After Hours [Kendall]

[Hadrian]

5th Spring, 511 A.V. After parting on the street earlier that day, Hadrian had expected Kendall to find some other thing to do, some other place to be, or just some reason why he would not want to come to see him as they had agreed. But despite hours of nervous moping, Kendall had come after all, finding Hadrian wearing the blue shirt he had chosen for himself, and then decided looked better on the young enchanter. Repairing to his room, they had kissed, removed that shirt and some other clothes, marveled at each other's bodies. But eventually, embarrassed perhaps, they had laid down on the bed in a chaster gesture of what they both wanted. Bare limbs entwined under blankets still on the bed until the last of the winter chill left the breezes from the Suvan Sea and the Bronze Woods. The blankets was hardly necessary while curled around an Azenth, whose body burned with Ivak's fires banked within, but the propriety made it all a bit easier to bear. With Kendall's fair head resting on his shoulder, his arm around the pyromancer, Hadrian stared at the ceiling and occasionally turned his head toward Kendall to say something, to smell the sun in his hair, or, when he was feeling boldest, to kiss his forehead. "I really only bought it to study harmonics," he said of the ashwood flute Kendall had taken from under his bed and taken to study like some marker of who Hadrian was. "I can tell you about the mathematics of it, but it's different to actually hear the thing... And anyway, I work more with percussion. There are all these special hammers I use in my magecrafting... But I'll... I'll learn how to play you a song if you wish." He would promise many things to this girl trapped in a boy's body and consider himself blessed rather than cursed as Kendall saw it. The form mattered less to him than what inhabited it.

[Kendall Saarinen]

There was a worry that seemed to flicker in Kendall's chest as he was led into Hadrian's home. The worry things would go wrong or he would be wrong. He could not help but feel a wave of calm when looking at Hadrian or as things progressed, feeling him and tasting him. When he was with him the strange fissure between what seemed to be the two halves of him, the male and the female, seemed to close a bit. Close enough where he felt comfortable with letting out the femine quirks about himself but not enough to fully lose the male mentality that was slowly growing on him. It was in a way a defense against embarassment, or maybe he was just used to the male traits. Either way, this was the closest Kendall had been to being himself in seasons. Hadrian's skin felt cool against Kendall's cheek as he rested upon it. He often wondered if Hadrian felt a similar feeling against his own skin. Kendall was aware he ran a bit hot but he hoped it was not hot enough to make Hadrian uncomfortable. All he wanted was for him to be comfortable, much like Hadrian made him feel. Calm and normal. It felt easier to breathe again, especially when the breaths were met with the sweet smell of Hadrian's skin. That would have been enough to put Kendall's mind in a tizzy but Hadrian did him one better with the occasional kiss on his forhead. Kendall reliquished a smile each time as he savored the cool wake his lips left before the fire of his skin made it melt away. As Hadrian spoke Kendall moved his hand over the mage's chest, drawing lines of summer heat over his skin. The thought of summer startled him a bit. That season contained two extremely important dates for Kendall. His birthday and the day of his accident. He pulled himself closer to Hadrian, trying to rid himself of the thought. He could forget about his birthday if he could forget his accident along with it. The thought of his birthday was haunting enough alone. It would be his first birthday as a male. His green and blue eyes turned up to look at Hadrian. He did not want to make Hadrian do anything he did not need to do. He could not deny the urge to see him play the instrument though. Music had always been in his life in one way or another. Whether is was through his mother's forced piano lessons or the times his sister had tried to teach him how to dance. He had even sang in his own time but that skill seemed to have tarnished a bit since he had been in his right body. "I would love to hear you play." He smiled softly at the thought of hearing music, especially that made by Hadrian. "I used to sing but I don't too much anymore. I still need to get used to the switched octaves. Maybe when everything seems to even out I can." Hadrian did not need to promise much to Kendall to make him happy. Just to know that Hadrian would not leave him would mean more than any promise. As he looked at him all he could think about were his deep blue eyes. That and how much time he had wasted in the years prior. Hadrian had always been there at the university. They had seen each other and Kay'lan had spoken of some of the classes they had shared. He had always kept his distance though. Always with the thought "he seems interesting" but never enough courage to talk to the interesting man. Never in a thousand years did he think he would have ended up naked, next to him in his bed, in this form. Somewhere in Kendall mind he felt like it was worth it to have faced fate as he had. Without it he would not have been beside Hadrian. "Do you know what my full name is?" Kendall was sure that Hadrian didn't. Not even Cathan knew. It was one of the secrets he was able to keep from Hadrian but now it seemed pointless to hide. "Kendall Samantha Saarinen. I haven't spoken my full name since I was a girl." He had gone by Ken to most people while he signed all of his words K.S.S. to keep his feminine middle name hidden. "Usually I keep that a secret but you've already uncovered my two deepest secrets. Besides... I feel safe here."

[Hadrian]

"I'll practice," he promised. Perhaps he could turn the flute playing into a form of meditation, then learn to play the proper notes to alter the djed in his magecrafting the way the hammers did, or in a new, more interesting way. They said that flautists in Ahnatep could charm snakes to dance in baskets, but perhaps that was more Hypnotism than music. When Kendall got a little restless, Hadrian just shifted to accommodate his movements. Those warm fingertips tickled his skin, but he bit his lip so as not to giggle like a girl. "Kendall Samantha Saarinen," he repeated. Then he gave the man another kiss, getting both hair and skin. "Pleased to meet you. I'm still just Hadrian Aelius." He took Kendall's hand in his own, twining his fingers around his, and willed his hand to change. It slowly changed skin tone, bone structure, and little details. It was a little trick of morphing, but Hadrian had begun to relate to the world and other people more and more through the magic that bound all things together. If he could make his hand into Kendall's hand, then he could understand Kendall's hand. Perhaps one day, he could turn himself into Kendall and their kisses would be like twins, or mirror images, a strange sort of symmetrical masturbation. "I heard a poem once in Zeltiva," he began, "and it's strange I don't remember it verbatim. I must have drunk too much kelp beer that night or had to make room for some other information in my brain. It was about two lovers who called each other by their own names. I want to say it was a metaphor... perhaps... They recognized themselves in each other, and so when they loved each other, they were really learning to love themselves. "Sorry," he said after a moment's thought. "I don't know why that came to mind, especially since I don't remember more than fragments..."

[Kendall Saarinen]

"Hadrian Aelius, nice to meet you too." Kendall smiled up at Hadrian as his fingers entwined with his. A change in Hadrian's hand caught his eye. A change in color was the first thing that alerted his attention. The strange change seemed to progress through the structure until Kendall was looking at what seemed to be a reflection of his hand. It was a little odd to see but coming from Hadrian it seemed very sweet. As though he was trying to get to know Kendall better. With most people it might have set Kendall off a bit but on Hadrian it seemed to nice and innocent. Hadrian was not like other people. He was clearly much different than most young men but Kendall liked that he was different. From his experience being normal was no where as exciting than being different. "I think I heard that one once. It is very beautiful." A bittersweet smile took over his features as he rested his head against Hadrian's body. In literature classes he would hear it and wonder if there was a man out there would could understand it. Not just hear it, but know what it meant. He pulled himself close to Hadrian's lips and kissed him softly. He had finally found someone who understood it. "There is not need to appologize. I think it the thought of the poem is very romantic. I imagine it would be a difficult thing for some people to do. In a way you are giving your identity to someone else." Kendall felt his wrist warm a bit in responce to those words. In their own ironic way the flames on his wrist were cooling off the emotions the rushed up from he depths of his soul. He felt a little despondent about the thought of giving an identity to someone. He had already done it once unwillingly. "Maybe it isn't though... I guess love is partially about becoming one with someone until at one point it becomes foggy where one person ends and the other starts. Maybe that is just some feminine fantasy though. What do you think Kendall?" He let out a little giggle, one that was a little too feminine to ever pass off as male laughter. There it was. It was so simple. He gave his idenity to Hadrian, the very last thing he had that was his own, and he gave it to Hadrian so easily. As he laid there he slowly rubbed his thumb across Hadrian's skin..., or was it his own in a way? It still felt cool like Hadrian's which made Kendall smile. There was still something of him in the morphed hand. His eyes turned up to look at Hadrian's face. He could not stop the warm feeling that rose up to his chest when he looked at him. "I'm really glad I decided to stop in Syliras. Otherwise I wouldn't have met you." With a smile he kissed Hadrian's cheek. "I haven't felt like smiling in a long time but it comes so easily now." He close his eyes and breathed in Hadrian's scent. "Thank you." Kendall didn't know if he was doing the same to Hadrian. He wanted to make him happy and he felt like he was. The passionate waves emotions seemed to be more faded now which meant he was either releasing them or he was no longer feeling them. The fact they were kissing in his bed with their clothing strewn across the floor gave him a good guess of Hadrian's feeling though.

[Hadrian]

"Well, Hadrian," he replied with an easy laugh. Then he paused to think about it, giving Kendall's question its due consideration and seriousness. They seemed able to balance the whimsical with the profound, staying in the same mind space as the other. "I think that everything is connected, so in one sense, everything is everything. In a very real sense, we are part of each other. We are born, we live, we die, we come back with new identities, so how important is identity after all if we only shed it for a new one?" He looked at his hand, still wrapped up in Kendall's. The borrowed skin tone was crawling up his wrist and forearm, little details changing and showing just how much attention Hadrian was paying to every inch of Kendall. "If I learned to Morph into a perfect likeness of you, down to your voice, and learned your mannerisms so I could pass myself off as you... Does that make me you? Do you cease to be you because I have become you?" He paused in the ramble that was probably longer than Kendall wanted to hear in order to return to the happier things he had said and reassure him. Reaching over with his hungry lips, he kissed the blond pyromancer again. "I'm glad you stopped here too, and that I decided to feed the ghosts at the well rather than the ducks in some pond. And that... Well, I've never felt like this before. Never gotten over the nervousness. Never wanted to enough to do it." He paused. "If you... If you get bored of me, please... be gentle. I will live, but... I don't know how this all works and... you just have to tell me when I'm messing up."

[Kendall Saarinen]

A warm feeling surged through Kendall's body when Hadrian addressed him by his own name. It made him feel closer to him. Like he was never going to be a stranger to him again. Kendall closed his eyes as he listened to the smooth sound of Hadrian's voice moving in unison with his breath. Kendall could feel the rumble of his voice and the in and out of his breath from his resting place on his chest. His words were strong and firm but mostly rich with detail and insight. Kendall never ceased to be amazed by the way Hadrian spoke. One could tell his intelligence just by hearing him speak, or so Kendall liked to think. "I suppose that would not make you me but it could effect who I am, or at least how I am perceived." His eyes were open now, tracing the outline of Hadrian's chest like he was trying to memorize every inch of him. "You could... kill someone, if you feel like being dark, and I could get blamed. You could disrespect someone and people would look down on my character." He thought deeply about the words. He had been trying to not speak so nervously. "So you would not be me but you would shape how the world sees me. But to answer your question, no, you would not be me and yes, I would still exist. I would just run the risk of taking the hit for your actions, regardless of if they were good or bad." It made Kendall happy to make deeply intelligent conversation with someone. He felt like he had not spoken like this since he was home. The conversation did not last much longer after Hadrian's lips graced Kendall's. Some could say that a picture was worth a thousand words but a touch, a touch seemed to contain all the most perfect words but without sound. Hadrian didn't need to speak. His speechless lips said more than words ever could. Kendall released Hadrian's hand from his own only to reach up and run his fingers against Hadrian's cheek. "You don't have to worry, I don't think you could bore me if you tried. The way you speak makes my heart race. You are so intelligent and what is better is that you don't flaunt it. You are simply you and for that reason alone I cannot think of a single reason to leave." He smiled sweetly at Hadrian as he once again intertwined his fingers with that interesting mirror image of his own. He smiled slowly as he noticed the pigment of the skin creeping down Hadrian's forearm. "Let's not imagine the end before we begin. Take it from someone who did nothing but write literature of the better half of their life. Some times the best of stories don't have endings. We cannot know that until we live through the plot. Hopefully... if it is what you want... our plot will not end." Kendall always loved the open ended stories. The ones that let you imagine what happened after the back cover was closed. He pulled their intertwined fingers up to his lips and smiled as he felt the warm and cool mix against them. They seemed so different. Cold and warm. Fire and water. One thing held them tightly together. Their emotion. Hadrian liked to hold his down while Kendall felt the need to release it, just like Kendall tended to overreact and Hadrian's knowledgeable words calmed him down. "I don't want it to end."

[Hadrian]

Hadrian might have said more. Gods knew he enjoyed a good intellectual exercise or discussion of ideas, the more obscure and unprovable the better. But there were those mismatched eyes that somehow held the essence of a girl who looked nothing like the boy before him. There was that mouth that shaped words and smiles and demanded that he kiss it. And so he did. And when Kendall changed the subject, he found he did not mind. What was said made his eyes tear up. It was a stupid thing, perhaps, to get emotional when someone acknowledged the fact of one's intelligence, but when intelligence was all one hand, was one's own sense of identity and self-worth... "I don't..." he said, his voice sloshing with unshed tears. "I don't know why you like me." It sounded foolish, childish, and plaintive, and he frowned, turned his head, and laughed harshly at the pitiful sound of his own voice. "Gods, I sound like an... an... an idiot! But I'm... scared... that you're playing games with me... or... I'm... I don't know what I'm doing..." It just felt as though he were standing over an abyss, wondering where the world beneath his feet had gone. Showing off in his moment of weakness, perhaps, he raised his hand to his face, a thin film of res pulling all of his tears away. With a flick of his wrist the res and water flew away, suddenly exploding into a fine mist just at the edge of his control. The tears had never existed.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall savored the feeling of Hadrian's lips on his own. At times it almost made him forget to breathe. Something was wrong. An incomfortable pressure was building within Hadrian. One filled with doubt and lacking self-worth. When Hadrian's sorrowful words came out Kendall could feel the sorrow within himself. He sat up and looked into Hadrian's eyes, a sense of softmess playing in his own. "You are not an idiot Hadrian. It is okay to be scared but you don't need to be. I wouldn't play with you, not like this." He took one of Hadrian's hands in his own as he smiled at him. He hated to see him sad. He was happy the more feminine side of his personality had taken over for the night. That part of him was more self-assured and caring. It allowed him to try and express how he felt without the scared boy he had become worrying about stepping on boundries. "If I didn't want to be with you I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be laying beside you in bed." He hoped his words were making sense to Hadrian. He did not want him thinking for a moment that he saw him as an excuse to play with someone's emotions. "If it will make you happier I will tell you when you do something wrong. I can tell you each time you do something that is not to my liking. I can promise you though, you haven't messed up yet." He leaned down to kiss him before finding his place again laying at Hadrian's side. "I like you because you are Hadrian Aelius. I don't see why I shouldn't like you." He held tight to Hadrian's hand until Hadrian pulled it away to wisk away his tears. Kendall watched as the hydromancer simply threw his tears away. "Everything you are and everything you aren't makes you Hadrian and that is what I like. If you were perfect you would not be you. Mistakes make us who we are." He reached out for Hadrian's hand again only to place it against his chest over his heart. "You make my heart race at just the touch of your lips." He looked into Hadrian's eyes. "Kiss me and you will see. The body does not lie. If I was simply playing with you why would my heart race? You don't scare me so that can't be why... although if you left me you might scare me a little."

[Hadrian]

Hadrian managed to build up those walls again with the bricks of Kendall's words, not so much to shut away, but to keep things from spilling out everywhere and making a mess of things. More than he already had. But Kendall shot an arrow of logic through that torrent of emotion, and he held onto it as a drowning man to a lifeline, pulling himself back to Kendall's side, hand over hand. And then Kendall kissed him and he was nearly undone, blushing at the return of his lips' fire and the recurrent surge of blood to regions under cover. The pretty Azenth certainly knew how to build a fire. Then the devious Kendall pulled Hadrian's hand to his heart and all he could do was smile wrly. "I thought I was Kendall now and you were Hadrian," he said, then shifted over so he was looking down at the other youth before bending down to light a fire of his own.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Just as Kendall had said, the feeling of Hadrian's lips against his own sent his heart racing as if it was trying to escape his chest. His hand reached up to Hadrian's own which was pressed against his chest. Warm fingers laced between Hadrian's as the two of them kept adding strength to the growing fire. Kendall pulled away gasping to catch his breath. With a smile he looked at Hadrian. "Did you feel it?" He felt his heart thumping against his ribcage and against Hadrian's palm. Moving in close, Kendall kissed him again. "I told you I wasn't lieing." Kendall smiled slyly as he looked at Hadrian. "How could I forget Kendall?" He could feel the girl who had been locked away coming to the surface. At moments he did not even feel like he was male anymore. He just felt Hadrian's touch and in a way he felt as though he was back to normal. The confidence that he had worn so proudly back when he was a girl was starting to shine through. Although to a person who was not aware of who he was could have found his feminie display of affections a little strange. Hadrian was not just some person though. He saw Kendall and saw through him to who he was inside. Kendall ran his fingers over Hadrian's chest with a small, sweet smile on his lips. "I like the feel of your skin." He payed attention to the feeling under his palms. To each muscle and bone that alerted his fingertips. "It is so cool... and soft." He laid his head upon Hadrian's chest, feeling the coolness of his body breaking through his constant fever. It was a fever he never minded. The warm temperature of his body was just second nature to him by now. It was a refreshing feeling to have the coolness against his skin. Almost as though he was getting to feel the cold of normal skin again.