[Issues found by Antipodes] Aliyah Bloodflower

(This is a thread from Mizahar's fantasy role play forum. Why don't you register today? This message is not shown when you are logged in. Come roleplay with us, it's fun!)

In this forum, all the character sheets are kept for player characters. Feel free to come on in, browse the forum, look at what sort of characters others have created, and then begin your very own!

Moderator: Liaisons

Aliyah Bloodflower

Postby Aliyah Bloodflower on April 13th, 2019, 10:39 am

Aliyah Bloodflower Character Sheet

Basic Information
Race mixed blood (half-zith)
Age 18
Gender Female
Resides in Sunberth

Aliyah Bloodflower has olive skin and dark brown hair as is common for half-zith's, she also has dark brown eyes with speaks of vibrant yellow. She is short at 5' but looks older than her age thanks to her clothing and confident demeanour. Thanks to her genetics she is thin and lean, this means she is often underestimated when it comes to her Shortbow skills. She is conventionally attractive with sharp features and tribal-like tattoos on her face, arms and legs.

Due to her unfortunate upbringing Aliyah has trust issues and believes that receiving help from other is considered a sign of weakness and showing weakness is her biggest secret along with her unusual fear of heights. She steals to survive and will also seduce men into doing her bidding, although stealing is mostly frowned upon she has good intentions and doesn't intend to hurt the men she seduces.

Aliyah has lived in Sunberth all her life, she remembers small memories of her parents until they left her at the age of five. After months of roaming the str[b]
eets alone she was adopted by women in a brothel. She lived with these women until she was 16, she witnessed the evil of men

training and skill points
disguise 10/100 (10 points starting package)
escape artist 5/100 (5 points starting package)
impersonation 5/100 (5 points starting package)
seduction 15/100 (15 points starting package)
stealth 10/100 (10 points starting package)
weapon:shortbow 15/100 (15 points starting package)
lore of identifying the fears of others
lore of bartering

1 waterskin (starting package)
1 backpack (starting package)
Mothers dagger (family heirloom, starting package)
100 gold rimmed Mizas (starting package)
cottage located in Sunberth
Aliyah Bloodflower
Posts: 2
Words: 944
Joined roleplay: April 11th, 2019, 1:52 am
Race: Mixed blood

Aliyah Bloodflower

Postby Antipodes on April 13th, 2019, 12:15 pm


Hello there, it appears you are a bit lost! Please allow me to be your guide.

I'm Antipodes, a CS Liaison here on Miz, and I'm here to help you achieve the coveted green check mark. In order to do so, however, there are some major changes that I need you to please make. May I also suggest the Sunberth city template for you to use? It has very handy suggestions when it comes to creating a Sunberth character.

☉ Date of birth and Birthplace Although you listed you age, we also require you list your PC's date of birth. Please look at our Calendar page to better understad how the seasons and dating is handled here on Miz.

Please also include where your PC was born.

☉ History This section appears incomplete. Please finish it and include how she gained her skills and starting lores, as well as the languages she speaks. This doesn't have to be detailed but it helps to show how she came to be what she is today.

☉ Languages You are missing your PCs language section. Please know that all characters may start with three languages in total (one fluent, one broken and one poor). You do not have to take three if it does not fit your character, just know that gaining knowledge in a new language in game is difficult. The language list is found here and you can also see what languages are common to certain cities here.

☉ Skills Please use proper capitalisation and denote which skill is covered by your PC's Racial Bonus. I'm also confused as to how you say you want her to steal things yet she has no Larceny skill. What a PC does and how they are is hugely influenced by their starting skills and lores and these must reflect each other. Please either change her skills or remove the mention of stealing. I see you intend on her being a bit of a con-artist but this requires a lot of different skills and Larceny is one of those.

☉ Lores Your current lores are either too broad or do not fit your skillset. I strongly recommend making use of the ones from the template I linked at the top; otherwise, please have them be relevant to your PC's starting skills.

☉ Possessions You are missing a lot of starting possessions. Please review the Starting Package again and make the necessary amendments.

☉ Housing Players do not begin with cottages in Sunberth. Instead, they are allowed an "apartment in the Sunset Quarter or a tent in the Tent City unless you are a member of one of the big three Gangs. The buildings are of poor quality but still standing which is quite an accomplishment in Sunberth." The contents will be the same but the quality is on the poorer side.

Do let me know via pm once the necessary edits have been made. I welcome you to touch base with me if you have any and all questions about the issues listed above or about the site, in general. My job is to help, after all, and I will do what I can to assist you as best as I am able. Also, why not join our discord :)
cs review starting package cs help cs templates discord
User avatar
your guide to the other side
Posts: 108
Words: 42671
Joined roleplay: December 18th, 2017, 9:14 pm
Race: Staff account
Medals: 2
Featured Contributor (1) Artist (1)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests