[Caelum's Scrapbook] Use Your Words.

by **Caelum** on January 2nd, 2014, 9:32 pm

Omg. You're right. I can't even... No. Nonono.

by **Caelum** on January 2nd, 2014, 9:37 pm

Ely? Ahem.

by **Elysium** on January 2nd, 2014, 9:56 pm

Yes. Purely epic.

by **Caelum** on January 3rd, 2014, 9:36 pm

Emo Caelum wiping a window! I found of one of him dancing too! He's wiping, he's wiping, he's wiping. I can hear him now.

"This is not.. I hate this window.. I can't see the sunlight... Stupid window. Fucking be clean already."

by **Gossamer** on January 3rd, 2014, 9:47 pm

Is it bad I laughed for twenty minutes after reading this?

by **Caelum** on January 3rd, 2014, 11:14 pm

That's not bad. That's totally what I did. lol.

BUT LOOK WHAT ELSE I FOUND. IT'S CAELUM DANCING. AND KISSING. AND DANCING. AND SEXING.

I can't even deal. I'm dying over here.

by **Gossamer** on January 3rd, 2014, 11:30 pm

/covers her eyes.

by **Caelum** on January 4th, 2014, 10:49 pm

Quitters can be winners too.

I quit smoking.

I haven't had a cigarette since around noon on December 31st which, for me, is kind of like saying I haven't gone to the bathroom in five days. I'm thirty-one and I've smoked since I was nineteen and bartending. I usually have around seven or eight cigarettes a day and I certainly have never gone five days without a single one since I started.

I admit that I started quitting sort of on accident. I got the flu (again) and felt awful. I ran out of cigarettes, my husband was out of town, and I didn't feel like putting on pants and hauling my sick butt to the store. Before I realized what was happening, two days had passed, I started to feel better flu-wise, and then the cravings hit me. I dug in.

All of this is really just to say I am twitchy as hell lately. I'm kind of all over the place and doing this and doing that and forgetting about this, et cetera. Also? People keep telling me that I'm going to feel So Much Better.

When does that start? Anyone? Please tell me it starts soon because right now I hate everything ever. I don't feel better. I feel like absolute crap.

This will go away. This will go away.

Alright, I'm going to take a run and a long shower and do a thousand other things to occupy myself now.

Wish me luck,

-k.

by **Gossamer** on January 4th, 2014, 10:52 pm

Isn't that kinda like saying you'll feel so much better 30 lbs lighter? Sure you might at that but what in the hell feels better than digging into a huge delicious piece of cake when you want chocolate? I'm not all that convinced that I would like being thin better than I would like eating cake. I'd have to try both out a while. And unfortunately one doesn't preclude the other.

Honestly, we haven't noticed any twitch, so you've been covering it well. Your writing certainly hasn't seemed to suffer.

by **Taylani** on January 4th, 2014, 10:59 pm

First of all grats Katie! I am 4 years without a cigerette myself. Mine was deliberate though, I had waffled for about a year scared to death of the cravings. I had tried to quit 5 times in my life and none went well (I am allergci to the patch, and the pill is as expensive as the cigerettes and husband felt that I should be able to quit cold turkey..) anyways I had bronchitis 4 times in one year and that last time I was coughing up pink tinge stuff (thats all I wont go any more gross there) and that SCARED me.

I threw out the last 4 packs of cigs and haven't touched one since. I have dreams where I start smoking up in a cold sweat worried that it wasn't a dream..and I wont say there aren't times that the thought "Wow I would really like a cigarette " The "Pros" at 1-800-Quit-Now (awesome place it really is!) say to just ignore that and pretend you dont want it. For me that didn't work. I accept that I want that cigarette but that I don't want the next 1000000 that come with it.

You can do this Katie, I promise. IF you need someone to just vent without judgement because you are impossibly annoyed etc and so forth feel free to poke me!

And I agree with Jen on the whole chocolate cake and thin thing...