[Edreina's Scrapbook] When All is Silent, I Still Hear Waves

[Edreina]

I'm gonna use this box because I totally stole the idea for it from Wanda

Anywho, it never ceases to amaze me how great people online can be. Makes me want to build an island and create a new country made up of all the people I've met here on Miza-... Well, a few would not be allowed on my island. Thank you all so much for your support. I'm sorry I always turn to my scrap to whine but, believe it or not, I hold back most of the time. xD

The person that fired me was a woman, by the way. xD She went mother grizzly on me when I made her baby cry. I'm surprised I kept my job as long as I did. As for my job itself, I was an lobby manager and face painter at a local pediatric dentist. It was a great job where I got to be creative and have fun with others (and the pay was far from shabby for a teenager). It just sucks because I was always early, always diligent, and did more than I was asked. The girl they are replacing me with can't even paint a symmetrical heart or make a sword balloon! ...Alas, it looks like I am going to have to work at the bar in town like everyone else. Maybe I'll be one of the ones they keep on?

Oh! I live in a teeny tiny town on the side of a lake, by the way. To give you an idea, I regularly drive about 45 minutes to visit any of my friends. I live on one side of the inlet river (on the even less developed/established side of the lake) and, since no one sees the benefit of a bridge, I have to drive all the way around the lake to the other side to see people.

As for my transcript, I went in and spent about 30 minutes talking to my incompetent councilor. Since she lost my original request paper, I can't convince her to call the school and explain what happened. Even though, as I turned in the second sheet, she said "Hm... I do remember you submitting this before!" *rips out hair* The sister school (to which I also replied) had a later deadline so hopefully I'll be getting in there. It has my specific major, anyway.

[Edreina]

Writer's block can always be aided by gifs.

[Edreina]

So... I just watched the Emperor's New Groove and it is, hands down, one of my favorite movies. I now have excuses to use these gifs.



When I call a writing friend and they're like:


So I just kind of:


And I've finally found my muse/time to write! I'll admit it sucks that I had to retire from staff; I truly loved moderating for Cyphrus. But it's been so long since I wrote for aimless pleasure I'd forgotten how great it could be.

So! Upside is that I'm no longer like this trying to catch my muse:

And Goss is no longer:


Downside, this is probably how all of Cyphrus sees me now:



...Can we pause for a moment to say how awesome gifs are? I mean seriously.

Here is one for n00bs in Falyndar:


And whenever Baldy/Wren/Goss/Other Famous Person enters chat:


And Razkar when he thought he was getting a positive Gnosis:


How Goss/Mods see a majority of n00bs:


Whenever someone is made a staff member/promoted:

Ok... I'm done. <3

[Harrier]

I giggled a little seeing the analogies. Love the gifs, tori.

[Synntina Novul]

Those gifs made my night. Even if I'm sick,
I don't think I can be sad anymore. I love that movie.

[Balderdash]

I'm using that party gif for all my entrances from here on out. Even the ones in real life. If the technology doesn't exist, I will invent it.

[Edreina]

[Edreina]

Thoughts on the Yahal Rewrite

I'll be honest in saying that, at first, I was completely freaking out. Anyone with whom I happened to be able to contact through aim or Skype can tell you that much. I was afraid that I was going to be forced to go back and alter every single thread in which I had even mentioned the mark so that it fit the new rules. This would, in effect, destroy a pair of plots I had worked hard to create and was quite proud of.

Now that I know this is not so, I can breathe easy and truly assess what the changes will mean for my character and her relations with others (particularly Razkar).

Primarily, I am very keen on the change as it is more in line with how I want my character to look and to act and be perceived by others; strength in battle was never meant to be her strength. Edreina was conceived as a character to bring joy and strength to others through interaction. A light-hearted Svefra with roots living life free and according to her whims could never be anything but.

Edreina is incredibly self-aware, harboring few allusions about herself and her abilities. Fighting was never meant to be her strong suit and so she has started to delve into other, more arcane arts in order to ensure her survival in the polarized and oft dangerous world that is Mizahar.

Anyhow. In case you've not noticed, this will be a rambly post written in an effort to collect and organize my thoughts on the matter.

When it comes to Razkar, Edreina will be constantly nagged by the subtle whisperings that he is not trustworthy, that he will eventually leave/betray her. However, the same strength of faith that attracted Yahal's attention in the first place will be their saving grace. She will have faith that he will be able to change and be the man she knows he has the possibility to be if only he can give up his selfish and blind ways. (Pardon, all, she is not a character I enjoy writing at times, but I must be true to her.) If he can handle her being all preachy, they should be fine.

Now. How to introduce this vastly different concept into play is the fly in the ointment as far as I am concerned. I hate, more than anything, a lack of plot integrity. No, I take that back. I hate when writers introduce plots/interactions purely for their own pleasure. You've made a character, why throw all of your work and craftsmanship away just so you can petch/kill someone. Take every little nuance in your character's mental landscape into account before making so rash a decision.

Wow. Off topic. Anyway!

Introducing the new Gnosis effects. Razkar, I hope you're reading because this concerns you.

On one hand, I've asked Gillar if it would be possible for the original mod to have Yahal appear to the two of us and and explain that he does not wish to give his followers the strength to fight away all opposition, but to resist its corruption and have the strength of heart to do that for yourself. Or... something along those lines.

If that prove to not be feasible, I have a backup plan. My idea is that they wake and Edreina notices the mark on her palm is no longer there and fears she has lost Yahal's favor somehow. Upon seeing Razkar, she is suddenly overwhelmed by a lack of trust in him, further disquieting her soul. How we work this up will be up to how we play it.

Ok. Rant/organization post over. Thanks for reading!

(c) Gossamer

[Edreina]

I keep trying to put my thoughts at this moment into a poem or some sort of allegory, but I cannot. So instead I will write until I feel my point is made.

In truth, there is no pain greater than being second. Second place in an event - When you were so close to victory! If only you had tried harder or not tried at all. - or perhaps second in the mind of one you love. A friend, a parent, a darling, too. Each pain is of the same species, but their aches chatter in your ear a different dialect. For the friend, you wonder what you did wrong to fall from their esteem. For the parent, you always wish that you could do better, could be better. For the darling, you're always left wondering what allowed the other to surpass you.

Were they funnier? Did they possess a sharper wit? Perhaps only more time was needed, then something would have come of it. And yet you find yourself standing there, staring at something that was so close you could feel it swelling in your breast and dancing through your mind. And then, you find yourself failing, instead of falling.

The world turns green with an emotion too primal to ever be ignored, and yet we all think we're above. It sours on your tongue and turns to acid as each word leaves your lips. You don't mean for it to happen. It's just the porcupine's quills, the vine's thorns. So natural. And yet, even now your heart bubbles with regret for each traitorous quill as it tried to defend you, even when all you wanted to do was lay back and let it happen, as if you never cared. As if you had never even cared at all.

What's worse that coming in second, is being in second while the race is still being run. You think that maybe, just maybe, if you were to pump your legs harder, to lean just a little further, maybe you could pass them. Maybe, you could beat them. Maybe, for once in your life, you could get what you wanted instead of what settled for you. If only you tried a bit harder.

Oh, even worse than that is when the winner does not even want their prize. The prize continually sits there, offering itself to the victor and is left on a table, waiting and wishing. Perhaps... Perhaps they did not even know a race was being ran. All the while, your heart trembles, your eyes clench shut to block the images of you shining it, caring for it, being all that it needs you to be and more. You could be more, for it. If only you were given the chance.

But no, it's eyes were averted, seeking and seeing only the victor.

Maybe the prize itself was but a competitor in but another race, and they too came in second.

Everyone comes in second to someone.

Your soul is young, your heart even younger. A veil of youth and naivety shield your eyes. Each molehill is a mountain and each stream you must ford a mighty and turbulent river threatening to take your very life with but a drop of water. But, that makes your pain no less real, to you. I see your heart shifting, fading and then growing bright as for but a moment you see your chance, to charge ahead and win, only to be boxed off at the turn.

Worry not, my dove. Pain will heal and leave you with only the whispers of a pinprick. You'll not scar, but be tested. In the race, you can either turn and forge your own path, creating a chase instead of a race; become first to yourself instead of second to another. Or, you can simply trip and stumble and be broken, lay there in the racing alley morning your loss. When you refuse to tend your bloody knees, your imagined lack of value will become a reality.

When that happens, if you allow it to, you'll not know the pain of coming in second, only that which comes with giving up.

[Edreina]

Today, my life was completed.

After watching the entire HBO series (thusfar) in less than a week, I had to get my fix in another way..



And my new Tenor Ukelele, Bayla.