the cost.

Hands twisted strands of hair into sloppy brands and twists. The white wrap curled around her head and once she was satisfied that it would not come loose, Taurina decided she was pleased enough with herself to leave her latest home. She found some mizas for just in case and slipped them into her pocket and grabbed her journal along with a piece of charcoal before leaving the apartment. Instinct told her that she was lacking, that she at least needed a weapon, but Riverfall was not Endrykas and she had never gotten vary proficient at the blade she kept anyway. She would be safe enough and if she was not… at least the voices in her head would be made silent.

Taurina was aimless in her wanderings through the city. She only knew that she did not want to go and see Starfire this morning, she did not wish to be made to feel worse than she already did. Later, she would see him later. Hopefully after finding something to fill her needy Drykas stomach and calming her overly noisy mind. Taurina found herself wondering about that first part more-so than the latter. When was the last time she had eaten? She was unsure. Proper food was not necessary in her nighttime form meaning she could last throughout the days if she wished it, starving was just not usually very comfortable. Something in the air smelt good though… very good. Her stomach began to rumble. Maybe it was time to grab something to eat.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

The idea of having to ask one of those around for directions on where exactly to get something to eat was about a step shy of revolting to the Ethaefal who had barely left her apartment since entering the city of warriors, healers, and seers. She entertained the idea of simply following her nose, but that only took her in circles since she could not figure out where exactly all that smelt good was coming from. The woman was no tracker, at least not by scent. Probably not by anything else either unless it consisted of a big red sign pointing to what it was that she was hunting. Taurina groaned and frowned, frustrated greatly with the fact she needed some outside help.

Normally it would not have bothered her, not this greatly anyway. She had moved past, for the most part, the wanting to do everything by herself thing when she joined the Stormbloods. However, they were not with her here and she was alone again. It seemed as though becoming a recluse had not helped her; she had regressed back into old habits.

“Excuse me.” Taurina’s voice was almost timid as she approached a nonthreatening looking woman with black hair and ivory skin.

The woman did not notice the Drykas at first and looked almost bewildered after Taurina repeated herself just a little bit louder. Blue eyes went wide and then quickly softened as a smile formed. Taurina had given that same smile to enough people to know that it was a forced kindness, but that was alright because she echoed the same smile on her own lips.

“Hi. Can you direct me to what it is that smells so good?” Unpracticed common came out sloppy and tinged with a pavi accent, but the words were clear enough that Taurina did not deem it necessary to repeat herself.

“Oh, it is just down the road here dear. Just go straight till the road ends and then take a right and it will be on the right. Bastani Bakery is its name,” the woman directed with a forced politeness that made Taurina’s insides curl.

Was that how she had made clients feel when they entered the Lilacwind pavilion? She sure hoped not. She hoped that she had not held so much judgement and distaste in her voice and posture. Being called dear had just been the cherry on an already distasteful cake. That word alone made her feel young and insignificant. Like a stain on the woman’s otherwise pleasant day.

“Um.. thanks..” Taurina’s voice trailed off as she threw a quick last smile and walked away, using the directions she had been given.

Feet carried her down the road, one hand shoved in a pocket and the other carrying her journal with a white knuckle grip. Her life was in that journal, her memories. It had been the one thing she attended during her long days in bed and during the journey here. Every chance she had gotten and every whim of inspiration that had come, she had seized and scribbled down sketches. Most were of Azmere for she still saw him everywhere she looked and her heart ached so deeply for him. The tears had not stopped coming, and if she thought too long about him at any one moment she would just begin to cry.

Maybe she had deserved that woman’s dislike. It was not as though she thought very highly of herself these days. In a way she felt like she cared too much, like she should have been able to move on by now as that was the Drykas way. Mourn, but move on for the tent city paused for no one. Taurina could not help it, however, she could not force her heart to just forget. Could not force her thoughts to just turn off. Some days she wished she could just wipe him completely from her memory because then at least the pain would go away. But then, at the same time, she would change nothing except maybe forcing him to stay home that day he had left and never come home. Force him to stay so that he might be with her now and so life might be alright again, never having gone wrong in the first place.

Taurina found the bakery easily enough. For all her judgement, the woman had at least given her valid directions to the right place. Plus it had not been very far away which helped. Just standing outside of it Taurina could smell all of the sweet and savory things cooked to perfection within. Her mouth watered, her hollow stomach rolling. She pushed the door open and actually felt a genuine, albeit small, smile pull at her lips as she beheld the treasure trove of goodies within the little bakery.

“Hello,” a cheery voice greeted the moment Taurina stepped over the threshold, no hint of falsehood in the woman’s voice, “I will be with you in just a moment.”

The Ethaefal gave a smile and a nod, locating the source of the voice. A woman of short stature and bearing a thin figure was behind the counter taking a tray from an Akalak and then transferring the cookies from that tray into a basket sitting on one of the shelves build into the counter. Taurina watched her for just a moment, finding something beautiful and strong in the way her skilled hands preformed the simple task she had likely done many times in her life before now. The Ethaefal looked away when she realized she was technically staring and busied herself with ogling at the various tasty treats that lined the shelves of the shop. There was so much that looked good that she did not know how in Mizahar she was going to be able to choose.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

“How can I help you?” the woman’s voice remained cheery as she focused her attention on the Ethaefal.

Taurina turned from a pile of especially sweet looking deserts to give the kind woman her attention. A smile that was more genuine than not touched her lips as she approached the counter. Closer now, she could better take in the woman’s features. The way her hair was twisted up in a bun on top of her head and how there was some delicate beauty lingering in her face. Laughter lines wrinkled the edges around her mouth and crow’s feet touched the corners of her eyes. Not an old woman, but not an especially young one either. Someone who had lived and likely loved. Taurina tried not to think about it. Other’s happiness tended to turn her mood even more sour than it already was these days.

“I am on the hunt for some bread.” Taurina decided in the moment, forcing some amount of cheer that she did not feel into her voice. “And maybe something sweet too?”

Bread would be good to fill her up and something sweet… unnecessary but she decided it could be a reward for leaving the apartment. Some incentive to make the walk worthwhile outside of it simply being good for her to get her body moving. She could honestly say her head did not hurt as much as it had been.

“I think I can help you out with that,” the woman said, her voice turning from its cheery tone to a softer kind one, “any kind in particular?”

The caramel gaze went wide and then a nervous laugh escaped as a hand ran through hair in an subconscious attempt to comfort. She had no clue about any of the different types of bread and there was so much here that she was hopeless in picking any one kind out. Her gaze swept over the baskets that lined the shelves and tables of the shop before looking back to the woman, her features helpless.

“No clue, what do you recommend?” Taurina asked, her voice small and sort of sad.

That kindness in the woman’s face, in her voice, was unwavering as she smiled and nodded. It was almost as if she understood how the Eth was feeling. Like she noticed how easily Taurina had become overwhelmed by the choices before her and took pity on her in a way that came without belittling her. She moved with grace as she went to her shelves and picked out a couple different loaves of bread before coming back.

“I would say one of these. This one is a carrot and raisin loaf, this one had walnuts in it, and this one is a wheat loaf with a little honey in it to sweeten it up,” the woman explained, pointing to each of the loaves as she talked about them, “and as for something sweet, I suggest a cookie or two. These coconut ones Olkaot just brought up are fresh out of the oven and are very good.”

Taurina looked over the things before her and bit down on her lower lip. She appreciated the limiting of choices, but still struggled to figure out what exactly it was that she wanted. Her mind was swarmed with thoughts and none of them were very helpful. Not with the decision at hand. Not with much of anything. A sigh escaped, eyes squeezed shut and then opened again.

“I’ll take two of the cookies and the wheat loaf,” she decided finally, fishing a gold miza from her pocket.

“Good choice,” the woman approved with her gentle smile before she set about wrapping the chosen items in a thin, woven fabric to protect them.

The package of bread and warm cookies was exchanged for a gold miza that Taurina told the woman she did not need change back from. After giving thanks for the help and patience, Taurina left and began wandering again. In her one arm she cradled the wrapped bread and her journal, eating away at one of the cookies in her other hand. It was sweet and different as it melted over her tongue. Something pleasant washed over her and a genuine smile lit her features. Definitely worth the trip out of the apartment.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

Ledger-1 GM for bread loaf and cookies

[Taurina]

It was not long after leaving the bakery that Taurina ended up at Semele park and found herself swept away by its gemlike beauty. Eyes as wide as saucers took it all in as she wander down the paths and bent over the ropes to get closer views of all the pretty flowers. The Ethaefal had not known such a place existed and found herself captivated by it. She had been truly missing out on something beautiful holing herself up for days.

The cookies were gone now and the bread was nearing half gone as Taurina picked at it as she walked. The inside of it was fluffy and warm, the outside of it a thin crust that crumbled when it was torn or bit into. The woman had been right, it was sweet and the smell of it alone was intoxicating. Taurina was sure that she was going to have to get herself more in the days to come. Maybe even try different types of bread, a new one each day, since there was nothing but time stretching before her. Surely it was all good considering how amazing the place had smelt.

The Ethaefal stopped to sit on a bench overlooking the lake that made up the center of the park. The water shone so beautiful clear, sparkles of silver shining where Syna’s light hit the calm surface just right. There was something calm and peaceful about it. Taurina’s turbulent soul quieted in its presence but not in a way that was magical or of the gods. It was more about how peace called for peace and calm for calm. Chaos was not invited here.

Taurina shared the rest of her bread with a flock of birds before she tucked the clothe in her empty pocket and opened up her journal of sketches. The book was slowly becoming full, the works of art spanning much of her career as an artist. There were the early sketches done so poorly that she had never been brave enough to show anybody. Then there were the sketches that had come out during those dark and stormy nights filled with loneliness and fear that first season in Endrykas which she had also shone nobody. Slowly her sketches had gotten better and consisted of happier things as her life had gotten better. She had once been happy.

Lately all the sketches had been of one thing, Azmere. Fingertips ran over the pages of parchment, tears blinked away as they threatened to spill. Taurina was trying really hard not to cry, to not be sad, but that was something she had come to realize was impossible. For now anyway. Everywhere she went she saw him. She could be doing alright, go nearly an entire day without thinking of him, and then she would see something or someone who reminded her of him and the sorrow would just come flooding back. Even stuck in that apartment she was endlessly reminded of him.

A huffed sigh was blown out as fingertips traced over a sketch she had done of his eyes. She planned to go in with paint later and color in the various colors his eyes had always held. Never had she understood why they shone like that, she had never seen another with such eyes, but they had always been beautiful to her. She turned the page and saw the sketch she had most recently been working on, a full body work of him next to Skylla. It was not nearly done yet, just some rough outlines and a few bits of shading. This was one she was determined to finish even if it was slow going and more detailed than some of the rest. The idea for it had been her favorite.

Fingers ran over the edge of the page, a thumb brushing over Skylla’s majestic form. Taurina still wondered after the mare who had also never come home. Had she survived and rejoined a wild herd? Or had she been taken with her rider? Taurina did not dwell on it too hard for that brought an extra layer to her sadness. It reminded her of her of that black stallion that came to her in dreams and vague memories. She had left him when she died and maybe he had lived on with a broken bond or maybe he had perished alongside her. She did not know and was a little scared of finding out, if the day ever came of that being possible. It was the same when she thought of Skylla. Her fate was unknown and Taurina was unsure if she ever wanted that to change. If her fragmented heart would be able to handle it.

Taurina decided against working on the sketch here. She decided against sketching at all for now and instead closed her journal shut around the piece of charcoal she had brought with her. She stood and worked her way over to the lake, her hands clutching the journal tight in her hands. She was not going to lose it. The Ethaefal came up to the crystal clear waters and peered over the edge to see if she could find any fish or anything else within it. She did not see those things. Instead she saw herself and was made aware of just how broken down she appeared.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

The first emotion that formed was anger and then hatred and then sorrow. Anger that the water was silver like a mirror instead of clear like a glass. Hatred of self and who she had allowed herself to become. Sorrow at why she had become who she had become, why she had in a way let herself go. A groan formed in her throat and she looked away, using a hand to run over the side of her face. It was so easy to feel these things, but so hard to try and find a way to do anything about them.

Taurina walked away and returned to the bench. A frown creased the corners around her lips and wrinkled her forehead as she stared at all the pretty flowers surrounding her and the waters. All these lovely things living and thriving now, but would find death sooner rather than later. Interesting how the flowers still bloomed without fail, without fear, of that pending death. Interesting how life was still lived without care of its coming.

The Ethaefal wished she could be more like that. More of a free spirit, more of one who did not care and could embrace the life she had been given along with the people inside of that life. The power to be that way was in her hands, but when she looked at it all she felt was hopelessness. All she felt was her loneliness and the heaviness of her soul. No matter how high she tried to fly, there was always a darkness lurking around the edges. There was always something to remind her of all she had lost and abandoned. Sinking down into despair was far easier than trying to fly.

Another huffed sigh, another rubbing of the face. When Taurina removed her hand and opened her gaze, she saw a pretty little butterfly resting on a flower. It was blue and black, shining brilliantly in Syna’s light. The Ethaefal wanted to capture it, to take it home and watch it thrive, but something within her knew that doing so would kill its spirit and it would not thrive. Things meant to be free did not often do well in cages. Like how Starfire had not thrived in the stable he was boarded in. Lips pursed as Taurina shook the thought from her head. No more sorrow for today.

She opened her journal to a fresh page, fetching the charcoal piece from where it was wedged between the two middle pages. She began with circles for the petals of the flower the insect rested on. Then she ran the charcoal downwards to create the stem. Her lines were faint, a guide for the rest of the piece. The details would be added later. Wings for the butterfly first and then the body. One long oval for the bottom half of the body, a small oval for the middle, and a circle for the head. Two antennas fatter at the top than at the bottom sprouted from the head and legs with feet bent to show its rest on the flower. Taurina was most careful to get the markings on the wings correct, those being the details she wanted to get in first should the butterfly decide to fly away before she was done.

The sketch came slowly. Hands and mind did not fully wish to cooperate, but Taurina forced it out of herself. She forced something else to be sketched besides another study of how she remembered Azmere. She forced something beautiful and alive to be pressed within the pages of her journal. Because it needed more beauty. It needed something alive. Even if that life was not going to last forever or even past the season. It still should be remembered.

The butterfly flew away before Taurina finished. It took her bells to get everything just right, it still being slightly off when she deemed it finished. She decided it was close enough, the shading and details good enough. Perfection was out of her reach for now. Perfection was very far out of her reach for now. A sigh was blown out and a tiny smile formed. She was happy, even if it was not of the quality she usually liked. She was happy that it was something different, something beautiful, something that had kept her distracted at least for a little bit.

Before she closed her journal, Taurina picked a petal from the flower and smushed it between the pages. She did not really know why or have a good reason to justify her actions, she had just wanted to. Wanted to somehow save a little piece of that beauty outside of the sketch. The charcoal piece was replaced in the journal and she held it once more in one hand while the other found its place in her pocket jingling with mizas. The Ethaefal began walking home after that, satisfied with how her day out had went. She hoped that more days like it would come. That slowly things would become easier and she would want to live again.

She believed those things would come. Just slowly. One step at a time.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Madeira Dusk]

Grades Awarded!

Don't forget to edit/delete your grade request!

Taurina

Skills

• Cosmetology: 1xp
  Tracking: 1xp
  Land Navigation: 1xp
  Socialization: 2xp
  Philosophy: 2xp
  Drawing: 1xp

Lores

• Tracking: following your nose
  Socialization: asking for directions
  Location: Bastani Bakery
  Location: Semele Park
  Philosophy: the endurance of life and death
  Drawing: how to sketch a butterfly

Awards & Retribution

Bakery Purchase: -1gm

Notes
Why does Taurina always have to break my heart?

What a nice, clean, slow day-in-the-life style story. I feel like a know your girl a little bit better now! I tried to look for as many skills as I could, but it wasn't much. Let me know if there was something you think I missed!