[Aidara's Scrapbook] It's Real For Us

by **Aidara** on February 26th, 2012, 10:22 pm

Not that very many of you are really waiting on me, but I will be doing all my mod posts and PC posts tomorrow (Addy, Iolite, Cailet)! Today is homework day

Also, we got in contact with Polly's original breeder, so I will (hopefully) be posting puppy pictures of little Pol-Pol soon!

by **Gossamer** on February 27th, 2012, 1:31 am

If she was a bovine I could call her a cash cow. I have no idea how to title that picture though.

by **Aidara** on February 28th, 2012, 12:51 am

I almost didn't write this scrap. Not because it's anything bad or embarrassing (lets face it, I have little shame.) but because it was whiny. I told myself months ago that I didn't want my scrap to turn into a place full of self pity. I mean, No one even posts me cute pictures anymore

The Mood of this Scrap: Negative, bordering on Sad.

But then I thought about it some more and decided that it doesn't matter. Those friends that I have made here I talk to daily. There is no reason for them to post in my scrap because they can just say what they want on AIM rather than stick it here and wait for me to find.

(Cute pictures are still appreciated)

Then I went one step further: Why don't I write about the happy things in here? Well, for the same reason, I share the happy things with everyone willingly. It's these grouchy moments that I have. Those are the ones that are held back until I just. cant. take it. These moments don't necessarily need to be someone else's direct burden, so they go in my scrap.

Monday Grief:

I realized, much to my dismay, that I probably won't be able to post to Miza during the day until I get my own place. It's been this way for a while, but I've always held out hope that when I get home from class or errands, I will hop on the computer and get some writing done. For months, it's been impossible but I guess the fact that I was tenaciously gripping that hope all this while says something about my patience... or perseverance.. or stupidity.

This isn't really a huge deal. It's a little deal. I mean, I still have time to write, right? It's just been restricted. The problem is I need no distractions while I write. For a while, headphones were a good solution because they blocked out most of the noise. But now.... it doesn't work so much. Dogs jumping every where, cats knocking shit over. Having to get up and down every five minutes to get something for someone else really intrudes on the concentration that I NEED to be able to put out quality work. Lately, my work hasn't been of top quality because of these reasons and more. But that's another issue.

I can deal with writing at night after everyone has settled down or gone to bed. It's fine. My brain will be just as good in 5 hours as it is now. I think the issue stems from the fact that it's really not my choice.

I've been dealing with a lot of shit the past months. A lot. Again, they're all little things that just keep building and building. Separate, they are all very manageable. Together, they are a pain in my fucking ass. Seriously. I feel like (And this loops back around to my original point) my time isn't my own. I almost feel like I have no free will. Ian and I leave the house, we get a phone call if we're not back within a half an hour. "Where are you? What are you doing? You're wasting time." It's all about efficiency around here. HA THAT'S A JOKE. It's all about Ian and I being efficient while everyone else craps on our faces.

CostCo run yesterday to get whole bunches of food. Ian and I weren't invited (fine with me!) so we decided to take the dogs to the park. We were there for maybe a half an hour before we were called home so that we could take the groceries out of the car.

I have too many examples. I can't continue or I'll start to get really pissed; I do my best to just swallow all this and deal with it. I'm living for free. It's temporary. It could be better, I could get two jobs and pay for an apartment but I'm not.

It's just... Today, I woke up feeling very tired of the world. Very tired. I rarely ever feel like this, too. I am annoyingly optimistic most of the time. People can be rude to me, say crap about me to other people, hate my guts for no reason at all ( I know you're out there ), and I fix what I can fix, take what lessons I can from the mistakes I made with whomever I piss off or upset, and move on.

But It's just like... people are so disappointing sometimes. It's just all catching up to me and making me sad.

by **Gossamer** on February 28th, 2012, 6:54 pm

.

The Ray Of Death Takes More Victims!

.

by **Aidara** on March 2nd, 2012, 4:03 pm

Reading

Short rant, because it has been bothering me over the last week or so.

I had a friend complaining to me that he couldn't find a book to read, so I was giving him suggestions. This isn't something I usually do for reasons that I can't even begin to formulate with words right now. I've been reading since I was really little. My momma would take me to the library every Tuesday and I would check out the max amount of books that I could ( I think it was fifteen) and read them all within a couple day span. I have developed my own taste in books since then, not having the luxury of simply going to the childrens section and picking out every bright colored cover that caught my eye.

But why don't I like to give suggestions or really even talk about my taste in books? Firstly, I've encountered enough book snobs that I dislike seeing my opinion, my taste in what is "good" or "readable" getting snubbed. Secondly, I have a horrible vocabulary when it comes to this stuff. I enjoy Fantasy the best, more-so than Si-fi but I won't turn my nose up at it. I enjoy the cliche epic fantasy stuff set in medieval times but I won't say no do a good modern fantasy either. But when people ask me to describe the books, the tone, the style and stuff... well, I just don't know. I don't care enough to know and I've encountered enough people that, upon realizing I can't speak highbrowed with them, my opinion is now moot.

Secondly, reading is just... very personal for me. I was the tormented pre-teen that morphed into a tormented teen that used the books to escape. Now, I have nothing to hide from but I still find that sense of sinking into a book very comforting. Losing myself in a world that I can paint in the details of (but didn't have to go through the pains of creating from scratch) very stimulating to my over-active imagination.

There is more too it than just those two points, but like I said I can't find the proper words for it. they are failing me. I tend to look past stupid things that annoy me in books, like annoying characters or semi-bad writing and read the book for the STORY. I love stories. I will read entire series long after I have lost interest in most of the book, just for one part of the story that I am chasing. That happens very rarely, that I lose interest, but I perservere. That means that I read a lot of what people would think of as "bad" books. but I love them just the same as the "Good" books.

Now. My friend. I gave him my opinion, breaking my own rule, and offered to him some of my most favorite books.

Which he promptly shot down, telling me he never, ever read a female author nor any book with a strong female protagonist.

.. I was shocked and appalled. In fact, I stopped talking to him for the rest of the day. Actually, I just realized it's 4 days later and I have still not uttered a word to him. It pissed me off that badly.

I'm not really a femininst. I'm just not. I laugh at some of the shit those people come up with.... but really? You don't read female authors? He couldn't give me a good reason, either, other than that he finds he enjoys male authors better. Which is fine. If that is, by trial and error, what you have found, that you really just enjoy the way a man writes a male character better, than good for you. But he proceeds to discuss how he never has given a woman writer a chance "on principal" that he knows he won't enjoy reading about a female character.

And then he goes on some tangent about how everyone should read via e-reader and I got scolded for still going to buy books from the bookstore because I enjoy the experience of reading with pages between your fingers rather than just my kindle. Which is okay for some books, while with others I want to get more... intimate. (Not as creepy as it sounds I promise).

I'm not really sure where I am going with this. I'm just still all up in arms about it and my face turns a little red from anger every time my thoughts happen to stumble back across the spot where I tried to dig a whole and bury the whole situation. I really wish I had the mind and time right now to properly sit down and get this out, all elegant like. It's a subject that deserves more than a quick typing out before I go and have to do other things...

I've just been so upset and appaled that I had to put this somewhere other than my brain for a while. I wish I had a Pensieve

Psst :

That's what I get for breaking my own rule!

by **Paragon** on March 2nd, 2012, 4:29 pm

Well, despite that asshat's response - being a male, some of my FAVOURITE fantasy series are written by female authors, with female leads. I absolutely adore the Deverry books, initially focused on Jill, and written by a woman. They are sort of pseudo-celtic fantasy, and they are wonderful. Jill is a strong female lead, and my favourite character in the books.

by **Aidara** on March 2nd, 2012, 4:42 pm

Ooooh I have to try that one. The book in question (Breaking my rule again) is the Ruins of Ambrai by Melanie Rawn. I love those books to death.

by **Paragon** on March 2nd, 2012, 4:50 pm

Cool, they're reasonably old now, but it's the Deverry Saga by Katherine Kerr. The first book is 'Daggerspell'. They're not to everyone's tastes but I love them, the unique slant is that all the people in Deverry reincarnate and the books flit between each incarnation, explaining why a character does something, because they are affected by events from their previous life.

I shall have to look up that book - I haven't come across it before!

Edit: Just done a quick Amazon search, is this how you got the name for Cailet? Might have to order myself a 1p used copy from Amazon, it looks intriguing ^^

by **Kadrath Onktaka** on March 2nd, 2012, 4:56 pm

It sounds like the guy was more interested in reading how exclusively others think, act and be like him. In general, though there's always an exception to every rule, that type of person has a low self esteem and will only find comfort in whatever makes them feel glorified in their mediocrity.

You on the other hand already stated that you prefer a fantasy and escapism, most likely because you spend other times reading purely educational books for college. The very opposite of an insecure person who only wants their own opinions repeated back to them.

I don't have to see your reading list or group of authors to know that what you read is what you LIKE to read so it works for you. You don't choose books based on what others think--it's not the fashion world is it?

Here's hoping you continue to find solace in the books that bring you the most joy, because that is what a book is supposed to do.

My sister likes the book Acorna by Anne McCaffrey and Margaret Ball because it's fantasy. Perhaps something like this would be to your liking.

by **Gossamer** on March 2nd, 2012, 5:40 pm